Listen: One for Me - SHINee

It was a sunny day when Seohyun just woke up from her nap. Their flight has landed. She’s finally back from Seoul.

It was good to visit her hometown. She has left a lot of memories. But remembering that three years had passed since she graduated, guilt filled her heart. Her promises of visiting were all broken. Her promise to visit her long time best friend was broken. She just hoped that she can still run into him by chance even if he already graduated two years ago.

The sunglasses helped her cover he eyes from the blinding light of the sun. people passed by and everybody seemed to be lost in their worlds as Seohyun dragged her baggage with her.

“I’m sorry.” A petite young lady almost bumped into her. She was cute and indeed young. She was very stunning. She could have mistaken her as a model.

“Gwenchanayo.” Seohyun politely answered. The girl smiled back at her before continuing on her tracks.

Seohyun continued walking on the other direction when she noticed a familiar figure. The tall guy has changed his hair color to brown and was listening to music as his headphones were over his ears. Not much has changed in his appearance. She can still completely recognize him.

“Sehun-ah!” Seohyun shouted from afar. Even if the volume was blasting from his earphones, he averted his gaze towards her. He removed his headphones and let them hang on around his neck. Seohyun waved happily like a shild seeing a toy from a far. She ran to him. but it seems like Sehun wasn’t expecting to see her. “You’ve grown so much!” Seohyun has to tiptoe more to ruffle his hair. Sehun uncomfortable took her hand to stop her from such childish action. Sehun ciuldn;t even meet her gaze. He couldn’t utter a word. “Hey, ‘sup?” Seohyun asked; she lightly hit his arm. “Did you know I was arriving today?” Sehun finally lifted his eyes to look at her.

He couldn’t deny that she was still attractive to his eyes.  “Noona, it’s really nice to see you.”

“I feel better, Sehun,” she sweetly reached for his hand. “Three years ago…”

“Actually,” Sehun cleared his throat and pulled his hand off Seohyun. “I did not come here to see you, noona. I was surprised you’d actually come back.” Sehun looked away from her, forcing a fake smile that convinced Seohyun that he was mad.

“Sehun-ah… I’m sorry…” It was all that could mutter. “Well, were you waiting for someone? Your mom? Dad? Where have they been?”

“It’s not Mom, nor Dad.” Sehun said under his breath when someone called his name from afar. From the voice that belongs to the person he was originally waiting for.

“Hun!!!” That was how she called him. Seohyun and Sehun looked at her. She was the same person she almost bumped into earlier. She went to Sehun and to Seohyun’s surprise, she pecked on his right cheek. Seohyun finally got the hint. Her eyes widened at the sight. “I missed you! It’s good to be back. A week without you was just so boring and—“ She stopped midway when she noticed Seohyun. She glanced back at Sehun.

“I missed you too, Sulli. By the way, meet my friend back in high school, Seohyun-shi.” Sehun said. Seohyun had to quote his statement. First, Sehun missed this girl before her when she was gone for a week. How ironic that she was gone from three years and Sehun did not even say he missed her. Second, he addressed her as a ‘friend’ when last time she checked, they were best of friends, or better yet, more than that.

Seohyun had to hold back the tears that were already blurring her vision. She softly smiled at Sulli who seemed to recognized her as well.

“Oh, I’m pleased to meet you. I’m Sulli, Sehun’s girl friend.” She introduced herself.

Boom.

That was obviously stated by her actions. But Seohyun did not want to hear those words.

The atmosphere became more awkward. Sehun couldn’t look at Seohyun. So as Seohyun to him. Sulli cleared , “I think we should go now, Hun.” Sulli said, almost whispering. “Seohyun-shi, we’ll leave now. It’s really nice to meet you!” Sulli bowed slightly and tugged Sehun’s arm to drag him away but he willingly left with her anyway.

Seohyun watched the back of Sehun and Sulli. Their hands swinging together. Sulli was a very cheerful person. Besides, she’s much younger than her. They looked happy together. She could notice that with the way they walked and disappeared in the crowd.

Her emotions were interrupted when her phone rang, “Mom?” She answered the call.

“Seohyun-ah! Are you there?” Her mother asked from the other line.

“Y-yes, Mom. I just came.” Seohyun gloomily answered.

“I bet the house looks like a disaster right now.” Her mom chuckled, “Ara, ara. Take care of yourself, okay? We’ll be back there soon.”

Her parents were actually overseas. The oly reason why she decided to come back is to meet and to apologize to Sehun; to hangout with him; to let him know how much she missed him. and right now, it seems that her reasons of coming back are to be thrown away.

