The next couple of days were really hard on me. I was sick with Kyungsoo withdrawal. No more cute lip biting, no more wide-eyed response, no more sweet and nervous smile and no more delicious kisses. Nothing was able to make me happy or feel better. If I didn’t have a stronger will, I probably would have thrown myself back into my old lifestyle. But living that way had got me in this situation in the first place so I was reluctant to make more mistakes.

I brought my phone with me everywhere just in case Kyungsoo called or texted. I missed his random chats; sometimes his heart would swell so much with thoughts of me, he would just have to talk to me. It could be a short but adorable text message or a call that ended up lasting into the early hours of the morning. But I never got even a peep from him.

I was home one depressing day, trying not to ball my eyes out but failing miserably as I watched another romantic comedy with a happy ending. After all those hearts I broke, I thought I’d probably live a thousand lives and never find true love. When the doorbell chimed throughout my house, I almost died of a heart attack.

“Mom, get the door, I’m busy,” I glanced in a mirror. No make-up, tear stained face, yeah, I wasn’t answering the door.

However, there was no response from my mother and then I realized she had said hours ago she was going out. I was so much in my own sad world, I had barely noticed her kiss my head as she left. Thinking it was probably a door to door sales person, I decided to ignore them. Then my phone went off. My heart practically plummeted when I saw Kyungsoo’s smiling face on my screen.  It was a very simple text: I’m at your door. A general message with no hint of any history that had gone between us; like we were strangers. But if Kyungsoo had gathered all his courage to go to my house, the least I could do was see him face to face, whether it was a good or bad outcome.

I padded through my living room to open the door. Kyungsoo was still not able to meet my eyes. “Can we talk?”

“You’re made it pretty clear that you didn’t have anything to say to me a couple days ago. Why now do you want to talk all of a sudden?” It takes everything I have not to get on my knees and beg him to give me another chance.

Kyungsoo wrung his hands “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Images of our special moments together play over and over in my head. I try to find the crack in your facade. But nothing ever felt fake to me. I thought you really did like me. Why Adrianna, why would you pretend to like me and then agree to play with Kai?” The last sentence came out in a strangled sob.

A shuddering sigh escapes my lips. It was like Kyungsoo was broken. His brain had clearly been torturing himself with ‘how did things go wrong?’ Lucky for me, I knew exactly how Kyungsoo felt. That feeling of despair, of trying to discover why your relationship was over, the dawning that someone had played you for a fool; those feelings had started me on a life of degradation. It was time the truth came out.

“It’s a long story, do you want to come in to hear it?” I found myself asking.

Kyungsoo nodded silently and went to sit on my couch. I wanted so badly pull him into a bone crushing hug, wipe the beginning of his tears away and kiss the sadness out of his eyes. I knew that even if I reached out to him, he would flinch away. He was still confused on whether I was sincere or not.

“Well, it all started when I was in grade 9. I had a big heart and an even bigger imagination. I always pictured that I would find my prince charming like all the Disney princesses, be swept off my feet and live happily ever after. I innocently flirted with any cute guy I came across but I never felt a tug like I did with my first love. He was older than me. All it took was an accident to knock in to each other. He smiled at me and said “I should have noticed such a pretty girl was in front of me” and I was head over heels in love. I went out of my way to bump into him and talk to him. He was really good looking, all the girls liked him. But he paid special attention to me. I gave my heart and my ity to that guy. And he laughed in my face in front of all of his friends when the next day I asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“From that moment on, I vowed to never let a guy make me feel that way ever again. So I methodically found any guy that was rumored, or I had confirmed through other girl’s stories, that had treated girls like I had been treated as, and played a game with them. I gave them a taste of their own medicine. I made sure they fell for me, hard, and then left them with a broken heart. The guys tried to band together and stop it from happening but I was really good at what I did.”

“Eventually, I morphed into this ual predator. I didn’t believe any guy had the intentions of going out with me for my brains or personality. When I got bored of playing players, I started to become jaded. I wondered where that original girl went, the one with hopes and dreams. So I decided to stop sleeping around and messing with guys emotions. A couple weeks later, I met you. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that you were your genuine self and there was finally a guy worthy of my heart. Kyungsoo, I never went out with you with the intentions of hurting you. I just had a hard time telling you about my past because I was afraid you would drop me like a gross piece of candy; someone who couldn’t be trusted and was used up like a dirty Kleenex. And when Kai threatened to ruin what we had, I did the only thing I knew how to do: deceive. I pretended with Kai so he didn’t tell my secrets and then I was going tell you everything.”

I finally looked at Kyungsoo after my long speech. He was still quiet, staring at the ground. “You don’t have to believe me, but that’s the truth.”

“So...” Kyungsoo ventured, “...you were like Batman but instead of fighting crime, you were teaching all the bad guys a lesson through the heart?”

My heart felt like someone was squeezing it. A bitter-sweet smile touched my face. “That sums it up pretty well.”

“But you don’t do it anymore?” Kyungsoo continued.

Why was hope battering around in my head? I tried to stamp out the feeling that this might be okay.

“I haven’t even contemplated it. I’m both proud and ashamed of that time. I... haven’t been with anyone except you. Even since the day Kai tricked me.”

“How do I know if I can believe you? What if this is just another one of your games?” Kyungsoo looked up at me with both confusion and love written all over his face.

I felt this unbalance, like we were at the cliff of our relationship and if I said the wrong thing, everything would come tumbling down. I bent down on my knees before Kyungsoo, cupping his face in my hands “I love you. I love you so much. I love everything about you. The more flaws you have, the more feelings I have to stay with you until the end of time. You are probably the first guy that has ever shown me that love can sincerely happen. Before you, I thought it was simply a young and naive girl’s dream. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else. I’ll go the rest of my life wishing I hadn’t screwed things up with you. I wasn’t going to let myself do this, but I’m at the end of my rope here. I need you, Kyungsoo. It hurts to even breathe without you. Please believe me when I say I genuinely love you and I would never intentionally cause you harm.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes welled up with tears and they started to pour down his face. “I love you too, Adrianna.”

Now was the moment. I pressed my lips tentatively against Kyungsoo’s and he kissed me back. I could taste the salt of both our tears mingling on my lips but I didn’t care. I was kissing Kyungsoo and he was kissing me back and that’s all that mattered the world, according to me.

“I’m going to murder Kai, you know that, right?” I said, breaking the kiss.

Kyungsoo studied my face “He was only watching out for me. He even told me not to come today.”

“Maybe killing is too nice. I should pay some mercenaries to torture him for a couple of days to equal out the few days we broke up,” I paused, unsure of the next part “Are we back together?”

Kyungsoo smiled, that cute and anxious smile that I had missed. “Only if you dress up with me as Batman and Batgirl for Halloween. I can’t get that image out of my head.”

I kissed Kyungsoo one more time because I couldn’t get enough of his adorableness. I wanted to eat him up. “I’m going to make all your silly and nerdy dreams come true.”