Disclaimer: I don't think a person can own another person. But SM certainly owns the band SHINee.

1.

When Jonghyun first met Jinki (it was really the first time; the first time in his first life), they were trainees under the same company. Both of them were singers and it only stood to reason that they would be placed together for training. Jinki had such a cute face and was acting all nervous and anxious (twiddling his thumbs and shifting his legs) that Jonghyun thought he was younger than him. So he decided to be a good senior and showed him around the place. It turned out later that he was mistaken.

Jonghyun’s first meeting with Jinki was pretty embarrassing.

A few years after that, Jinki and Jonghyun plus three others – Kibum, Minho and Taemin – formed and debuted as a boyband. It was SHINee. And Jonghyun had to admit that the name fitted the five of them pretty well then. They were after all, quite the pretty boys and had put many girls to shame with their good looks.

But there was only so long that they could keep a hold to their looks – with the help of a goodly amount of skincare products, and dare he mention? A few corrective procedures – and maintain their titles of shining, youthful boys. Before long, a decade had passed, two decades had passed and when the third decade rolled around, the five of them decided that perhaps this was pushing it a bit too far. SHINee had changed, their fans had changed. And while it might be true that they had managed to maintain a loyal pool of appreciative fans, it was shrinking year by year. Newer groups popped up every 6 months, and the Hallyu wave had surged on without them. The train had left the station and SHINee didn’t manage to catch it.

“Everything has an expire date. And you know what we are?” Kibum said, “An expired boyband.” He laughed self-deprecatingly.

Jonghyun didn’t disagree.

By then, everyone’s priorities had changed. Minho was pursuing a movie career. Taemin was more inclined towards dramas. Kibum was wow-ing Broadway. And Jinki… well, Jinki was still singing. He released a rare solo once every few years, popped into the recording studio whenever SHINee was releasing a new album and spent the rest of his days managing a chain of stores.

Not by himself, of course. With his family.

-

Jonghyun wasn’t really surprised when Jinki announced his engagement. Hell, he was even expecting it. There were many signs over the past year. How he spent more and more time on his phone, how he seemed to disappear whenever the group got a break and how he just generally seemed to be happier.

Jonghyun got more and more dejected over the year. It wasn’t a sudden fall into the abyss for him. More of an unstoppable slide down an unforgiving slope.

He ride downwards to the pits of despair, self-loathing and regret gathered speed over the year (why, oh why, had he not admitted to his feelings earlier?) and it probably didn’t help that Jinki had always been a guy big on sharing (‘sharing is caring, and caring is sharing’). Like clockwork, every six months or so, whenever Jonghyun appeared morose or even just upset, Jinki would drag him out for a beer or two.

“Seriously, Jonghyun,”Jinki put his half-finished beer back onto the coaster, “What’s been bothering you?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I am just feeling horrible, ok?” Jonghyun rolled his eyes, “Doesn’t a guy have the right to feel pissed at time?”

“Sure, but you have been appearing pissed regularly,” Jinki said, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“We.” Minho stressed, popping a few pieces of fried batter into his mouth, “We.” Today was those rare occasions when one of the other members would opt to join them.

“The stress has just been getting to me,” Jonghyun rolled his tense shoulders for good effect, “Just in case you guys haven’t noticed—being an idol isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world.”

Jinki chuckled. Minho simply popped another piece of those deliciously sinful snacks into his mouth and crunched it loudly. Yum.

“Well, yea, it has been tough.” Jinki started after a silence elapsed, “But—well, yea... All the other groups are also – Jessica told me that SNSD barely had a good 4 hours sleep for the past week... it’s hard… Yea…”

Jinki raised his hands up weakly, trailing off, “What can I say?” He shot a glance at Minho, begging for help.

Minho shrugged, “You are the leader, not me. Besides, I tagged along for the food and the beer, not the weekly counselling session.” To emphasise his point, he ate another four pieces before taking a swallow from his mug.

“It’s not weekly,” Jonghyun said defensively, “Don’t make me sound like some needy teenage wreck.” He swiped a piece from Minho and crunched it loudly.

