Chestnut Brown
genre: romance || angst || hurt || tragedy || drama

[Listen to Lies by BIGBANG while reading this story, or maybe just listen to the song when you get to the "I wondered if I should go on with the plan, but I wanted this." part.]

 

I remember the first time I met her...

It was a tuesday morning and I was running late for my 8:00 meeting. My car was in the shop for repairs and here I was running to the bus stop hoping to catch it before it leaves.

I was only a few more steps away from the bus stop when a girl with chestnut hair came out of the cafe I passed by and bumped into me. Her cup of pipping hot coffee immediately said hi to my pristine suit ruining my entire day.

"Omo! I'm so sorry!" She apologized bowing down a whole 90 degrees.

I was about to scream at her when she looked up and I was met face-to-face with her angelic face. My heart stopped for a moment as I stared down at the beauty in front of me. I wanted to grab this chance to be able to see her again so I played around for a bit. I said the suit I was wearing was one of the finest and that my late wife gave it to me for my birthday. I also told her that because of our encounter, I just missed my meeting.

Her face immediately twisted in guilt and I almost felt sorry for lying. The suit I was wearing wasn't one of the finest; it was merely one of my 'in-case' suits that is directly hanged at the back of my closet door if ever I was late. I also had no wife. I find myself a little too busy with my job to have a wife and to start my own family. The part about my meeting though, now that part was true. But I could always call my secretary and tell her to postpone it because, I am the boss and I was the one who arranged the meeting itself.

"What can I do?" She asked me while rummaging through her purse, looking for her wallet.

I chuckled and gave her my business card. I told her that she had to work under me for at least a month- starting tomorrow- so she can pay for the suit. She took my business card, said her apologies yet again, and left in a hurry. I couldn't help but smile to myself at my accomplishment.

When I got to work, I gave my secretary a one-month paid vacation. She asked me why, but I just told her to take it before I changed my mind.

She immediately packed her things and left.

The next day when I arrived in the office, I saw her familiar chestnut brown hair in a tight ponytail as she sat on the waiting benches in front of my office. I guided her towards her own desk just outside my door and asked if she had a job. It sorta made me feel guilty that I had to decieve her like this and pull her out of her normal life just so I can see her everyday.

To my relief, she said she lost her job a week ago and that spilling her coffee all over me the other day was probably a blessing in disguise.

I just laughed. It was a blessing in disguise indeed.

Days passed and I realize that she's really good at being my secretary. She brings in the paper to sign on time and she handles and entertains my waiting guests properly. She also takes down notes whenever I can't take a call and makes sure she delivers it to me when I'm already free.

I grew a fonding towards her that everytime I come to the office I immediately look for that head full of chestnut brown hair. It was always there, along with her pretty face ready to greet me with a sweet smile before going back to her work.

Until one day I came out of the office to ask her if she could order me my lunch, when I found her desk empty. She wasn't there when I arrived so I figure she didn't go to work, which was confusing because she never misses a day of work and when she's late, she always makes sure to call and inform me.

Something was up, so I rushed out the building and drove to her apartment. The door was open to her place so I came bursting in. There I saw her still body on the floor of her living room.

I rushed over to her and scooped her into my arms. I called her name for more than a few times before she finally fluttered those pretty eyes open.

Her lips formed into a smile when she caught sight of me looking down at her.

"What happened?" I asked, helping her stand up.

She paused for a moment before answering, "I tripped on something and hit my head on the sofa."

She smiled at me for reassurance, but somehow I knew she was lying. No person can faint just by hitting their head on the sofa. It was then when I noticed her temperature was really hot.

"Do you have a fever?" I asked, feeling her forehead.

"Ani..." She lied pushing my hand away. "Let's go to work."

She grabbed her coat from the rack and was about to step out of the apartment when I closed the door, startling her.

"You're not going anywhere. Not with that fever you're not."

She gave a cute pout and was about to protest when I scooped her up and placed her in my shoulder. I took her to the bedroom and threw her on the bed despite her wild protests.

"You stay there." I instructed, pulling the covers up to keep her warm.

She was about to stand up, but I shot her one of my most deadly glares. This immediately made her lay back down.

Satisfied, I went to her kitchen and tried- take note, "tried"- to prepare soup for her. I was so used to going outside to eat  that I had no idea what I was doing. I was in the middle of choosing the difference between black pepper and red pepper when I heard a giggle coming from the door way of the kitchen. I ly to find her standing there with an amused smile on her face.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to be in your bed right now." I sternly told her.

