Some days I couldn’t help but think I was being lost to the soldier’s, my life disappearing day by day as the intense torture continued. Memories were no longer memorable. Songs were no longer sung. Voices were no longer heard. And it felt like I was loosing my will to live any longer. What point was there to endure their harsh treatment if freedom was never going to come? It seemed barely possible that anyone was in an attempt to save us, moral collapse surrounding us and on the rise as people cared more for themselves than the good will of others. Were they scared of what would happen to them? Or did they no longer care, thinking that a few lost souls would make no difference? But families had been torn apart due to the faults of others.


Though I could say my faith in the Lord no longer existed, it was true that these feelings had been suppressed, emotions igniting within me to talk to the one above during those evenings of the spring. I prayed and asked for stronger faith, a saviour or an angel to lift me from the ground and take me with them to heaven so I could sit amongst the clouds and watch the earth from above. As a child I’d been told to ask for god’s enlightenment in those dark times when we would suffer and he would answer them, sending guidance upon those who had asked. It seemed as though God had been ignoring my subtle questions, as if he was testing what faith and patience I had. And it was true to say that my answer would never arrive, lost as the wind whistled through the air. 


Nichkhun had returned to his old ways, though to some extent his actions had changed. I wasn’t knowledgeable of what happened the evening I left his chambers. My last memories were of walking through the door as he followed mere inches behind and what had happened next was wiped from my memory. I awoke in my bunk the next morning, an acute aching running along my veins as my forehead throbbed in pain. And despite what poor condition I was in, I was sentenced to work as usual with no sympathy given in the case of my illness. I wasn’t one of those who were given special treatment and I had never expected any but the case that I wouldn’t be killed until the General had decided that he had grown tired of me. 


He had confided in me with his past memories and his current situation within the camp and I questioned how many of those around him actually knew the truth of his status. He had done so in hope of wealth and fame, too naïve and oblivious to think of what consequences it could have brought in the future. General Nichkhun was sought by the leaders of all opposing armies to be killed yet he remained composed and serene as if he didn’t understand this. He looked perfectly jovial of the life he lived but his dark orbs told that whatever courage he had had disappeared and replaced with fright. An enigmatic man so puzzling that his true intentions, his true hope for life was not clear to my eyes. But I couldn’t help but want to know more about him whether his answers to my questions would be given. 

 

 

Unlike him, I didn’t want to be involved with any of this. I would never choose the occupation that he had but sympathy existed within me towards him due to the past he had provided. It was evident that love had been missing from his life, possibly an answer for the behavioural changes that occurred almost too often.  Perhaps if his father had given him the love he required or he had true acceptance within the family that he would never have found himself in this position and possibly, neither would I.

….

A gasp escaped from my lips as his warm tender lips pressed upon them. It was evident that his intentions were to lightly peck them only but his lust towards me had grown uncontrollable that his body did as it had wished for so long. His hand s around my waist, pulling me closer towards him as I didn’t dare follow his actions, frozen in my earlier position. He took advantage of the dazed state, the tips of his slender fingers tracing my jaw line. The coolness of his skin was refreshing against mine. 


I didn’t understand what had brought this upon him, no trace of alcohol visible around his room, the stench not wafting through my nostrils. From what I’d seen from him, I didn’t see him in possession of any alcohol in the aftermath of the conversation we had. Perhaps it had been his only source of comfort. Nichkhun’s tongue slipped between the gap of my lips as I continued to not return his subtle advantages of affection, my mind hazily running through these thoughts. 

 
He slowly pulled away as a result, pleasure coming over his face as our eyes met. “You seem awfully far away lately. I think you forget sometimes what your status is to me,” his breath felt warm against my cheek, blowing the curling tendrils from my face.

I was broken from my trance at the sound of his baritone voice, sending him a questioningly glare. The hands that had cupped my chin had been removed as he shifted his weight across the room, occupying himself with something else as I stood at the corner of the room, curious as to what else he wanted to do with me. 

 
“There’s a lot to think about around here,” I replied after a few moments had passed. A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips and it was that one look that had me sent into a state of adoration though that wasn’t as I had desired.

 
“Really? I normally would have expected by this point that you would be depressed and your only worry would be of death,” his arrogance had suddenly returned after the many weeks that it had been missing. And it was this supercilious attitude that ignited the hatred within me towards him. 
 

“Oh there are many other things that I could think about. The way I hate this place, how I hate all of you soldiers, the way you treat me like this as if you have no idea or care of how it could affect me.”

