I could sense Jaejoong's stares as I dashed around my apartment, opening closets and cupboards. I kept telling him that I had left “something somewhere,” and this was my way of finding it. In reality, I was searching for Junsu. He had disappeared completely from the apartment, and it was even worrying Yoochun. He walked around calling for him (while Jae stood by, oblivious to all). He sat down on the couch, looking around in mild interest. “You really made a living for yourself here, huh?”

“It’s only been a few weeks.” I bent to check under the bathroom sink for the third time.

“But you managed to cover your walls with paintings I did for you.”

“Yeah, it’s amazing, how fast I work!” Not under the sink. I looked in the shower again.

“Are you going to go back to school?”

“I am technically a runaway, so no.” Onto the kitchen cabinets.

“Erin, please don’t drop out of school.”

“Err, I’ll try?” I ventured into the pantry. “Junsu?” I whispered.

“What was that?” Jaejoong asked.

“I, uh…that was ‘achoo!’” I said nervously, fumbling around with the cereal I had accidentally knocked over. “I sneezed. You know,” I added, shutting the door behind me in a hurry. “I think I may just…go to sleep right now! Yep.” I let out a fake yawn. “I am really tired, Jae. It is like two in the morning.” I began pushing him toward the door. “So I will call you sometime later or something, and we can get together again, but right now I really want to sleep, so bye.” I tried shoving him, but he resisted. “You stubborn ! Leave me alone so I can sleep!”

“Why can’t I just…stay here overnight?” He looked wistful.

“Oh, great.” Yoochun rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “You and Lover Boy in the bedroom tonight is not what I had in mind for a fun time.”

“Not helping!” I snapped at him, though still glaring at Jaejoong.

Said person looked confused and a little suspicious. “Um, what?”

“It’s not helping that…you are refusing to leave because I’m tired.” Wow, this lying bit was actually kind of fun. I should do it more often. “Seriously, Jaejoong. I have to get to sleep because I wanted to go job hunting tomorrow since school is kind of out of the question for me right now.”

“Well, I can help you!” he said brightly. “I have a car!”

“That’s okay,” I said too quickly. “My friend Changmin offered to drive me around!” I would have to tip him off in the morning. He might appreciate the friendly gesture, which wasn’t real, but he didn’t have to know that. “So I have someone to drive me around, and someone to eat lunch with! Good night, Jae!” I was finally able to push him out. I locked the deadbolt and chain behind him.

Yoochun laughed once. “I think you may need to consult the Ouija board this time. I can’t find that jealous son of a anywhere. If it helps any, he used to do this all the time to any visitors. He called it a game of Hide-and-Seek.” He motioned to my closet. “If you need me, I will be down a level, messing with the cat of our downstairs neighbor.” He passed through the wall.

I didn’t waste any time setting up the candles and dimming the lights. I barely even touched the plainchette when it moved swiftly across the board. GO AWAY. Stop. I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

“Junsu, stop being like that.”

WHY SHOULD I? Stop. I DIDNT LIKE HIM IF YOU MUST KNOW. Stop. HE HAD AN UGLY VIBE AROUND HIM AND HE WAS UGLY AND HE WAS ITCHING TO GO FARTHER THAN FIRST BASE WITH YOU. Stop. THATS WHAT YOOCHUN TOLD ME.

“Dude, you are going way too fast. Slow down a bit.”

YOU CANNOT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING.

“That’s why I’m asking you, dork. Please slow down.”

FINE. Stop. HOW COME YOU WANTED HIM TO STAY AWAY FROM HERE? Stop. HE SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT YOU. Stop. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT WORRY LIKE THAT? Stop. IF I WERE HIM, I WOULD HAVE THE S.W.A.T. TEAM AND BLOODHOUNDS OUT LOOKING FOR YOU.

“He probably thought about it, and knew that I wouldn’t like that. Jaejoong’s always been a personal kind of guy.” I sat back, not even bothering to touch the damn thing anymore. Junsu was powerful enough to move it himself. “He came here because my grandma told him where I was and because he wanted to make sure I was safe himself. He’s very protective of me, Su. I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him I was running around and I had no plans of taking him along.”

That appeared to cheer him up a bit. SO HE CAME HERE OF HIS OWN FREE WILL?

I wondered how jealous I could really make him. There was no hiding it now; he had been more than frustrated when we kissed. Jaejoong and me, that is. In my dream, he was all cookies and rainbows when our lips met. “Well, I would say out of this intense feeling he has. We’ve been friends since we were little, but lately I think it’s turned into something more.” I sighed the way girls on TV do when they’re talking about their crushes. “He’s such a dreamy hunk…those lips, those eyes, that hair…that body…!”

Wait for it. Wait for it…

OH REALLY NOW. Stop. He started to move the plainchette to GOODBYE.

“Junsu, wait.” I forcefully moved it back to the letters. “I was kidding.”

