Months started to merge together after that night. July became August faster than I wanted to, and September was soon facing me head-on. School would be starting soon, and I really didn’t want to go off to college so soon. It meant saying goodbye to my boys and the incredible life I’ve had with them for a few short months. Work got a lot harder; many students were dropping by the bookstore, demanding textbooks of all shapes and sizes.

Yoochun dropped by every once in a while, whenever Jaejoong came to visit me. I scolded him on many occasions, all including times when he thought it’d be funny as all hell to mess with people’s mental states. My manager was under the impression that we were the ones responsible, so I thereby banished him from the store.

He just laughed and said he had fun while it lasted.

The rain was slamming against the windows hard one night. If I wasn’t so damn exhausted from working, I would have walked across the room to play some music on my computer. But I was feeling really lazy. I didn’t want to move. Junsu was humming softly to himself, trying to drown out the noise. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. That was the noise the stupid rain was making, tapping against the glass. Tap, tap, tap. Oh, I just wanted it to stop. I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head, yearning for sleep.

It seemed like two seconds had passed before the meadow was in front of my eyes, but I had to blink and shake my head a few times before I finally accepted it was the meadow. Did whatever happen in the outside world have effect on my dreams? The grass was very squishy with wetness, and the sky seemed angry. Purple clouds loomed ominously overhead. Junsu motioned for me to join him under a large oak tree, where we would be safe if a thunderstorm broke out. “Is the rain bothering you?” he asked quietly.

“I guess so,” I sighed. “It’s just so annoying to have to fall asleep to that!”

“Are you angry? Maybe that’s why it’s raining here.”

“Well, it’s that, or the rain in the real world is bugging the crap out of me.”

He poked himself in the chest. “Come here so I can make you happy.”

“Was that supposed to be a dirty joke or something?”

“Nope. I’m always warm and fluffy. I make everyone happy.” He reached out his hand. “Come here, Erin.”

I took a step forward, but Junsu disappeared. So did the dreary meadow and the cloudy skies. “What the…?” I whirled around, finding myself back in the apartment, only it didn’t look like mine. It looked more like that of a bachelor’s. Clothes covered every surface, a giant screen TV took up half the tiny living room, and the furniture mismatched. A pair of boxers strewn over the arm of the sofa proved I was right. “What is this?”

“Mmm…” A young guy walked out of the bedroom, dressed in pajama bottoms and a white muscle shirt.

“Yoochun!” I cried out in relief. He didn’t turn to acknowledge me; instead he kept walking towards the kitchen, his gaze intent on the fridge. Why wasn’t he looking at me? I started jumping up and down, shouting his name. “Hey, Yoochun! Over here, you idiot! Look over here!” I ran over and waved my hands in his face, but he was either ignoring me, or he…didn’t see me. No, he had to see me. “Yoochun! Freaking look at me!” He turned around and started walking back to the bedroom.

Junsu popped his head out, halfway dressed. “Hyung, you said you wouldn’t get up for another midnight snack!” he protested.

Yoochun just shrugged. “I was hungry. Shut up.”

Ghosts don’t eat, a nagging little voice in the back of my mind stated clearly. They don’t feel hungry ever. They certainly don’t change clothes all that often, either.

Junsu and Yoochun never wore pajamas around me. They were always dressed in the same damn clothes: jeans and a t-shirt for the both of them. “You guys, look at me,” I begged, frustrated that they were ignoring me. All the same, the little voice wouldn’t shut up. Junsu would never ignore me. He aimed to please me.

A knock on the door made them both whip their heads around. Neither moved to answer it; they just stared dumbfounded at the door. A second knock made Yoochun look at Junsu. His eyes were full of concern with a hint of fear. When the knocking became banging, he started shoving on Junsu’s chest. “Go. Hide,” he said urgently. “Run.”

“What? No, I’m not going to leave you!”

