Chapter 1

The Dreamer

 

I once thought that I would live an amazing life full of adventure. I would live a life of wonder. I once dreamed that I would travel the world, see new things, meet new people that I would grow attached to. I dreamt that I would fall in love with a Prince who would sweep me off my feet like they did in fairytales and we would ride off into the sunset on a majestic white horse. My dreams, however, were to be short-lived with parents like mine. Nothing that I dreamed was to be expected when I was living in China, just as the new leader had come into power. Women weren't expected to have dreams. They didn't have to have dreams - our futures were already set in place. 

Who would have ever thought that young Victoria Song's dreams would ever come true? I most surely did not. But fate and destiny seemed to play out in such strange, wondrous ways and my dreams would come true one day. Not to the exact detail, and not in the exact way I would have hoped, but they came true, alright. Almost all of my dreams came true.

It started off as a beautiful day, a day so beautiful that it was like God had decided to postpone Autumn for just a while longer, and it was more than perfect for that afternoon. A fervent sun blazed in the sky, no clouds visible in my line of sight - unexpected weather for the remaining days of September. There were leaves drifting through the lukewarm air like birds as they nested themselves in my hair. I fussed with the violin case in my grip as I lifted my hand to brush them out of my tousled locks. (My mother would have killed me if she had seen me in such a 'messy and unkempt' state. I couldn't find a husband looking like that, as per her words.) I felt a sudden burst of warmth travel across my skin as I watched them scatter across the path, crunching under my feet as our trio passed through, and I could faintly sense the scent of dumplings infused in the air. My nose tingled and my stomach grumbled in hunger while I passively noticed Fei and Jia giggling over something that Fei had relayed to the both of us in my brief moment of distraction.  

 

 

I’d just endured a 2 hour long violin lesson with Master Wong, courtesy of my mother, and a break was highly needed and deserved. Master Wong was most definately the source of all of my problems in the world and there was no way I could withstand another lesson with the man. He was once a musical prodigy, I had heard from my mother, who had once travelled the world with an orchestra that had only contained the best musicians the world had ever seen and would only play in the biggest and best arenas in the world for the most important of people from royals to politicians, actors to Lords. Perhaps he may have been like that once but those times had passed and he was now a 50 year old teacher to future violin prodigies. He had been my mother's teacher and she too could have been like he had, a succesful musician, but my grandfather had never allowed her, and instead of travelling country to country, she had been married to my father at the mere age of 19. She decided her daughter would be the best person to ever exceed her excellence, her daughter could be the only one who could carry on the dreams that she once had.

 

 

I couldn't tell her that there was no hope for me in the profession and even Ebisu sensei would have been unable to tell her. She would have been too heartbroken if word had ever reached her ears that her daughter was unable to live the life she had once wished for herself. I couldn't play a single piece without making a mistake and mistakes were something that were completely unwanted. What use was there of playing a piece of music if it couldn't be played in perfection? And I didn't know if that was my fault or Master Wong's. His presence had such a high element of distraction in it. His loud bellowing voice constantly roared and yelled instructions at me. There was an intimidating and angry quality within his eyes every moment I played as if he was trying to say, ‘I’m so much better than you’. I didn't understand how my mother had enjoyed playing in his presence. I, most certainly, could not, and I couldn't ever.

 

 

“Miss Kahi is furious that you haven’t been coming to class lately. She said if you don’t come to her next dance lesson, she will hunt you down,” Fei said urgently, a hint of sarcasm within her voice. 

 

 

She glanced at her bag from the corner of her eye before pulling it closer to her and rummaging through the layers of fabric and various items in search of something particular. She sighed in relief as she pulled it out and urgently shoved the sheet of paper into my firm grasp as I scanned over the contents. The adamant tone of our teacher’s words emphasised her anger at my sudden disappearance from attending her weekly classes. It couldn't have been helped or resolved however, no matter how much I wouldn't have liked to have admitted it.

 

 

“I’ll try but you know how my mother is. She wants me to play the violin just like she did and find someone to marry before it’s too late,” I sighed.

 

 

My mother would have rather that I played that damned instrument with Ebisu sensei as my instructor than to have ever allowed me to dance in Miss Kahi's class. She had been furious when she had first heard from a friend of hers that I had been spotted in the class while I had abandoned my lesson with Ebisu sensei. I didn't know if it was because she wanted me to follow in her footsteps and go further than she ever had or if it was due to the fact that she had a severe dislike towards Miss Kahi because she was a foreigner from Korea who had married a politician's son. I presumed it was both. And for that very reason, I could never go back to the class, whether I wanted to or not. Nobody cared what I wanted. I had to do what my parents had decided for me, that was how things worked in my world.

