Warning! Just in case you weren't able to read the forewords, there's going to be a minor POV change in this one because I felt it to be more meaningful if he was referring to Heechul in 2nd person.

moving on!

Early morning and I’m staring outside the window, not really looking at anything amusing, just the big oak tree, your neighbors grass and some more grass. I took a few minutes nap, no more than that, and It’s entirely your fault so I figured you owe me as much as a cup of coffee so I fancied myself on fixing one while I counted the seconds thinking about what you said.

“I really didn’t, did I?” I mumble by myself as I took a sip of the hot caffeine.

The thought of him waiting for me never even crossed my mind, never thought he wanted me to just go out and stop him, to tell him to come back, to talk to him and work things out. How could I have known that was what he was waiting for all this time? Or was he really just dreaming that up.

“What are you doing in my house?” A snappy tone (I guess would be you) pulled me out my reverie. Wow, I didn’t even hear you over my thoughts. Oh well, time’s up. “Hmm. I guess, seeing that you’re up, I’m going to have to leave.” 8Am huh. I already planned it out earlier since I didn’t want to leave you alone in the house while you were drunk and no one would lock the door for you, or calm you down when you have one of those breaking fits whenever you get too drunk, just until I see you awake and well.

Standing up, I meet your loud, conveying eyes still seeing their indifference as per usual. But…somewhere in them I could see just the slightest bit of pleading, reminding me of your unconscious words driven perhaps by the excessive alcohol intake and I wonder if these eyes wore the same expression back at the night you decided to pack up and leave. Suddenly I don’t want to leave anymore and my eyes followed you to the counter, observing as you poured yourself a cup of coffee (the one I brewed a couple of minutes ago)

“Hey-“

“I thought you were leaving?” and there’s that tone, the one you started to use with me during the start of the semester. It’s cold yet I could feel it tremble like you just can’t think of how else you can put it as. Were these supposed to be the things I should have noticed back then? How, in the tiniest bit, your body shook when it is barely noticeable if one doesn’t observe more closely. Maybe it is that you don’t really want to push me away or maybe back then you really didn’t mean it.

“Just trying to see if his majesty would grant me somewhat of a decent conversation.”

I made sure to sneak in a bit of sarcasm in my tone. I need to be as firm as you for the mean time, if I recklessly blurt out that I have been missing you all these years you’d be able to mock and tease me for the rest of my life and that won’t really help me get you back, will it. Plus, it would be annoying.

I hear you snort but I haven’t heard you yell at me to get out as well so I take it you’re being a little considerate. “What? You want me to thank you for taking me home last night?” taking a seat on one of the counter’s long chairs, you raise an eyebrow at me. “I figured that much the moment I saw your sunglasses on my dresser. You better not leave that here by the way. I hope you still remember my hatred towards the stack of sunglasses you keep in one of your drawers. You probably still have those disgusting things.”

Keh, you still remember that huh. “Thanks, I’ll remember to go back your room later and get it.” I smirked, pulling my teeth back to prevent biting my lip as I struggle to keep myself as composed as I can possibly get myself to.

“Why don’t you just go get it now so I could drink my coffee in peace?”

“Are you asking me to leave?” I don’t want to make the same mistake as I did before but if ever I need to leave to give you space then I will, for now. IF

But you aren’t gracing me with a response, just a quiet sip from your mug then you look to the window. Oh, so you don’t want me to leave. It made my heart fill up with hope. Maybe today is the day we could finally patch things up and maybe today…I can get you back. “So…it’s a no, then?”

I test my doubt by moving in to sit on one of the chair opposite his, not too close though, and he didn’t argue. Good. “What have you been up to?” I asked awkwardly and he shot me a look of pure sarcasm and disbelief. “You’re seriously asking me that?” he snorts yet again “Did your brain dry up after two years or are you still just too soft to shoot me with the real questions? I’m not stupid Hankyung, you are.”

You’re stupid

Stupid

Stupid

It kept on ringing in my head like a freaking mantra, what he said last night, what he’s saying now. What stupid thing did I do!?

“Why do you keep calling me stupid? I wasn’t the one who decided to pack my bags and leave forever. And why was it that you suddenly just slipped away? You barely even talked to me months before you moved out, I was trying to keep you there…with me. And when I tried to confront you about it, you left. You didn’t even think twice. You didn’t even look back. You just shut the door and left.” My voice was calm but I am most certainly not. Right now I’m really thankful for the family who raised me, they taught me well.

You said nothing. And I’m thinking this was worse than getting yelled at back then.

I decide not to give in to the awkward silence and stand my ground but I have to admit it’s nerve-wracking and the room suddenly felt too cold.

“Since when have I always called you stupid? Just get out, get out.” You demand, still refusing to look at me like I’m probably some sting in the eye and as wrecked as I may feel right now, I’m not going to succumb into it, not anymore.

“Really, you want me to get out? Why, because you can’t tell me your reason? Are you afraid? Are you ashamed? What are you so ashamed of? Huh? Why do you shut yourself down?”

“Shut up! Just. SHUT. UP. You wanna know what I’m ashamed of? I’m ashamed of you! You are an embarrassment to me. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to be friends with you, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to be near you or even breathe the same air as you! Why don’t you try getting that through your stubborn Chinese !”

We were both already standing by this time, and you were finally looking at me with that gaze so intense, it made my heart wring tight in my chest. I hold you still and push you to the fridge, my desperation getting the better of me, “If that’s what you think, then why do you even waste your time in making my life miserable every second of the day? That’s not what this is about, Heechul, tell me the truth!”

You continue to hold out your glare as best you could but I can see.

So this is what you were able to hide from me all this time, huh?

You’re not liking this as much as I am. You’re hurting too and I’m not going to let this pass anymore, I’m not going to let you leave.