The walk down to the game room felt far too short. Seunghyun didn’t even have time to properly flail around in excitement like a fourteen year old school girl that got to sit next to her crush for the first time during class. Taking baby steps really didn’t prolong the journey all that much either; although, it did make Taeyang laugh hysterically as he passed by in the hallway.

And then there was the brief moment on the staircase when the tray almost slipped out of his nervous sweaty palms when he accidentally missed a step. With the fear of being burnt by the hot soup and Seungri’s angry frown if he had to cook again flashing through his head, and Seunghyun’s own quick reflexes, thankfully, he was able to save the tray from spilling all over.

When he stood in front of the game room door a minute later, and his heart was beating chaotically in his chest, he tried to convince himself that it was left over adrenaline from the incident on the staircase. He traced the patterns of the wood grain with his eyes, irrationally hoping that if he stared long enough the door might swallow him up and then he wouldn’t have to deal with his ridiculous feelings anymore. Taking deep breaths, he attempted to rein in his overactive imagination.

What would happen when he went inside? Would Jiyong be happy to see him? Maybe he’d only wanted to see Seunghyun to tell him that he’d over stayed his welcome and had to leave the ship as soon as possible. Maybe Seungri had told him about Seunghyun’s plan to get the medical supplies from the naval ship, and Jiyong was furious at him for plotting something so dangerous.

Or maybe, and this was Seunghyun’s personal favorite, Jiyong would push him up against a wall and kiss him until his knees gave out.

He shook his head to clear away his traitorous thoughts. Gripping the tray tightly in a white knuckled grasp, he mentally ordered himself not to act like a lovesick moron, and pushed open—

“…” he muttered as the door swung open in front of him and he stumbled into the room. Broth sloshed over the side of the bowl and pooled on the tray. He almost dropped the tray completely when he felt the hot tea splash over his hand. He raced over to the table and set the tray down with a crash.

“I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Jiyong pressed a cold washcloth gently against his skin and Seunghyun suddenly couldn’t focus on anything other than the intoxicating scent of warm vanilla and Jiyong’s minty breath breezing over him. “I heard someone outside the door, and when nobody came in for a long time I thought that whoever had brought me dinner might not be able to open the door with their hands full.”

“You smell like a girl,” he blurted out.

A light blush rose on the Captain’s pale face. He frowned; his brow furrowed in a way that Seunghyun thought looked far too cute to be intimidating. “If you don’t like it, then don’t lean into my personal space like that.”

Surprised, Seunghyun focused his attention and noticed that he was in fact invading Jiyong’s personal space. He’d subconsciously moved closer and was now near enough that he could almost feel the Captain’s body pressed against his own. Stepping back quickly, he pulled his hand away from the Captain. “! I’m sorry about that. I-I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t do that.”

Seunghyun raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Don’t do what?”

“Don’t swear. Or apologize all the time. And give me back your hand, dummy.”

Without a second thought, Seunghyun held out his hand and the Captain resumed pressing the cold washcloth against it. Puzzled, he bit his lip. He really wanted to ask why he couldn’t swear when he’d heard the other guys do it frequently enough. Was it a special rule just for him?

“What is it?” Jiyong asked softly. Seunghyun couldn’t help but notice that Jiyong looked drained. He could feel tiny, almost imperceptible tremors coming from the hand touching his own. If he didn’t know any better, he might have thought that it was his own nervousness, but he could see the pain in Jiyong’s eyes as the Captain stared at him unabashedly.

“First, I think you need to sit down and eat before your food gets cold.” He looked pointedly at the table. Jiyong rolled his eyes and plopped into the seat unceremoniously. Seunghyun was surprised at how differently the Captain was acting now compared to how he’d acted out on the deck for breakfast that first day. He seemed much more loose and free. Seeing Jiyong pick up his chopsticks to eat, Seunghyun relaxed back into the seat across the table. “Why am I not supposed to swear? I’ve heard everyone else doing it.”

Jiyong rested his elbows on the table and peered at him closely as if he was looking for something specific. A look of deep sadness washed over his face before he averted his gaze to some point over Seunghyun’s shoulder.

“An old friend of mine once said that swearing was the rudest thing that a person could do. It disrespects both the person talking and the person being talked to.” He laughed softly, but it sounded strained and forced. “He always used formal speech so that when he was in an argument he could just speak informally instead of swearing. He was such a dork…” Jiyong cleared his throat and met Seunghyun’s eyes once again. Impossibly, he appeared even paler than he had been. “You can speak however you want. I don’t know why I even mentioned it. Sorry.”