Jinki continued frowning as he wracked his brain for good advice while Jonghyun and Minho squabbled. The empty wicker baskets and mugs were accumulating at an alarming rate.

(“You are one. Although you should add the word ‘weepy’ for good measure.”

“I most definitely am not. Don’t lie.”

“You are, needy-teenage-wreck-who-has-been-weeping-his-heart-out-for-the-past-year.”

“What are you— Wait, what?”

Nonchalant crunching.

“You better shut up now, Choi Minho, or I will come over and sew your mouth shut for you.”

“I am not even talking. And stop stealing my food.”)

Jonghyun found his mood lifting. For the first time in a long, long while, it felt as if his heart was truly beating. Squabbling with one of his closest friends in the world, while another (perhaps, not his closest friend, but still a special person) was worrying his brains off for him made him feel appreciated, treasured and maybe even a little bit loved.

Of course, the feeling of his beating heart might have something to do with Minho mentioning ‘weeping-his-heart-out’. Jonghyun felt it madly accelerating as he stole a quick glance over to Jinki, who remained happily oblivious to the squabble.

His secret was safe, fortunately. Unfortunately.

*ping!*

Jonghyun could feel his lifting spirits turning a 180 degrees, preparing for a nosedive.

Checking his messages, Jinki let out a silly grin, “It’s Jessica. SNSD is having some free time till tomorrow, noon.” He quickly downed the rest of his beer, before laying a $100 bill on the bar, “I am sorry, but I have to go now. It’s hard for us to have some free time together, you know.”

Phoosh. Down it went.

“You’re leaving us just like this?” Minho complained belligerently, “What about Jonghyun? I am not camp counsellor material.”

“Sorry, Minho. Sorry, Jonghyun,” Jinki said, already getting off his stool, “The treat is on me tonight. I will make it up to you guys next time round, ok?”

“You better do,” Jonghyun said in mock anger, “Isn’t it inappropriate to meet up with a girl this late anyway?”

Jinki simply laughed and waved goodbye. He was halfway out of the bar, before he turned back.

He managed to catch Jonghyun’s eyes immediately (because Jonghyun’s eyes never left Jinki’s back, watching it move further and further away; out of his reach) , “You know what, Jonghyun? For stress, the best remedy is a girlfriend. I can ask Jessica to recommend you to some girls. She is still in contact with some of her university friends, and I know there’s this one girl who is ‘absolutely precious, but just hasn’t found a guy who knows how to treasure her for what she’s worth’.  I can get—“

Jonghyun could feel his chest constricting and taste something bitter in the back of his throat, “No, Jinki, no.”

“But—“

“Just go, ok?” Jonghyun swallowed, the lump in his throat refusing to go away. He wasn’t too sure he could handle this sudden curveball that life had thrown at him, “You don’t want to keep Jessica waiting.” He couldn’t look Jinki in the eyes.

Jinki smiled, “Ok, I am going now. Cheer up, alright?”

And when Jinki finally disappeared out of sight, Minho didn’t say a word but simply pushed the basket of fried batter toward Jonghyun.

“Thanks for the comfort food,”Jonghyun’s voice cracked. He did his best to grin, but fell short. The corners of lips were lifted, and his mouth was drawn across his face. But it wasn’t a smile; it wasn’t a grin. It was laced with far too much bitterness and tainted with a drop too many regret.  It was heart wrenching and painful—a perfect picture of bitterness and hopelessness.

It spoke of restless nights longing for another; it spoke of silent glances and lingering touches. It spoke of Jonghyun’s well-wishes for Jinki’s happiness.

Jonghyun was sad. Jinki was happy. And so, Jonghyun would continue being unhappy so that Jinki’s joy would never end.

-

SHINee came to an end on its thirtieth anniversary. The members went their separate ways, each of them managing to secure a niche for themselves in one way or another. Jonghyun stayed in the entertainment industry, making a name for himself as a ‘soulful singer, whose songs of heartbreak and desperate longing are unmatched by none’.

At that time, Jonghyun would rather be known as a mediocre singer than a master of angst-riddled ballads. And even now, he is still willing to sacrifice all that he has so that he can finally have the rumoured happy ending.

And that’s how Jonghyun’s first life ended.

End.