‘Jongin-ssi,’ she spoke after I was done taking off my shoes. I turned my eyes to her. She was standing before me in dress I chose for her and bought, looking ever so beautiful in the slight moon light. ‘Thank you. It was really fun today.’ I watched mesmerized by her pretty lips moving and forming a smile. I felt tempted to kiss them. Touch her lips with mine. Taste them. I guess she wanted a real kiss, since she didn’t count our little peck on the lips on our wedding as a kiss. And so did I.

Your POV

He took a few steps at my direction with luring expression on his face. His eyes narrowed and lips parted. I couldn’t deny his iness was overflowing. I felt hot deep down in my body as he was getting closer, finally sandwiching me between wall and his own masculine body. He placed one palm next to my ear and looked deep inside my eyes. My racing heartbeat could be easily heard in asive silence surrounding us. He, then, carried his amazing dark eyes to my lips and sensually bit his own lower one. I felt week so I turned my head away. I touched his muscles while placing my hands on his chest to create some space. I still was able to think straight. I knew what was going to happen next.

‘Jongin-ssi, you are drunk. You don’t really want this,’ I told him while feeling like someone was placing heavy rock on my belly. My words hurt me but knowing he hates me and now is just acting under influence of alcohol still running through his veins, I had to stop him.

To be completely honest with myself, I would let him do this, whatever was going on his mind. Because I also wanted it. I was longing for him. His kisses. Touches. Hands on my body. I wanted to feel him so badly, finally feed my emotions. I know this would be the most amazing night in my life. But I also know how he really feels about me. And that on the other day he would act like nothing happened. I would be a no one to him again. Or someone who ruined his life. An enemy. And the memories of this actions would not be pleasurable anymore. They would chop my heart into pieces with every recall.

I was close to releasing tears from my eyes, so I just pushed him a little, walked under his arm and left house as fast as I could.

***

You should have said something, Kim Jongin. You should deny. Tell me I’m wrong. Say, that you want it. That you want me.
My words and thoughts hurt me but you, not saying anything, replying with silence was even more agonizing. Because it meant I was right.
The rock on my stomach was getting heavier and heavier, taking my breath away.

‘Are you okay?’

My eyes went up to look at the man speaking. As befits a hero. Perfect timing.

I was sitting on the same bench he comforted me for the first time. Also, in the same position.

‘Luhan-ssi, what are you doing here?’

‘Actually, there is something I need to tell Kai about… Ah, never mind. I can do it later,’ he shrugged his arms and sat beside me. ‘Anyway, I think I could ask you the same question. Is it Kai? He is giving you a hard time again?’

‘Besides, we agreed you should call me oppa, right?’ He added with fake frown after I didn’t response to the first question.

I laughed shortly to his cuteness.

‘Yes, oppa.’

‘That’s better. So be a good girl and tell what worries you to this oppa,’ his thumbs pointed at himself. I smiled lightly. He could make me smile so effortlessly. ‘It’s about Kai, isn’t it?’ I nod my head. ‘I can see it from the look on your face.’

‘I just don’t know why is he acting like this? I completely don’t understand him. I don’t get his behavior. Doesn’t he see he is hurting me? What was it, I did to him, he hates me from the first day we met? What is wrong with me? Am I ugly? Am I not loveable? What am I lacking? Why he is so mean to me?’

‘It’s not you,’ he tried to comfort me.

‘Please, just don’t tell me it’s not you, it’s him because it’s of any help.’

‘But it really isn’t you. Trust this oppa.’

Another smile formed on my lips when I looked at him. He was so cute calling himself oppa with this innocent baby face.

‘It could be any other girl on your place, even the most hot and wanted singer or actress and he would still act the same way.’

‘I don’t understand. But why? I get it, he can be upset because this marriage, our relationship is forced. But why to this extent? Is it… Is it about the girl from the picture?’

Luhan face changed and he went deep into thoughts.

‘Oh! You mean Jiyeon.’

‘I don’t know her name. I just happen to saw her picture in Jongin’s stuff.’

‘No. It’s not about her.’

‘Are you sure? He was really mad when I asked him about her.’

‘It’s true they have some story together. But really, it’s not about her,’ he ended.

I wanted to ask about the girl but couldn’t. I was too ashamed.

‘So can you please tell me why is he like this to me? It seems that you know something. You two are close, you have to know. Please, oppa, tell me.’

