On Monday morning, Kibum's woken up to absolute silence. We already knows how uneasy he feels about the silence, and it's only made worse when he remembers the previous weekend's events and what led to such an insufferable silence between a group that had been tight-knit enough to be considered family. He remembers well, getting ready for bed with his favorite charcoal mask being set onto his face, hearing Taesun and Jinki talk too loudly in their quiet suite for them to ignore, Jinki crying, which is a rare treat in itself.

He remembers it all too well, and can't seem to force the very sight of it from his mind. As Jinki had stated, music had been at the source of bonding, thrown together by chance and sticking together when the five realized how well their personalities matched each other. Learning that Jinki could no longer sing was devastating on all of them, and seemingly even more so than that for Jinki and for Jonghyun themselves. Kibum remembers looking at Jonghyun during that emotional moment, taking in the red eyes and streaks of tears going down his cheeks.

As mad as Kibum was, and as hurt and played as he felt, this wasn't a reality he wanted on any of them, and least of all on Jinki.

The night before, Minho had told him that he would be going to the gym in the morning with Jinki and Jonghyun; and to say Kibum was surprised would be an understatement. While Minho and Jonghyun were known on campus for being 'gym rats' they typically went later on in the day and Minho in particular found it so easy to wake up early enough in the morning to be there at the time Jinki went. At the same time, the fact that Jinki even agreed to having company go with him was baffling. After their emotional hug, one that the whole group had silently agreed on because it was only fair of them to share their strength and their sorrow with Jinki when he regularly did the same for them, Jinki had more or less repeated the same story he had shared with Taesun.

Only, Kibum remembered so vividly, that Jinki had refused to even glimpse in Jonghyun's direction. Kibum had done it for him, multiple times. Jonghyun was completely absorbed in Jinki's retelling, his shoulders drawn together and his teeth silently chattering against themselves. He's trying so hard to keep himself composed, but the occasional ragged breath he'd inhale or exhale was a dead giveaway for how much this news had affected him personally.

Kibum resented them a little for it, despite himself.

The pair of them were known to be a powerhouse of vocal technique amongst their class, and the school had tried for several years to get the two to agree on a duet. It was heavily rumored since before they had even gone on their summer vacation that they might be doing the awaited duet performance this year's exhibition. For his part, Jonghyun had actually confirmed that they had discussed it and were working on selecting a song for the two of them to sing together. Jonghyun had always expressed the desire for such a collaboration, but it was always Jinki that felt hesitant.

To be finally able to do the performance, only for this to happen? There's no real way to explain just how devastating this is. For either of them. 

Except, as mentioned before, Jinki's got one hell of a poker face. Aside from that night where he was vulnerable against his own wishes, he's maintained the fact that he's okay with having his entire life's plan rewritten for him. He likes engineering, he says; likes that it allows him to challenge himself intellectually in ways that performing hadn't -- whatever that means. All in all, he's seemingly doing better at composing himself than Jonghyun, who looks at him the way a puppy would look at his favorite person if they were ignoring them. Even if Jinki's getting up from the common room sofa to go to the bathroom, Jonghyun's entire body twitches like he's fighting every urge to follow.

It's kind of pathetic. To Kibum, anyway.

But he really isn't doing much better, considering he's standing in Taemin and Jonghyun's shared room, having already forgotten why he'd stepped foot to begin with. Neither are in, of course. Jonghyun's at the gym with Minho and Jinki, the way they had planned earlier. Taemin, on the other hand, is with Jongin. They had apparently been serious about performing the exhibition as a duo, spending hours every morning before their respective classes in the dance studios. Kibum's not too worried about them. They might not know their own feelings for each other yet, but they're at least not dragging everyone else into them, like another couple.

Right. He's getting off track. He looks over at Jonghyun's desk for the third time, convinced he'd seen something that had brought his attention into the room in the first place. Taemin had accidentally left the door ajar when he'd left, which is kind of expected for the scatter-brained musical prodigy.

And then he sees it. Jonghyun's notebook. The reason he'd broken up with Jonghyun in the first place.

He knows he shouldn't. Jonghyun's never even figured out that he snooped all that time ago when they were together, and he'd be absolutely furious to know Kibum was back at it again; but something in the way Jonghyun had been looking after Jinki in the past weekend had been enough to convince him that this was okay.

Ignoring the shaking of his hand, Kibum takes the notebook out of the pile it had been carefully covered in, wetting his dry lips as he opens it and flips through the pages. Since they had split, new pages have been filled and songs have been written about heartbreak. There are doodles on the margins. Some of the characters are written sloppily, and there are ink stains showing Jonghyun's been crying even as he's been writing some of them.

