And it is the last life that truly matters; the last life in which everything hangs upon. Or so Jonghyun would hypnotise himself to believe. Because that is the only way he could console himself, the only way he could reassure himself that all his previous lives were not for naught (never for naught, because they at least provided him with the opportunity of meeting Jinki, knowing Jinki and loving Jinki).

So when Jonghyun came wailing into the world with the image—or perhaps not the image, because Jinki is more than a physical appearance, more that mere clothes and hair. He is more than that, far more than that. Would impression be a better description or does it have too shallow a meaning for what Jonghyun is trying to drive across? After all, even if Jinki would to turn to dust and be nothing more than a penniless beggar by the roadside, Jonghyun would be able to recognize him with a just a glance of his eye, clothes, hair, face notwithstanding.

So perhaps impression is too frivolous a word for Jonghyun, but the vocabulary in the world is far too limited and Jonghyun doesn’t believe there’s a word in this wide universe that could accurately paint what he feels for the man. And he has far greater things to achieve, far greater things to accomplish than to quibble over mere English, so impression would have to settle for now.

And for as far as Jonghyun can remember, he was born into his mother’s arms with a fully fleshed impression of Jinki and the purpose of his life. To search, to find and to love, Jonghyun had it better than others for he came to the world with a clear understanding of the aim in his life. And with it, comes an odd fatality that is forever hanging above his head, haunting whatever good he seeks to do, whatever fun he tries to have.

Karma is a . And surely she wouldn’t have given him this boon if not for the fact she is about to rip something else away from him. Generosity, Jonghyun believes, has never been a trait of hers and he feels he could guess with fairly good accuracy the only reason why is granted such knowledge is that he is at the expiration of his soul.

Once he plays out his life this very once last time (not before he finds Jinki of course), Jonghyun has this uncanny certainty that it would be time for him to say goodbye to life as he knows it. He is a cheater in this world of ignorant fools for he has traded his soul away in a demon’s exchange.

But strangely, Jonghyun doesn’t feel much resentment towards Karma for doing so. He is at peace with the idea of the termination of his soul. If not for this chance he has been given, Jonghyun feels that he and Jinki would be forever flitting around each other, touching but never truly touching. Or perhaps they would have touched and be about to touch more before Karma rudely tears them apart, because their role in this cruel universe seems to be playing Romeo and Juliet. And he knows all too well what sort of ending that story has.

So, in between moments of playing the fool to his parents (who wants  a creepy son who clearly remembers his past lives?), Jonghyun spends the rest of his time searching for each and every hint of a man named Lee Jinki. Or maybe not Lee Jinki, because names aren’t static and a man changes names as easily as he changes bodies as he jumps from world to world. But it doesn’t matter to Jonghyun how Jinki is addressed in this world, because coupled with the certainty that he is going to die ‘die’ after this life is the certainty he would be able to know him for who he is.

Like a dowsing rod keenly attuned to water, Jonghyun too, is able to recognize Jinki, be he male or female, old or young, rich or poor.

(And he is going to love him. Love him like he did previously, love him even more—if that’s possible—because they have to make up for lost time and Jonghyun desperately wishes they can be together forevermore even though he knows that is not going to happen.)

But even when he has finally graduated from high school (the torture of learning what you already know, for together with his memories comes the set of skills he has steadily built up over his previous lives. And it is safe to say Jonghyun can be considered a prodigy because he knows far more than he should know, of knowledge that surpasses the technology of the current world because in his third life, he has after all worked in that corporation for years.), Jonghyun still sees no sight of Jinki. 17 years of his life spent in quest of the boy, but searching for a person in this vast, vast world that only understands numbers, identification cards and names with nothing no more than feelings is like searching for a needle in the haystack.

