18
In the Eyes of a Prisoner
I never left his side that night. I never left him knowing that I didn’t truly understand him until we had joined together, until we had shared a moment so intense that my feelings towards him had changed. He was a man who was misunderstood by the people that surrounded him everyday. Behind his rough, arrogant exterior, he was fragile and lonely. Nichkhun struggled to confide in people, to trust them with simple things because he was scared that they would judge him or inform the others of his words. He was just so…He was so frightened.
Jo Kwon would have been so crushed if he knew what had happened between the General and me. There was a love between us: on my behalf, it was simply a sisterly love that I had towards him, love for a friend but Jo Kwon had romantic feelings that I could not return. It was an unrequited love, his feelings greater for me than mine were for him. When he kissed me, I couldn’t bring myself to tear away, to tell him that truth that I didn’t think of him in the same way. I don’t know what would have happened if I did tell him, the mere thought bringing an excruciating pain rushing to my temples. He was sweet and kind, but I could feel nothing more than I did already.
Warm sunlight dimly lit the room as the sun sat at the centre of the distant sky. The blinds blocked complete light from entering the room but a single ray was directed upon my face. Its yellowing glow brought warmth upon the skin in its path. My vision was slowly restored, the memories of the evening before flooding back to me as the surrounding objects remained a blur within my mind. Placing my hands at my sides, I attempted to lift myself from the bed as an unknown force refrained me from continuing. The tips of my fingers rubbed the remaining drowsiness from my eyes as I found myself trapped beneath him.
The short tufts of his dark hair brushed against the edge of my neck as his head nuzzled against it, sending a tingling sensation across my skin. I twisted my head to the side. His handsome side-profile was visible within my line of sight while beads of sweat hung on his temples. His lips were slightly parted as he remained within his deep slumber. He was peacefully calm as his extended breaths felt warm against my skin.
I couldn’t bring myself to tear my eyes from him, so absorbed in the serenity of our surroundings. One hand reached forward as the tips brushed strands of hair from his eyes and the smoothness, the warmth of his face. He looked so gentle, so calm as he slept that I could never have thought that someone like that wanted to hurt me. He had even cradled me within his arms as if he’s my protector and he didn‘t want anyone to hurt me, something that I have never felt from anyone else.
“Victoria?” his baritone voice broke through the silence of our surroundings. His lips were parted, his eyes struggling to open as the light grew in the room.
After a few moments they immediately shot open, switching back and forth as if he was searching for something until they met mine. Our eyes locked together, his dark orbs empty of all anger, the stress and grief of his past and I could sense he was at ease and peace. It was something that I never thought I would see from him, that someone so ‘cruel’ could be in that state. I felt relief that he wasn’t as dangerous as I had once thought.
He lifted his body away from mine as I felt all of the heat escape from between us. A shiver ran along the length of my spine as I became exposed to the cold air. Our eyes didn’t dare to tear apart. His lips were parted but the words were frozen within his breath, as if he didn’t know how to speak to me after the night we had had. His hand reached forward, tucking the strands of hair behind my ear as a faint smile lingered upon his lips. The warmth of his palms pressed against my skin as his hands cupped my face, his head slowly tilting forward.
“You’re still here,” he whispered almost soundlessly, his lukewarm breath blowing the curling tendrils from my face. Many things had happened between us the night earlier and I supposed he had been through many things the entire day. He had seemed aggravated when I first entered his room. I could sense that it wasn’t just Jo Kwon and I that had caused this. But looking at him at that moment, it was as if he didn’t want me to remember any of those things had ever happened, that he had treated me with such aggression. He was surprised that I had stuck by his side through it all.
His head inched closer until his face was only inches away from mine. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was too overwhelmed by my emotions,” he spoke softly; his voice was like music to my ears. I could sense the sincerity of his words, knowing that he was speaking the truth. I myself didn’t believe that he would have treated me with such harshness after all that we had been through.
“It’s okay,” I softly replied, a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. His head lowered, his lips grazing tentatively over mine. I found myself in the same state of intoxication that had came over me whenever we kissed, but at that moment, I was fully willing to be in that situation. It was the sweetness, the tenderness that I had always wanted from a kiss.
My hand pressed against the smoothness of his skin, slowly snaking around his neck as I pulled him closer into me. The tips of my fingers brushed against the soft tufts of hair at the back of his head, the kiss deepening as we moved even closer. He held me in his arms as if he didn‘t want to let go, the warmth radiating from his body, and I felt that there was nothing to fear, that I was safe in his arms.
If only our moment didn’t have to be taken away from me.
The abrupt knocking on the door broke us out of our trance, returning us to the reality of the prison camp. His eyes widened in shock and fear as our eyes met, as if he had only realised where we were, what the true situation was supposed to be between us. In the real world, I wasn’t his lover - I was his prisoner, his ‘toy’. His feelings may have changed towards me but that was all that I would ever be to him in that place.
