Day 236:

 

I blinked a few times, finally finding myself awake. Another day in the hospital, another day alone. Just as I looked out the window, a butterfly flew by and landed on the window sill. It was very pretty, a monarch butterfly. I’ve always loved them, everyone knows that. I smiled at it. I smiled… I haven’t smiled sincerely in a long time. I pressed my finger against the glass, it moved it’s antennae toward it. I let out a small giggle. Ever since I saw monarch butterflies for the first time, I knew I would be once in my next life. I remember this one time when-

 

“Good morning Kevin.” The nurse said happily. I sighed at her voice. By now it has irritated me. 

 

“Oh my, let me get that.” She was referring to the clumps of hair accumulated on my pillow. I stared at it angrily, the hair I was so proud of was just simply.. Falling out.

 

“I’m sorry Kevin, I know it bothers you. Just, let me take it for a-”

 

“I GOT IT!” I yelled at her, a tear rolled down my cheek. I picked up the clumps and put it in a small bowl I had beside my bed.

 

“I could make a whole new Kevin with that don’t you think?” I said to her, trying to make a joke. She clearly did not find it funny, as she went along setting up the tools to give me my pain for the morning.

I tightly closed my eyes as she injected the needle into my vein. I swallowed and then gently reopened my eyes. 

 

“Done for now!” She said happily and rolled her cart out of the room. Exactly, “for now”.

I sat looking out of the window for a long time, secretly hoping the butterfly would return. It never did…

I was once again interrupted by a nurse.

 

“Visitors Kevin.”

 

Visitors? Could it possibly be Eli?

 

“Kevin hi!” It was Mir.

 

“Oh, hello Mir. It’s… been a while..” I stated bluntly, looking down at my veins.

 

“Doesn’t that hurt?” He asked, curiously poking my arm.

 

“I’m used to it..” I confessed.

He gave a nod, and then took out a bouquet of flowers, handing them to me.

I kept a straight face, “What am I going to do with these?” I asked him.

 

“I just thought-”

 

“You thought wrong.” I said, tossing them to the floor.

Mir looked at me with pure disappointment.

 

“I’m.. I’m sorry Mir. Please, pick them up and sit for awhile…” He regained a smile, fixating himself onto my hospital bed.

 

“You have less hair now Kevin.”

 

“It’s the medicine.”

 

“You look pale.”

 

“It’s the medicine.”

 

“You seem sad Kevin…”

 

“It’s you all.”

He gave me a confused look. “I haven’t seen you in months. Frankly, I feel as if no one remembers I exist. You all live like I never existed anyway. Knowing that fact, how can I be happy?” I admitted.

Mir came in and began to hug me, pulling at my cords. I tightly closed my eyes in pain, but saw the young boy cry. I didn’t want to put Mir through this. He was the only one who ever came anymore.

 

“Mir, I’m sorry. I’m fine, honest. You’re here right?” I said, trying to reassure the boy of my fake happiness.

He gave a nod and wiped away his tears. He stayed for a few hours, playing games and talking about what he has been up to. After that he had to depart. I pulled him in for a hug.

 

“I won’t be back for awhile. Sorry about that!” He said walking out, closing the door behind him.

 

“Yea… me either Mir.” I whispered silently to myself.