I’m going to get you back.

Get you back, huh.

What crazy over emotional ghost possessed me when I oh-so-boldly divulged myself into that thought?

And what the hell was I thinking, just suddenly bringing up the long forgotten (not really) issue? I could have just sat and thought out my words carefully and maybe, just maybe, it could have gone better, or at least I could be walking home without a swollen cheek.

Now tell me again why I put up with it?

“Eeeeeh”

Whining as I walk through the foggy side walks, it only being half an hour after that blasted exchange of blows (the blows being verbally, save the actual physical blow he thankfully offered my face towards the end of that lovely discussion), but I’m really happy to be heading home considering the awesome party last night, some random emotional understanding, a full night’s rest, and a lively morning greeting all compliments of my very best friend Heechul.

Forgive me, this is as cranky as I could get. I mean, come on, I’m Hankyung.

Quarter to nine and I could already see my apartment staring at me invitingly, almost whispering for me to get in and rest the damn headache that’s seemingly crawling up from my spine so I pick up the pace.

This is as normal as my life could get. I did tell you I was already used to it, right? The crashing, the tantrums, the hitting, glaring, teasing, mocking, and most especially the puking which, thankfully, didn’t happen last night (making it much more pleasant than any of the other, much messier, nights). Go figure.

I push the keys in, push the door open, shut it lock, strip, and then collapse on my bed.

“Mawwww”

An irritated growling reached my ears when I mindlessly crashed my body on the bed forgetting the sweet little baby apparently having his beauty sleep snuggled within the sheets.

Moving swiftly upon impulse, I rolled to the side, scooping up the little (don’t be deceived by the word, he’s not so little anymore) baby, kissing its cute blackberry button nose and setting him back on a space just beside me.

“You can go ahead and do whatever you want Heebum, you’re grouchy owner just had another one of his emotionally unstable outbursts and you know what that does to me.”

I hear the soft sounds of Heebum his paws like he’s implying that this isn’t as new as the last time.

He’s probably right.

I chuckle.

“You don’t mess up the house while I sleep, ok?”

Patting his head a last time before I let the exhaustion consume me, after a minute I feel asleep.

“Tell me the truth!”

I’ve never forced you to anything, ever. Not until now at least.

My thoughts are running through a thin line of being selfish. Shouldn’t I have just let you go when it was clear that you’re telling me you’ve outgrown me and that you needed a better crowd?

Oh, but you’ve just made me realize otherwise.

“How do you know about what’s true and what’s not.”

You look away from me knowing well I’d have the decency to realize you weren’t asking me anything

“I know things…” eyeing you intently assuming you know exactly what I’m referring to.

“You know things, huh?” you let out a huff of sarcasm and hold out a palm, “Like what? How you constantly bother me about the Mid days running away thing? Was it my fault your face up just got too much of a bore for me to NOT leave? It was 2 years ago, get over it!”

I just gape in disbelief. I can’t bring myself to consider you’re telling me off.

“How can I even!?  You’re not even giving me a chance to do it without you pestering me every second of the day. Exactly what do you want me to do about that?” I don’t look down although the reality of not knowing what else to say or do to just get you to open up is getting really thick. I see you’re just as stubborn. “All you needed to do was tell me but you can’t even do that back then, and even after those years you still can’t tell me.”

I figured asking you again would only annoy you more than you already are. How I know you.

You don’t like being forced into something you want nothing of, never have you, and never you will I guess.

“Why would I? You’re nothing to me.”

Nothing

My eyes snap open as Heechul’s words this morning continue to ring inside my head.

I already knew what I signed up for even before I unconsciously pledged myself into doing it but every time, every time I just feel the overwhelmed by it all. It’s always new to me, how he throws me around mindlessly. Somehow I can’t really get myself to accept it.

Or maybe that’s the point?

“Heebum? Where are you?”

I stand up and wobble my way up to my small living room to see Mr. King twirling around on the couch.

A little bit of cute can’t harm anyone, can it?

“What have you been doing silly.”

I pick him up and he immediately throws himself to me, trying to climb my head like he usually does when he’s feeling affectionate. Heebum has been with me ever since Heechul left. He was supposed to be someone we took care of together but yeah you know the rest.

He always did remind me of Heechul’s soft side, yes surprise! It doesn’t show but it may still be in there though. Way, way on the inside.

“Well, another day, another bacon!” or something like that.

I cradle Heebum in my arms as I led us both out to the rooftop to cool off and get some air.

The rest of the day continued on with mostly leisure just around the apartment, went out to the convenience store a few times to grab some snacks and drinks.

I couldn’t bring myself to think about it anymore, just for today.

Today, it is not about you

I was able to have a peaceful weekend.

Tomorrow would be a different story. I’d have to face whatever terrible thing Heechul has cooked up for me now because I carelessly punctured through his ego. It’ll be great.