Kyungsoo placed shirt after shirt into the closet, trying to control the shaking of his hands and the rapid beating of his heart. He had asked his new manager countless times if it was possible that he could be moved to a different room, anywhere but here. With anyone but him.

He could feel Jongin’s stare but he kept his eyes focused on the closet, hoping, praying that Jongin wouldn’t speak, would give him a moment to collect himself after the blunt question.

‘Do you remember me?’ Kyungsoo hadn’t been expecting that and still couldn’t believe that Jongin would think for a second that Kyungsoo wouldn’t remember him, wouldn’t remember his tan skin, messy hair, the way his fingers fiddled with his shirt when he was nervous, like he was doing now.

“But…” He heard Jongin say behind him and Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened momentarily on the shirt he was holding, hating the familiarity of his voice, of his sighs and just everything.

“But when you saw me you,” Jongin continued, “You didn’t look surprised. You looked…” Jongin trailed off and Kyungsoo didn’t miss the way his voice shook at the end, only a small tremble, but enough to make Kyungsoo pause and turn to face him.

Jongin’s eyebrows were drawn together, and Kyungsoo couldn’t tell if it was from confusion or pain. His eyes darted between Kyungsoo and the floor.

“You just…” Jongin tried again. “You looked like you didn’t remember me.”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. He had told himself for two long years again and again that Jongin didn’t matter to him, that Jongin was simply someone who dumped him in the worst kind of way: without an explanation, and therefore didn’t deserve Kyungsoo’s love, Kyungsoo’s attention, Kyungsoo’s anything. He had repeated it over and over every night when he sat alone in his room, the sheets cold from a lack of Jongin, the air loaded with silence and a lack of Jongin’s small hums and sighs.

Kyungsoo might have even believed it after his family moved when his dad got a new job because there seemed to be nothing left to remind Kyungsoo of Jongin. His new room didn’t have the lingering scent of Jongin’s shampoo like his old room did; his picture frames now only depicted family and friends rather than the pictures of Jongin that used to inhabit them.

After all of this Kyungsoo felt like maybe it was true, maybe he had finally accepted the fact that Jongin was only someone who had broken his heart, a young love that would soon be forgotten. But as he looked into Jongin’s eyes now, the way they stared at the ground, their brown endless depths as familiar as ever, Kyungsoo knew it wasn’t true. Knew he still hadn’t gotten over him.

He wasn’t sure who to be mad at. Jongin for being the same boy he fell in love with and for leaving him, or himself for falling yet again and for completely abandoning his determination to forget and move on.

Jongin looked up at him, waiting for an explanation and Kyungsoo sighed, placing his shirt on the desk and sitting down in his chair.

“I knew you were going to be here.” Jongin’s eyes widened at this, his eyebrows shooting up. “On the way here today they were telling us all of your names, telling us who we’d be training with. They…mentioned your name.”

Kyungsoo glanced quickly at Jongin, looking for a reaction but he only looked blank, like he was processing, so Kyungsoo continued.

“I thought maybe it was a different Kim Jongin. I hoped actually.” Kyungsoo said the last part quietly and didn’t look up to see if Jongin had heard him. “But then they told me your stage name and I knew.” Kyungsoo couldn’t help the smile that curved onto his face. “You always loved that name. Kai.”

He heard a snort and he glanced up to see that Jongin was laughing quietly, a smile on his face as well.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” He said, and then suddenly he turned serious, a pleading, sad look in his eyes as he watched Kyungsoo stand up. “Kyungsoo-”

“Anyways,” Kyungsoo said, interrupting him, “I was thinking it’d be best if we just leave the past in the past, don’t you? We shouldn’t let anything get in the way of our debut. So…” Kyungsoo reached his hand out to Jongin as though he wanted Jongin to shake it. “Friends?

Kyungsoo was unsettled by the way Jongin simply stared at his outstretched hand, his eyebrows drawing together once again and his eyes searching Kyungsoo’s face.