Her heart sank at the thought of Sehun’s kiss before she left three years ago. How can it mean so much to her when it was just a kiss? A guy can always kiss a girl. It probably did not mean anything to Sehun before because he was young then. But it meant a lot to her.

Seohyun felt wrong loving her dongsaeng. It’s unfair to have a higher level of thinking than Sehun.

Standing at the grounds of airport, she just wanted to go back to Seoul at that moment. But that would be impossible.

She spent her whole day at her empty home. She laid on her bed, just stared at the ceiling. Darkness covered her room soon enough. She had to stand up to switch the lights on. somehow, her feet dragged her to the terrace from her room/ it was actually just across Sehun’s room. Their terraces were facing each others’ and they would always hang out there every midnight. Their parents never knew about it. After curfew house, they would still be talking there secretly.

How close were they before? What happened to them? If only she could explain herself to Sehun.

She rested her head on the railings with her arms as she sat on a chair. Her stomach grumbled of hunger. But she did not mind it. She doesn’t have the appetite to eat.

She did not notice but tears were already flowing on her cheeks. She missed Sehun so much… his touches whenever he’d teaser her about her chubby cheeks. His rants about his studies. His stories. His soft hands that used to comfortably hold hers. All those belong to Sulli now. If only she did not have to break her promise of coming back…

She was too carried away by reminiscing that she barely noticed that the light from Sehun’s room was switched on.

Sehun noticed Seohyun from the terrace. His heart ached and fluttered at the same time at her presence. The delicate figure of Seohyun made him want to jump across the terrace and envelope her in his arms. But he couldn’t. The pain in his heart was still there since she did not come back even at the day of his graduation.

He remembered that Seohyun would always tell him that her boss, Park Jungsoo, did not allow her to leave the city. She’d always come up with reasons concerning her work. If Sehun had known Park Jungsoo, he could have punched him hard on the face. Soon, he had to give up on Seohyun. He stopped contacting her. He cut their connections. He stopped communicating with her.

He wanted to forget her. And he thought Sulli was the only way to be able to. But even if years had passed, Seohyun remained in his heart—the noona that he kissed three years ago.

Sehun the lights in his terrace. This made Seohyun almost jump in surprise. She quickly wiped the tears and straightened up. Sehun noticed her puffy eyes and felt a little guilty of the situation.

“Oh, you’re there.” Seohyun awkwardly greeted. Her tone was cold even if she faintly smiled at him.

“Because I saw you were there.” Sehun said as he leaned on the railing of his terrace. However, Seohyun did not want to talk to him at the moment. She felt pathetic. She hated herself. Without saying anything more, she turned to go inside her room. “Where are you going?” Sehun called her back.

“To a convenience store.” Seohyun looked back at him, “I forgot to eat. Stupid, right?” She chuckled at her own remark. But it was so obvious how fake it was.

“It’s pretty late and dark outside…” Sehun worried.

“I can manage. Come on, I’m older than you!” Seohyun tried to put up a lighter atmosphere. But failed. So without further exchange of words, she turned off the terrace lights. Soon, her room fell into darkness as well. Sehun sighed.

A few minutes later, he saw Seohyun leaving the gates of her hosue.

Seohyun felt even more alone walking at the empty street. She thought it was worse than lying on her bed. It was a relief that the light posts were on.

Because before, she never got the chance to walk alone. Sehun would always be walking beside her. He never allowed her to travel alone. He was so protective of his noona. She then remembered Sulli… she must be very lucky to have him.

Instead of going to the convenience store, she just headed towards the nearest park. She sat on one of the swings. Remembering Sehun just made her forget about her hunger. But the park did not help her at all. That park was full of their childhood memories when they used to play together, running around the park.

“I thought you’re going to the convenience store.” Seohyun was surprised to hear Sehun’s voice. If she did not look up at the pale, tall figure, she could have mistaken herself to hearing things just by thinking of their memories.

“I did.” Seohyun lied. Sehun sat on the other swing. Both stared at the dark.

Sehun sighed. Seohyun always seem to lie when it comes to simple things like that. He was aware that Seohyun never liked it when Sehun worries about her. She’d always insist she’s older than him. She knows things better.

“Sulli is really beautiful. I actually met her before you introduced me to her.” Seohyun faked a light tone.

Sehun was taken aback. It’s not Sulli that he was thinking at the moment. “She told me too.” Sehun plainly answered. Part of Seohyun wanted to leave, but part of her wanted to stay just to savor the moment with Sehun.

