3 weeks later

The screeching of metal on metal, a plane slides down a runway. It will never fly again, not with one wing ripped off and the other hanging off. Sparks fly as it grinds along the tarred runway. It skids to a stop, the smell of aviation fuel drifting on the light wind. You can hear the sound of screaming and realize it is you. Running brings you closer to the grounded plane and you can see the pilot, struggling to open her canopy. The pilot and you lock eyes as a ‘shom’ fills the air. It is the sound that decides the pilot’s fate. You are pulled back by someone, just out of the blast radius as the flames reach the half-full fuel tanks and the pilot disappear in a mass of flames and flying metal.

Jiyong’s eyes flipped open and he took in a shocked breath. The same dream, night after night, different members of his squad but it always ends the same.

Explosion. Dead pilot.

“Who was it this time?” The hushed, deep voice of TOP crept over from his bunk, across from Jiyong’s.

“Bom.” Jiyong rolled over to look across the dark room at TOP. “I’m not sure how long I can take this for.” TOP was the only one that knew about his nightmares, visions of his friends dying.

“You should talk to someone about that. It might affect your flying.” TOP blinked several times, waiting for his night vision to kick in so he could see the expression on Jiyong’s face.

“Someone like me?” The sound of a recently awoken Taeyang dropping in on a conversation. “Ever thought about alerting your squad leader of what’s happening?”

“Not really.” The look on Jiyong’s face said he didn’t want anyone to know about his ‘weakness’. Especially any more of his squad members and definitely not Dara and Bom. “Should I have told you?”

“Depends. Does it affect your flying?” Taeyang had his head peering over the edge of his bunk, looking down at Jiyong.

“No. Nothing affects my flying, you know that.” Jiyong rolled onto his back to look up at Taeyang.

“Shhuutt uppp. I’m trying to sleep over here.” The half-asleep gravelly voice of Daesung butted into their conversation.  

“We will finish this conversation in the morning. I want everyone asleep in three minutes.” Taeyang’s ‘leader voice’ was obscured by his pillow as he had rolled back over and was facing the wall again. Jiyong sighed and looked up at the pictures taped to the bottom of Taeyang’s bed. There were pictures of him with his family, all smiling on a trip to the museum about 4 months ago. A picture of his Shar-pei Gaho, snuggled up, asleep on his head, TOP had taken that photo. The third photo was of the whole squad, taken by a mechanic after they came back from a training session about two weeks ago. They were all smiling in front of Taeyang’s plane. TOP had his arm, in a completely platonic way, around Bom while he had been holding bunny ears up behind Dara’s head. Taeyang looked mature, up until the point you noticed he had Daesung’s arm ‘chicken winged’ behind his back to ‘force him’ to smile for the photo, it was a joking hold though. Seungri was lying on the deck with his usual ‘come and get me girls’ look. It described the squad perfectly, everyone’s personalities showing through. Playful Dara and fun-loving Jiyong, the mothering personality of Bom, supportive and secret lockbox TOP, leader with a smile Taeyang, father figure Daesung and practical joker Seungri.

Jiyong smiled and closed his eyes, the picture imprinted on his irises.  

“So what’s up? TOP said you woke up last night. Again.” Dara was sitting next to Jiyong during a planning session for a flight over the border. The ship had been sitting off the Iraq/Iran coast for about a week and a half and this would be the first real flight over combatant territory.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Jiyong shot an annoyed glance at TOP. He shrugged and mouthed ‘she noticed first’.

“I know that’s a lie. Don’t even try G. I know you too well; you have rings under your eyes so you haven’t been sleeping. What’s wrong?” Dara looked at Jiyong with a worried look. “You’re my flight buddy and one of my best friends. I can see when something’s bothering you.”

“Nightmares. I get nightmares about crashes. Not me,” He stopped Dara from butting in. “You, TOP, Bom, all of you. You crash and then I run over and just before I can help you, the plane explodes. Every time.” Jiyong dropped his head to face the floor and peeked up at Dara’s expression through his bond fringe. She looked shocked.

“Jiyong, why didn’t you tell me before? It’s been going on for months hasn’t it? I’ve seen it but not known what it was.” Dara looked him in the eyes, “why didn’t you trust me?”

“Getting back to what we are meant to be doing.” Taeyang’s voice cut through the chatter and forced everyone to focus on the flight plan he had drawn on the board. Taeyang continued to explain the flight plan he knew the squad had already memorized. “Oh, screw it, none of you are listening to me. Go do laps or something.” He walked out of the room in a huff.