When he gets to what he's looking for, at the most recent notebook entry, his eyes water. They're stinging, now, with unshed tears. He's hurt, both for himself and for Jonghyun. Even for Jinki, he thinks. The song is titled, 'Please, Don't Go'; and while the song itself hasn't been finished yet, the meaning behind the lyrics are clear as day. There's even a little chibi doodle of who is obviously Jinki on the corner of the page, a little character with wide and tear-filled eyes that seemingly jump off the page. It only solidifies everything for Kibum further; Jonghyun's feelings for Jinki, Jonghyun's lack of feelings for Kibum. 

And then the door to Taemin and Jonghyun's room squeaks open, and Kibum jumps about three feet in the air, quickly hiding the notebook behind him and turning around with spluttered excuses building on his tongue like he can somehow explain away what he's doing in their room all of a sudden.

"What are you doing in here?" Kibum asks, his tears drying all of a sudden as he finds himself face-to-face with Minho of all people.

Minho, who has a crumpled hoodie in his hands, chucks it in the general direction of Jonghyun's items. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks annoyed. Why he's annoyed when it's not even his things that Kibum's snooping in makes no sense, but Kibum still feels the way his body cowers at the strength of Minho's glare.

"I should be asking you that question." Minho answers curtly, and his eyes fixate on something over Kibum's shoulder,

"Why do you have hyung's notebook? You know he doesn't like it when people look in it without asking."

And just like that, he's caught. His heartbeat quickens and his tongue feels hot and heavy as he flounders for some sort of explanation or excuse that'll make him feel better about why he's doing something so deplorable. But, as soon as the guilt fills him, it's replaced by an injust sense of anger.

"Why are you always butting into my business when it comes to Jonghyun?" Kibum asks as he drops Jonghyun's notebook on the top of the pile.

It's not like he'll notice its placement has changed anyway.

He turns back to Minho, notes that he hasn't loosened at all, and that only further frustrates him,

"What? Do you like Jonghyun? Are you up to me to get to him?"

Which... doesn't really make much sense to him out loud, but there has to be a reason why Minho keeps inserting himself right in the middle of Jonghyun and Kibum's breakup; and if it's not because he wants to be with Jonghyun, what could it be?

This seems to be the wrong line of questioning for Minho, whose eyes harden as he takes the strides to close the distance between them, suddenly towering over Kibum like he's ready to throw a punch. His jaw is set, and there's a wild look in his eye,

"Maybe I'm just tired of seeing you beat yourself up over someone that you left. It's making you look pathetic, Kibum."

And, surprisingly, it's not Minho that throws a punch, but Kibum.

He already knew it was pathetic. He already knew he was crossing a line, so why throw salt on the wound?

And why does it hurt so much more knowing that Minho knows exactly which buttons to press to make his words land like bullets?

Minho hisses as he presses the ice pack to his jaw, feeling his free hand clench at his side from the tension he's holding back - just barely. Kibum's long gone, having swept out of the room after assaulting Minho's face just because he didn't want to hear the truth he was always inflicting on other people.

Damn that hot-headed diva and his inability to move on as well as he acts like he can.

Deep down, Minho knows that he is just as to blame for their little fight as Kibum had been. He'd prodded when he shouldn't have, and let his jealousy take control of his actions when he swore to himself that he wouldn't. Sure, Kibum was treading on dangerous waters by going through Jonghyun's things, both for himself and for Jonghyun; but what right did Minho really have in telling him off when Minho's doing the same thing to Kibum, acting like he doesn't care but then turning around and putting himself right in the midst of Kibum's life?

Sighing, Minho looks up into the mirror, then reaches out for one of the small bandages Jinki's got a little box of behind the mirror. It won't do much to cover his busted lip, but if he can at least draw some attention away from the swelling, that would be a lot easier to explain than how he'd been punched in the jaw by the boy he's in love with.

Really, Minho's such a masochist.

When he's satisfied that his lip at least won't get infected while its open to fresh air, Minho shuts the bathroom mirror and hurries into his room to change into his day clothes.

He had spent a good hour and a half at the gym with Jinki and Jonghyun in the morning, pretending not to be worried at the obvious lack of care Jinki was putting onto his body. Jonghyun wasn't pretending at all, on the other hand. Several times, he had objected to Jinki lifting weights that were well over what would have been considered safe to be lifting, only for Jinki to smile that small, infuriatingly confident little smile of his as he pushed through.