Perhaps it is even more difficult than searching for a needle in a haystack, because Jonghyun can confide in no one, can enlist nobody’s help. Because only he understands the meaning of his mission, only he is equipped with the ability to recognize Jinki in the midst of a crowd. And the idea of a fated love, of a one true love is a strange, strange one in this cynical world, and Jonghyun has once tried sharing it with whom he felt was a close friend of his, having seen him as a cousin, as a wife, as a grandfather through multiple lives (Kibum was the name Jonghyun first knows he as, and till now, he finds it unnatural to call him by any other name), but even he was laughed out by the man he thought he had a connection with, and finally gifted with a skeptical look when he realized Jonghyun wasn’t joking.

Jonghyun is a lone ranger in this world that knows no love. He is a freedom fighter, a misunderstood protagonist. He is the hero in this story. And he is just a man in love.

-

“I am so proud of you,” Jonghyun’s father beams as he envelops his precocious son in a bear hug, “Seoul Uni, Seoul Uni, I have always known you had it in you.”

“I am going to miss you so much,” his mother pats at his arms fondly, “Take good care of yourself when you are over there, alright?”

Jonghyun holds the letter of offer listlessly in his hands. Forcing  a smile onto his face (because it would be unfilial of him to show anything amiss in this moment of celebration for his parents), Jonghyun returns the hug, slightly crumpling the papers.

His mother gasps and gently rescues the letter of offer her son crushes in his carelessness.

Jonghyun covers his bitterness and disappointment with a laughter he has honed to sharpness over the years. It is a bright laughter, a hearty laughter, a laughter that could have passed for a genuine one if not for the lost look haunting his eyes. And even then, it is difficult thing to find beneath the layers of armour Jonghyun has carefully piled up. It can only be found if a person knows what he is looking for, and his parents, despite all their love for him, has never seen through the reasons for their son’s frequent excursions, for his extreme activity in social networks and for his neediness it seems, in knowing more people and more people. They chalk it up to their son’s outgoing nature and leave it as that.

“Going into medicine school to boot!” His father says excitedly, “You are a golden boy, you are, Jonghyun! What more can you ask from life?”

Jonghyun simply laughs harder.

-

When he finally catches a glimpse of another person he knows from previous lives, a person who can nearly always be found in close proximity to Jinki, Jonghyun cannot suppress the hope he feels bubbling up from the bottom of his heart. Too many a times has he been let down (when he first saw Kibum in middle school, he thought Jinki would definitely be in the campus for sure. But how wrong he was), and he knows it is silly of him to think that the boy can lead him to Jinki, but by then, Jonghyun is starved for any reminders of Jinki even should they be dead ends. His heart has already been crushed countless times, the frequency at which he accesses his memories alarming as he revisits all his previous encounters with Jinki, sad endings and all.

Even a child can develop immunity to a deadly disease after countless exposures and not dying. Surely Jonghyun’s heart can pull off the same miracle.

Jonghyun follows the boy (Taemin, the kid was known in his very first life) into a building he knows is a famed entertainment agency with its headquarters in Seoul, and he understands then, that the miracle does not need to be performed any longer. Because he has found his own tiny little miracle, all wrapped up and bottled in a man known as Jinki.

He is just like how Jonghyun remembers him, he is nothing like how Jonghyun remembers him. He is everything all at a go and Jonghyun wonders at the perfection of the soul before him. He revels and takes delight in it, and he is all of a sudden filled with a terrible fear.

Jonghyun feels like he is about to die. He is afraid he is about to die. What if he has read Karma’s intentions wrongly and their fate this time round is to be torn apart like Romeo and Juliet yet again?

What if? What if? What if?

Jonghyun doesn’t know if he has the courage to live through another tragedy.

-

“Taemin!” the boy, the man, the miracle cries out, a small smile ready on his lips. His hand upraised, waving a welcome to Taemin, as said boy waves a hello in return happily.

“Jinki!” Taemin echoes, swinging his bag down easily, “I am not late, am I?”