They sat quietly for a few moments. It seemed sort of romantic to him, the idea of talking formally so that one could simply use informal speech when upset instead of swear words. He glanced over and narrowed his eyes. “Let’s make a deal.” The Captain looked up in surprise from where he’d been pushing the rice around on his tray without actually eating. “I’ll try not to use profanity anymore, if you start eating more.” Jiyong stared at him silently for so long that Seunghyun began to grow self-conscious. “Don’t look at me like that. You might be wearing a jacket, which is weird because it isn’t cold in here, but I’m willing to bet that you’re skin and bones underneath all those clothes. Besides, you need to eat to keep your strength up so you can recover from your wound faster.”

It felt like someone had lit a bonfire in his chest when Jiyong smiled at him. The Captain’s entire face lit up: his cheeks raised happily, his lips curved upward in a wide and brilliant smile, and his eyes took Seunghyun’s breath away. Jiyong’s deep brown eyes were warm and friendly for the first time like chocolate oceans that Seunghyun wanted to dive into and explore so that he could discover their hidden secrets (and that was just plain crazy because clearly no sane person would think such an absurd thing). Seunghyun felt himself smiling back goofily.

He was startled when Jiyong stood abruptly and leaned over the table effectively putting only a few inches between their faces. Swallowing thickly, he hoped Jiyong didn’t have a super hearing ability because the way that his heart was thrashing wildly would have definitely given away his feelings. Distantly, Seunghyun realized that he didn’t know what Jiyong’s ability was unless it was unreasonable attractiveness.

Seunghyun’s breathing became noticeably uneven as his gaze darted from Jiyong’s eyes to his lips. Unwittingly, he his own lips and watched in mortification as the Captain smirked. He jumped when he felt an unbearably hot hand touch his shoulder. It took all of his self control not to lean into the touch. Jiyong stared at him expectantly, and Seunghyun realized that he had said something and was waiting for Seunghyun to answer.

“What?” he asked stupidly. He sort of wanted to bang his head against the table in hope of beating some sense into it.

The fire in his chest traveled downward with lightning speed when Jiyong leaned forward, now having climbed fully onto the table, and whispered in his ear “I said that I’ll agree to your deal on two conditions, Seunghyun.” He wished fervently that he could hear the Captain whisper his real name like that. Apparently, his body didn’t mind that it was just his fake name because his pants were rapidly becoming much too tight. A shiver ran down his spine as Jiyong’s warm breath ghosted across his ear.

“Anything.”  He made a mental note to berate himself later because to his own ears ‘anything’ sounded a lot like a plea for Jiyong to touch him already. They were so close that he could feel Jiyong’s chuckle reverberate through his own body. He thought he felt a tongue touch his ear but immediately wrote it off as wishful thinking.

“So eager… First, you must promise that no matter what happens you won’t hate me.”

“I promise.” Seunghyun barely repressed his snort of amusement. He couldn’t even imagine hating the man that was practically on top of him.

“A person has to keep their promises, Seunghyun. Don’t forget. Secondly,” Jiyong paused and took a deep breath. “Secondly, you and I can’t be anything more than friends.”

Instantly, Seunghyun tried to pull away, but Jiyong held him in place with deceptively strong hands clutching his shoulders. Those brown eyes that he’d been ready to drown in stared back at him with an earnestness that he couldn’t understand. The far off haunted look clouded Jiyong’s eyes once again. Seunghyun didn’t like the way his own voice broke when he spoke. “What? Is this some sort of joke to you?”

“No! No… it’s the way that it has to be. Please promise me.”

“Why should I?”

“It’s the second condition of your deal. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to draw the line between us on my own. I know that you don’t understand Seunghyun, but I can’t be with anyone right now.” Tears gathered unbidden to Seunghyun’s eyes as Jiyong held him in place. “We can either be friends, or we can be nothing at all…”

Seunghyun felt his heart breaking. A deep ache originated in his chest and radiated all the way out to his fingertips and toes. He was embarrassed that he’d been so easy to read and that his feelings were so unwelcome. He was hurt that Jiyong was using his crush to blackmail him into just being friends. All Seunghyun wanted to do was leave as quickly as possible so he could crawl under his covers and stay there for the rest of eternity.

“Fine. I promise. Let go of me please.”

The Captain sat back, and Seunghyun looked everywhere but at him sitting sadly on the table as he walked to the door. Right before he closed it behind him he thought he heard Jiyong say, “That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Too miserable to do anything else, Seunghyun went back to his room and burrowed under his blankets. Only once the door was locked and the lights were off did he allow his tears to escape.

*****

A/N: 

**spoiler further down**

--there will be a happy ending eventually :)