It was no wonder that Jinki's body was deteriorating the way that it was if he was doing all of this to it.

When Minho had enough of his own workout and watching Jinki torture himself with a grin on his face, Minho had patted Jonghyun on the shoulder. Jonghyun was never looking too far away from Jinki, watching him through the mirror with a scowl on his face like he's entirely debating on dragging Jinki out kicking and screaming if he found anything the elder was doing was too dangerous.

Jonghyun looked over at him, the concern on his face melting away momentarily as Minho alerted him on going back to their suite. Jonghyun was also done, judging by the way his face was coated in sweat and his body was heaving in exhaustion; but Jinki looked like he was only getting started, hanging from the pull-up bar without using any of the support lifts for his feet.

"Are you going to be okay here with him by yourself?" Minho asks, quietly enough that Jinki won't hear them over in the other corner of the gym,

"I have class in an hour."

Jonghyun sighs, releases the row bar, and sits back to give himself a moment to just breathe. His eyes shut and he rolls his neck to ease up some of those muscles; and when he opens his eyes again, Minho's heart drops at the look of sheer helplessness floating in his orbs.

"He might not want to talk to me about any of it, Ming, but I want to be here for him anyway." Jonghyun explains, like it's not obvious that he'd walk to the ends of the earth for the elder.

"Maybe you should tell him that." Minho suggests, using a light voice so it doesn't sound like he's trying to pressure the platinum-haired music student into anything he's not ready for.

Jonghyun is silent for another beat, looking up at Minho like the very thought had never even crossed his mind, then gets up and shrugs his hoodie off and holds it out,

"You think you can take this back to my room for me? It's a nice jacket. I don't want it ruined here."

Which is the most obvious avoidant behavior Minho's ever seen from Jonghyun, but he doesn't comment on it. He just crumples the hoodie in his hand so he doesn't overthink about the sweat on it and leaves the gym, ignoring Jonghyun's protests for him to be careful with his prized posession.

His prized posession, Minho notes in bemusement, which was a hoodie Jinki had bought for him the previous year on his birthday with a screen-printed picture of Jonghyun's puppy Roo on it.

And, well, maybe he should have just told Jonghyun to take his own laundry home; because then he wouldn't have been punched in the face by an angry Kibum, and he wouldn't be seething by himself because what in all honesty had he done to deserve such treatment?

What was it about Jonghyun that Kibum, with all of his brilliance and his confidence to always be himself, would let go of all of his own pride and morals?

He throws a glance at Taemin and Jonghyun's room and makes his way back to reshuffle Jonghyun's desk of clutter so Kibum's act of malice isn't apparent. When he gets there, glancing down at the notebook, he finds his own fingers twitching toward it.

After all, there had to be somerhing that Kibum was looking for in that book that had made him as desperate as he was; right?

But, unlike Kibum, he's able to keep his nosy thoughts from taking control. He leaves the room as quietly as he's entered and heads into the common room to pick his backpack up for class.

Its as he's swinging his backpack on that then front door opens, leaving him face-to-face with Kibum once more. He's surprised, to say the least. Kibum had been furious when he left earlier, determined to put as much space between them as he could manage.

But here he is again, head ducked so their gazes don't cross, a small plastic bag dangling from his wrist as he  fidgets and moves in the direction of the sofa.

"I bought ointment. If you have time we should put it on so your lip doesn't scar."

His words are spoken through a jumble of nerves, but Minho is so touched by Kibum's actions that he doesn't even dwell on them. The shorter is like this in general; always making up for tension he's caused by doing small, seemingly unnecessary things.

Minho just never expected to be on the receiving end of it.

He obliges, because he will always have a hard time refusing Kibum. He sits down on the edge of the sofa, fully aware that he can apply the ointment onto his lip alone and that just a simple apology will suffice for their entire fight, but his focus is entirely on Kibum.

With Minho's legs parted as he sits, Kibum slots himself right between them, eyebrows furrowed as he leans down the small space between them and carefully dabs ointment onto Minho's wound. The ointment doesn't taste good, but that's just a distant little flicker of awareness for Minho like this. From this close, he can count the single eyelashes on Kibum's face, can see the pointy jut of Kibum's nose, can lean just a millimeter closer and kiss-

"Sorry," Kibum mutters, and his breath is gentle as it wipes across Minho's face,

"I shouldn't have hit you."

His breath smells like mint, Minho notes.

"I'm sorry, too," Minho says, just under his breath,

"I'm not using you to get closer to Jonghyun. I just don't like seeing how much your breakup is affecting you."