THEN STOP IT BECAUSE ITS NOT FUNNY.

“I’m sorry, I love teasing people. You seemed like an easy target.”

YOOCHUN MAKES FUN OF ME AS IT IS. Stop. YOU SHOULDNT ADD TO THE BADNESS OF TEASING JUNSU OR HE WILL JUST GET WORSE. Stop. WHY DO YOU LIKE TEASING ME ERIN? Stop. DO YOU FIND IT FUN BECAUSE I HATE IT. Stop. I GOT TEASED WHEN I WAS ALIVE BECAUE OF MY SQUEAKY VOICE AND IT REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS.

I didn’t know about that. “Sorry, Junsu. I swear, I’ll lay off you.”

“Good.” He appeared by my coat rack, biting on his lip and looking down at the floor. Damn it, they really needed to stop doing that; I would die of a heart attack before thirty if not. “I don’t like being teased by girls. It makes me feel like a pansy. Or a , as Yoochun would say. He’s mean to me, but I know he means well about it.” He looked up at me. “I forgive you, Erin. Um, can I sing you to sleep again?”

“That’s fine, Junsu.” I lay down, and before my head had even hit the pillow, I was knocked out. Too bad; I really enjoyed listening to his voice.

No romantic liaisons for me after I knocked out. I guess it was just an ordinary dream, after all. Maybe I was growing more attached to the boys (especially Junsu), but I ignored it. The upcoming week was more tumultuous that I had imagined. Not only did I take Changmin up on my lie, we found a few places that seemed promising. Mr. Ohtsugi was delighted when I told him I had filled out several job applications. Weird old man...

In the meantime, Yoochun wasn’t so much of a nuisance anymore. When I was out looking for jobs or secretly researching them (Google was a big letdown for me; there were a crapload of Kim Junsu-s and Park Yoochun-s in the city. The instant I typed in death, it blocked me out. However, this was on a library computer so it probably had blocks on it for children) he was at home, keeping the place tidy or else making dinner like a good housewife (I told him that once, and he pulled a Junsu for an hour). The library turned out to be a waste, so I started searching more hungrily for jobs.

Imagine my surprise when one of the places—a bookstore—calls me back in the middle of my bath. Junsu dropped the loofah into the water and kept his hand over his eyes until he was in the bedroom. He concentrated hard, shutting his eyes tightly while carrying the phone (cord and all) into the bathroom. I was careful to cover my upper body with the tub wall before reaching over to answer. “Hello?”

“Hi, Miss…McKinley?” the girl on the other line said falteringly. “This is Eun Seul, from the bookstore you came into for an application the other day. We were just wondering when would be the perfect time for you to come in and do a quick interview.” I heard her pen tapping on some paper.

As I was still a little shocked by the opportunity, I stuttered a bit before anything intelligible came out. “Friday sounds awesome to me.”

“Great. See you then.” Click.

“Didja get a job?” Junsu asked, working on my upper back.

“Not yet, but it seems promising.” I jumped slightly when the phone started ringing again. This time, it sounded…different. In all actuality, the phone wasn’t ringing differently, but to my ears it was. It was like when my mother called to say she was on the way home or she was going out tonight. It got a desperate, “ing answer me or I will beat your ” ring to it. “Hello?” I said hesitatingly.

“I thought you were never going to answer.” Jaejoong sounded relieved.

“Quick question: how’d you get my number?”

“Who else?”

“Aye, Nana…” I cursed under my breath. Junsu laughed loudly. “Shut up, Junsu.”

There was a long silence on the other line.

.

“Who’s Junsu?” he asked, trying to keep the anger in his voice to a minimum.

“Err, a neighbor of mine. He’s been living here for a while, and my toilet’s clogged, and it costs money to call a plumber over here, so I asked him to come fix it for me and he said sure, but I had to fix him lunch and play Uno with him.” I took a deep breath, hoping to God he would believe me.

“OH.” He sounded a little embarrassed for getting so jealous and possessive-like. “Excuse me for being so demanding. I just…flare up whenever I think of any other guy touching you.” That comment would have been so much sweeter if there wasn’t one currently scrubbing my back with a sponge. “I was thinking…maybe this weekend, we could…I don’t know…” He was nervous. “Go out to the movies or something?” His voice cracked on the last word.

Oh, Jesus. I dropped the phone on the floor, and Junsu stopped his back washing. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his eyebrows coming together, as they did when he was concerned about me.

“Nothing. I was just asked out on a date.” I waited to see his reaction.

He simply nodded thoughtfully and continued his task. “With that Jaejoong guy?”

“Junsu, he’s still on the phone.”

“Like he can hear me.” Oh, yeah. Just a hit of resentment.

I picked up the receiver. “That sounds…like a plan, Jae. Saturday night okay with you?”

“Yeah, totally!” Boy, was he happy or what? The boy was probably going to run off to school and tell everyone about his hot date. They would proceed to ask him questions that he would dodge out of respect for me, and then he’d run home and tell his dog Bikeu about me finally agreeing to go out with him.

