(Jongin's POV)

 

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I can't believe this is all happening. I look blankly at Jessica and Suho kissing while they look at me holding hands with Luhan. We all stare at each other, speechless. I break free from my grasp with Luhan's hand right away.

"What... are you doing?" Jessica asked.

"Nonono. I believe the question is, what are YOU doing? Making out with my leader on our couch?!" I question back. Jessica and Suho blush, and move away from each other.

"I asked you first. Why are you holding Luhan's hand?" she snaps. Suho blushes more and his eyes are glued to the floor.

"Uh.." Now it's my turn to blush. I feel the blood flushing into my cheeks and ears.

"Are you two..." Jessica trails off. "...Dating?" 

"NO!" Luhan shouts out right afterwards. "I mean... no. No, we're not. Just friends. JUST FRIENDS! ...I'M NOT GAY!" 

"Woah. Calm down, buster." Jessica replies, a bit scared of Luhan's outburst. 

Suho looks up and starts to speak. "Look. None of us wants anyone else to know about this. So let's make a deal. You guys don't tell anybody that I made out with Jessica... and we won't tell anyone that you guys are secretly dating. Don't worry, I'm very open minded about homouals! I'll always love you guys no matter what. You are my members after all." Suho smiles.

"But... we aren't..." Luhan tries fighting against it.

"It's OK Bunny. It's OK." I comfort him. We hug.

"BUNNY?! AWWW! How adorable!" Jessica fangirls. "I ship LUKAI! I'm an official Lukai shipper!" she cheers.

"You ship them more than you ship us? I just confessed to you!" Suho complains and pouts.

"Don't worry SUHONEY.... you know you're my number one. Today will be our official anniversary. Don't forget!" Jessica kisses Suho on the cheek. He places his hand where she kissed him and puts his hand in his pocket.

"I'll save this for later," he jokes. Jessica laughs. "But wait." Suho speaks up again. "You two were together? I never knew... that you guys even liked each other. And... you guys just met in the beginning of December! It's only been around 2 weeks... when did you guys confess?" Suho inquires. I guess he must be curious.

"OK... but you can't tell anyone if I tell you," I say. 

"But Jongey..." Luhan whines. 

"Bunny, don't worry. I trust them." He silences and I tell them the story of what happened last night after Lotte World.

 

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Jongin's Flashback / story

 

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I'm out on the balcony again. I'm always out here when I need to think. It's 3:00am and we just got back from Lotte World and the whole scandal thing. I'm exhausted but I don't care. I still have to sort some things out in my head, especially about all the things that happened today, at Lotte World. The scandal with SNSD was only minor compared to my whole complex with Luhan.

Luhan was in my group, yes. And.. I can't lie to myself. I've had feelings for him since the first day I met him. Not only does he look cute, but he has such a cute personality and cute mannerisms.

Everything about him is cute. Honestly, I've been a little obsessed over him for the time we've known each other. We've just moved in together earlier this month but I feel like I've known him for years. I'm not sure if he feels the same way for me, but I try not to show him that I like him through my actions. I don't know how he'll react. 

Is it normal to like guys? Get yourself together, Kim Jongin. You're a man. You've loved women all your life. And now all of a sudden you have feelings for a man? I'm not gay though. I can't be. But I can't deny my feelings, either. What's coming over me...

I stare at the moon and the stars like I did since I was a little boy. I'm most relaxed when the other members are sleeping, when the whole city is sleeping, when the earth is sleeping... I just feel like it's just me and the night sky. No matter how foggy the sky gets, the moon and stars always shine... we just aren't trying hard enough to see them. 

Earlier today, when we went on the rides, I paired up with Kyungsoo for most of the time we were there just because I was lying to myself. I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like Luhan. That I didn't want to be with him. But the more I separated myself from him, the more I wanted to be with him more. So when it came time to go to the Haunted House, the last attraction we would go to for the night, I wanted to spend it with Luhan. I love Kyungsoo, but I feel different with Luhan. There's a different feeling in my heart.

I was a bit nervous at first, but then when it started to get scary, I felt like I needed to protect Luhan. I couldn't let anyone hurt him.

Even after the ride, when the members were asking who screamed like a girl, I even stepped up and said it was me. It wasn't that serious, but I didn't want anyone to make fun of Luhan. For some reason I feel so protective over him.

