Chapter 6
Who I Am(A/N So y’all probably wondering who T-Bear is, right? Well, I can’t tell you, Lol, but you’ll find out soon, don’t worry! If any of y’all have questions or whatever just comments I’ll probably answer, I READ EVERY COMMENT.)
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
(Love The Way You Lie- Eminem feat. Rihanna)
-Chunji POV-
I was waiting for L. Joe to pick me up, as I sat at the table just playing with the quarter I found the on the table, I was bored as right now, I really hoped that this party would be enough fun to get my mind of things, even just for a little while.
“Chunji?”
I glanced up at my parents curiously as they sat across from me, Omma glanced at Appa before biting her lip nervously, and Appa sighed. “Chunji, you’ve been acting strange lately, is there something you need to tell us, are you okay?” I felt myself freak out inside, was this about me being gay, or about T-Bear? “What do you mean?” I asked casually, staying as calm as possible on the outside. “Son, is this about T-Bear? It’s been 3 months already, I know it’s not enough time for you to heal, but you keep getting more depressed it’s scaring us.” Omma said, concern shining in her eyes. Of course I did, because it was on my guilty mind 24/7, before T-Bear’s death I use to be a laughable, childish, talkative kind of guy, but well…a secret as big as mine just weighs you down, you know? “No, it’s not T-Bear.” I said it wasn’t a lie technically, because it wasn’t totally about T-Bear, it was about my uality too. My parents were homophobes; maybe my mom could deal with the knowledge of me being gay but my dad? Hell, no, he’d rather disown his son than accept him as a homoual. “Chunji…don’t take this the wrong way, okay?” Appa said gently, “Take what the wrong way?” I asked anxiously, they glanced at each other again before Appa started to speak again. “We’ve noticed…you behavior…not attitude change, of course, but the way you act around Byunghun.” Oh, , oh, , I’m so screwed. Oh, my mother ing whale , I did not want them to ask the question I knew was coming. “Do…you...like…Byunghun…?” Appa asked sounding pained. Imagine if I answered it honestly, he’ll probably have an aneurysm. “Of course not! ing hell, Appa, I’m not gay!” I said angrily, but my intense anger was masking intense fear, my parents couldn’t know I was gay! I rather die than be kicked out or worse, disowned by my father. A look of intense relief washed over their faces that it made bile rise up into my throat, my phone thankfully buzzed and I jumped up “Bye, Omma, Bye, Appa.”
“Bye, Chanhee.” They said love and care shining in their eyes but I barely registered it, but I should’ve because it was going to be the last I would see it. I got into L. Joe’s car, the rest of the guys in the back of the car. L. Joe was blasting Super Junior from the CD he made, the music was getting me pumped a little already, I needed this, I needed a fun night where I can relax with my friends, maybe a few drinks and maybe even a smoke. L. Joe parked down the street from the house “Ain’t nobody ing with my car.” He said as we got out started to walk. “Dude, I don’t want to walk all the way here when I’m drunk!” Ricky whined, “Deal with it fool!” L. Joe cried and stuck his tongue out playfully. We entered the house and immediately I was hit with music blasting into my ears, the strong inviting smell of smoke, alcohol and sweat, and the sight of teens dancing. We all grinned at each other started moving towards the drinks, L. Joe tossed me a beer and I immediately opened it and chugged it down. I drank another beer, and another, and another, a few mixed drinks, 3 Smirnoff’s and a few hours of partying, I was ing wasted. I was dancing with some kid I recognized through my drunken haze, God, what was his name? Himchan? Yeah, I think it is, Himchan was a known homoual, he was drunk too, but not as much as me. “You’re ing hot, Chunji.” He said grinning, “You’re not too bad yourself.” I slurred, winking at him and staggering a little as I tried to stay in time with the beat of the song.
Hope you never hurt
Hope you never cry
Hope you never lose your way tonight
Hope you never crumble
Hope you never fail
As the song lyrics reached my drunken brain, I leaned in and kissed Himchan, the crowd of teens stared at us in shock, a lot of them knew me from school, I was known as the straight kid, I played off as straight pretty well. “Chunji, what the hell are you doing?” L. Joe’s shock voice cried, I glanced at the crowd unaware of what I was doing, and shouted the words that swept me into the world of hate and homophobia for the first time.
“I’M LEE CHANHEE, AND I’M ING GAY, DEAL WITH IT!” I cried and kissed Himchan again, L. Joe stared at me through shocked eyes, “C-Chunji, you’re a f-?” he whispered, “Damn straight! Kept it a secret for a while but I don’t give a now.” I said staggering a little, Himchan helping me steady myself. C.A.P and L. Joe stared at me with unreadable eyes and Changjo, Ricky, and Niel stared at me in shock. The crowd broke in a furious whisper as the dancing continued and the first but certainly not last, the homophobia started.
“LEE CHANHEE IS A !”
(A/N AHH, CHUNJI YOU , Y U GET DRUNK? Y U NO STAY SOBER? Tsk, you are in a great deal of trouble now! Lol, comment!)
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