Jongin’s POV

I don’t even know how did that all happen. My hand just reacted and I slapped her. It’s the first thing I remember because of the shock it gave me. It was so strong that I sobered up in seconds. Everything else that occur before is blurred.

‘Aish!’

I messed up my hair out of anger. It should never be like this. I was just still hurt because of this whole Luhan thing, it’s true. Pure jealousy took over me. Also, meeting again with Jiyeon was already painful itself. And that may be the reason I told all those things, even if they weren’t truth. I wanted to also make her suffer. But not to this extent. I never meant to physically hurt her. I regret that a lot but what does not let me sleep peacefully and makes my heart cramp a bit every time I remember it, is the fear that I saw in her eyes, when I reached my hand to help her out to get up. In those eyes I saw myself as a monster. After I came to my senses I did what I have never done before, I went after here but she was nowhere to be found. And truthfully, I had no idea where to look for her, where she could go. The first thing that came to my mind was Luhan.

Soon a heavy rain started to pour.

***

Your POV

There was literally no place I could go. I felt as if all hopes were gone. They really did. They vanished. I wandered the streets aimlessly, so lifeless. All my hopes.... gone.

I stopped at the park, eyes scanning the playground before slowly gazing up, looking at the full moon that shone my soulless face, radiating the beauty of the night. My tears flee down the cheeks ever so slowly as if each tear was diamond. That night, who would've thought was the last time, the last night, the last moment I'll ever feel. The last I'll ever show my emotion. Because from then on, I was succumbed into the dark pit of emotionless. Left with no tears, no emotions, no feelings, no mercy. Just lifeless. A lifeless doll.* That’s what I promised myself. This time I will make it.

****

Jongin’s POV

When I came home she was already there, sleeping soundlessly in her room. I wanted to talk to her so badly, explain everything, explain myself, apologize. But I didn’t want to wake her up. Instead, I walked closer to bed, just to look at her face. The room was pitch dark but lights outside, shining through the window, made it possible to notice wet stain on her pillow. I felt something sharp piercing my stomach. She cried herself to sleep.

I don’t know why, but I felt the urge to touch her. To somehow comfort her, even if she is asleep, even if she doesn’t know. Or maybe I was doing it, to make my own heart feel at ease. I reached my hand and lightly caressed the soft skin of her cheek.

***

I’m just unsocial bastard, who can’t express his good feelings. I got that. Even if I wanted to say something, or do, I simply couldn’t. I didn’t know the way. I think that’s why it all happened. All the misunderstandings started to pile up. Since she worked for Tao, she wasn’t home as much as used to. So I started to bring work to home, after that night, so there were so many occasions we were able to speak. But each time I tried to open my mouth I found her unreachable. Also I didn’t know what to say, how to start. And her straight, emotionless face didn’t encourage me to do it. One day I tried to act cool, like nothing happened, as I always did. But whatever I asked for her to do, she did. With not the slightest muscle move on her face. She made me breakfast, she cooked a dinner, she went to the pharmacy, since I told her I don’t feel well and she should buy me a medicine. She acted like total robot, which make only things worse for me, because I knew I was the one who put her in this state.

I grabbed her hand, when she turned around after giving me the pills.

‘Thanks,’ I said in my normal tone, still sticking to my tactic.

With one move of her arm she rescued herself from my grip and started to walk away. I instantly, out of instinct, not knowing why and what I wanted to do next, I stood up and reached for her hand once again, stopping her.

‘Please, don’t touch me,’ she said coldly, without looking at my direction.

I was so surprised by this tone, that my hand let her go and she left my home office.

I sat on my chair dumbfounded with thousands of different thoughts crossing my mind.

What is happening? 

But the last one, making me feel really uncomfortable and insecure, was about her teaming up with Tao.

***

Your POV

I couldn’t act as if he wasn’t there. I also couldn’t not be at home. We were married after all and a lot of people were aware of that. I didn’t want anyone to find out what is happening between us because it wouldn’t be of a good use for us both. Somehow, I liked Mr. and Mrs. Kim, since they were really nice to me and seemed to like me too. I didn’t want to hurt them. As for me, I don’t even want to imagine my father’s reaction. So I just got back to my usual self. I only wanted to quietly survive this few months we are left as couple, get divorce, move out and never see him again. Thus, I played my role as a perfect wife. But it still was hard when he touched me. It cost me much to reply in cold tone, when in fact his warm hands made me weak.

Thankfully, I had my escape, just in time – work. I devoted myself to every task Tao gave me, which absorbed my time, not letting me think about Jongin. Unfortunately, now I needed to go to his office. I forgot to take the file I was printing earlier and while I was doing the dishes he already went there. I hit my forehead with open palm for not getting them, when I was there, delivering him medicine. And I couldn't move on with my work without them. Also, we didn’t have second computer I could use to look up for the documents I needed once again. Like this, I waited for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, half an hour, hour, thinking that he might go to the bathroom. But he never did. I built up my courage, took a few deep breaths, thinking how I am going to play it and turned the knob. As soon as I walked in I immediately fixed my sight to the printer, not wanting to pay any attention to him. Anyhow, the fact he was sitting right next to it wasn’t helpful at all. Even if I didn’t want, I noticed with the corner of my eye he fall asleep on the desk. I felt relieved and walked nearer comfortably. Still, with all the good show I put for past days, I couldn’t help myself to look at this handsome face, admire perfect jawline, hair styled to the side, which always made me go crazy. I had feelings for him, I wasn’t able to deny that. Soon, I noticed his cheeks were red and he panted heavily. The little whispers in my head told me to go and not care. Leave him like this. Not do anything. That it will be easier for me that way. But I checked anyway. His forehead was burning hot. He really was sick. He didn’t lie. I scolded myself a little for thinking he made me go to the drugstore just to make my life harder.

Jongin’s POV

‘Jongin-ssi! Jongin-ssi!’ Female voice was calling out my name and hand was shaking my arm lightly. ‘Wake up and go to bed.’ I opened my eyes. ‘You have a fever and we need to move you to bed.’ I was in a little daze, so I just did as she said but the walking part was not that easy and I needed to lean on the wall from time to time. Somehow I didn’t have much strength so I just fall comfortably on the bed.

Something cold and wet on my forehead woke me up. At first I had no idea how I ended up in bed but reminded after a while. My eyesight was a little blurry. I tried to reach my hands to my eyes but another hand stopped me.
‘Sleep,’ a female voice commanded softly.
I blinked a few times and looked at her direction. Even if her voice sounded gentle, her expression still didn’t change.

She must hate me, yet she is taking care of me.

I didn’t know what to think about that. My heart just ached. I hurt her so many times but she still stayed by my side, she cared for me, comforted me when my father was at hospital, did everything I wanted, she showed me kindness, never held a grudge. My heart ached because I took away her smile. The smile that made her face look so pretty and bright, melting my coldness a bit. But now, I’m losing her. I see it in this sad eyes, they say it all. Her feelings for me are dropping because I’m an . I’m losing her more every day. Maybe also for another man. Only now I realized how stupid my actions were, when in fact I didn’t understand my own feelings. It now hit me that she will leave me, our ways will part and frankly speaking, I don’t want that to happen. We spent almost year together and now, I can’t imagine being without her.
I wanted to say things that stuck up in my head but voice wouldn’t come out. Instead, when her hand reached to change my compress, I took it and pressed against my cheek.

Please, forgive me.

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* this part was written by lusciouswhalee in my comment section. I hope you don't mind I slightly changed it and put in my story. I just thought it's really good and worth of noticing. I didn't message you in advance asking if I can because I wanted to make you a surprise ^.^

If you don't want me to use this, just say :)