‘Ahhh!’ he whined frustrated. ‘But since you called me oppa,’ we both chuckled. ‘I will tell you. There is something that will help understand Kai. Do you have time next week? It’s late now.’

‘I do. Anytime fits me.’

‘But I don’t want you to go out necessarily to meet me. If Kai finds out I will be in a big trouble. Not only for telling but seeing you. We batter keep this meeting a secret.’

‘Okay. So I will be nearby to meet my new boss on Wednesday around 12. Can we meet then?’

‘Sure. Tell me your number. I will text you if anything changes.’

And so, Soft Smile Hero tag appeared in my contacts.

***

I was surprised but Jongin didn’t avoid me, as he would usually do, after incidents like that. He even threw me curious glances, like he was waiting for me to reply to his unspoken question. Or was trying to figure out something. But he didn’t say a word, also work absorbed most of his time.

***

‘Am I late?’ familiar voice asked.

I took my eyes out of window.

‘Tao-ssi,’ I said surprised.

He looked as attractive as the first time I saw him. Black suit and tie, white shirt, glorious black hair, sharp gaze.

He sat down and when he took out my CV, everything was clear to me. I applied to his company.

‘How is my panda doing?’

‘Great. He sleeps on my night table. I haven’t got the chance to thank you for it. Thank you.’

‘I’m glad to hear that. I don’t have much time, so can we get to business?’

Although I was his friend’s wife, Tao was really professional and detailed about my tasks and consequences of failure. Also my payment was regular, like other PR workers. No alleviation.

‘Isn’t that Luhan?’ Tao said looking out the window.

It was him but we were supposed to meet later. Or maybe time with Tao passed so quickly? I looked for my phone to see what time is it and confirm if I was wrong but I couldn’t find it.

‘You can go,’ I looked up and his piercing gaze was aimed at me. He smiled a little making his features a bit gentle. ‘We have finished our business here anyway. See you at work,’ he stated, stood up and paid the bill before leaving.

***

‘I’m sorry I kept you waiting.’

We were sitting at the small, quiet coffee shop Luhan chose.

‘Oh. No, no. Didn’t you get my text? It turned out I have something to do later, so I wrote I will be here earlier.’

‘I see. Unfortunately I left my phone at home.’

It was my first time to see Luhan in his business attire. No wonder girls went crazy over them. Whatever Jongin’s friend I see, they all look stunning. Each have their own charm. Some of them are more cute, like Luhan or Lay. But some y like Tao or Jongin himself.

‘So, what’s the story?’ I finally asked.

‘Do you know what was Kai’s biggest dream?’ I shake my head. ‘What he did before he become the successor of Mr. Kim’s company?’

‘No… We don’t talk much. For most of the time he just avoids me.’

‘I don’t know how to put this. The thing is… This marriage crushed his dream. For years Kai learned dancing, took ballet and jazz classes. He worked really hard and finally was scouted to become a trainee under the most prestigious company. Dancing was his passion and love. He practiced days and nights even to the point of injuring himself but still continued pursuing his dream. His parents didn’t like the idea, especially, when they knew how harmful being an idol is. But they couldn’t do much. Then, half a year before Kai’s debut, Mr. Kim got sick. His parents took the occasion to take him out of entertainment industry, made him a new boss and arranged a marriage to build his image. Now, you can think that it’s Mr. and Mrs. Kim fault for destroying Kai’s life. However, from his point of view he could still debut and be the successor at the same time but the marriage was nail in the coffin. He was so frustrated without being able to relieve it. He couldn’t blame his father while he was sick. He couldn’t blame his mother, who was deadly worried about her husband. And then, you appeared. You moved in together, you were close to him. You just happen to be there, when he needed to let all the anger piled up inside him. Unconsciously, you took all the blame.’

‘That’s why he told me I ruined his life.’

‘I’m telling you, it’s not about you. It could be anyone.’

I couldn’t say I word. I stared blindly at the round table. Was it really my fault? Luhan seemed to read my thoughts.

‘Don’t torment yourself. You did nothing wrong,’ he caressed my arm to comfort me. ‘He also knows you were forced into relationship with him. Just try to understand him and be lenient. I’m sure he is coming to his senses. You two looked pretty happy the night we met and went to the club. So cheer up,’ he patted my head like I was a little puppy. Smile immediately appeared on my face. Luhan’s cuteness was irresistible.