The next few weeks blur in my memory.  His fake smiles were gone, replaced with real emotion, but I’d be lying if I were to say these emotions were always of happiness.

                “So are you two, like, a thing now?” Joonmyun asked.

                Jongin looked up from his protein shake, staring at me curiously.  “Yeah, you two seem to be spending quite a lot of time together,” he said.  “I almost kind of miss having you around here.”

                I gave a small laugh and cleared my throat, fidgeting.  “It’s, uh, it’s, you know—It’s complicated.”

                They glanced at each other and back at me, eyebrows raised, but didn’t question any further.

                It’s not a huge surprise that I didn’t exactly try anything on Luhan.  I mean, don’t get me wrong; I was completely past the “creepy Luhan” thing, and he was still dangerously attractive, even with the damage on his body, but there were moments when he scared the bejesus out of me, when I wasn’t sure what the hell I had gotten myself into.

                There were good days and bad days, but mostly the good and bad bled into each other, laced together into good seconds and bad seconds.  There were times when I would think I had gotten through to him, that he was healing, but I would realize that his spirit was torn beyond any repair I could give him, and I would turn away guiltily as he suffered.

                “What do you want from me?” he shouted one day, eyes hard, mouth taut.

                “I want you to get better,” I whispered.  I reached for his hand, but he jerked back, and all I could do was stare at him like a damn fool.

                “Don’t you get it, Sehun?  I will never get better.  I will always turn to this.”  He his wrist into my face, a new slash below the fading scars.

                I grabbed his wrist, angered, at him or myself I’m not sure.  Probably both.  “Don’t you get it?  You can’t keep doing this to yourself.  You’re not achieving anything in doing this.”

                He shook me off.  “And what am I supposed to be achieving?  What am I even doing here?  What do you want me to do, Sehun?”

                “I want you to stop.”

                We were silent for a long while, breaths heavy, bodies tense.  “You were wrong.  I’m not invincible.  I couldn’t save her.”

                “That’s not your fault.”

                “It’s all my fault.  It’ll always be my fault.”

                I shook my head.  “Stop blaming yourself, Luhan.  You can get through this, I know you can.  Tell me what to do.  Tell me how to keep my promise.”

                He stayed motionless as he kept his eyes on the floor.  “You can’t.”

                “Sehun,” he whispered as I followed him out onto Jongin’s balcony.  I could barely hear his ghostly soft voice in the night air.

                “Yeah?”

                “Am I allowed to be scared?”  He had decided to visit his grandmother and return to the psychiatric hospital, to give it—to give himself—another shot.

                I put on my best reassuring smile and suppressed my own worries.  “Of course.  But you’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.  I believe in you.”

                He opened his mouth hesitantly.  “Can you—can you do something for me?”

                I paused for a moment, wondering.  “Anything.”

                His eyes met mine, full of fear, and it took all I had to keep myself steady.  “Kiss me.”

                I wasn’t sure I heard correctly, but I suppose eventually my mind understood him and something panned across my face.  Shock, perhaps.  Of course I’ll kiss you.  But everything was so surreal in those few moments under the gleaming night sky, I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming, and the thoughts wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

               He looked away as I stood there, unable to form proper words.  “Never mind,” he mumbled, starting for the door.

                “No, wait.”  And suddenly everything tumbled out.  “Please, I want to.  I really do.  Please.  Don’t go yet.”

                “It’s fine.”

                Before he could leave, I grabbed his arm, almost roughly, and tugged him toward me.  And under Luhan’s favorite blanket of stars, I kissed him, my lips moving with his, my fingers tracing over the insides of his wrists.  Before I could do much else, he broke away from me, tears beginning to fall.  A wisp of a “thank you” and he was off.

                I haven’t seen him since.

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Sorry it ended kind of abruptly, guys.  :\

Thanks for reading and commenting!  :)