 
“Do I look as if I care about you or your feelings?” he asked haughtily. It was as though our previous meetings had been completely wiped from his memory, as if he couldn’t remember his comforting words or the way he had forced the food into my mouth to stop me from starving. I came to a realisation that it had been stupid of me to think that he had somewhat changed. 


I didn’t know how to respond to his words, slowly contemplating a rebuttal that could prove that I was right. But these words were frozen within my breath, unable to slip from my lips moist from his earlier kiss. He raised an eyebrow as he turned towards me, the smirk lingering upon his lips jovially as if he had proven that he was somewhat better than me. 


“I think you forget that I am upper class. I have money, a mansion that will someday be in my possession while you are a fraud who will be held in trial and executed when North Korea and China win,” The hostility and harshness of my words surprised me to the extent that I could no longer control what I was saying. I had changed within the hostile environment of the camp that I couldn’t control my temper any longer: the shy, outspoken girl was gone and had been replaced. 


“There’s not much of your mansion left after my army dealt with it,” He lifted his head, eyes meeting with mine. “It’s gone and it’s not going to come back to you, Victoria. Now, you’re no better than me.”

He stepped forward, running his long fingers through my hair before tightening his grip and tilting his head down.

“You’re a prisoner and as long as this war continues, that’s all you’ll ever be until the day you die,” He paused for a few moments, his eyes scanning over the features of my face.“Get out. I think I’ve had enough of your arguing for one night.” Nichkhun’s hand pressed against my cheek, shoving me out of his path as he walked towards the door and it open. 


He gestured for me to leave his company as venom seeped from his eyes, burning holes through me. I dragged my feet towards him, running my fingers through the dishevelled strands of my hair. It had grown to a length that could frame my face, strands brushing against my shoulders, long missed but harder to control. 

 
I froze in my steps just as I had reached him, twisting my head slowly to the side. “You might have wanted to ensure that I was healthy before you kissed me. I still haven’t recovered from my illness,” I murmured in a low breath as I slowly strode past him, clearing my throat as if an oncoming cough was about to appear. He flinched at the sound, brushing his thumb along his lower lip as I disappeared from his line of sight and entered the shadows of the darkness. 


…..


A gentle breeze swept towards us from the gap between the door and the wall, sending a refreshing coolness upon us as the fervent temperature of the room soared. I rolled up the length of my sleeves, revealing the exposed skin of my arms as I dipped my hands into the cool water of the bucket. My hand brushed over the smooth textures of the vegetables within my grip as I rinsed them clean, glancing over my shoulder at Sulli who was occupied with another job across the room. 


“I hated the winter and now I hate the spring. What other seasons can this army get me to hate by making me work in these temperatures and conditions? We can’t really work well in either ways,” Boa complained, wiping the beads of sweat from her forehead as our shoulders rubbed against each other. I sent a questioning glance in her direction before nodding my head in agreement at her words. 


“It isn’t as if they would care, would they? I mean, they make us work all day, hardly feed us and we have no access to any medicine. I don’t think working conditions would be on their minds if they hardly give us any care,” I replied almost immediately.

Nichkhun’s words suddenly came to mind, evidence itself that the army doesn’t give a damn what happens to us as long as we don’t step out of line and do everything we are told. We were all equals in the eyes of god but given statuses amongst each other, passing judgement over other peoples actions. If only, everyone would treat other with the respect that they deserved, would great success would be achieved. 


“I know, but it’s bad for the baby. I think they should at least have some sympathy in my case. Especially because it was their fault.”
 

Boa was pregnant when she first arrived here, with her lovers baby, but hadn’t found out until she found herself in the army’s clutches just weeks after I had arrived. She’d spent her last night with her lover, an army officer in North Korea, before the South  Korean soldiers captured both of them in the morning, finding solace in each other’s arms.

It was another example which proved that they didn’t care for our well-being, treated as though she wasn’t important among the rest of us. They had given no contemplation for their actions. No, they had done as they pleased without a thought of how it may affect others in the futures. Boa was planning to marry him at the time, but hadn’t seen him since she had arrived and assumed the worst had happened. It was sickening and disgusting. It was what life was in the camp.


“They could at least compensate what pain they have caused me in the last few months. I don’t even know how pregnant I am or when this baby will arrive. I haven’t even seen a doctor,” She dropped her head, pausing with the pain that the words she spoke brought her. “What will even happen to the baby here? I’m not going to let them murder her like they did to the others. It’s my baby!”

