Day 235:

 

It’s been a long time since I’ve come here, and I’ve been used to the pain, or so I thought. I relaxed. The shots were done being driven into me. The pain was over for now. Plus, I knew Eli would be visiting soon. Sure the others were coming too, but Eli was the most important to me. I laid there, reminiscing about the times I wasn’t in a hospital bed, when I wasn’t having to go through hours of pain each day. Now knowing what I could have done, it killed me inside. Knowing there are others that are healthy, and well, having fun and living their life like a normal person would. While I had to be cooped up in here, dying for fresh air, and my whole body aching in pain for countless hours. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

 

“Come on in.” I said happily, hoping Eli and the others were on the other side.

 

“Okay, time for round two.” The nurse told me. My face was suddenly cold. Terrific, more shots? More needles? More injections? More pain?

 

I let out a loud sigh. “I understand you don’t like this Kevin, but it’s helping you survive. Bear with me.” She said in a calming voice.

At that I closed my eyes tightly, gripping the sheets. As she pushed the needle into me I made a quiet moan out of pain. She then filled the bag connected to the needle in my arm, with more liquid. As soon as she did it pumped into me and it sent a shock through my body. The pain was unbearable. I sent out loud groans and shoved the blanket in my mouth to stop the sounds from leaving. The nurse quietly left the room, she didn’t even apologize for causing this pain. 

 

I soon drifted off to sleep, having dreams of being healthy and playing with my friends. Speaking of whom, they never came. I was disappointed, I loved them and they didn’t care about me, at least that’s what I thought.

I woke up, still night, looking outside the window. I was very high up and I could see the whole city it seemed. I leaned over to unlock the window, maybe to get the cool breeze inside. 

 

As I opened it I felt a fresh wind hit my face, it felt amazing and I felt free. Like I was finally outside again. Then I opened my eyes to disappointment, realizing I was still only in a hospital bed. I left the window open for a while and took the pictures off of my stand next to me to look at them. Old photos of me and my friends, specifically me and Eli. I missed him, being outside with him, going places with him. Now he had a new girlfriend, and never visited me anymore. Occasionally, one of the guys would come and visit, rarely they came anymore. I would get phone calls apologizing for not coming, or flowers sent to me as an apology, you name it. The only thing was they never came directly to me, and it killed me. At that moment my cell phone buzzed, a text message.

It read:

 

Hey Kevin, sorry I couldn’t be there tonight but I was out with Mina. See you soon!

~Eli

 

Of course he was with Mina, who would have thought. A tear came out of the corner of my eye and slowly rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away eagerly, if someone saw me cry… never.

I threw the pictures down, only to find myself quickly picking them back up. As much as I hated being reminded of the fun I used to have, it hurt more to forget. I neatly stacked them on one another and put them under the hospital bed, for next time. I then saw a teddy bear by the foot of my table. I lifted it carefully and gave it a tight squeeze. I held it that way for a long time, and I didn’t even notice I began to cry. 

I looked at the stuffed toy and put it under my pillow. It was from Eli from last Christmas. He had told me that he, “would never forget” me and that he, “would never leave you alone.” What a lie that was, where was he now when I needed him most? Where….

I set my head back on my pillow only to be greeted by the coldest air I’ve ever felt. I propped myself back up and closed the window loudly. I clicked off the table lamp and repositioned my head on the pillow.

I once again let out a sigh and closed my eyes.

My dreams were filled with memories, sad and depressing memories. 

The happy ones were no where to be found.

I then found myself asleep.