Kibum looks up at him through the cover of his eye lashes. Minho has to bite back the gasp that nearly escapes his lips, gritting his teeth together in what may be a visible effort to keep himself still.

"Thanks for stopping me." Kibum says, and Minho notes the red in his eyes.

He knew that what he had done was wrong, and was even apologetic for acting out so rashly.

And, Minho thinks, maybe he's not as masochistic as he thinks he is. In moments like these, the unexpected ones where Kibum let's his vulnerability show without fear, Minho realizes that falling in love with Kibum was never meant to be a choice for him.

He reaches out for the hand that's now pressing a new bandaid onto his lips, his slightly bigger hand covering Kibum's so well. Kibum lets their joint hands move without fuss, gaze intent on following as Minho lowers them to his chest and lets Kibum feel the quickened beats of his heart in his chest.

"We'll get through this." Minho tells him, and Kibum drags his eyes back up to Minho's.

If he noticed the use of 'we' in Minho's phrasing, Kibum's utterly silent about it.

The music that had been filling the dance studio gets cut off abruptly, and Taemin's so immersed in his steps and seeing how fluidly he moves in the mirror that he's left out of balance when he finally catches up.

Thankfully, Jongin is there. Like always, Jongin's the one that keeps Taemin grounded.

Taemin's in the middle of a spin when the music gets cut off, and is dangerously close to taking a nosedive, but Jongin reaches out and clasps a hand around the crook of his elbow. He yanks, none too gently, bringing Taemin right into his chest and panting from such a sudden shift.

When he's able to breathe a little easier and he's caught up to reality, he glances up to find Jongin staring back at him with so much concern on his face that Taemin nearly balks.

"You need a break?" Jongin asks quietly. Their dance instructor is off to the side on their cell phone, and the moment of privacy is a well needed reprieve.

Taemin takes a long moment to think about it, but when he glances down and realizes that he's nearly pulled flush against Jongin's frame, he leans back and forces a chuckle out.

"Sorry. It's been a long weekend." Is his lame excuse in order to assuage Jongin's concern.

It doesn't seem to do much to help the situation, but it's better than nothing. Things back at the dorm have neither gotten better nor worse; and even if they've been dancing for two hours already, Taemin always feels the most at peace when Jongin's beside him.

Slowly, Jongin releases the hold he's had on Taemin's frame, though that concern is still so obvious on his face. He turns and reaches down for the two bottles of water they had nearby, holding one out for Taemin. Taemin is suddenly hit with the realization that he's parched and opens the bottle, downing the entire thing within seconds.

After the bottle is clear and the plastic has shrunken from the force of lungs pulling it inwards, Taemin glances over to see that Jongin's just barely taken a sip. His focus is entirely on Taemin's mouth, still a little wet from the bottle.

"Sorry." He apologizes again, feeling sheepish. He's usually a lot better collected than this, but for whatever reason, keeps finding himself making careless mistakes.

Jongin's eyes flicker upwards to meet his, and there's this blank look that Taemin finds there like his childhood friend is lost in thought.

Finally, like he's being snapped out of a spell, Jongin shakes his head a little bit and holds his bottle out for Taemin,

"You look like you can use it more than I can." Jongin explains with a little shrug, pressing the bottle into Taemin's chest with just a little pressure.

Taemin blindly grabs for the bottle, his eyes still fixed on Jongin and wondering why his friend is behaving so oddly. Jongin's the more collected out of the pair, balancing out Taemin especially at his most hyperactive.Right now, however, he's acting like he's got so much going on that he can't even pretend to focus on their dance routine.

"If you're sure..." Taemin trails off, and there's a little voice in his head telling him he's sharing Jongin's saliva off the bottle of water that's pressed to his lips now. He tries to ignore them, because they've grown up together and shared saliva plenty of times before, but it's a hard enough feat to manage.

"Alright you two!" Their instructor suddenly calls out, and Taemin feels his body jump in surprise. When had the instructor even finished their phone call?

"My contacts at the planning division said they're emphasizing on ballads for this year's exhibition. I think we'll have a better shot getting noticed if we let Jongin lead with his ballet experience."

Taemin feels surprised at that, but otherwise undeterred. While he himself specializes in hip hop styled dances, Jongin has had years of ballet training. It's just another thing that balances them out, he thinks; and it's fine except for the fact that a lot of ballad type music would likely be couples dancing. Which is a concern that Jongin might be sharing, judging by the open mouthed shock on his face when they glance at each other.

Jongin recovers quickly with a smirk and a, "I'm leading. Hear that, Taem?"