A tear pricked at the corner of her eye before it streamed along the length of her face. It was a familiar sight within the camp and I had grown use to what comforting these situations required. I understood the pain and hurt within her words for it was the same thought I had in the aftermath of Mei’s death. I understood what it was like to have grown attached to someone, only for them to leave before my eyes. I understood it all.

 
“You’re going to be fine. I’m sure none of us would let them hurt you or the baby,” I reassured her, squeezing her hand comfortingly as we attracted the attentions of the others who surrounded us. They sent reassuring glances and words in our direction but I wasn’t entirely sure if my words were true. I didn’t know the others well and I didn’t know how they would react in front of the soldiers equipped with weaponry. We could aspire to be better people but ours minds may think otherwise. 

 
My eyes averted to the food that had fallen from my hands, scurrying to lift them up and continue with work before I brought myself to the unnecessary attention of the soldiers. Due to previous experiences, I wanted to avoid it. And then I came to a sudden realisation that it was always me that they seemed to focus on as they searched for faults within us. I could only question why they had done so as I dragged my feet across the stained vinyl flooring of the room towards another who stirred the soup.

 
I briefly turned myself towards Boa, who had proceeded with her task, before my eyes shifted themselves to Sulli. Her head had been lowered so her face was not visible within my line of sight, avoiding the others and I could only question what had caused her peculiar behaviour. I understood that she hadn’t been particularly cheerful since Mei’s death but we hadn’t held a proper conversation in a long duration of time, the two of us had barely said anything since I had found her that day, that I didn’t really understand what emotions she may have suppressed within. 

 
I quickly strode towards her in curiosity as the voices of soldiers became audible in the distance. “Sulli, are you okay?” I pressed my hand against her back. She flinched at my touch, immediately raising her head before she dropped it knowing that it had only been me. 


“Of-of course I’m f-fine. Never better,” There was a hint of hesitation within her voice, a shaky quality, as she avoided my eyes, turning herself away from me until her face was barely visible between the strands of her hair.

 

“You don’t look fine,” I quickly responded, wrapping my fingers around her wrist as I tried to pull her to face me. She struggled within my grasp, locks of hair falling into her eyes as she reached to brush them away. 


“I said I’m fine! Why are you always trying to get involved in other people’s business, Victoria? I’m perfectly fine.” Her arm jolted to the right as she removed my hand. Her curled fist slammed upon the counter, the contents shaking due to the impact as some crashed to the ground. She twisted herself towards me, anger evident upon her face. There was a deep purple bruising around her eye, reaching down to her cheek, appearing both painful and harsh. And I understood why she had been acting so peculiar. “Is this what you wanted to see?”

 

“What happened?” I asked urgently, pressing the tips of my fingers upon the scar as she winced in pain. Sulli squeezed her eyes shut immediately at contact, as if she was pleading for me to stop. 

 
“I was walking through the camp last night, when we were supposed to be asleep, and one of the soldiers had caught me,” the tears threatened to fall from her eyes as I enclosed her within my embrace. “I told him I was unable to sleep and he said I was out of line and not following their rules. He decided to punish me and this was what had happened.” She began to sob, her tears staining my dress as the pain became unbearable.

I came to a realisation once she had returned to a peaceful state that it was always those who surrounded me that were in pain. None of the other girls happened to find themselves in the situations we had, the painful moments of death. Perhaps they had managed to hide it so well that it didn’t happen to surface. Or perhaps it was merely my presence that had brought pain upon those who surrounded me. I didn’t want to believe this was true. But it was. And if I didn’t want them to be hurt then I had to be isolated and ostracised from the rest of them to prevent it. 

…..

“Victoria.”

I was jolted awake by a hand on my shoulder, shaking me back and forth when the darkness had come upon us, just an hour after I had managed to leave the General’s chambers that night. My eyes struggled to open, the exhaustion heavy within them, and I lifted my hands, trying to rub the sleepiness and drowsiness away without disturbing anyone.

Once my vision had returned to me, I found a bush of dishevelled, dark hair and large owl-like eyes that stared into mine. His skin was pale, eyes drowsy with his own exhaustion as he stood before me within the darkness of the night. I’d seen him only a handful of times since he first found me that day I was fetching water, and each time, it only seemed like his condition was growing worse. I could tell he was finding it hard to adapt to the camp, and I knew that it wouldn’t be longer before he fell victim to some kind of disease.