“But, Kyungsoo-” He began, getting up to stand directly in front of him, his proximity too much for Kyungsoo, who stepped back away from him.

“Just shake it, Jongin.” He said, putting his hand up again to stop Jongin from coming any closer. “This is for the best. We shouldn’t dwell on unimportant events of the past.

“Unimportant?” Jongin repeated, his voice faltering slightly and Kyungsoo found himself in a breath at the look of pure, unmasked pain and longing on Jongin’s face.

It was as though he was looking at himself, or rather the part of himself he had tried to repress, the part that ached from the breakup every day until now, when the ache only seemed to intensify now that they were looking at each other once again. Kyungsoo had to look away to stop the moisture from pooling in his eyes.

“I don’t think it’s unimportant at all.” Jongin said quietly. “In fact I wanted to talk to you about it. About that day.” They both knew without saying it what day Jongin was talking about and Kyungsoo shook his head furiously at the mention of it. He tried to control his anger, knowing it was only so strong because of fatigue and from being overwhelmed from the whole day of meeting new people, moving in, and most of all seeing Jongin again, but he couldn’t help the toxicity in his voice when he spoke.

“So now you want to talk about it?” Jongin flinched back at Kyungsoo’s tone. “You remember when I wanted to talk about it? When I called and texted and knocked on your door, wanting- no, needing to talk about it. Do you? Because I do. I remember that you ignored me, that you didn’t have the decency to talk about it. So how is it fair that you want to talk about it now?” He turned away quickly, taking in a shallow breath of air and trying to collect himself. “Let’s just…let’s just not, okay?” He said, voice back to normal.

There were a few moments of silence in which both of them tried to control their breathing, tried to slow down the rapid beating of their hearts. Finally, Jongin spoke.

“Look, I can explain everything, okay? Just…just let me explain.” His tone was so pleading, so desperate, that Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut, hating the fact that he knew he would agree.

“Fine, just not tonight. I’m…I’m tired.” He stated, rubbing his eyes with his hands, trying to force back the headache that was coming on.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Jongin replied, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but notice the note of hope in his voice, the small happiness. “Then have lunch with me tomorrow. We can talk and I can…I’ll just explain everything.

Kyungsoo sighed and nodded his head, but was startled by a knock on their door. Jongin frowned and made no move to answer.

“Kyungsoo?” They heard from the other side and Kyungsoo walked quickly to open it, revealing a smiling Joonmyeon.

“Oh hey,” he said halfheartedly. “What’s up?”

“The managers just want to talk to us, make sure we’re all settled in or something. We’re supposed to meet in the practice room.” He said, gesturing down the hall. “Oh, hi.” He noticed Jongin standing behind Kyungsoo and quickly bowed, a bright smile on his face. “Jongin, right?”

Kyungsoo didn’t miss the way Jongin stiffly bowed back, lacking sincerity. “Yeah, uh...Hi.”

“We should go,” Kyungsoo said, pushing Joonmyeon out the door a little and turning over his shoulder to smile awkwardly at Jongin as a goodbye. “Uh…be right back.” And with that he closed the door.

Once Jongin was left alone he crumpled onto his bed, feeling utterly exhausted from the raw emotions.

“Tomorrow.” He muttered quietly to himself.

He held onto that word for the rest of the night, even when Kyungsoo came back and without saying anything got ready for bed, looking as tired as Jongin felt. Tomorrow. He held onto it tightly, hoping that once he explained, he might be able to begin getting Kyungsoo back.

And that hope alone was enough to relax him, to erase the aches and the tension that had built up all day and was what allowed him to fall asleep slowly, watching across the room as Kyungsoo’s sleeping figure rose and fell in tune with his breathing.

It was the perfect lullaby, Jongin thought, right before he drifted into unconsciousness.

~~Okay i do not even know how i got so many subbers already but SOB you guys thank you so much! And as always your comments are greatly appreciated!