Taemin guffaws a little, partially to cover up the way that the very thought of Jongin leading him takes his mind on a spin.

"Yeah. You say you'll lead but we both know I'll do all the work." Taemin quips back easily, but that doesn't sound any better than what Jongin had just said.

If Jongin's noticed or felt any sort of way after hearing Taemin's retort, it can't be seen when their backs are turned to each other. They're close enough that Taemin can feel the heat radiating off of Jongin's back, though.

And so, they start practicing again. Jongin's a natural leader, and Taemin's a fast learner who keeps up easily when Jongin experiments with moves that Taemin isn't familiar with. Their instructor, however, breaks it to them that they had seen a specific move in a movie that had one dancer jumping into the partner's arms, where the partner would then lift them up and the two would spin.

Which, Taemin is never going to say no to a challenge, and that kind of move requires a lot of balance and trust. Both of which are things he already has in Jongin. But when they make their first run of it and Taemin launches himself into the air so that he can be caught and spun, his mind blanks and he forgets the rest of the moves. He just simply allows himself to be spun in the air, with his head tilted down and Jongin's head tilted back so that they're looking directly into each others eyes.

And the music gets cut off again because the instructor loves what they did but it might be too much if Taemin's forgotten the rest of the dance.

"I think we'll wrap it up here for today, boys." The instructor says with a glance towards their wristwatch,

"We all have class in about half an hour. We made great progress! Let's meet up at the same time tomorrow."

With that, they're gone, leaving both Taemin Jongin to fondly shake their heads as they watch. Finally left alone, and this time for good, Taemin turns his attention back to where Jongin's bending down to grab his gym bag. He's probably going back to his suite to shower and change before class. Taemin needs to do the same.

"Sorry," he says to Jongin's back, his third apology of the day,

"I didn't mean to slow us down. I guess I just got too distracted."

Jongin turns around slowly, and he's entirely too quiet as he eyes Taemin up and down. There's so much going on in that gaze, though Taemin's having such a hard time trying to understand what he's trying to say.

Then, the smallest and sweetest of smiles spreads across his friend's face, and Taemin can feel the lump that forms in his throat. It's nearly making swallowing impossible.

"You distract me, too, Taemin." Jongin says in that smooth voice of his.

All of a sudden, Taemin feels like his knees are losing balance. He has to hold himself up on the power of his sheer will alone. He's frozen in time as Jongin leaves through the studio exit, wondering why his heart feels the way it does. They don't typically walk together this time in the morning, so it's fine that Jongin's left him -- but why does he feel so empty because of it?

It's not like they're dating.

Hell, it's not even like they like each other.

... Right?

There's no possible way.

They grew up together. Had the same toys. Played with the same kids. Went to the same schools. Wore the same hairstyles. Lived in the same neighborhood. Went to the same college. Enrolled in the same major.

Surely, it's all just a bunch of coincidences and Taemin's just overthinking them.

Right?

Why would Jongin ever like him?

And why does his heart race at the mere prospect of it?

Mondays have never felt as long for Jonghyun as this one in particular. It's been especially long since the last time he's felt this helpless on top of anything else. He's barely paying attention in his music class, instead choosing to stare out the window and longing for the sunshine in Jinki's ever-so-warm smiles to return. From back when he'd been on the receiving end of those smiles, he'd absorbed its energy and let it wash over him. Now, Jonghyun sees right through him. After that little conversation, hearing news that made Jonghyun feel so devastated on Jinki's behalf, it was like that enigmatic puzzle Jinki had become had crumbled away, leaving the frightened shell of a boy Jonghyun looked up to for so long.

It's the end of their third year of college when Jonghyun decides to sneak into Jinki's dorm with Minho, Kibum and Taemin. There's a bag of cheap beers hanging off of his arm, because while he doesn't drink much, he loves little acts of pointless rebellion. It's just after finals week had ended for all of them, which meant the one night of reckless behavior would likely be appreciated by all of them, especially Jinki.

The elder is surprised when he opens the door to his room and finds the four standing there. He's already told Jonghyun he's likely to be alone for the night. His roommate, Changsun, had plans to party across town with a competing university's sorority house. Jinki doesn't ask for details from Changsun, so Jonghyun doesn't ask for details from Jinki. It's just as well, because none of the others have empty rooms tonight and it'll be nice to get a little buzz in the safety of a room that smells like Jinki.

Jinki takes a look at the bag on Jonghyun's arm, shoots a glance past them to make sure no one else can see it, and ushers them in quickly with, 

"I have some sodas in my fridge. You're too young to drink, Taem."

