Three
A ChaeKey story
"Unnie, what do you want for dinner..?" Minji asked me as we nestled into our car seats, finally resting after a long day's work. It was late at night now and we were driving back to our dorm. We were going to have two hours of sleep and then get right back up to perform some more.
Two hours of sleep? Sometimes I wonder if its really even worth it. All the stress of performing and being scrutinized, the backlash you see coming from people who dont like you, the lack of sleep and social life.. and then I stand on stage and suddenly everything seems worth it.
The stage is the only place I can really let loose. Be a wild child and everyone thinks its alright. I remember back to the times people said I wouldnt make it, and its like a slap to everyone that turned their backs on me. Especially Key.
My intentions on stage arent completely pure - I love the music, but I also see it as a way to disprove him.
My stomach rumbles with hunger, bringing me back to the real world. "Deokbokki.." I whine like a child. "I want to eat Deokbokki.."
Minji's mouth turned into an O. "So Unnie's gonna be breaking her diet rules today?" she seemed quite shocked. I was usually pretty disciplined about such things.
"Why not?" I said defiantly, nestling further into the comfort of my seat. "I worked hard today.." and I met the bane of my existance, I thought.
"Yes we did!" Bom spoke up suddenly, almost . "It's high time we got a break!" she was probably thinking of sneaking out to eat corn or something. Given one chance she would marry a cornfield.
"Of course we do!" Minji said, nodding her maknae head. She looked at me and gave me a puppy dog face.
I laughed out loud. Oh, her strange ways to bribe me into asking YG for a break. "I'm not a boy Minji. Those things only work on Taemin." I said, sending her into a blushing frenzy. Haha, did she think I didnt know how she felt about him? It was so obvious from the fact that she refused to speak to him.
Just before I fell asleep that night, I lay in my comfy bed and thought about what had happened during the day. Key coming up to me, his words soothing to my ears and his eyes full of desperation to have me back once again. I wish I could see that desperation of his everyday, it made me feel good. After the things I went through, I want him to go through all this too. Did you really think, Key, that it would always be fun and games for you? Did you really think you were the best and I was just another girl who would vanish from your mind soon enough? Because, dear Key, I knew you much before the entire of Korea did. I knew before you were famous and had all that make up on. I knew you just as the boy who made me laugh. Kim Kibum.
I walked back to my dressing room, her rejection still ringing in my ears. Every touch of hers still creating goosebumps on my skin. Her voice, so soothing and her presence irremovable from my mind.
She's rejected me so many times, I cant even begin to count. Deep in my heart I know that she loves me. I can feel it when she's close by, in everything she does. Isnt that why it takes her a moment to look into my eyes? Isnt that why she avoids me at any cost and pretends like she doesnt know me? Isnt that why nobody knows that at one point we were best friends?
I wish so badly that I knew then what I know now. She wasnt just another girl in my life, she was the only girl who came into my heart and never left.
I stared at the floor and kept my head lowered as I entered the dressing room. The rest of SHINee was resting, and I was grateful I didnt have to talk to any of them. We'd just finished performing Lucifer half an hour ago, and every good performance brought some relief that something didnt go wrong. They were tired, as was I, and I just went and sat in a corner of the room, waiting for this night to be over so I could go home.
"Do you want to go see 2NE1's performance?" A voice asked me quietly.
I looked up to see Onew, looking tired but smiling anyway. "2NE1?" I questioned, as if I wasnt the least bit interested. "I dont really like them.."
"I think they're cool..." he said, shrugging. "I guess I'll go alone then." He checked his face in the mirror once and began to leave.
I shot up from my seat, making my previous lie a bit obvious. I didnt really care anymore. "Okay, I'll come with you, since I'm bored." I really said like it was a huge favour to him, but really I just wanted to see Chae Rin one more time. He smiled and I gave him a lopsided frown. "You owe me though." I declared. He snickered, "Sure, I do". Something in his voice hinted at sarcasm.
I didnt pay attention much, I just wanted to see Chae Rin on stage. I'd left her all muddled and overwhelmed. On the outside she seemed fine but I know the effect I had on her. I hoped she wouldnt mess up her performance because of me. Maybe I should have waited for them to perform before approaching her. I frowned at myself, wondering if I could ever do anything right these days.
As we entered the main arena of the concert, I heard Chae Rin's voice as she started singing the first line of Lonely. Her face appeared on a huge screen in the distance, and I could see her mood was solemn.
She sang her lines with all her heart, I could tell. I could guarantee she was singing about me. Probably so fed up of me.
Onew, who was standing beside me looking at the concert stage suddenly cleared his throat. "Since when have you liked her?" he asked.
My eyes widened for a moment, but you could hardly tell in the dim lights of the concert. How did he know?I tried to keep my calm and put on a poker face. "I dont like her. Girls are a waste of time. And especially since I dont know her.."
"You dont know her, at all?"
"No. I've met Chae Rin only once or twice anyway." The truth was I knew her better than she knew herself. "How could I like her?" I lied.
Onew turned to me and snickered. "Oh Kibum, you are not clever."
I looked at him in confusion. "I never mentioned Chae Rin, but thanks for confirming." he laughed.
Oh my God, Onew was evil! My jaw dropped. No, no, no. This way MY secret, not someone else's. "I-I-I-" I stuttered. I could feel my face burning up.
"Oh, you gonna deny it now? Roll your eyes a little bit?" Onew said, raising his eyebrows at me. Damn this guy, he knows everything.
I let out a sigh of frustration. "Yes. I like her. Happy?" I made a face at him. As much as I liked to keep my business my own, it strangely felt a bit relieving to tell someone about it. Yes, I liked her. No big deal, I liked her. I loved her. She was mine, nobody else's.
"Well, she is the baddest female Seoul city ever had.," Onew reasoned dramatically, like she was a war lord or mafia queen. I always found that tag of hers ridiculous.
"Its no easy challenge to get her." I said simply.
"Well," Onew said, "If she's the baddest female, you are the ultimate diva."
I smiled at him, he made it sound so simple. Like this was a physical fight in which if you just stood on your two feet longer than your opponent you'd win. Could I win this? Could I win her? Did I have one final fight left in me?
I saw the baddest female performing the last line of her song. She was worth anything to me. I was never going to be over this girl, she'd haunt me forever. I knew what true love was, Chae Rin showed me that years ago. I smiled as I saw the last of her as she disappeared back stage. I love you. And I refuse to leave you alone.
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