“That was, unusual.” Seungri broke the silence that sat upon the room. “Has that ever happened…”

“No,” Bom broke in. “That’s never happened before. He’s worried about something. Daesung?” Daesung, normally Taeyang’s confidante and stanch supporter shook his head.

“No idea.”

“Ji. Tell them.” TOP broke his normal state of  ‘lockbox’ only for very good reasons. When the whole squad was affected by something it was pretty big.

“I’m out. Since apparently I’m not trustworthy enough for something like this. Sometimes you screw up big Kwon Jiyong!” Dara walked out, her face a mask of sorrow and annoyance.

“I have nightmares. Bad ones, crashes and explosions, you all die. Last night it was Bom; two nights ago it was Seungri. It changes every time but the crash is the same, I act the same, you all die the same.” Jiyong lost the colour from his face. “Only TOP knew to start with, but last night Taeyang heard me. Apparently Dara knew something was wrong but not what it was. Now she’s thinks I don’t trust her enough to tell her before now.” Jiyong put his head in his hands and his voice started to shake. “I’m such a screw up. My father was right, why am I even here?”

Bom was so fast the others didn’t even see her. She was at Jiyong’s side in seconds. “Don’t ever think that! You are one of the best fighter pilots I know. Dara’s just snappy right now because, yay know,” Bom made wild hand gestures to indicate it was Dara’s ‘womanly subscription’. The boys all got it instantly and looked quickly at the ground. “You are not a screw up, never think that. Your father doesn’t understand that you fight for your country while he’s only fighting for his mortgage. You are very similar, you and your father, both very proud people. That’s why half the time we where on base, you ended up knocking at mine or Taeyang’s door at two in the morning.” She wrapped her arms around Jiyong and squeezed him tightly. He looked up and quietly said. “Thank you Bom. I’m ok.”

“That’s good. Now let me go rip out on Dara for upsetting you. She knows what you’re like when people say the ‘s’ word.” Bom left, walking with a purposeful stride.

A fist appeared in front of Jiyong’s face. “You can always count on me buddy.” Seungri, the rookie, for some reason knew exactly what to say. Jiyong lifted his fist and with a smirk, bumped it to Seungri’s.

“Thanks.”

“Same here. You can come knock on my door at two in the morning anytime.” Daesung gave Jiyong a ‘bro hug’ and walked over to Seungri, standing by the door. The pair left together.

“You need to talk to me next time. Don’t let me find out at bloody 1:30 in the morning because you and TOP are trying to be subtle.” Taeyang had managed to silently enter the room and had his hand on Jiyong’s shoulder. He gripped in silently in a show of respect and then left as quietly as he had arrived.

“So it’s down to me. Well, I hope this works out good. I’m always here. By the way, you always went to Dara’s house when you got kicked out?” TOP settled down on a chair, arms on the chair back, facing Jiyong.

“Yeah, we where great mates, almost as close as we are now. We lived next door and she could hear my father yell at me. She’d always have a door open if I needed it, or a hug when I never cried. So would Taeyang but I normally went to Dara’s. We had a tree house out the back and we would hang up in there at all hours of the day.” Jiyong smiled, remembering memories from years ago.

“Hey, you mind if I borrow Jiyong for a minute.” A sorrowful Dara had appeared at the door. TOP nodded and headed out the door towards the gym. Jiyong stood, picked Dara up and swung her around. He could hear her mumbled ‘sorries’ but paid no attention.

“D, you’ve been with me from the start, I should have told you but I didn’t want anyone to know. The reason TOP knew is cause he saw me, one night, lying in bed crying. You know who died that night in my dream.” Jiyong put Dara down and just gave her a regular hug. “You. You’re the only one I cried for. Ever. You’re the only one who’s stood by me every day. My father,” He paused, “you know. And my mother never said anything. It’s like none of that can touch me when I’m flying and then you’re flying too and it just feels great. Eash I sound like such a girl.” Jiyong stopped blathering on long enough to let Dara go and look at her. She understood everything he had said; she knew his past too well not to.

“You good now? Finished your girly spout, which I will never speak of again.” Dara smiled widely.

“Yeah I’m good now. Thanks. For everything.” Jiyong rolled his shoulders in their sockets. “You up for a movie or do you want to beat some stuff up?”

Dara indicated towards the door with her head. “Both.”