As soon as I reached door I knew it was a bad idea. His expression was not good. He looked at me with those cold eyes.

'W-welcome home,' I said hesitantly but he didn’t say a word and just passed by me. 'Will you eat dinner?'

'I once said that I don’t want your crappy food so don’t bother to make it for me ever again, haven’t I? Are you too stupid to get that? I heard that you are well-educated,' that sarcastic smirk appeared on his face.

He was mad. And not only mad but also a little drunk. But why was he mad? At me? For what? And if not at me why was he acting like that towards me?

Before I could even say anything I saw him walking away and slamming doors to his bedroom. I just stand there speechless for a few minutes. Why is my life so miserable? I felt powerless. Powerless to change my situation. Every single time I tried to approach him it always ended the same way. Leaving me with his harsh words echoing in my head. How was I supposed to handle it? No one ever told me. Even at school when they made fun of me that I’m not fully Korean it was always behind my back so I didn’t really cared about it. Should I find help somewhere? But where? My parents? Ha, that’s laughable. Friends? I don’t have any. No one wanted to be friends with me and that made me into person that don’t want to have friends either. What should I do? I really have no idea. And Kim Jongin is the only person in my life and he hates me. Or maybe not. He does not hate me. It’s worse. He just really don’t give a damn about me. I just simply irritate him whenever I speak to him. I bother him and he does not like to be bothered. I’m just like a tie or fancy suit to him. I just make him look better in the eyes of others. I’m just an addition.

***

I woke up and realized that I fall asleep on the couch last night. I felt my neck was stiff since my sleeping position wasn’t that comfortable. I massaged it a little and reached my eyes to rub and make myself more awake. I felt my eyes are wet and I still have tears on my cheeks. Was I crying? I don’t remember.

After morning bathroom I remembered that it is Saturday. Wondering if Jongin today also went to work I walked to his bedroom and knocked lightly on the door.

'Jongin-shi,' I whispered as I opened them but he wasn’t there.

Well, this means another day all alone is this apartment. I sighed. I wasn’t mad at him for his harsh words. I’m used to things like that. And I don’t have feelings for him so his words does not hurt me in any way. The only thing that hurts me is my crappy position. And right now I just needed company and the only person that could keep me company is no other than my husband, Kim Jongin. When we got married and I started to live with him I realized that I’m longing for company. Not even a friend or a lover. Just someone that I can talk to, sit with, eat meal or simply watch TV. When I started to live with him I got to know how lonely I am. Even when I was living with my parents, although they didn’t show any affection to me, I have never felt that way. We were always eating together and even talked to each other. But when I’m here the silence is my only company and the only thing I can hear. That’s why I started to eat and watch TV at the same time. To not feel lonely. To not think that I’m eating alone food that I made myself. Because then I feel this weird bump in my throat that does not allow me to swallow my food properly and I just simply feel like crying. I’m a person too and I have feelings. Even if my parents don’t and have never showed them to me.

The day have passed and after cleaning the whole apartment I had nothing to do. It was 7 pm and I knew that Jongin will not be back before eight so I decided to go for a little walk.

Summer is coming so it wasn’t cold. I would rather say that it felt cool and fresh. People seemed to be happy just simply walking, talking to each other and holding hands.

I found myself sitting on the bench in the park and watching every single couple around me. If someone would look at me at that moment they would think I’m some kind of ert searching for the victim or just a regular creeper. I smiled a little at that thought and looked at my watch - to my shock it was nearly midnight. How could this happen?! I only went out for a little walk, went window shopping, sit at park for a while and it’s this hour already. Until I reach home it will be past midnight for sure. I hope Jongin is still with his friends as he always is at Saturday evenings.

I hurried back home and when I opened the door it was dark inside. I thanked God and relaxed a little. I went straight to the kitchen for a glass of water since I was thirsty.

'Where have you been?' I heard cold voice asking behind my back which send chills through my spine.