Oh Lord. Maybe I do like him.

Then I hear footsteps behind me once again. And I don't even have to think about who it is. 

It's Luhan.

"...Jongin?" he asks, rubbing his eyes. 

"Let me guess. You woke up again and I wasn't there?" I finish his sentence.

"Yeah." He replies, walking forward a bit and standing next to me. Both of us are leaning on the balcony, hunched over, staring at the night sky.

"Remember we were like this on the first day we moved in, too?" I reminded him and myself. On the first day we moved into the dorm, it really was like this. I went outside on the balcony to think about stuff and Luhan randomly woke up and visited me in the middle of the night. I recall telling him to not give up on his dreams. I remember.

I look at him and he nods. He looks different this time around though. Has he been thinking about something?

"Jongin, do you think I'm shy?" he asks.

"Well, yea. You're quiet and you never really speak up that much."

"Do I.... annoy you?" 

"Of course not!" I put my arm around his shoulder. Even though he's older than me, I'm a bit taller than him. "I love you just the way you are."

He looks at me, surprised. Maybe that didn't come out the way it should have.

"Why did you do that for me today? Back at the haunted house? You took the blame for me. About my screaming like a girl."

"Luhan... I don't know. I just... it was just reflex." I respond, unsure of it myself.

"Honestly, I really wanted to be your partner today." Luhan confesses. Now he's looking at the moon and stars with a look of desire, regret, and another feeling I can't decipher. "But you kept pairing up with Kyungsoo. It made me mad."

"You felt that way too?" I blurt out. Ohno. My feelings for him are leaking out of me again!

"Wait... you..." Luhan looks confused. "Jongin... do you..."

I can't take it anymore.

I won't hold it in for any longer.

All the members are asleep.

The city is dark.

Only the moon is shining down on us.

Only the stars will be witness to what is about to happen.

"Luhan. I love you." I whisper to him. I stare right into his eyes, making sure not to look away. We both stare at each other, entranced by the moment. I feel like I'm hypnotized. Seeing Luhan under the moonlit sky makes me see how much more beautiful he is. I start to appreciate every feature on his face. His big, round, glassy eyes, his tall, cute, button nose, his thin lips. His perfect, milky skin and his sharp jawline. He's beautiful, and I tell him. "You're beautiful."

"J...J-Jongin..." he stutters, nervous. 

"Do you feel the same way?" I ask, bravely.

"I... Well... OK. I won't be afraid to say my feelings." He stands up straight and holds my shoulders. He looks at me confidently. Where did this Luhan come from? The passive, shy Luhan is now confident and unafraid. "Kim Jongin. From the first moment I saw you at the assembly, I fell in love with you. You didn't have any pants on, remember? You were in your boxers, still half-asleep, but so confident that you would make EXO. And I thank God every night that you did. And then you fell down and twisted your ankle. I helped you up. We trained together and we leaned on each other in times of hardships. We ate together and slept beside each other. When I need motivation or inspiration, I looked to you. I... I love you too, Jongin." Luhan says with cherish.

His hands are still on my shoulders, squaring my body towards his. We stop talking, but we both seem to have telepathic thoughts with one another. We both know very well what is about to happen, but we don't think about it. We just let it flow out of our hearts and into our bodies.

I put my hands around his waist, and his hands link together behind my neck.

I lean in and we kiss.

His lips are tender and moist. We move our lips around and let them explore the other's mouth. I tilt my head so our noses don't collide. 

Luhan's grip behind my neck tightens. He puts one hand behind my head and digs his fingers through my hair. I rub my hands up and down his back.

After a while we separate.

I'm panting, and so is he. 

We look at each other.

We smile.

The stars seem to be shining brighter tonight. We look up and I realize the moon is a full moon tonight. I guess I wasn't really paying attention earlier. But now that my heart is at rest, I take in the full splendor of the moon and acknowledge its full presence. Tonight, the moon is full and so is my heart.

The moon represents my heart.

 

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Flashback / story end

 

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"AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Jessica squealed again. She really sounds like a dolphin... "Jongin! Luhan!" She gets up and hugs both of us. "That is SOOOOOOOO cute! You guys confessed while I was writing my diary last night about how I like Suho! How coincidental! We are all meant to be! You know what, I don't care if you got me into a scandal and gave SNSD almost a hundred more antis. I can't hate both of you! Come here!" She hugs us tighter. Suho laughs.