 

 

We continued through the streets of our small town, engaged in deep conversation of current points of interest and events occurring within the community, as our homes loomed closer and closer with each step that we took. I could do nothing but enjoy the little time I was able to spend with the girls, time that I couldn't take for granted. Those moments that we would spend walking back from the Arts Centre in town was the little freedom that I ever had. The rest of my day was kept in captivity, my family holding me prisoner in our home because it was unacceptable for a woman to roam the streets 'unattended'.  I could do nothing but to trust their judgement and hope that it was the best for me, even if I thought otherwise. 

 

 

This line of thought was wiped from my mind as panting became audible in the distance, my head turning curiously towards the sound as it grew louder and the source drew closer.

 

 

“Sounds like your lover is here. Shall we leave you two alone?” Jia asked mockingly. I froze in my steps, eyes widening as I rotated in the opposite direction.  Jo Kwon came into view, running over to us as the bag on his shoulder swung from side to side from a distance. I turned back to meet her eyes as I tried to plead with her to make her stay.

 

 

Our mothers were close friends, somewhat distant cousins as our  maternal grandmothers were related, and Jo Kwon's mother always seemed to have brought him along with her when she decided to pay my mother a visit every second day. It had become a routine for them to come and sit in the parlour of our vast home or vice-versa, and while our mother's conversed and laughed over cups of tea and cakes, I was left to 'entertain' Jo Kwon. We were forced to become friends, which he enjoyed more than I did, and eventually lead almost everyone in town to believe that we were betrothed to each other, to my distaste. Yes, Jo Kwon may have been a nice boy, but I didn't feel anything like that towards him - I had no romantic interest in him and I wasn't worth the time to be pursued by any man. His aim could have been directed elsewhere, to someone who would have actually given him the time of day.

 

 

“Victoria … it’s good that…you’re here. I-I had… I had to ask you something,” he panted as he reached my side, his words replaced by airy breaths. Crouching down, he pressed his hand against the cool gravel beneath our feet as he tried to recapture the oxygen into his lungs. The bag, which I assumed contained his schoolwork,  slid down from his shoulder and came crashing down to his feet as the contents spilled out onto the cold ground. I heaved a sigh of frustration, rushing to his side as I scooped them into my hands and placed them back inside.

 

 

“Victoria, we need to go or my mother will be mad that I came home late." They lived close by each other and would be taking the same path.   "We'll see you at the dance class tomorrow, right?” Fei immediately created an excuse, running her fingers through her hair as the strands were pulled from her face. That was if my mother could be convinced to allow me, and she wasn't one who could be easily convinced to change her mind. I nodded in response anyway, returning my gaze to Jo Kwon, who had lifted himself from the ground, as he watched me with frightened eyes. 

 

 

I turned to him, trying to soften my features, and asked him in curiosity, “So what was it that you wanted to ask me?”. His bright spheres widened and he looked at me strangely as waves of nausea and uneasiness washed over me. The sickness sat in the pit of my stomach.

 

 

“I wanted to know if I could you to the dance at my school tomorrow if no one else has asked you yet,” he mumbled, his voice almost inaudible, that I struggled to understand what he had initially spoken. It took a few moments to understand his words and finally realise the invitation.

 

 

The yearly Summer Ball at the all boys school was the biggest social event in China. The school, which hosted the sons of the most affluent of people, from politicians to army Generals, pulled out all the stops to ensure the night was a success for the boys who were likely to be leaving China in the fall and go to university abroad. The dance was invitation only, the invitation in the form of being invited by one of the students to act as their date for the evening.  Despite being 19, I’d never been asked, though I had always wanted to, but according to the others, it was a magical experience.  I always thought I would have been able to meet my fairytale prince there.

 

 

“I don’t know if my mother would let me,” I responded, glancing down at my feet -  though this was utterly and completely a lie. 

 

 

Mother had first met father there, their eyes meeting as they passed each other in the ballroom. She would have been overcome with joy if news had arrived that I had been invited. Yet, I didn’t feel it was in my place to go. I didn't feel like I could go there with Jo Kwon as if we were a couple and act like I was delighted to be there with him. I didn't feel like I could go there and act out a lie while Jo Kwon would think that I felt the same way that he did. Yes, it wasn't in my place to go. He deserved to be there with someone that actually wanted to be his date, not just his closest friend.  