"Yeah, but if I don't help you I might feel worse from eating your soup." She teased walking over to me, scanning the ingredients I pulled out of her cupboard.

She was able to pursuade me to let her help me and in the end, I was the one who marvled at her soup instead of her marvelling at mine.

I didn't go back to the office after that. We both stayed inside her apartment the whole day, just talking and watching a few DVDs until the sun lost its glow and was replaced by the moon's. She fell asleep beside me on the couch in the middle of Beastly. I carried her to her bedroom and tucked her in, notcing that her fever was already gone. I couldn't help but kiss her forehead goodnight before finally leaving her alone.

The next day she came back to work, all smiles. I couldn't help but be happy as well seeing her smile like that.

3 weeks passed and I grew more closer towards her. I would usually ask her to eat lunch with me inside my office and would drive her home whenever we timed out of the office.

One time, I told her I had to work over time and that she could just go ahead without me, but when I went out of my office at 11 in the evening I saw her with her head down on her desk waiting for me. I woke her up and told her I would take her home then, not even bothering to ask why she waited that long because I myself was happy that she did.

The next day on my trip to the men's room I heard voices coming from inside the ladies room. I heard someone arguing but I didn't care, for it wasn't my business to interfere with the rivalry inside this building.

I was about to pass by the ladies' room when I heard a familiar voice say, "I told you I'm not- "

"You stay away from Jiyong-sshi. What do you feed him just to give you special treatment like that? You're nothing but a . You sleep with him don't you?" A voice snapped. I recognized her as one of my employees. It was then I realized that the other voice belonged to her.

I listened closer and this time I heard crying. She was the one suppresing sobs.

"He gave me the job himself and I am not sleeping with him! He's my- "

"Don't give me that , you !"

That did it. I snapped. I burst inside the ladies room and the two girls inside were obviously shocked to see the subject of their topic standing there in front of them.

"What did you just call Sandara?" I asked the other employee through gritted teeth.

She was shaking and scared, really surprised to see me there. If I remember correctly, she was the employee who had asked me for the office party last year. She was beautiful, yes, but I ddn't like the way she handed people around her. She was no where near Sandara's attitude.

"Jiyong it's o- " Sandara started, wipping the tears from her face, but I cut her off.

"She just called you a !" I snapped.

"Jiyong it's fine, I- "

I grabbed her arm and yanked her towards me, cutting her off again. "Let's go."

I pulled her out of there and opened the door to the bathroom, but before I could close it I turned to the other employee and said in a cold hard tone, "You're fired."

That immediately made her break down on the bathroom floor.

I brought Sandara home to her apartment and found out that the employee I just fired had been up in her the first day she came in. It made me angry, but I immediately calmed down when she hugged me.

I could no longer contain myself. My feelings were about to burst out at the close contact, so I grabbed her chin and crashed my lips into hers.

She was taken aback, I could see that, but after a while, she kissed back and s her arms around my neck.

We shared a long blissful night after that, with our bodies dancing in the flame of our desires. I marked her as mine and no one else's. Only I can hold her like I did, and touch her with the burning desire that I had.

When I woke up the next morning, I was greeted by her angelic smile. The first words she said to me was, "I quit."

I was surprised. My eyes turned wide and my smile vanished. "Waeyo?"

She chuckled and gave me a peck on the lips before settling herself on top my bare chest. She looked up to me as I looked down on her, admiring how cute she was right there. "Because, I don't date my bosses."

I grinned at her and wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her closer to me. "Then I guess you're fired from being my secretary and hired to be my girlfriend."

We just both chuckled and repeated the same dance we did the other night.

The days spent with her after that were the best days of my life. My old secretary came back but it doesn't mean Sandara never returned to the office.

Sure she and her best friend Bom went out a lot, but she would always find a way to come and visit me at the end of the day. Despite my stressful work, I always manage to give her a smile whenever she meets my eyes because she said she doesn't like seeing me being worked up.

She's toughtful, loving, sweet, caring and I wouldn't have anyone else to be my girl so after 4 months I invited her to move in with me because I wanted to go steady.

There was this one time when we had the biggest arguement of our relationship. She cried herself to sleep inside our bedroom while I settled in the living room. The day after that she didn't talk to me. She silently slipped away from our apartment while I was still sleeping in the couch. I went to work in a sour mood and hoped that she would visit, but nothing. When I arrived home I still found no Sandara.