"Can't... breathe..." Luhan gasps.

"Oh.. sorry!" Jessica eye smiles. "Suhoney, why wasn't our first kiss as amazing as theirs?"

Suho scratches the back of his head with one arm ily. "Sorry babe... wanna try it again?" he winks.

"Hold up, don't choose now to get fresh with me, mister! You had your chance!" she bickers. "...but maybe round 2 wouldn't hurt," she says ily.

Suho looks at her with his eyes narrowed. "Jongin, Luhan... why don't you get whatever you were going to get and leave us alone, eh? The other boys are probably still out for lunch now, so I'll be here for a bit longer." Jessica giggles.

"Uh... OK. Come on, bunny." I gesture towards Luhan. Oh right. Bunny was a nickname I came up for him a while ago, but now that we're together, for some reason I seem to be using it more often.

As we walk towards our room to grab our wallets / phones, he grabs my hand. I have a sudden instinct to pull back, but then he looks at me surprisingly and I realize that I no longer have to hide my feelings for him anymore. We definitely will NOT tell any other members (except for Suho and Jessica, who we didn't really have a choice with) to avoid teasing, rumours, another scandal, etc. Plus we don't want to disrupt the group before our debut. We don't want anybody to know. After all, a relationship is only between the two people involved. It's private, and I don't plan on telling anybody soon. 

I hold Luhan's hand back as a sign that I've truly accepted him. No more pretending.

We grab our stuff that we left behind and go out for lunch. I cover my eyes as I see Suho practically pounce on Jessica on our couch. We close the door behind us. 

"'Suhoney' better have condomns", Luhan laughs. I laugh too.

"I'm never sitting on that couch again!" I add.

Laughing more, we walk out of the building for lunch, but this time, we let go of each other's hands just so people won't get suspicious or take uneccessary pictures. My mind and my heart are finally at rest now.

 

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Later that day, I film my first teaser that will be released a few weeks later. Our manager decided to start filming our teasers a bit ahead of time so we won't fall behind on schedule, and to stay as organized as possible.

No members are here to watch me. It's just me and the production crew. However, I give it my all.

This will be my first appearance in the public, the first display of my talent, and the first impression that everybody will have on EXO. The whole world will be watching. I can't fail. I sink into the music and absorb the melody with my soul. The song, "My Lady" is one of my favourites. In my mind, I replace the title with "My Luhan". 

I dance gracefully and hit every move sharply, cleanly, and with full feelings. I think of Luhan. He makes me dance with even more energy, charisma and power. Thinking of him gives me strength, and he gives me a reason to move to the music. 

My body is moving the way my heart is feeling. And my heart is full of content for Luhan.

I finish the dance and walk as directed towards the camera. The cut ends and the production crew claps.

"Great job! We're done filming now, thank you!" they all say similarly.

I bow several times in several directions.. "Thank you, everybody worked hard! Take care!" I say cheerfully.

I go to my change room and change back into my normal clothes. My stylist removes my makeup. I purposely mess up my hair a bit. I wear my comfortable shoes again. I transform from Kai back into Jongin. 

"Jongin?" one of my managers asks out of nowhere. 

I turn around. "Yeah?"

"Tomorrow, you will be filming the second teaser." he announces with a smile.

"OK. By myself?" I question.

"No. With one of your members... Luhan." he says.

My heart jumps in excitement. "REALLY?" I clear my throat in embarrassment. I don't want to appear overly excited! "I mean.. really? That's great! I... I'd love to dance with someone else besides myself."

He chuckles. "You'll be using the duo-choreography that you practiced last week. To your song Time Control. Remember?"

"Yep, I remember. Thank you, see you tomorrow!" I wave. He waves too, and I walk away, down the hall, towards the elevator to get back to the dorm room. It's almost dinner time, and Kyungsoo should be cooking something up.

I'll really be filming a teaser with Luhan... That's amazing. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Before, I had to fantasize and think of obscure moments in my life to fuel my passion and emotion for dance.

But now I am truly in love and my passion has reignited from a spark into a flame.

I'm ready to express my emotions. All because of Luhan.

Bunny, I love you.