I could be with Jin Woon.

That first thought that rushed into my twirling mind was rapidly chased away by another worry - Kris must have been devastated.

“Yi Yun. I know you care about Yi Fan and both of you have been best friends since you were children. But don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to,” Uncle Wu spoke again, taking his glasses off to wipe the lenses.

Words escaped me at this juncture. The older man picked up the newspaper on the table - the cue that the conversation was over and I was free to leave. Kris was nowhere to be seen by the time I ran down to the first floor. This revelation was way beyond my imagination. I was stunned to say the least and couldn’t imagine how Kris must have reacted - Uncle Wu must have told his son the same when before I came home, that was the only logical explanation to why the boy was giving me the cold shoulder.

He must have been terribly traumatised - his natural reflex when threatened was to go into the defensive. This included his brusque attitude towards me since I returned to Beijing. The world as both of us knew it had dramatically been turned topsy turvy. I didn’t have time to absorb what had just happened. My best friend was hurting and I had to be there for him.

There was only one place where Kris must have run off to, at least in the Wu compound. Even after being overseas for the past year, my legs instinctively moved in the darkness, after all I had spent countless hours in the huge backyard playing hide and seek with Kris when we were in elementary school. I had forgotten how cold it was outside, having been in the heated mansion for the evening and I sprinted even faster to my destination. The crickets called out in the quiet night.

True to my prediction, I spotted the shadow of the tall boy under the pavillion. As I panted, my exhalations formed puffs of vapour. He heard me but refused to turn around. “Amber, I’ll see what I can do about your exchange programme in UC. And I will contact the travel agent to get a ticket for you back to Seoul.”

“What are you talking about, Kris?” The boy had never stayed mad at me for longer than a day, even after the party he had thrown in Seoul, he had simply reverted to his caring self, albeit clingy, after that one night. This aloof side of Kris Wu seemed like a stranger to me - where was the boy who had always clamoured for my attention?

With his back still towards me, he spoke, “Hopefully you will be able to start the new semester in Korea in time.”

He was asking me to go back to Seoul instead of California? “You don’t want me to study in the States?” I reached for Kris’ hand, only to have him pull away. This mere action was equivalent to a slap to my face. Never once had my friend rejected me even when we were mere kids, and this action seemed positively callous right now.

“So you don’t want me to be with you, Kris?” My own defences were now heightened and I asked, deliberately. I understood that everything had changed in a blink of an eye and he needed time to adjust - was everything truly different?

“How can I want anything from you now?” The boy eventually came face to face with me. The sorrow and pain had been written all over his face since we had been reunited at the airport, except now I could perfectly interpret the reason behind it all. “Everything I’ve believed, for the past 20 years, is actually a lie. I grew up, thinking that you would always be mine, my future bride and wife. I couldn’t be more wrong.”

Uncle Wu had good intentions, only that it was a cruel thing to do to his son. The distance between us now, seemed wedged further, more than any third party could create.

“So what happens now?” I whispered. His life was not the only one that had fallen apart; the world as I knew it was no longer. I too had grown up knowing that both our futures were intertwined and now, this invisible bond that had glued us together was no longer. A world without Kris was just unimaginable. Despite all the times I have taken him for granted, there was no denying I would be lost without his presence in my life. The memories we shared were irreplaceable and it frightened me to see that he, for some reason, wanted to cut me out of his life.

Kris seemed to be looking at me but his eyes weren’t focused. “Everything I’ve done is built around you and our future life together. Now I don’t know.”

My affection for this young man went beyond pure best friends. Even without an arranged marriage hanging over our heads, it was not difficult to care about someone and even love him when you were practically joined at the hips since before you even understood the concept of being married. The bond we shared was something that an outsider couldn’t comprehend. Watching him berate himself for something beyond his control right - there was no doubt about it, it was up to me to make things right and make sure his belief didn’t collapse.

“Are you telli