I got worried so I called up Bom and asked her if they were together. They weren't.

I grabbed my coat and headed out to look for her, but couldn't find her anywhere. I was on the verge of giving up when I passed by the cafe where we first met. There I saw her head full of chestnut brown hair sipping coffee with her eyes red and puffy from crying. I came inside, hugged her, told her I was sorry and made up. We both promised not to fight like that ever again because it was painful for the two of us.

We've already been dating for 8 months and I couldn't contain myself anymore. I asked my best friend Seunghyun to help me look for an engagement ring because I was gonna propose. He didn't say no and willingly helped me pick out the perfect ring for my perfect girl.

The dinner I set up was perfect too. Roses, music and the food. All that was missing was her.

I called to ask her where she was so I can pick her up, but she said she'll have Bom drive her to the restaurant where I booked the dinner. I told her to wear something formal and she did. The black dress Bom lent her really hugged her in the right places making her look stunning.

I guided her to our lone table on the rooftop and got her chair for her.

When the food was served and we started eating, I noticed something different about her.

Her eyes would seem to be really distant, and the way her lips parted whenevever she let out a sigh gave me a hint of sadness in her. She would only plaster on a smile whenever I talk to her, but aside from that, nothing else.

I wondered if I should go on with the plan, but I wanted this. I wanted her to be with me for my whole lifetime, so I bravely stood up, went to her chair and kneeled beside her.

"Sandara... I know we've only been dating for 8 months, but those 8 months were the best of my life so far. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but you're the only girl in my eyes. I want you to bear my children, grow old with you, watch our children grow up until they give us grandchildren..." I began. "I want to start a family with you."

I took out the small box from my pocket and opened it, revealing a beautifuly crafted ring. "Park Sandara, will you do the honors of becoming Mrs. Kwon Jiyong?"

She was taken aback. Her voice hitched and the tears fell down from her eyes, trailing down her pink cheeks. "Jiyong..." She choked out covering in order to ease her sobbing.

Sensing something was up, I asked her what's wrong.

She stood up and made me do the exact same thing. When I was up, her arms were thrown around me as she bawled her eyes out.

"I have Leukemia. The doctors said I have 4 months left."

I dropped the box from total shock. I understood what she meant to say. She can't marry me because she can't grow old with me, give me the family that I wanted and live long enough to give me children.

I was horrified and scared, but I knew that she needed me so I wrapped my arms around her to pull her in a tight embrace.

I found out after that Sandara already felt the symptoms months ago, but ignored it. The few months that she and Bom went out, I thought they were bonding and getting some girl time when in reality, they were actually visiting the doctor for her results. It was on that day itself that she found out she was already on a lethal stage.

We still got married and I still get to hear people call her Mrs. Kwon. It was enough to make me feel happy for a lifetime, but she was still upset by the fact that she was bound to someone who was a heavy bruden like her. I told her we can get through this and that there are whole other treatments that could cure cancer, but she said it wasn't a battle worth fighting for because she knew, she would still loose.

She might loose that battle, but I didn't want to loose her so I pursuaded her into getting chemotherapy. I became two-times busier than I already was; constantly making my visits from the office to the hospital. Sometimes I would pay extra fees just so the hospital can let me sleep with her.

She lost all her pretty chestnut brown hair from the therapy, but I still thought she was as beautiful as an angel.

Until one day, she broke out crying in one of my visits. She said chemotherapy hurts and she doesn't want to continue it. I begged her to endure the pain, but she said she didn't want to go through with it anymore. As much as I want her to push through, I didn't pursuade her and let her have her way.

She became happier then. Her smile grew wider with each visit and her laughter would ring through the room whenver all her friends and family were there. She was back to the bubbly and happy-go-lucky  Sandara that I fell in love with. Even if she was spending most of her time in a hospital bed.

"You should've gone home. You look tired." She told me at one of my visits.

I chuckled at how worrisome she could get when in reality I should be the one worrying about her.

I held her hand and lightly squeezed it. "I'm not tired when it comes to you."

She smiled up at me and I smiled back, but I couldn't hide the sadness in my eyes. She was growing weak with each passing day. Her hands were cold and her face was getting pale. She grew tired more often and would usually be asleep when I visit, but I never gave up hope.

Until that day...

I was in the office scanning through papers when my secretary knocked on my door. She told me Park Bom was on the phone.

