And it comes to no surprise to Jonghyun that they debut as a group of five. He was accepted into the agency easily enough during the audition, being thankfully blessed with a rich timbre, powerful vocals and (literally) a lifetime of singing experience. The whole journey to this day of debut has been smooth, albeit with a few hiccups here and there. But Jonghyun brushed them off and overcame them easily, because this is the last chance he is gifted with, and he is not about to squander it away for anything, for anyone’s sake.

Not even for his parents, when they opposed.

Because there are a few things he hold more important than his filial duty to his parents. And just this once, Jonghyun knows that there their worries are for nothing, and that this boy band he is debuting with would succeed.

Because look, even their group name is SHINee.

Jonghyun fiddles with his thumbs and bounces on the balls of his feet, trying to keep his anticipation contained. Even though he has gone through this process before, it doesn’t make the current situation any less exciting. And after stealing a look at Jinki who is standing next to him (the only position where he belongs, really), the delight in Jonghyun doubles and bubbles, like an excited bottle of coke that has been shaken thoroughly.

Finally, Jinki will be living his dreams and Jonghyun will be living with him.

“You guys will be SHINee.”

How hard they practiced for their debut stage is something Jonghyun would always look back to with a mix of emotions. Everyone was overjoyed to be the select five to be chosen, but the high expectations rested heavy on their shoulders and their practice sessions are nothing to be taken of lightly. And given that all five are perfectionists to some extent, it just meant that everyone grated on Jonghyun’s nerves then.

Except Jinki, of course. Except him.

“Kibum, stop it,” Jonghyun turns around irritatedly to face said man.

“What?” Kibum says harshly, not even bothering to look up from his phone as he furiously types away.

“Stop following me around,” Jonghyun snaps.

“Shut up,” Kibum replies succinctly, glancing at Jonghyun briefly to send him a glare.

“I am serious.”

“Who the hell would want to follow you around.”

“Then stop walking behind me.”

“You think you owe this building? I am heading to the cafeteria.”

“I am heading to the cafeteria too.”

“So who’s the one following people around?”

Jonghyun runs a frustrated hand through his hair, “Just stop following me, alright? You even followed me all the way from the countryside. Stop being a ing creep.”

Jonghyun ended up with a bruised shin. And later on, salted water for a week and chairs mysteriously disappearing beneath him when similar incidents happened with Taemin and Minho. If there was an award to be given for the Most Hated Member then, Jonghyun thinks he would have won hands down.

Because really, while everyone behaved like jerks then (stress can do that to anyone), Jonghyun was probably the biggest out of them all during that time.

Jinki happens to live (relatively) close to the agency and was still debating between taking the one-hour long transit ride each day versus staying in the dorms with the rest. Jonghyun was on pins and needles throughout the time it took Jinki to decide. Thank goodness he finally opted for the latter though because if not, Jonghyun isn’t too sure whether the band could have even weathered the pre-debut times.

But at least, here they are. The world is ready to welcome them and it’s time for them to take to the stage again. Look out people, SHINee is coming.

“Next up, we have the debut stage of the contemporary boyband that will stop your hearts!”

And this time, Jonghyun resolves not to cry. He is not about to have that tape replayed and replayed about again and have Minho holding it over his head forever. He will be strong and he will change the course of history. In more ways than one.

Karma is not about to have its way with him this time round.

“We are going,” Jonghyun whispers to Jinki, “We are finally going.”

The five are hanging around the backstage, waiting for their band to be called. Jinki turns and sends him a small smile, tinged with anxiety and laced with excitement. He takes his hands out from where they have been squashed in the pockets of the too tight skinny jeans and fumbles slightly, searching for Jonghyun’s hand. Jinki grabs hold of it and Jonghyun immediately curls his fingers protectively around his.

“Don’t be nervous,” Jinki says, even when he is the one who appears to be more anxious out of the two, “We can do this.”

Jonghyun squeezes the sweaty palm in his hand reassuringly. And he returns the smile, his eyes holding promises in them like starlight and dancing with the knowledge of six lives lived. It has been a trying journey, but at least he has arrived. And this time round, the train has not yet left the station and perhaps Jonghyun may just be able to catch and embark towards his happily ever after.

“Let us welcome…SHINee!”

-

Time passes by easily when people are happy, Jongyhun thinks the old adage is really true. Before he knows it, SHINee is into their fourth year and Jonghyun realizes he has just spent five years (inclusive of the trainee period) getting closer to Jinki without any evident results to show for it.

There are movie ticket stubs, photos and a collection of miscellanea Jonghyun have accumulated over the years, but that’s about it.