“Hide,” he whispered frantically. “I don’t care what they do to me, but they’re not going to lay a hand on you. Run!” The door was finally kicked down, and I let out a piercing scream. Three men rushed inside. “RUN, JUNSU!” Yoochun pushed him back inside the bedroom, slamming the door shut. The men grabbed him and threw him to the floor, but Yoochun fought back, kicking one in the shins. Junsu ran back out, trying to help him. He punched one man in the face, knocking him aside. “Police!” Yoochun yelled. “Call the police—agh!” A guy kicked him in the face.

My hands uncovered my mouth, and I screamed as loud as I could. “NO! RUN! JUNSU, YOOCHUN, GET OUT OF HERE!” What could I do to help?! They couldn’t get hurt! I had to help somehow! I tried picking up an empty beer bottle, but my hand went right through it. Goddamn it, why couldn’t I help them?! It struck me then, and time seemed to stop for a second.

Was I watching their last moments?

Then two of the men managed to take hold of Yoochun—by his hair—and drag him into the bed, kicking and bellowing for Junsu to run. He tried to make a mad dash for the door, but the remaining guy dove at his legs, knocking him down. Grabbing his hair, he dragged him along the floor, heading to the bedroom. Junsu was easily overpowered by him as the man stood him up and forcefully held him up. He struggled in his arms, but Junsu couldn’t budge.

To my utter horror, the man withdrew a knife and held it at his throat. “Make one more move, Junior,” he snarled. “I dare you.”

Yoochun roared, landing a kick in one man’s stomach. “LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE! YOU DON’T WANT HIM, YOU WANT ME!” He angrily fought them back, but the two men were just too strong. Being held at knifepoint did not sit well with Junsu; he stomped his foot on the man’s toes, causing him to howl in pain. The knife briefly met his cheek, leaving a large gash, but Junsu didn’t feel the pain. He was already heading for Yoochun. The knife man swung at his legs, knocking him down a second time. He grabbed a fistful of Junsu’s hair and yanked him up.

As that struggle went on, I turned my gaze back to Yoochun. They had managed to get him down on the floor, spitting blood out from his mouth. His nose was broken, and large red spots were appearing on his face. He struggled to stand up, and I saw a dark object being pulled from the bigger guy’s coat pocket.

“NO!” I screamed, but it was a few years too late. The gun rested on Yoochun’s forehead for a second before a loud pop filled the room. Junsu and his attacker were momentarily stunned as the once-handsome man fell back onto the floor, a round gaping hole in the middle of his head. His eyes were wide open with horror and disbelief. I turned my head away, sobbing uncontrollably.

A split second passed before Junsu bellowed, “YOOCHUN!” He swung at his attacker, firmly knocking him aside. Anger and rage steamed from him, his face salty wet from all the tears. The man with the gun did a quick left hook and knocked him onto the bed. The other man held down his hands as the gun guy (probably the leader) started ripping off Junsu’s clothes. He screamed and hollered, his arms attempting to swat them away.

Junsu…oh, Junsu, how can I watch?

“Stop kicking!” one of them growled. I couldn’t figure out whom.

“Kill me!” he begged. “Just kill me now!”

“And let your precious body go to waste? Uh-uh. Lenny, tie him down.” His words were quiet, followed by a snicker. “Your buddy here is to blame for what we’re going to do to you. Innocence is ignorance, but ignorance isn’t an excuse.”

“NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! YOOCHUN!”

There was no use calling for that name. Yoochun would never come to help him.

“YOOCHUN! YOOCHUN!” It rose to a scream as they did whatever they were doing to him. I defiantly held my face away. I could feel the memory tug on me, trying to get me to see what they were doing, but I fought it. I did not want to see anything anymore. “HELP ME! SOMEONE, HELP!” He stopped saying actual words and just kept screaming. A loud sob wrenched from my chest at every scream and every cry that came from him. I knew what they were doing, but I didn’t want to watch. I couldn’t bring myself to watch his final moments.