Being Sandara's best friend, I took the call and talked to her. I almost dropped the phone in my hands when she said what she needed to say.

I grabbed my coat and rushed out of the office telling my secretary to cancel all the meetings I had for the day.

"Sandara's heart rate is going up. The doctor's said it's not normal. Seunghyun I think we're loosing her..."

Bom's shaky voicce rang in my head, banging my insides like crazy as I sped past cars on the highway, exceeding speed limits just to get to the hospital.

I didn't park my car. I just stopped it in front of the hospital not caring about the tickets I would get. All that mattered now is that I get to her.

I ran towards her hospital room and saw Bom hugging Seunghyun as she cried her eyes out.

I took one glance at them before looking towards the door and swung it open.

I froze under the door when I saw her blank face staring up at the cieling. It felt like the whole world stopped turning and that everything was in slow motion.

The beeping of the IV and the rush voices of the doctor's around her became a slur in the background. Everything dissolved around us and it felt like it was only the two of us left in this world.

She slowly turned her head towards my direction and met my eyes. When she saw me, a sense of comfort washed through her as she smiled at me painfully before turning her head back and closing her eyes as a lone tear escaped one of it.

I wanted to rush to her and beg her to stop her eyes from closing, but my feet were nailed to the ground. I couldn't even take a single step forward.

---

"Time of death: 3:24 PM."

Then, I lost it.

I screamed right there. Banged and punched the wall as if it would bring her back. Seunghyun tried his best to restrain me, but I was going crazy. I lost the only woman I have ever loved. The only woman I wanted to spend my whole life with.

Bom was also crying her heart out, but she felt nothing like how I felt. She still had Seunghyun, while I? I just lost my whole world. I couldn't even look at her when the medics took her out of the room.

It's like a large part of my heart was torn from my chest. Painful and unbearable.

It took a long period of time for me to move on and get over her death. The alcohol that I used to drown myself; the cigarettes that wasted; the nights spent in agony... if it wasn't for my friends and family I would have already killed myself.

Years passed and my friends said I should find another woman, but I told them I don't want anyone else aside from her.

Well here I am now. Still alive, but always bound to her, even if she's on the other side. I was already living peacefully with my life, visiting her grave every now and then to tell her about my week even if I knew she would never answer back.

"Jiyong hurry up! Their about to cut the cake!" Youngbae called out.

I was outside of the hotel where Seunghyun and Bom's wedding reception was held. I went out for a while just to escape my friends introducing me to a new girl every now and then. I just couldn't make it clear to them that I don't want anyone else.

"I'll catch up." I replied fixing the cufflings of my suit.

My hand slipped and the cuffling rolled away. It was pure gold and diamond so I walked towards it and bent down to pick it up. The corner of my eye caught sight of a whisp of chestnut brown hair. Was I dellussional?

"Jiyong!" I heard Youngbae scream, but it was too late. The moment I turned my head, the lights were too near me and the next thing I felt was the excruciating pain that shot through my whole body.

"Oh somebody call an ambulance!" Youngbae scampered, then I heard a car door opening and closing. The sound of feet rushing were heard after.

"Oh my god Jiyong!" Bom shrieked.

Everything around me became noisy, but it was slowly becoming a blur. My body was slowly getting numb as I tried my best to fight the pain taking over.

I felt someone pick me up and shake me a bit. "Jiyong, stay awake! Stay awake!" It was Seunghyun's voice.

Silly hyung. Why did they stop the celebration because of me?

"Quick Daesung, get your car!"

Their voices became slurry and the faces I could no longer recognize. Then I saw her face in the sea of faces surrounding me. But unlike the unclear faces of my friends, hers were crystal clear.

She reached her hand out to me and I immediately took it.

"Just close your eyes Jiyong. It will all go away if you close your eyes." She suggested in a voice that sounded like a thousand angels singing.

I obliged and slowly closed my eyes, letting the numbness take me over.

"Jiyong!!!" Someone screamed. I ignored it and just smiled at the girl in front of me. I took her hand and slowly walked away with her.

I was announced DOA when I arrived at the hospital and Seunghyun pressed charges against the drunk truck driver that ran me over. But I could thank that drunkard because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be with Sandara right now.

---

A/N: This story... OMG. Comment if you want me to add details and turn into a long chapter story! I had fun writing it and yeah I sorta cried when I played it in my head. Play Lies by BIGBANG if you want to add more tears!