“Jo Kwon?” I asked in disbelief, rubbing my eyes once more to make sure what I was seeing wasn’t an illusion, only to find that it was really him. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to come speak to you.” He dropped his voice into a hushed whisper as other women tossed and turned in their beds, the rustling of fabric loud against the silence of the night.

“At this time of night?”

His response did nothing but confuse me. If he had to speak to me, he could have found me during the day, when it would have been much safer for him to find me. I didn’t even know what he would have wanted to say to me, our last few conversations had merely lasted a few minutes and it was only to make sure we were both doing okay, to make sure we were both in a position we were going to survive and return back home.

“You know what the soldiers would do if they found me speaking to you in the middle of the day.” He was true in saying this, I assume it would have been much easier for them to find us both ‘slacking’ off work in the middle of the day. “I’m very sorry to have to disturb you in your sleep, but it was urgent.”

Urgent. The word did nothing but make me feel uneasy. It did nothing but make me think that he knew something, something about the world back home, outside this place. I wondered if his words mean that someone else we knew had ended up in this camp aswell, my memories returning to both Jia and Fei, who were both somewhere in the world outside, somewhere I didn’t know.

“What happened, Jo Kwon?”

I pulled the blanket from my body, the cold air rushing to my skin as I adjusted my clothes and sat up straight, before Jo Kwon moved himself over to sit next to me. My eyes scanned quickly over the room though I found no one else within my line of sight who would have been disturbed or able to overhear our conversation.

“I overheard some soldiers talking earlier, arrived fresh from the battlefield,” He started, holding his head down as he clasped his hands together in his lap. “They were from China.”

“They were talking about someone high ranking that had been killed, shot by an South  Korean soldier.” He paused, the words struggling out of his mouth as the realization dawned upon me. His urgency made complete sense to me.

“My father’s dead?” I asked, though I knew nothing else could have been the case.

My own father, Colonel Song, had been killed. He’d died out on the battlefields, with nothing but the clothes on his back and the weapons in his hands. I hadn’t known him very well, he was always busy with his army work that he was barely at the home that I shared predominantly with my mother. The pain of knowing that he was gone still managed to flow from my heart. He was my father and in the little time I had spent with him through my childhood to that point, I adored him, I loved him. The South  Korean soldiers were taking everything from me.

I didn’t even know what my mother would have been feeling at that moment, if she was even still alive. She’d loved my father since they were children, they’d grown up together and I knew that she would have been devastated, heartbroken. Although we hadn’t had a very good relationship with each other, I wanted to hold her in my arms as the sorrow dripped from our eyes until there were no more tears. They’d already lost me, and I didn’t want her to go through the pain of losing him too.

“I’m very sorry Victoria,” Jo Kwon apologized, his arms wrapping around me as the tears dripped from my eyes. I buried my face in his shoulder as he held me there, unmoving but reassuring.

…..


The day passed us, the seconds solemnly ticking away upon the clock until it read at 1:09 pm, the date unknown to us. We had managed to complete the majority of our work but were not given the freedom to do as we chose until hours later. The energy that had once existed within me was no longer there, escaping as I moved around the room in search of another task that could keep me occupied. 
 

“You better find something to do,” Ami said urgently as she passed by me, mumbling the words. “There’s a soldier out there and if he comes in and sees you not going anything you’ll be in trouble.” 


I nodded in understanding though no worry or fear ran through my veins. Perhaps it was my status as the General’s toy that had changed me in this way. The mere fact that as long as he required my company I was safe was enough to keep me in a state of calmness. I paced myself towards Boa as an exasperated sigh slipped out of her lips, drowsily closing her eyes. She raised my head just as she had noticed my presence, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips before she switched her eyes downwards, watching the vinyl floor below. 

 

“I was just wondering where you had gone,” her face was ghastly pale, as if all colour had been drained from her skin. Sickly. The hollowness and darkness of her eyes was clearly evident, contrasting against the white of her cheeks. She looked so frail and delicate, as if she could shatter into pieces at the slightest touch. “The day’s been going by so slowly. I don’t think I can stand another few hours.”

 
“Neither could I,” I slowly spoke after a moment’s silence, “Are you okay? You don’t look too well.” 

 
“I’m fine.” There was a hint of uncertainty in her voice and a peculiar tone that was unfamiliar to my ears.