Junsu was scrubbing viciously when I hung up. “Yo, buddy. Can you rub any harder? I’d like my whole back to be raw, not just my shoulders.”

He stopped immediately. “Oops,” he muttered.

“That’s okay, Su. As long as I’m not bleeding, I’ll forgive you.”

“You’re not.” He threw the loofah into the corner and stomped (he would have if he were corporeal) out of the room.

When did I not piss someone off on a daily basis?

For the second time, I had an odd dream that was again out of left field. We weren’t in a meadow this time. We were nowhere near any trees, as far as I could tell. It was a field of flowers, white daisies by the look of them. The petals were whirling around us, but I could feel no breeze. Junsu’s head was in my lap, and his eyes were shut peacefully. I touched his hair gently. It was soft, much like the feathers of a bird. His lips were moving slightly; I leaned closer to listen to what he was saying.

“Miduyo…” He was singing in Korean.

“Junsu.” I touched his forehead. He opened his eyes and gazed up at me dreamily.

“Hmm?”

“May I ask what you’re doing here?” To me, I sounded like I was on Cloud Nine.

“You mean to tell me that you didn’t notice before?”

“I did.” I his hair again. He shut his eyes and sighed in content. “But I’d like to know why you’re here. You didn’t talk to me last time. We were a little busy. Why are you here, Junsu? We talk at the apartment. Why invade my dreams?” I looked down at him, waiting for an answer. He didn’t open his eyes. “Junsu?”

“When we’re alone, it makes talking with you easier.”

“We didn’t talk much last time. We kissed,” I said simply, as if it were an everyday thing to do.

“Is it wrong to like being alone with you?” His big brown eyes searched mine.

“No. I was just wondering, you know.”

“Okay. That should answer your question. Now let me rest.” He went back to singing softly.

“Junsu?”

“What?” He sounded amused.

“Forgive my asking, but…how did you die?”

He sat up, forgetting about resting or singing. He was staring at me doubtfully. “This is random and uncalled for. Why do you want to know?” Before I could answer, he drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly. “It’s a subject I avoid even with Yoochun. He was there, he knows what happened. We died together, in the apartment. That’s all you need to know.” He put his head down. “Don’t ask me again.”

That wasn’t enough for me. I tugged at his arms. “I need to know, Su.”

“No, you don’t,” he murmured.

“Yes, I do.”

He let out a cry of exasperation. “No, you DON’T!”

“Alright.” My eyes were wide. “Then that’s that.” I was quiet, searching my head for another, painless subject.

“It was nighttime.” He was staring at me with a blank expression. I stared back. “We were coming home from a soccer game against our friends. I had dragged Yoochun along, but he insisted I stay with him and his parents. My parents didn’t like me hanging out with him, because his father was involved with the mafia. But Yoochun said they weren’t going to bother them anymore. We would be safe. We were in his bedroom the day before—your bedroom—when the doorbell rang. It was a messenger from the mafia boss his dad was running from. He knew where Yoochun’s family lived.

“We were at school the whole next day. When I walked him home, the apartment was nearly empty, except for his stuff. They had left him a ton of cash, saying that they were now on the run and couldn’t take him, too. He was too old, and he would surely attract attention. I planned to have him move in with me, and…” He gulped. “They came knocking on the door in the middle of the night. Right after the game, they had spotted us leaving, and followed us home. They had guns and knives with them.

“Yoochun yelled for me to run while he tried to fight them off. Two of them managed to get themselves and him in the bedroom, and I ran for the phone—you know it, for you use it everyday. It’s never been replaced, Erin. Not once in the years that have gone by. Another one caught me and dragged me by the hair back inside. I was on the floor, struggling, when...” His voice caught in his throat.

My face was wet. “They killed Yoochun in front of you?” I whispered in horror.

“One bullet, right between the eyes.” He mimicked a gun with his fingers and pointed it at my face. “Bang.”

“Oh, Junsu…” I couldn’t control my grief. “And then…”

“I was next,” he said in a flat voice. “Anyone that runs with deserters goes, too. I…I was shot, too.”

“Junsu…” I started sobbing. “I’m so…sorry.”

Something flickered behind his eyes, but they moved to the ground, staring at it. He picked a flower and held it up, his eyes full of endless sorrow. “It’s okay. I didn’t feel a thing.” The eye flicker happened again. “It wasn’t a painful death. You shouldn’t shed tears over something that happened years ago.”

“Years ago?” I echoed. “A few years ago…”

“Erin, stop crying,” he ordered, firmly taking my hands. “I’m fine being dead.”

There. The flicker came out for a third time. “You’re not telling me something,” I said slowly.

He pulled me into his arms. “I can’t always tell you everything,” he whispered.

I woke up with fresh tears on my face. Wordlessly, Junsu handed me a box of Kleenex.