Which makes the youngest of the group roll his eyes, but there's no real complaint from him anyway. Jinki's not the bossy type, just the worried type, and he doesn't know that the group's planning on sleeping over on his floor after getting themselves drunk enough. Minutes later, Minho's on Jinki's bed with Taemin, whose flipping through one of the poster books Changsun's spent a lot of money on for a recently debuting girl group. Kibum and Jonghyun have taken up the only sofa in Jinki's room, placed right in front of a television that belonged to Changsun. He has all sorts of game systems and dvds strewn about, and his side of the room is always so messy in comparison to Jinki's.

Jinki chooses to sit on the floor by himself, which Jonghyun had found odd at the time but hadn't chosen to complain. It's Jinki's room, yet his level of consideration for his guests always left him in less than desirable positions for himself. He plays a movie, one that's really just on for background noise as the group drinks. Jinki's even broken out a plate of chips so that they're not getting themselves too sick, placing it on Jonghyun's lap with a knowing look in his eye. Jonghyun is both embarrassed about how well Jinki knows him and touched that he's even thought about this.

Well into the night, after half of the beer cans are empty and Taemin and Minho have both dozed off with Kibum following as his head rests on Jonghyun's shoulder, Jonghyun sleepily blinks over in Jinki's direction. The elder's been mostly silent throughout their little hangout, choosing only to interject when his opinion is needed. He's got his knees pulled to his chest, making his already slight frame look ever so small. The lights from the television are dancing along his pale skin, casting Jinki in an endearing light that has Jonghyun smiling softly despite himself.

Checking to make sure Kibum's asleep now, he carefully withdraws his arm and gets off of the sofa, making his way to join Jinki in his little section of the room. Jinki doesn't even notice until he's sat right across from him, but looks up with his mouth slightly agape and the flicker of confusion in his eyes.

"Talk to me." Jonghyun says quietly, neither a request nor a suggestion. It's merely him wanting to hear whatever is on Jinki's mind.

Jinki stares at him for a long minute, the sound of the television blurred in the background with the sound of Minho's snoring. He'll never admit to it in person, but the rest are already used to Minho's snores.

"I just... realized how much I'm going to miss all of you when we graduate." Jinki explains, and his eyes roam over the sleeping trio in a fond manner.

It's the first time he's even brought up graduating, Jonghyun realizes. While Jonghyun had been so excited about accepting a position at a music label nearby as one of their artists, he had yet to even hear of Jinki's plans of the future. Some part of him wasn't even sure if Jinki had a plan for the future.

"Do you know what you want to do yet?" Jonghyun asks, though he's distantly aware of the way his heart drops. For what, he doesn't know, but maybe it's the idea that someday he won't be able to see Jinki whenever he wants; that Jinki won't just be a few blocks away.

"I want to sing." Jinki answers, with a grin on his face that's so wide that it has Jonghyun's heart fluttering,

"When I was young, my mom used to say that my voice has a healing quality to it. I don't know how true that is, but I want to use my voice to heal others."

All of a sudden, he looks shy, embarrassed, as he lifts a hand and rubs at the back of his neck,

"That sounds a little arrogant, doesn't it?"

Which it would, if it were anyone but Jinki. But this is Jinki we're talking about. Jinki, who hates the idea of hurting an insect because it can't fight back. This is Jinki, who would sit up with Jonghyun on nights where his insomnia would hit him and sing lullaby after lullaby until Jonghyun's eyelids felt heavy enough to let him drift of.

"I think that sounds perfect for you." Jonghyun reassures him, his voice quiet like their conversation is meant to be a secret just between them.

He can tell, from the way Jinki seemingly melts at his reassurance, that he's needed to hear that. He's always felt like he wasn't good for much more than his voice, which was something Jonghyun had vehemently disagreed with, even though he understood the sentiment. There were times when Jonghyun also felt like he would be nothing without being able to make his music. When he had brought it up to the elder, though, Jinki always had this confident little glint in his eyes as he reminded Jonghyun that he was meant to be on stage performing. 

Which was ironic, when he thinks about it. Jonghyun could and has said that about Jinki, but the elder only ever seems to have enough confidence for Jonghyun, never any to spare for himself.

"I'll come see your shows." Jonghyun said, then, his smile only widening when he sees the red dusting across Jinki's expression. He's had a lot more to drink than Jonghyun, but his tolerance level makes it take longer for the affects to kick in.