“General Nichkhun! Are you in there?” the door handle creaked beneath the overwhelming sounds of the Lieutenants voice beyond the door.
Nichkhun lifted himself away from me, reaching for the clothes that were scattered across the floor. He didn’t reply to any of the calls, running his fingers through his dishevelled locks as urgency was written upon his face. My body was frozen in position. I didn’t know what to do or how to react in our situation. What would Sulli have thought if I never returned the evening before? What would people think if they learned about my current situation with General Nichkhun?
He my clothes into my hands as he hurriedly buttoned his dress shirt. The knocks grew louder, growing faster in pace as the soldier on the other side grew impatient. I pulled my dress over my head, placing my arms through the sleeves as the atmosphere between us had lost all of its peace, growing more tense as the seconds passed by. He took a few steps forward, heaving a deep sigh as he stood one metre away from the door. The keys jingled in his hand as he leaned forward, the handle creaking as it twisted within his grip.
“What happened to you? You had me thinking that you were dead or something,” the Lieutenant said immediately as the door inched open, his worry evident within his voice.
Unconsciously, I stepped back, trying to conceal myself within the shadows of the room. I didn’t know what would happen if he saw me, what he would think about our situation. I knew that there must have been some people around the General that would have been knowledgeable about his ‘toy’. However, they wouldn’t have known what was truly happening in his room each night that I visited. Leaning against the wall, I listened to what was occurring around me, the guards shouting at passing prisoners after roll-call had taken place. Roll-call. I’d missed it. The others would assume that I was dead.
“Are you okay, sir? You don’t look too well,” the General lifted his head until he was able to meet the Lieutenant’s eyes. I could sense there was some hesitation within his actions as he took a single step back into the room. He didn’t know how to respond to the questions, afraid and worried that someone would find out his deepest secret.
He raised his hand, brushing the strands of hair from his face. Turning his head, he scanned his eyes over the room, briefly meeting my eyes. His lips were parted; the words were frozen within his breath. He Heaved a deep sigh, slowly exhaling as he held out his hand, “Come in.”
My eyes widened at the sound of his words, hurriedly trying to search for a hiding place. Who knew what he would do if he found out what was happening? What was Nichkhun trying to achieve by doing this? I followed the Lieutenant’s actions as he stepped inside, his body freezing at the sight of me. My hand pressed against the roughness of the wall, my eyes darting back and forth from Nichkhun to the Lieutenant who couldn’t tear his eyes away from me, his mouth dropped in shock as his eyes widened. He took a step back, not knowing how to respond to this. I recognised him as the one who had almost caught me sneaking around the prison camp in search of Mei’s mother.
“What is she still doing here? You always send her away before 11 so she can return to the other prisoners,” he finally spoke after a moments silence, turning his head towards Nichkhun before his eyes rested upon me once again.
I slowly lifted my head, our eyes meeting as the tension within the room grew thick. His eyes didn’t have the same darkness, that frozen quality that the other soldiers had. They were kinder, almost warm and welcoming, something that I hadn’t seen for a long period of time. And I could tell from that one look that he was different from the other, not willing to hurt other people.
“Things happened and she ended up staying here longer than usual,” his eyes rested upon the clock on the wall, it’s ticking droning on and on as it solemnly announced the time of 9.03 am. “I have to attend a meeting in 20 minutes. Taecyeon, I need to sneak her out of here and get her back to the other prisoners before they realise that she was ever gone.”
“You can’t be serious. I can’t do that! And what makes you think that you can trust me with something like this? I’m just like the other soldiers here; cold and deadly,” Taecyeon’s eyes switched back and forth between Nichkhun and I, furrowing his eyebrows to create a darker image of himself. He was in a state of hesitation and worry of being caught with me, trying to aid me in an ‘escape’. He would do anything not to be in this situation.
A low chuckle escaped from Nichkhun’s lips at the sound of his words. “No, you’re not like the others. You haven’t hurt a single prisoner or killed an enemy soldier since this war started because of that girl.” Nichkhun stepped forward until they were face to face, his hand tugging on the fine fabric in his hands as he adjusted his tie. “I know I can trust you.”
He turned his body in my direction, taking a few careful steps towards me as he avoided the remnants of the shards of glass that remained on the floor. His hand brushed against the fin fabric of his coat as he lifted it into his grip. Our eyes met as his head lifted. I expected him to say something, anything, before we returned to our lives like the night before had never happened. But he didn’t say anything, merely nodding his head in acknowledgement of my existence before he swiftly turned himself in the other direction and paced himself towards the door.
“Wait! What if someone asks why she is with me?” Taecyeon called out as Nichkhun’s hand rested on the door handle, the shining metal creaking within his grip.
“You’re smart. I’m sure you can come up with something.”
I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've had a severe case of writer's block so this chapter isn't even finished yet but I felt like I had to give you guys something after having disappeared. Final exams are coming up so I am really busy but I will try to update whenever possible.
Thanks for reading and take care because I care,
love from coolgirlaamy xxx
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