 

 

Jo Kwon was staring at me, his eyes pleading with mine as if he was subliminaly trying to convince me to say yes. He hung his head down in embarrassment as he noticed the boredom in my face, the uninterested approach to his question. As he’d moved to China only a few months ago, it was going to be his first summer dance. He didn't know many of the other girls yet and he obviously didn't want to go to his first ball alone. And as his friend, I wanted him to enjoy his evening, not spend it in envy of everyone else who had someone to spend it with.

 

 

“I’d be honoured to go with you,” I replied, feeling somewhat guilty towards him and myself, as he raised his head in surprise. 

 

 

“Really? Thank you so much. I need to go get ready," He glanced down at his clothes before his eyes returned to meet mine, "I can’t believe I’m going to the Summer Ball with the most beautiful girl in town!” he shouted in excitement. A ghost of a smile lingered across my lips, as he quickly sped off home,  jumping in joy and leaping into the air in happiness.

 

…

 

 

“You look really beautiful tonight Victoria,” Jo Kwon exclaimed in fascination, his eyes scanning leisurely over the features of my face and my attire for the evening. 

 

 

My mother had requested that I looked my best for the formal event that evening. She had the maids secure my hair into a tight bun on top of my head, even if it meant tearing the hair out from the root as I sat back and tried to withstand the pain, with soft curls framing my face. They painted my lips with a luscious crimson and accentuated the shape of my eyes with a thick liner. My silk kimono, that my mother found in the back of my wardrobe whilst trying to find the perfect outfit, hung from my body like a second skin as the array of bright colours glistened under the diamonds of the chandeliers.

 

 

“Thank you,” I replied, gazing at the venue in awe.

 

 

Beautifully designed paper lanterns infused with red and orange colours hung from the ceiling as intricately detailed flower vases sat on the vast tables as groups sat around them and conversed and laughed happily the excitement evident on their faces. The diamonds of the chandeliers glittered under the influence of the bright light as the dance floor  below them occupied by the youth of our town while they swayed from side to side in time with the orchestra. There were so many people that I didn't believe that they all lived in our town, knowing that it was impossible for so many people to live there when I had never seen so many around when I passed through during violin lessons. Perhaps it was because I had never had the chance to join them or find the time to meet with them. 

 

 

Music lingered in the backdrop of the ballroom, the faint voice of a woman singing in a line of falsetto notes becoming audible under the accompaniment of the orchestra. I spotted a few familiar faces around me, girls sending me questioning looks as I linked arms with Jo Kwon and walked  into the crowd. Their eyes burned holes through my body, creating a feeling of discomfort within me, nausea sitting in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly began to regret coming. I knew that I didn’t fit in with the other crowds of girls; I wasn’t feminine enough to be around them, staying close with my own group because I was afraid of how they would treat me. It felt as though I was trespassing into their territory. 

 

 

“Are you okay, Victoria?” Jo Kwon leaned his head down, his lips close to my ear, as he suddenly noticed the change of behaviour within me. He directed his eyes along the same route as mine, focussed them for a few moments, before nodding his head in realisation as he suddenly understood what was going on. “Don’t pay attention to them. Those girls don’t matter.” 

 

 

He seemed so confident and cool, as if he was immune to what everyone around us were thinking, immune to their harsh, critical thoughts. Everyone worried about what people would think about them, which was why everyone always seemed to try too hard to please each other, but it was as if Jo Kwon didn't care about what they were thinking. It was as if he only cared about what he was thinking, like he could ignore the looks that people would give him, ignore their burning stares as if they didn't exist. He only looked at me, looked at me as if I was the only person that was important. 

 

 

It was a side of him that I had never had the chance to see. Jo Kwon had always seemed so weak in front of others, lacking the confidence that I had always thought my future prince would need. He seemed so much stronger as he dispersed their fleeting gazes and venomous words, and it was like he had managed to change in the brief period between our meeting the day earlier and the dance that night. For the first time, I finally realised how attractive he really was, how much he was like the prince that I had always dreamed of meeting, and my heart fluttered as my eyes glued onto him and followed every movement that he made in awe and fascination.

 

 

He cautiously stepped towards me, exhaling a cool breath as he outstretched his hand and gestured for me to follow. For a brief moment, I didn’t know how to react, my eyes switching back and forth between him and the girls who were whispering fiercely amongst themselves, occasionally directing their eyes upon me. I took a single step forward, placing my hand within his as the heat of his palm transferred into my skin. My head slowly lifted to meet his cool, understanding eyes as he pressed his free hand against my back and took the leading role in our dance. And I let him take me into a world where he was the prince that I had always been searching for.