"Me too," Jinki swears in the quiet of the night, reaching out to clasp a hand around Jonghyun's and hold on for dear life like Jonghyun's going to disappear if he doesn't,

"I'll be your biggest fan."

And Jonghyun hopes that the heat he can feel on his face is just from how much alcohol he'd drank.

Jinki looks over his shoulder at Kibum, his little smile turning a little sad around the edges. It's so slight that it's almost missed all together, but Jonghyun still manages to catch the subtle change. He wants to ask about it, ask why Jinki's looking so dejected all of a sudden.

"Hyung?" Jonghyun calls out, realizing a little too late that Jinki's already taken his hand back and was already starting to stand up.

"I'm assuming you're all going to spend the night, seeing as I have two deadweights on my bed." Jinki says in amusement, but his gaze is fixated on anything that isn't Jonghyun.

"Is that okay? I'm sure I can wake Kibum up and drag him back to my room." Jonghyun replies, almost unsure of himself. He doesn't understand why he's suddenly so reluctant to even talk about Kibum, about their relationship, to Jinki. It's not like its been a secret from the elder, after all.

Jinki clears his throat and heads to his closet, tugging out extra blankets and a sleeping bag so that he can sleep on the floor, "You and Bummie can take Changsun's bed. I already messaged him about it, and he won't be back for a couple of days."

Which makes Jonghyun snort. Changsun's need to party was one of the reasons Jonghyun had broken up with him to begin with. Jinki's amused too, according to the little grin on his face, even as he turns and puts all of his attention into setting his sleeping bag up. Jonghyun watches him for a second, unsure of why his heart felt so heavy, but had eventually taken Jinki's suggestion and shook Kibum awake long enough to have the younger boy move to Changsun's bed.

As he's finally dozing off to sleep himself, enveloped in an alcohol fueled buzz and with Kibum's solid weight beside him, Jonghyun can't help the way that he cranes his neck in order to look for Jinki. He's not sure why, but he feels the need to make sure that Jinki's still right there with him.

And he is. All alone in the other corner of his own bedroom, curled up in a sleeping bag on the floor, Jinki's peaceful and sleeping face is the last thing he sees as the darkness overcomes him.

God. Why did he switch to engineering of all things? Jinki's good at studying, but the formulas staring back at him in his textbook is making his head spin. It's no one's fault but his own and he knows it, but he asks himself again why he hadn't chosen something that would have been easier for him in his last year of school. Switching to something as complex as Engineering meant Jinki had a lot of schoolwork to cram into just to catch up with the other fourth years.

And still, there was a high chance he'd need to stay another year or so just to be able to learn everything he needs for this degree.

He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair and ignoring the fact that his pen had exploded and there was now ink on his hand and in his hair. He'd have to worry about that later, right now he needs to remember how to solve this equation, and if he stares at it any longer he's just going to start hyperventilating.

Okay. No. He's hyperventilating now. It's over. Too late. Leave him to fade into nothingness because that would be better than doing math.

When he was in high school, his exam grades were good enough that the school crowned him second in class, but that was such a long time ago and Jinki had spent more time on his music than on other subjects like algebra. It was almost a different world entirely, from the one he was so used to.

He snaps the book shut, putting his head down on the cold textbook and letting the coolness seep into his skin. It's already doing wonders for his throbbing head, he finds. It's keeping his thoughts at bay and helping him regain control of his breathing.

He just needs to -- he's just going to -- close his -- eyes for -- a -- minute.

And that little nap is well received by his body, because he's been so worked up about everything that he's been torn between bouts of sleep paralysis and insomnia, forced to have more time with his doom-laddened thoughts than he'd have liked. He doesn't dream here; but for whatever reason, napping out in the common area on the floor with his head pressed onto the textbook he'd been reading on the common area's table just feels so much better than the isolation of his bedroom. He had been so happy to have a room to himself, but has realized that shutting his only true friends out had hurt him more than its helped him.

It's not apparent how much time's passed since he's allowed himself drift off to sleep, but Jinki's stirred back to consciousness when he feels Jonghyun's fingers in his hair. He knows its Jonghyun, because the younger has distinctly long and slender fingers, and Jinki's spent a lot of time staring at them when they've worked together on music compositions in the past. He knows its Jonghyun, because Jonghyun's quiet as he Jinki's hair and his cologne is strong and embraces Jinki in the same way that a hug would.

He knows its Jonghyun because there's something soft, maybe a jacket of a blanket, that's been draped over his shoulders, which was something so thoughtful that only someone who knew how he gets cold so easily would have even remembered that. As Jonghyun's fingers slowly, almost reluctantly pull away from his hair, Jinki's eyes flutter open. Jonghyun is only a few inches away from his face, he finds, eyebrows drawn in concern and Jonghyun's lips parted ever so slightly into an 'o'.