Not knowing why I felt nervous like something bad is about to happen. I stopped in a midway through the kitchen door and slowly turned around. And there he was, sitting in the living room armchair with lights off; for sure drunk. He always is after going out with his friends. And I could sense that he was mad. But why was he even here? Why he didn’t just go straight to his bedroom like always? Was he waiting for me? Was he worrying about me? No, impossible.

'I-I  went out… for a walk.'

'Oh, is that so,' he said and got up from his sit. 'Don’t you know what time it is?'

'I-I know. I just didn’t… didn’t thought it would be so…,' I didn’t know what to say. That I enjoyed looking at happy people so much that I didn’t bothered about anything. I searched for the right word but couldn’t find anything. ' … absorbing… that I didn’t realize what time it is,' I finally managed to finish.

'Oh, so you want me to believe that walking alone in the middle of the night is so, as you said, absorbing?' he said sarcastically, putting a strong accent on the last word and taking a step closer to me.

'W-well…'

'Don’t you dare lie to me!'

I froze. He have never ever screamed before. His voice was always calm and emotionless. Sarcastic tone, smirks - yes. But not screaming. It never happened, even when he was more drunk than he is now. I felt a little déjà vu as I immediately remembered one night when my dad beat me because I was home late.

I took a step back as Jongin was taking his steps closer towards me.

'I-I’m not…,' I tried to say something but couldn’t. I was afraid. I was afraid of the person he was showing to me at that moment. The side of him I didn’t know and didn’t realize he has. I wasn’t sure what could I can expect from him and what was he capable of doing.

'Who do you think you are, huh?!'

He was dangerously close to me but I couldn’t take more steps back since I bumped into the wall.

'You are my wife and you should be staying here! At home! Waiting for me to be back! And cooking dinner for me! Not wander around the city in the middle of the night! And what are you even wearing?! From when are you wearing revealing tops?!' he stopped for a while and got even more angry at the thought that run through his mind.

It was true that I was wearing a tank top now but I had a blouse on it as well, which I took off as I felt hot running back home. I wanted to say that to him but I didn’t have a chance.

'Did you went out to pick up guys?! Are you ing kidding me?! You want to cheat on me?! Do you know who I am? Do you want to destroy me? Huh?! Answer me!'

'N-no! It’s not like…'

'Oh, or maybe you already have a lover, huh? Maybe you already are cheating on me, you cheap !'

This was too much for me. Our wedding kiss was my first kiss ever and he is calling me a now. A cheap . And in the moment when I didn’t do anything wrong and was telling the truth. I felt like crying. I didn’t even know why he is so mad at me. I thought he does not even care if I’m at home or not. Was he worrying? Was he possibly… jealous?

'N-no! I’m not!' I sad strongly even when he slammed his hands on the wall on the both sides of my head. I immediately closed my eyes startled at his action and expecting the worst – burning hot cheek. But it didn’t happen. Why was I expecting him to hit me? Was it because my father did so? But thankfully Jongin is not him.

I opened my eyes and looked at his face that was inches from mine. For second he didn’t say anything and I just stared into his eyes, acknowledging how beautifully brown they are. Different from mine, blue. I unconsciously looked at his features: eyes, nose, skin, lips, hair. He is godly handsome. My heart skipped a little, giving me a change of feelings, when I realized how close we are. We haven’t been this close to each other since that one time when he gave me peck on the lips as our wedding kiss. My heart skipped once again, startled when I heard his manly voice, not in this angry tone anymore but more like threatening.

'Don’t you even dare to think about cheating on me. I married you to look better in other people eyes and I won’t let you do the opposite. I won’t let you ruin my family name. Got it?' All I could do was nod as a reply.

When he went into his bedroom I felt my knees getting week and I fall on the ground. My vision got blurry as tears formed in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. How could I even think that he cared? How could I even think that he is jealous? After all, I’m just an addition.