“It’s getting late. You should go.” Seohyun said.

“I’m already old. No more curfews.” Sehun said. Indeed, so much has changed. It pierced Seohyun’s hard to be hearing those words from him. She felt like Sehun was putting a dagger to her chest.  “Well, I did not mean it that way—“

“I get you.” Seohyun cut her off. “Three years must be long enough for things to change this way.” Seohyun looked up at the sky but found only a few stars. It was such a lonely night, she thought.

The tension started filling the air.

“No, you don’t get me.” Sehun argued. “Because if you do, nothing could have changed.”

Seohyun wanted to cry at the moment and burst into tears, but she couldn’t. “Are we still talking about getting you home right now?”

Sehun looked at her, “We’re talking about us.”

“So there was ‘us’ before. I thought it was only me who thought ‘we’ existed before.” Seohyun bitterly remembered the moment before she left three years ago.

“We did before Park Jungsoo.” Sehun’s tone became stiffer. “Your Park Jungsoo slash work actually happened to go between us. Look what happened.”

“Now you’re blaming my work? Moreover, you’re blaming a person you don’t personally know.” Seohyun shook her head. “Wow, Oh Sehun. You really did change. The innocent dongsaeng I had before learned to talk back.”

Sehun clenched his fists, “For three years I did not know what’s happening to you. You think I could bear without changing? For crying out loud, you always reasoned out and mentioned that bastard’s name!”

“Don’t dare you call my cousin a bastard!” Seohyun defended her boss. Sehun was silenced.

“C—cousin?”

Seohyun breathed in deeply to control herself. She concluded that Sehun was mad for wrongs reasons and she has to explain herself. “Jungsoo is my cousin and boss. He was the one who hired me.”

“He was the one who kept you away from me.” Sehun muttered but Seohyun heard it.

“He was the one who’s making a way for us to meet. And be together.” Seohyun defended.

“Oh, really? Well, his plan was for you not to pay a visit here.” Sehun sarcastically said.

“Sehun! Will you please let me finish first?!” Seohyun looked at Sehun. “It was mandatory for me to work efficiently for three years. I cannot visit you here, or even my parents, because I worked eight hours a day and I had a sideline too. I barely get sleep every night. All that comforted me every single day was talking to you on the phone. Did you know how much I broke down when you stopped calling me? When I cannot contact you at all?” Seohyun’s tears suddenly flowed. Sehun felt guiltier. “Jungsoo noticed the change in my performance at work since then. But he had to cheer me up and remind me that I have to prove myself at the office so they will approve to transfer me to the main office here. I had to endure those three long years without seeing you, on the latter year, without even talking to you.”

“But… You should have told me.” Sehun clenched his fists.

“Did you forget that I hate it when I make you worry about me?” Seohyun wiped her tears. “Ironic, isn’t it? Just when I came back after those three years, there you are. Happy and contented with… probably some other people I never knew of.” She tried chuckling but failed.

But Sehun thought of Sulli… “So you came back and…”

“And I wanted to see you. I missed you. I…” Seohyun sighed. “It’s not making any sense anymore. My parents aren’t even at home. I just wanted to visit you, that’s all.”

Sehun couldn’t find the right words to say. He’s starting to realize that he was trying to forget his noona for wrong reasons. He just hates it when Seohyun treats him like a younger brother than a man.

Silence filled the atmosphere. Seohyun finally calmed down. She decided to break the ice. She stood up and Sehun thought she was leaving. But he was surprised to see Seohyun stooping down before him. She took his hands in hers.

“I know things must have changed. I know it’s my entire fault and I’m sorry.” Seohyun looked down and squeezed Sehun’s hands. “I just wish we can save the friendship we used to share even if your heart was taken by someone else... someone more beautiful, jolly and of course, younger than me.” She paused, “I just want you to know that even if someone else is there to take care of you, to listen to your stories, to be patient with all your rants, I wish I could still be that person. Even if someone else is more deserving of your care and love, I just wish I could be that person.” Seohyun sniffled, “Sehun,” she slowly looked at him with teary eyes. “I may be older than you, but all this time I believed you were the one for me. I guess I just thought too much.” She faked a laugh. “Anyway, let me do this one last time.” She reached out to ruffle his hair. But in the end, she fixed his hair unlike the usual. She stood up and let go of Sehun’s hands. Slowly, she walked away from Sehun.

Sehun just looked at her tracks. He just watched him disappear in the dark.

For the next days, Seohyun avoided Sehun at all costs. She even hanged curtain on the terrace doors and Sehun never saw her stay in the terrace anymore. Whenever Sehun reaches his home at night, he would see Seohyun turning off the lights from her room as a sign that she’s off to sleep.