Boa lifted her hand and placed it upon the bump before her. Her eyes were squeezed shut, clenching her free hand into a fist as I watched her from the corner of my eyes. She wrinkled her face in what appeared as disgust or pain, before a strained wince echoed around us. The attention of the others was suddenly brought upon us, slowly crowding around in worry and anxiety of the situation. 


“You better sit down. You don’t look too well at the moment,” One of the other girls announced, resting their hand upon her shoulders as she slowly lowered upon the stool. 


The pace of her breathing had heavily increased, beads of sweat hanging upon her temples as she watched us through frightened eyes. We couldn’t understand what was happening and she didn’t appear to be responding to our questions, fear evident upon her face as a single tear sat frozen upon her cheek. Work was ignored, left behind as nausea came over her. 

 
An almost silent trickle became evident in what seemed the distance. I turned myself towards the window and glanced outwards to find no existence of rain around us, clear blue skies above while a pool of liquid sat at Boa’s feet. And as the realisation came over us, eyes widening in shock as no words could be said. My hand clasped over my mouth as Sulli appeared by my side, slowly pacing myself backwards in fear. I was scared for her. I was scared for myself. I was scared for the others who may have been brought punishment for not completing the tasks. But most importantly I was scared for the baby who would not have been able to last in our hostile environment. 

 
“You’re having a baby!” Hyoyeon shrieked. “You’re having a baby right now! In a kitchen!” she seemed almost hysterical, walking back and forth in a crazed state as a gush of wind blew towards us from her endless actions.

 
“Shh, you can’t let the soldiers hear us. Everything’s going to be okay. Now, does anyone know what we have to do?” Sulli asked urgently, scanning her eyes over our faces as she placed her hand upon Hyoyeon’s shoulder. Our faces went blank at the sound of her question as not a word was spoken from Boa’s lips. “Seriously? Not one of you knows what to do when someone is in labour?” Sulli directed her hand towards Boa as an example. 

 
“Well, shouldn’t labour take hours? We have plenty of time to figure something out,” Ami answered as I faded into the crowd of girls. 

 
Everything was happening too fast; I needed time to get my thoughts straight as the moment grew more intense. What if the soldiers caught us in the act? What if they tried to harm the baby? For all we knew, we didn’t know what to expect as the seconds slowed and each moment lasted an eternity. Boa raised her head and watched our actions in confusion, nausea sitting in the pit of her stomach as the intensity of her worries grew increasingly in size.


“I’ve been having contractions since early morning,” Boa finally spoke after a few dazed moments, “I tried to ignore them bu-but they hurt so much.” Her hand pressed her bump once again, a tear running down the length of her face. It was these words that had brought us to a state that we were no longer able to do anything, words frozen, bodies frozen. It was definitely why we could see no pregnant women around us - for that very reason. It was unsafe for them in the camp. Their lives were put in stake due to a lack of healthcare around us. Giving birth could be fatal.


“We’re going to need boiled water, towels…erm, sterile scissors and whatever else you think we may need,” someone shrieked from the backdrop, moving closer to the front of our group in authority as though she understood what had to be done. “I can barely remember what happened when my nephew was born but that’s all we have to go along with right now.” 


We cleared ourselves from her path and ran off in different directions in search of what we may have required. Our trust was upon her shoulders as she knelt by Boa’s side, slowly inhaling and exhaling as a demonstration for what had to be done. And it was with her words that the tasks escaped from our minds, ignored as a greater task fell upon us.


…..


The intense cry ran through the air of the room, echoing into the distance as it disturbed our ears. Excruciating pain was evident within her voice as we surrounded her on all sides, joining as a force that could combat what actions the soldiers may have brought upon us. They had been invisible and far from view in the two hours of labour that we had experienced but we could somewhat sense that they questioned the lack of movement within our area and would appear when it could have been least expected.

There was a feeling within me that wasn’t willing to let any of the other girls take what blame they could force upon us, knowing that I was the only one who would not be sentenced to death because their rules hadn’t been followed. And although I couldn’t have endured the General’s ual advances, I realised it was a better path than to watch as the others could have been killed, even if they didn’t care about me.


I glanced at Sulli from the corner of my eye, sending her a questioningly look as her eyes squeezed shut, unable to watch any longer as she rotated until she faced the opposites direction. A suffocating heat surrounded us, perspiration hanging loosely upon my skin as my nose wrinkled at the sight of blood before us. The vile stench wafted through the air until it filled my nostrils unpleasantly, the sound of footsteps audible in the distance, slowly growing louder. 