"Sorry. I guess I really needed that break," Jinki says, more to himself than to Jonghyun.

He's already regretting having fallen asleep, because now his back is sore from sitting up and sleeping and his neck is sore from the angle he'd been asleep in. Not to mention he's already behind on his studies and he still has to solve for 'x' on that equation and-

"Hey." Jonghyun cuts in, his voice quiet and calm in comparison to the panicked thoughts in Jinki's mind.

His gaze snaps over to Jonghyun's again, and the younger is sitting on the floor with him now, using his fingertips to wipe off some of the ink that was on Jinki's hair. Jinki waits to see if Jonghyun's got anything else to add or if he's just going to leave it at that, but Jonghyun's entirely too focused on dirtying his own hands with the ink on Jinki's hair that he doesn't even notice he was in the middle of saying something.

"I can just go wash up, Jjong." Jinki mutters in embarrassment.

He's not used to being the one that's being taken care of, and finds it humiliating when his younger friends, who he's supposed to be doting on, are forced to reverse their roles and take care of him themselves. It's not on them to take care of him like he's a child, and he should be more self reliant.

Jonghyun's gaze flickers back to him, and there's something like sympathy flickering in his dark brown eyes. It's an emotion that Jinki's never really received from anyone before, let alone from Jonghyun, who had been through heartbreak after heartbreak and still found the strength to stand afterwards.

"You're being too hard on yourself." Jonghyun says all of a sudden, his voice quiet even as he reprimands Jinki.

Jinki in a breath, surprised by Jonghyun's observation. Jonghyun's got a sharp eye and he knows that already, but he doesn't usually use his observational skills on Jinki of all people. Lately, he's been focused on Jinki in ways that he hasn't been in years. Jinki doesn't know if it's pity or something more, but finds himself greedily accepting the attention now that he's got it.

"I'm not being hard enough on myself." Jinki murmurs, dropping his gaze back to the textbook he'd abandoned earlier. Even with it being closed, it feels like it's taunting Jinki,

"I'm already so far behind everyone in my major and I just can't seem to be able to keep up, and-"

Jonghyun cuts him off by cupping Jinki's face with those beautiful hands, his slender thumbs being used to caress Jinki's cheeks like he's someone so precious. Jinki's taken aback by the change, wonders if Jonghyun's using him as a placeholder while he's recovering from the end of his relationship with Kibum.

"You're the same freshman who solved an advanced math problem that even that year's senior students couldn't figure out," Jonghyun reminds him,

"And you won an award for that, remember?"

Which he hadn't, in fact, remembered, up until Jonghyun had brought it back to the forefront of his mind.

But that was --

"No, It wasn't actually that long ago." Jonghyun says with the briefest roll of his eyes.

Jinki's mind is sent reeling. They had been so distant since Jonghyun had started dating Kibum that Jinki forgot how well the younger actually knew him. To be able to even cut off Jinki's negative thoughts before he can voice them shouldn't have his heart feeling as weak as it does.

"You are the most brilliant person I've ever met. You are more than just a voice, and I think it's time you realize that for yourself." Jonghyun continues, like he can't see the way Jinki's eyebrows fly upwards.

It's in reference to a conversation they had almost a year ago while they were both a little buzzed. While Jinki could never forget those moments of privacy he's had with Jonghyun, he never thought they'd be important enough for Jonghyun to remember them as well.

"You really think I can do this?" Jinki asks him now, his voice nearly trembling from the overwhelming surge of emotion he feels all of a sudden.

"I don't think there's anything you can't do, Jinki." Jonghyun reassures him; and while his insecurities are still so heavy that he can't buy all of the words Jonghyun's giving him, he appreciates the sentiment behind them.

He might not have all that much faith in his own abilities, but he's at least grateful enough that Jonghyun does. If Jonghyun really does believe in him, and remains at his side even throughout all of what he's going through, surely he'll be able to get through it.

hi! thank you for coming back to read another chapter of this installment. i realized that i had a plot i forgot to follow so i'm trying to get back into it. hahaha it's a little difficult because i'm the kind of writer that lets the characters just create themselves? if that makes any sense? so i have no idea how i'm going to get to the end i want from here but it's a lot of fun to write this piece. thanks to all of you for liking this, commenting, subscribing -- all the things. i really appreciate it, and appreciate knowing someone out there is reading this. i'll see you next week!