All three of them hurt him. It surprised them that he was still alive after being so many times. Once they were done, they saw no need to kill him. They had come to take away their enemies’ son, and they had done so. Park Yoochun was no more. Junsu lay on the bed, silently crying from the pain and misery. Still I didn’t look. Why would I want to see him lying like that, broken and dying on the bed?

A commotion was heard out in the main room. The landlord, Ohtsugi, stumbled into the room. His eyes grew large as he took in the dying boy on the bed. “Junsu…” Then they moved down to the floor. “Oh, no. Yoochun…” He looked back up. “Who did this?! Stay right here, I’ll call the police!”

“Wait,” Junsu muttered feebly. “Please, wait.”

“What?! Do you know who did this to you?!”

I held my breath. I knew what was coming. I remembered this particular nightmarish story.

“…Kill me. Please, kill me. It hurts so much…the pain…it hurts…”

“I can’t do that!” Mr. Ohtsugi exclaimed.

“Yes, you can,” he argued weakly. “End my pain…please, make it go away…”

Junsu. Junsu. Oh, Junsu. My Junsu. My dear, sweet Junsu…

Mr. Ohtsugi didn’t speak another word. I heard a shuffling, then a click, followed by another loud pop. He withdrew his breath, and I clenched my eyes shut, despite not looking in the same direction. I heard him leave the room, and the kitchen cabinets creaked from being opened. He was wiping his fingerprints, I guessed, making sure the other culprits were found but he wasn’t a suspect.

Junsu’s heavy breathing had been silenced forever.

I picked my head up and was blinded by a brilliant white light. I was no longer in the memory, but I sure as hell wasn’t back in the meadow. Where was I now? There was nothing here. Nothing. Just lots of white and white and white, forever extending. There was no horizon, no possible ending to the white. It was blank and…white. I looked down at my hands. I was still there. They were pale and clammy, probably from witnessing what I had just witnessed.

Someone laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Sorry for making you see that.”

When I turned around slowly, Changmin just smiled down at me. “Minnie,” I whispered, covering my mouth with my hand. “It’s you. You’re the one that made me watch that.” Tears started falling from my eyes unexplainably. The only good reason I can think of why they started again was because…

He was so beautiful.

“I really am sorry, but it was something I had to do.”

“But…how? Why?”

Changmin put his hands behind his back and stared off into nothingness. “Kim Junsu and Park Yoochun died on the twenty-second day of June in the year two-thousand seven. Both were in their twenties. Their funerals were held a day apart due to the investigation surrounding Junsu’s death. They weren’t sure if someone else had murdered him other than the people who’d killed Yoochun, but it closed, and the suspects were charged with second degree murder and sentenced to fifty years in prison.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to know. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you have to know.”

“No, I don’t have to know!” I cried out. “I just watched the love of my life and my friend murdered before my eyes! Pardon me if I seem a little unruly at the moment!”

“You’re reacting reasonably. I expected this.”

“Who are you to tell me what is ‘reasonable’?! I want some answers, damn it!”

He fixed me with an intense stare. I shut my trap and tried to look away, but it was futile. “I don’t doubt you’ve been wondering who had the artistic skills to paint such a beautiful mural in a limited amount of time. The great Italian masters could not have done such a feat. Nothing remotely…human could do such a task.”

Human? What was he getting at?

“The question remains: who painted the murals? And the answer is…no one. No one painted the murals. At least, no one you have met and will meet for a very long time. It was not painted, but rather it was taken from your memory and imprinted on the wall. Not a single drop of paint was used to create that masterpiece.” He smiled again. “I wish I had the talent to do that, but no one can. No one will ever be able to pull off that stunt alone. They will need support.” He started pacing, his hands still behind his back. “It was a gift for you, a token of appreciation. It’s like a reminder, in a way, of all the wonderful times you have had while staying with the two ghosts.”

“Okay, you have lost me,” I muttered. “What are you trying to say?”