“I can’t do this!” Boa cried, tears colliding with the beads of sweat that hung upon her cheeks. She slowly lowered her back, her body no longer capable of holding her up. 

 
“You can! The baby is almost here!” the harsh shriek of Ami almost forced Boa to comply with her instructions. “Just push!”


I crouched down by their side, avoiding the pool of warm liquid that had swept across the ground around them. It was a somewhat unpleasant sight but it was what was to come from it that would be beautiful. I rummaged through the pile of towels that we had managed to equip ourselves with as Boa tightly clutched onto my free hand, squeezing it within her grip as the pain became unbearable to withstand. Brushing the tears away from her face with a clean towel, I hesitated to say anything, the words unable to be spoken as if I couldn’t offer any advice in the midst of the event. 


“Come on Boa,” I managed to say, my lips slightly parted as I brushed the strands of dark hair from her face. “The baby is almost here. I can see the crown of its head,” I squeezed her shoulder, a reassuring smile curling at my lips as we encouraged her to continue. 


Boa squeezed her eyes tightly closed, an exasperated scream clearly audible around us as the room dropped into a state of silence. I waited patiently for what was to happen next, clenching my teeth in anticipation as her hand forcefully tightened around mine, restricting the blood from entering my veins. And in time, we were greeted by the relieving wail of a baby, my eyes slowly opening to find the greatest gift that god could have ever given a woman. It would have been false to say that the sight was not beautiful, what I had first anticipated through the painful shrieks and cries. 


But what I hadn’t exactly anticipated also occurred before us.

A group of them barged through the doors, weapons clearly in sight as they held them before us tauntingly. Their faces were too familiar, the ones of those who had found faults within my work in the past, the ones who had caused General Nichkhun to treat me in that disgusting manner. It could have been said that the thought had existed within the General’s mind in the past, it was their words that had caused his plan to surface. And I couldn’t forget that moment, no matter how much I had tried. 


“Well, well, what is going on here?” They scanned their eyes over the vast group of us, eyes widening in shock at the sight before them.

Boa encased the baby within her arms as they shifted their weight around the kitchen, holding us hostage within the circle they had created. A laugh escaped their lips as they watched the fear upon our faces, the distress and the fright. It was a sight that they enjoyed, the evident fright and increased breathing. It was a sight that they wanted to see, proving that they had power over the rest of us. It was what they had been taught to enjoy by the army.

“You haven’t been doing your work for this? A damn baby!” one shouted, breaking me from my trance as our bodies shook vigorously in fear. “Well! Are any of you going to answer me or not?” 


Their presence was intimidating to say the least and I too feared what was to come next as a punishment. Tension hung in the air of the room, their dark orbs showing no mercy upon us. And I began to ponder whether my words of the evening before had been enough to change the General’s opinion of me. Whether he could have chosen another toy who would agree with his orders. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to know the answer to that question. 


“I’m going to enjoy watching you useless parasites die,” the soldier waved the gun through the air, tauntingly directing it upon one of us as his fingers inched towards the trigger. “Oh, look who it is - Bucket girl. I hope you got what you deserved after ruining dinner that night. I didn’t think you would try to get yourself into more trouble but I suppose you are ‘capable enough to handle it’. If I could, I would have finished you off that night.” He raised his hand, gesturing a slit across the throat. 

 

Venom seeped from my eyes as the words entered my ears, wishing for the opportunity to bring him to the pain that he had caused for me. His face inched closer to mine until we were mere inches apart. He reeled back in distaste as I spat distastefully upon his face, wiping the moist saliva from his cheek as he watched me through unbelieving eyes. 


“You !” his hand whipped across my face. My eyes were wide in shock, the tips of my fingers gently brushing against the burning sensation of my cheek. Not another word was spoken between soldier and prisoner. I didn’t dare make another action that could have infuriated them, my head slowly lifting to briefly meet the eyes of the one I hadn’t expected as he entered the room. 


“What’s going on in here?” He asked in curiosity, scanning his eyes over the figures before his eyes and the pool of blood that lay upon the floor and newborn baby in the arms of its mother. Nichkhun’s eyebrow rose questioningly as he turned to the soldier at his left in need of an answer. 