Jinki still seems to view him as a dear friend despite all his overtures—blatant favouritism towards him, overly-indulgent doting only on him and countless declarations of affection on the daily basis. Which brought Jonghyun to the question of whether Jinki was as ignorant as he seemed or was he just not interested—no, that couldn’t be it.

Jinki must really be oblivious.

Because really, when you are the only one who receives chocolates on Valentine’s Day among all the other bandmates, wouldn’t you begin to suspect something?

“What’s this?” Jinki looks up, confused. He picks up the small box that has been pushed into his lap and tugs at the pink ribbon experimentally. Glitter gets onto his hands.

“Chocolates,” Jonghyun states as if it should have been obvious.

“Why?” Jinki asks, looking at the shiny sparkles on his fingers and then the pile of chocolates on the table. As he watches, a huge box that balances precariously on the side of the table wobbles before it slides down the pile, falling onto the floor with a dull thud. “Don’t we have enough from the fans?”

Jonghyun shrugs and searches for the correct words that would not make his blatant affection that obvious. “I hope you like them,” he says uselessly, not answering the question at all, “It’s dark chocolates.”

“Erm,” Jinki finally pulls off the ribbon to reveal scotch-tape tightly holding the pieces of the glittery paper together. He works at the tape with his fingernails, “Thanks, Jonghyun. I guess.”

Kibum, who has been watching from the side all along, snorts and leaves the room. Taemin simply grins wider, takes a box from the pile and shoves it into Jinki’s hands. “It’s those chocolates with little caramel bits in them,” Taemin explains.

Something in Jinki’s eyes light up and he exclaims happily, “I love those!” He then remembers Jonghyun’s chocolates (that are now hidden by the huge box the fans have given) and hastily backpedals, “Not that dark chocolates aren’t nice or anything.”

If there’s one bad thing about having lived multiple lives, it’s that you get facts between those lives confused. Jonghyun remembers now that it isn’t this current Jinki who likes dark chocolates, but the Jinki in his fourth life who does.

Darn, why does he keep messing up?

Nonetheless, despite his abject failure in his first year, Jonghyun continued to give Jinki chocolates on subsequent Valentine’s Days. Because, surely it means something, receiving chocolates from someone on that day of occasion? And surely, Jinki will understand that he views him as someone special after a few tries?

But nope, Jinki stubbornly refuses to see the fact. In fact, he starts getting used to it—receiving chocolates from Jonghyun.

“Hey,” Jinki drapes an easy arm across Jonghyun, unaware of the sudden flush that heats up Jonghyun’s neck (he has long mastered the art of not letting his embarrassment show on his face. But the neck, not so much). “Hey,” he repeats playfully.

“Hey,” Jonghyun replies.

“I want 99% dark chocolates this year,” Jinki’s breath tickles Jonghyun’s ear from his close proximity, “Preferably, a German brand.”

“Don’t you hate dark chocolates?” Jonghyun manages to keep his calm.

“Ever since you gave me some dark chocolates, I have been developing a taste for them,” Jinki says, “They are healthy anyway.”

“So, you don’t actually like the praline chocolates I gave you last year.”

“They are nice too,” Jinki says, “My like for pralines isn’t mutually exclusive to my like for darks.”

Just then, there is a call for Jinki and Jinki lifts his head up, off to answer the person. He gives one last pat on the back to Jonghyun and cheerily waves his goodbye. “Lay off the glitter this year!” he shouts.

Jonghyun groans and burrows his head in his hands.

-

It’s their fourth anniversary when Jonghyun decides there and then to confess his love and spill his feelings when they have reached the dorms, a handful of arms and legs and tired boys. They are all high from the energy of the anniversary party, drunk on the attention and love the fans lavished, minds still racing a thousand miles per hour, leaping from thoughts to thoughts.

Or maybe not leaping from thoughts to thoughts. Because, right now, they are overcame with lethargy, and their minds slow and their heads begin to nod.

Jonghyun glances over at the four lazing on the couch. They are heaped on each other most uncomfortably, legs and arms all tangled together, elbows sticking out and bodies half falling off the sofa. He watches as Jinki shifts about, seeking to get Minho’s foot off his face while the other boy sleeps on soundly, burying his head into Kibum’s lap.

Kibum however, appears to have different thoughts on staying in the sofa till the sun rises, and he lifts up Minho’s head, dumping it unceremoniously on Taemin’s . Minho groans and rolls about, nearly shoving a dirtily socked foot in Jinki’s face if not for the agile reflexes on Jonghyun’s part. In one smooth moment, he is off the barstool, where he has been watching from his vantage point, and is holding up Minho’s foot in the air.