“Close your eyes.” He approached me with caution, raising his hand. I trusted him completely and did as I was instructed.

A rush of energy hit me with the force of a speeding bullet train, but it was a pleasant feeling. So many memories passed through me...

Arriving in the apartment; staring in disbelief at the Ouija board; Junsu and Yoochun standing over me; Cassie roaming around the living room before settling on my lap; Yoochun juggling dishes; Junsu raising his hands to touch me; the wet grotto filled with soft moans; Junsu’s dark eyes as they roamed over my body; graduation hats soaring into the air; the squishy moss under my palms as Junsu moved against me from behind, filling me up; Yoochun sitting on the window sill, peeling an orange; and the pencil moving along the canvas paper as I sketched out my five closest friends.

Unfamiliar ones popped up too, though I eventually recognized who they were from.

The thrill running through Junsu’s body as he touched me; the utter happiness he felt whenever he sang to me at night; watching me leave for school every morning, always wondering if I would be back soon; my body on the ground, spread out underneath him; the deer and rabbits scampering about in the meadow; getting excited whenever I walked into a room; my endearing smile and laugh; and his hands on my hips as he desperately sought to give me a child.

Yet another set of memories appeared, and some shocked me as they came and went.

Yoochun looking down at me with amusement as I stared right back at him; laughing at my stupefied expression when I put two and two together and realized they were ghosts; the smell of my cooking taking over his senses; the way my eyes would twinkle whenever I’d smile or laugh; the growing feelings inside of him for me that should not have formed at all; his momentary sense of loss when he knew my heart belonged to Junsu; the way he threw himself into being the best friend I could ever ask for; and all the many nights he and Junsu would sit and watch me sleep.

They both loved me, in two distinct ways. I was Yoochun’s little sister and Junsu’s devoted lover. What more could they ask from me? I grinned and Changmin pulled his hand back, away from my eyes. “That felt so wonderful,” I sighed. “I’ve always wondered if they loved me the way I loved them, and now I know.”

“Yes, you do. That is my whole purpose here.”

I studied him carefully. “Who are you?”

“A messenger,” he said simply, “and someone sent to fetch them.”

Fetch them? Fetch who? Once again, comprehension hit me hard. “You’re a…a…”

“An angel,” he finished for stupid, stuttering me.

“But…but I could touch you! You’re solid! And erted! What angel is erted?”

“We are humans in ascended form. We were hand chosen by the Lord to join him in Heaven when we perished here on Earth.” He shifted to the side, rolling his eyes. “Angels are just heavenly beings. It’s not like I was preying on the women. They’re just pictures. It’s not a sin to look at pictures. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“You eat and drink! You go to school! Err, you went to school!”

“Yeah, but since when can’t I do things you humans do?”

My head was spinning, making me very dizzy. “You say you’re a messenger from…” I gulped. “God. That means He sent you here to deliver a message. But then you said you’re here to fetch ‘them’. Who is ‘them’? Why are you here to get them? Are you like an Angel of Death or something?” I gasped loudly. The tears came back in large quantities. “You are, aren’t you? You’re here to guide someone to Heaven?” Whenever I freak out, I start to hyperventilate. And boy, was I taking some deep breaths! “You’re here for Junsu and Yoochun, aren’t you? You’re taking them away.”

“Ghosts chose to remain on Earth,” he said solemnly. “They are unable to let go. They are unable to accept death, and so they stay in this realm, not really human. Most eventually accept their death and move on, so to speak. But others can’t move on unless they get a little push.” He looked at me curiously.

“No,” I whispered. “No. You can’t have them.”

“When you came to live in the apartment, they were prepared to scare you away. They had come to know the living as cowards of death, when in reality that is what they were all along. Junsu and Yoochun both fell in love with you, but they did so in very different manners. Yoochun found himself a new friend, someone who wasn’t afraid of them and who connected with them on many levels.