“None of these prisoners have been completing their tasks in order to deliver the baby,” his head nodded immediately at the brief answer. His face was blank, processing what information he had been given with the sights before him as he directed his line of vision upon the bundle in Boa’s arms. I couldn’t anticipate what his response may have been, waiting eagerly in the hope that we would be treated with an exception due to our situation. 

 
“I’ll be happy to finish them off for you, sir. Every last one of them,” The soldier from earlier announced, patting his hand on Nichkhun’s back reassuringly. Nichkhun shot him a questioning, confused glare as a smirk curved at the corner of the soldier’s lips. 


“That won’t be needed,” he replied almost immediately, shifting his dark orbs upon the group of us. The smile was wiped away from the soldiers’ face. “You get away with it this time but don’t think that you can create these issues without any penalties. You have to complete an extra two hours every day until I think you’ve made up for the damage you caused today. Now, clean up this mess immediately!”


With these words, the crowd of them disappeared, no longer visible within our line of sight. The General’s sympathy had returned briefly but it was the mixture of sympathetic and callous actions that brought me to confusion about what he truly felt towards us. He decided to change his opinions in different situations, which was clearly evident. But I needed to know why. Why couldn’t he properly decide how he felt about us? Why?


…..


His head was lowered, eyes skimming hastily through a stack of papers within his hands as if he hadn’t yet noticed my presence. I pushed the door from my path as I entered, slowly lifting my feet from the ground as I moved forward. The floorboards creaked as I stepped upon them, unsure if I should have travelled closer or freeze in my steps. I no longer could have expected what he was going to do with me, whether he want to make a ual advance upon me or merely want to share a conversation. I didn’t know and I didn’t want to know. 

He directed his dark orbs upon me as the floors creaked once more, raising his eyebrow in curiosity as he realised what time it was. Nichkhun didn’t speak a single word, they were all hidden within him, as he lifted himself from the bed. He travelled across the room, rummaging through his pockets in search of a particular item as he paused before me. “His nails dug into your skin when he slapped you. This should stop it from getting infected.” 
 

The General placed the object into my hands as I directed my eyes upon it. A herbal cream to heal the bruising. He was doing it once again - being sympathetic - and I didn’t know whether I should have accepted his act of kindness. But I knew I couldn’t let him use these mind games upon me any longer.


“Why are you doing this?” I asked curiously, sweeping the tips of my fingers over the object within my grip. He slowly lifted his head, watching me through his dark orbs questioningly.


“Why am I doing what?”

 
“You know exactly what Nichkhun. You are trying to help me again so you can try to bring me to like you before you pounce on me again,” I immediately responded, infuriation evident within my eyes. “Explain why you comforted me after Mei died, why you ensured that I was fed, that I was safe after I fainted!”


“I did that because you’re my toy. You’ll die here, I’ve told you endless times. Be grateful for what I’ve given you,” he finally answered my first question, the coldness of his dark orbs burning through me. “Everyone else around here would accept these things, Victoria. They would die to have the same treatment that I give you, the same sympathy.” Tension sat between us, drifting through the air of the room as we stood before each other, feet apart. 


“Well, did you ever think that I wanted to die?” I shouted, a hint of anger and questioning within my words. “I didn’t want to be your toy, Nichkhun. You forced me into this. And now all I can do is wish that you’ll just kill me because I just can’t survive this treatment anymore.” 
 

His eyes widened at the sound of my words, shifting his weight forward by a couple of inches. I raised the object within my firm grip until it was clear in his line of sight, throwing it against the ground with great force to demonstrate how I felt about his acts of ‘kindness’. He watched in surprise, a gush of artic air washing over us from the half-open window across the room. A shiver ran along the length of my spine as my eyes met the infuriation of his dark orbs. Nichkhun was close enough that the scent of his cologne lingered in the air around me, filling my nostrils. 


“I’d rather die than spend a second longer with you, you bastard,” I broke the awkward silence between us. “Why would you force me to this torture than kill me? Did you want me to become like this? For me to want to kill myself?” 

“Stop being so rash!” He replied, his anger rising in his voice, “Just take the cream and go.”

“Your army have done nothing but hurt me!” I shouted, letting all of my pain and anger towards him escape from between my lips. “First you take me away from my family, bring me here and now, you’ve killed my father! What next, are you going to kill my mother too?”

I tried to hold the tears back, forcing them from dripping down my cheeks. I didn’t want him to know how much pain he was causing me, how his actions were affecting me, how broken I was inside. It would do nothing but bring him joy, he enjoyed my pain -  that was the only reason why he hurt me so much.