Kibum remains nonplussed about the sudden flurry of activity and continues gathering the necessities required for bathing. Jonghyun forces Minho’s leg to bend in an awkward angle and drops it onto the floor. He then carefully extricates Jinki from the mess that is Taemin and Minho, lugging him up onto his feet and into the kitchen. Jinki follows him sluggishly, mouth nearly breaking as he yawns widely, blinking away tears of tiredness.

“Here,” Jonghyun offers, holding out a cup of cheap Lipton tea. He wishes he can offer more, but it’s all they have in the dorms.

Jinki holds his hand over his mouth as he yawns again, only taking over the tea when he’s done. He takes a sip, blowing steam off the surface of the hot liquid. Jinki feels the liquid running down his throat, into his body, leaving behind a warm trail of comfort.

Jinki smiles at Jonghyun and shoots him a grateful look. There is no longer any need for verbalized ‘thank you’s and what-nots. They have known each other long enough to know the meaning behind each gaze.

Jonghyun has at least managed to achieve that. Even though the smooth transition from a platonic relationship to a romantic one seem to be non-existent.

“Thank you,” Jinki suddenly says, disrupting Jonghyun from his train of thoughts. Jonghyun allows himself to smile wryly. Because it figures it’s only Jinki who manages to contradict him even in his thoughts.

“What?” Jinki asks curiously, noticing the change in Jonghyun’s expression.

Jonghyun simply shakes his head. He inches towards Jinki, narrowing the space in between them. “Nothing,” he says.

Jinki looks back at him and decides to let it go. He continues, “Anyway, thank you.”

“You are welcome,” Jonghyun replies, “I didn’t do much. The water was already boiled.”

“Not the tea.” It’s Jinki’s turn to shake his head. He swirls the amber liquid in his cup thoughtfully, as if contemplating his next choice of words carefully. He then looks up at Jonghyun and fidgets slightly, “For everything.” Jinki stops and pauses, “I mean, you have always been looking out for me. Thank you for that.”

Jonghyun allows a small silence to elapse between the two, the only sound that could be heard being the running water in the bathroom. He is ambushed by a sudden wave of feelings that hit him like a tsunami, that has been building up within him since four years ago, since six lives ago, since forever. It’s relentless and neverending and he would have been crushed by it if not for the fact that it’s his love for Jinki he is talking about.

Jonghyun doesn’t think Jinki would ever notice, but perhaps Jinki is not as oblivious as he thinks he is.

Or maybe Fates has finally decided to look kindly upon him and grant him this last boon.

Because the atmosphere feels right and the space between them is heating up. Jonghyun’s fingers are just inches away from Jinki’s and he slides them closer, interlocking. They have held hands plenty of times before, but it is different this time round. Because Jinki is now looking at him, eyes all sorts of anticipatory. And Jonghyun is crushed with the need to hug the man before him and kiss him senseless.

But he will never do that, not till he is sure that is what Jinki wants.

Jonghyun takes in a deep breath and swallows shallowly. He has simulated this confession many times over, but it does not prepare him for the real thing, not in the slightest bit. Jonghyun’s tongue feels dry and parched and Jinki’s hand in his feels like it’s burning up. All his seven lives, boiled down to this single moment.

Jonghyun is going to do it now, and do it right.

Locking his eyes with Jinki’s, Jonghyun speaks the unshakeable truth of his seven lives, “I love you.”

It weights between them, these three words. And with every passing second, Jonghyun feels as if a part of him is dying; shriveling up and dying. Jinki does not give much of a reaction to the sudden confession and he simply continues to look into Jonghyun’s eyes, unmovingly and unflinchingly.

Frighteningly.

Jonghyun may not be an expert on confessions, but even he knows that hesitance is never good.

An eon passes and Jinki finally speaks, “I need time.” He stops and starts, breaking eye contact as he looks away, “I need some time to think about this.”

Jonghyun hears something breaking in his heart.

When the morning finally rolls about, Jonghyun wakes up to a damp pillow and he realizes he has cried himself to sleep. His heart aches and clenches, but Jonghyun still forces himself up. There is a radio appearance this morning. He has to start preparing.

Jonghyun is a good teammate, a responsible man. He is an unfortunate person too used to heartbreaks.

*Sobs* One more chapter and I would be done; this fic has placed me through a lot of pain.

It's the first series I have ever started, and thankfully, it shall also be the first series I will complete. Thank you for staying by me all this while :) I hope the ending won't disappoint.