“You aren’t. I am just early,” Jinki responds with a grin even as he begins stretching. He pulls at his arms as he walk towards Taemin, seemingly wanting to say something more before he realizes the tagger-on at the back. He tilts his head and fixes Jonghyun with a friendly eye, “Why, hello. Who are you?”

Even with his 19 years of preparation for his first meeting with Jinki doesn’t prepare him for the real one. Jonghyun has always wanted the first meeting to be a cool one, a suave one, or perhaps even a humourous one should he not be able to pull the other two off. But it appears that all he can do now is to do his best imitation of a dear-caught-in-the-headlights, and there is not a single moment in his entire life that rivals his desire for a hole to open in the ground and swallow him up, bones and all.

Looking like a dumb fool the first time you met the person you have been chasing for seven lives. Way to go, Jonghyun.

Turning towards Taemin with a puzzled tone, Jinki says, “What’s wrong with him? Do you know him, Taemin?”

Taemin shrugs and carefully distances himself from the stranger, having too many experiences with es and deluded women who lusted after his youthful appearance, “I don’t know him. Should I call security?”

At the word of security, Jonghyun’s neurons fired to life. To be chased out a trespasser was definitely not the first impression he was going for. “I—I am  Jonghyun. Totally harmless. I was just curious and followed him in,” he stuttered in his urgency as he curses Karma in his head.

“So you are not part of the agency?” Jinki asks and Jonghyun wills his brain, his brain that has been deemed a superior brain with an IQ of 146 by professionals, to etch this scene forever into his mind.

“No, no,” Jonghyun shakes his head, “B-but I can sing. I used to be a singer.”

“Really?” Taemin sounds dubious.

Jonghyun wishes uninvited parties would just out of his reunion with Jinki but he kept his thoughts to himself. Jinki probably wouldn’t appreciate it if he treats Taemin rudely for they seem to be friends after all. He nods and smiles and recalls his very first life, “Yes, we sang and we danced.”

“That’s impressive,” Jinki then shakes his head, “I can never understand people who can do that. It seems such a huge feat for a person with two left feet like me.”

“You can do it,” Jonghyun’s mouth shoots off as he thinks back of their time as SHINee. He catches himself when he sees the suspicious look Taemin sends him and amends hastily, “I mean, with hard work and practice, I am sure you can do it.”

“Thanks,” Jinki smiles. He looks about the room awkwardly and seems to have no idea to do with the current situation now that the conversation has been exhausted.

Taemin steps in, “We have to practise now. Goodbye.” He looks pointedly to the opened door.

Jonghyun fishes about for a reason; anything that will allow him to stay but he can think of nothing. He gives one last longing look to Jinki (who looks away, as if embarrassed) before he retreats to the doorway. It is only temporary, this separation. Jonghyun is sure he would come back.

He would return even if it kills him.

Just as his steps bring him around the corner and towards the lift, a voice (familiar already even though he has just heard it first 10 minutes ago) calls out to him, “They are holding auditions, you know. You can get the application form from the third floor.”

Jonghyun can’t turn fast enough and he catches a glimpse of Jinki’s hair before the head disappears into the practice room again.

Jonghyun feels like laughing out loud. Because now he understands. The plan Karma has laid out for him. Because what goes around, comes around, and Jonghyun guesses it only makes sense for things to have gone a full circle and it is time for him to replay his first life (with a twist, a happy twist at the end).

It is time to be in a band with Jinki again.

The things I did to come out with this chapter. It was difficult getting the feel and stylistic tone of this series back, and I am not sure have I fully accomplished it, but what's done is done and I am not about to obsess over this chapter because that just means it will never be published.

(I have written another version of this, but as a result of constant re-reading, I have torn it to parts and it's not fit for anyone's eyes. Not that I can show it to you guys even if I wanted to, I seemed to have lost it when I recovered my computer a few weeks ago ><)

And erm, yea, running out of gas, so I have changed the title to Seven Lives and intend to wrap it up with this last story. Sorry! (It used to sound cooler as 'Eleven Lives' as compared to 'Seven Lives' :(