“Junsu fell in love with you romantically. He knew what the boundaries were, and he knew you two could never have a normal type of relationship. He knew this, yet he still loved you. He will always love you, despite being dead and unable to touch you the way he wishes he could. They both no longer regard death as a way of saying goodbye to the world, but rather as the path that led them to you.” He gently grasped my shoulder, smiling warmly. “You made them see that they shouldn’t fear it.”

He snapped his fingers. Both Junsu and Yoochun popped up beside me. Junsu immediately pulled me into his embrace while Yoochun just looked around in curiosity. “Where the hell are we?” he muttered. “I can’t smoke pot, so I know I’m not high. Are we, like, dreaming or something?”

“Nope,” Changmin chuckled, “you are in-between planes of existence.”

Yoochun blinked. “About damn time,” he muttered. So he did know all along.

“You’re both moving on,” I whispered softly into Junsu’s chest.

He lifted my head up, looking utterly confused. “We’re what?”

Changmin held out both hands. “It’s time, Erin.”

My grip on Junsu’s shirt became iron. “No.”

“Minnie, what ARE you talking about?” he asked. “Why did you make her cry?”

“They will always be with you,” Changmin said to me gently. “No matter where you go, or what you do, Junsu and Yoochun will never leave your side. Neither will I. We’ll be with you, even if you can’t see us,” he quoted from one of my favorite movies. “We’ll always be in your heart, Erin.”

I started sobbing again, but this time there was no looking away. I pressed my hands against his face, staring up into his watery eyes. He understood. I heard Yoochun mutter something unintelligible. “Junsu,” I whispered, his face. “I love you. I will always love you. No, don’t cry!” I added when his tears spilled over. “Please don’t cry. You know how much I love you. We’ll always be together in my heart.”

“But I’ll miss you,” he squeaked.

“I know. I’ll miss you too.” I closed my eyes. “But you’re going to be my angel. My sweet, angel Junsu. That’s what you were meant to be. Our time together was to get you ready for that job. And don’t worry. Every night, I’ll say a prayer for you. I’m going to be safe and sound because you’ll be watching over me.”

“Erin,” he whispered into my hair.

“I love you,” I told him again, my voice breaking.

His voice cracked too. “I love you more.”

Yoochun hugged me from behind. “You can bet we’ll be watching you.”

“Well, duh!” I giggled with a sob attached. They both touched my cheek again. Yoochun walked over to stand next to Changmin. Junsu lingered, his eyes hesitant. Before I could say anything, he bent his head to kiss me softly. My final taste of peanut butter and chocolate kisses seemed to last forever, but he was soon pulling away. “Love you,” I whispered as he walked over to the other two.

Junsu looked back once. He smiled brightly. “I know you do.”

The brilliant white light swallowed them all. I shielded my eyes to keep from going blind.

When I woke up, the room was filled with bright, warm sunshine. Someone had been messing with the stereo; it was on random, currently playing an instrumental suite from Final Fantasy. Cassie was curled up at my feet, purring slightly. She woke up when I moved my legs, my eyes on the mural across from my room. Much had been added in so little time. In the corner were tell-tell signs of rain clouds. The waterfall seemed more vibrant than before, and the tree Junsu and I had stood under was also added.

The large beam of light in the center captured my attention. Angel wings spread across the sky above it.

I reached out a hand and touched it. The sensation was cool yet warm, nothing at all like paint.

My cat wound around my legs, purring. I picked her up and showed her the mural. She spared it a small glance before rubbing her furry head against my neck. I stood admiring it for a few more minutes, finding small things I had never seen before. Cute bunnies and green leaves were among the new details. Everything looked so real, as if it were all one big picture taken by a professional. The song on the stereo changed again, a group of violins being played in the background while I continued to examine the art.

As Cassie stuck out a paw at the deer, I gasped and nearly dropped her.

For in that same instant, there had been a tiny nudge inside my stomach.