There were times when Sulli asked Sehun to treat her an ice cream. All Sehun could think about was the usual ice cream shop he and Seohyun used to visit often before. When they got there, he was surprised to see Seohyun stared at the glass walls of the shop. She was sitting alone at the table located at the corner. Her arms were crossed on her chest and she was just stared. The cup of ice cream was already starting to melt.

It was just one of the instances that broke Sehun’s heart—seeing Seohyun living their memories alone.

There was also a time when Sulli and Sehun were walking at the park hand in hand. Sehun saw a familiar figure sitting down on one of the benches. It was Seohyun, and she was reading a novel book. Sehun felt sadder knowing that they used to do that together.

One afternoon, Sehun got home earlier than usual. He was surprised to see Seohyun carrying a big box and she put it down outside her house’s gate.

Without any hesitation, Sehun leaned on his fence, “What are those?” He asked. Seohyun was surprised to see Sehun.

“Oh, just... books.” Seohyun said. “I thought I needed to clean up my room.” She dusted her hands together.

“That’s... really odd. You’re not the kind of girl to throw books away.” Sehun said.

Seohyun looked away, “Those are work books. I won’t need them anymore.” She looked down before looking at Sehun, “Anyway, I have to go clean the other parts of the house.” She awkwardly smiled and headed inside her house.

Sehun stepped closer to the box of books... he was surprised to see those were the books Seohyun used to teach him his lessons. Those were the books that were full of their memories way back three years ago.

After a few days, Sehun decided to finally have decent conversation with Seohyun. He brought the novel book she let him borrow three years ago. He thought it can be an excuse to talk to her. But there was no response when he rang the bell several times. An ahjumma passed by, “Oh, Sehun-ah! Seohyun isn’t there anymore.”

“Huh?”

“You are her closest friend right?” The ahjumma asked him. He just nodded. “I saw her sad these past few days. I think I know the reason why. I hope you can stay by her side. Seohyun’s a nice person.”

Sehun slowly gazed at the ahjumma, “I will... I wanted to be by her side forever. Not as a friend. But as a man...”

The old lady smiled, “I saw her this morning. She said she’ll be heading to the airport.” The old lady said, “I think you still have enough time.” She smiled at Sehun.

Sehun found himself running around the airport to see Seohyun. But the huge crowd inside made it impossible to see her. He mistook other girls to Seohyun. He was disappointed not to spot her easily. He cursed under his breath as he tried catching his breath. His phone was ringing, probably a call from Sulli. But he just ignored her calls.

At this moment, all he wanted to do is to stop Seohyun from leaving. He had to, at least, admit how he truly feels about her and stop her this time from leaving.

He ran back and forth but there was no sign of Seohyun. His shoulders slumped in defeat. He leaned on a huge post and tried catching his breath. But from a distance, he noticed a familiar figure. Without any hesitation, even if he’s still tried from all the running he made, he quickly strode towards her.

Seohyun was surprised when somebody shoved her around, “Sehun?”

He panted and said, “Don’t leave.”

Seohyun’s lips almost formed a smile. “Sehun, I won’t—“

“First, I’m sorry. I should have let you explain first before doing such things against you. Second, I’m sorry again. I did not know that badass Jungsoo was your cousin. Third, I’m sorry I stupidly changed my number before. Fourth, I’m sorry for being a worthless dongsaeng. Noona, I’m really sorry. I really am.” Sehun looked down in shame. But Seohyun stepped closer to him and did her favourite action—she ruffled his hair making him look at her.

“Sehun...” Seohyun started smiling.

“Seohyun-noona, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me. The truth is that I wanted to forget you for I thought you did forget me before. I thought Sulli can make me forget you, but even if years had passed, Noona... it has always been you.” Sehun finally confessed. “If you really have to leave... I just want you to know that I love you—more than a friend, more than a dongsaeng. I love you the way a man does.”

“Actually, Sehun...” Seohyun stepped closer to him, “I am not leaving.” Sehun’s eyes widened in surprise. “I appreciate what you had just said. I understand you. I’m glad to be loved by you. But right now, I actually came here to fetch my parents.” Seohyun’s eyes beamed. So as Sehun’s. He stepped closer to her. Seohyun blushed at his action so she quickly looked away. “I think they’ll be here any minute—“ She was cut off when Sehun held her chin and made her face him.

“I just want you to know that you’re my first and second kiss.” Sehun said before leaning to claim Seohyun’s lips.