Kibum winces as the skin on his back pulls, and he already knows without looking that it's bright red and going to scar within the next few days. He can't really say he regrets this weekend trip, but he does regret letting Minho's shirtless, water-covered body become his gaze's main focus.

It starts with a long weekend. There's a holiday that cancels all classes on a Friday; and it's too short to go home, but too long to do absolutely nothing either. Kibum gets home the Thursday before after a long day of designing outfits to see the two sofas of their suite already preoccupied.

Minho is there. So is Jonghyun. And Taemin.

And, surprisingly enough, Jongin. While the newcomer has been over quite a few times in the past, it's his first after he and Taemin -- well, are they actually dating? Taemin's never said anything.

But the little group is just a little rowdy as Minho and Jonghyun, sat on the two different sofas, play a racing video game on the television. By the sound of Minho's loud, exuberant tone, he's in the lead. Taemin's even cheering from him, which isn't unusual. Jongin's sitting on the other couch with Jonghyun, not a hint of nervousness to be found on his face as he cheers for the elder beside him.

It's a fond little picture, Kibum thinks. He pulls his cellphone out and snaps a picture to keep for nostalgia's sake.

Its as his phone makes the clicking noise to take a picture that his presence is even noticed, and Minho's looking at him all puzzled as his gaze zeroes in on Kibum's phone.

"Kick his , Minnie." Is all Kibum says, his lips curved upwards.

"You don't need to tell me twice." Minho answers, the slightest little glint of mischief sparkling in his eye. Jonghyun throws a glance in Kibum's direction, but his lips are also curved upwards.

"I won't make it easy for him!" Jonghyun hollers, likely to himself, as he smashes buttons on the video game controller in his hands. He might not even know what he's doing, seeing as he's only a little less technologically inept than Jinki.

And it's a little surprising that he and Jonghyun can even coexist. They're nowhere near as close as they'd been before they had even started dating, but Kibum feels less snappy, less aggressive whenever Jonghyun or Jinki are around. It may have to do with Minho, though; and the way that just a simple look from him causes Kibum's anxieties to loosen. When Minho looks at him like that, Kibum can face the entire world.

"Move over so I can sit." Kibum directs at Taemin and Minho; and while Taemin gives him a dirty look for the command, he obliges and shifts over to make space between them. It wasn't exactly what Kibum had in mind, but he still takes the seat between them.

Minho's like a furnace, the side of his body pressed up against Kibum in a way that makes Kibum feel like he's melting into him. He finds that he doesn't mind, either.

When Minho beats Jonghyun, because of course he does, he reaches out and squeezes Kibum's hand. He's also hollering out of sheer joy, so he doesn't notice what may just be an impulsive reaction. Kibum does, though. His hands had been loosely held on his lap. Minho had to go out of his way just to get to them.

Minho passes the controller over to Taemin around Kibum's shoulder, but his hand remains covering Kibum's. When the slighter looks up to question him, Minho's just looking down at him with a soft little grin on his face that makes his heart want to flutter.

He doesn't say anything. They just kind of stare at each other. There's noise all around them, but Kibum can't see anything, can't hear anything. He's focused on Minho, on the feeling of his bigger, more muscular hand joined with his own. It's been like this recently, since that day that Minho had more or less saved him from Lee Changsun. Subtle glances, staring contests, feeling like they're lost in their own personal moments -- it's all a little too much, but also so perfect.

The moment is broken when the door to their suite opens, and he's distracted from Minho by Jinki, who has a little smile on his face as he walks in with his cellphone pressed to his ears. He's been so stone faced and depressed lately that even this little momentary happiness is a glimpse at the real Jinki they've all been missing.

Jinki looks up at them, and the smile on his face seems to widen. Kibum sees Jonghyun out of the corner of his eye, watches the soft little smile that takes place of the petulant pout that had formed when Minho beat him just minutes prior.

"I'll see you tomorrow, mom. I'm hanging up now," Jinki says, and he's distracted for a moment as he pulls his phone away from his ear and tucks it into his pocket. He comes to a stop before them, hands joined together in front of him as he seemingly weighs the words he wants to say in order to decide what he wants to say.

"Is something going on?" Kibum asks, raising a single eyebrow. Sometimes, Jinki needs a little prompting to get to the point.

Jinki takes in a deep breath, "If none of you are going away for the weekend, would you like to go to the beach with me? My mom says they have excess meat at the store so I was thinking we could grill some meat and seafood and just enjoy a day off campus?"

He's rambling a little out of nervousness, which is something that's so much like him. Kibum hadn't realized how much he's missed Jinki until this moment.

Jinki's parents own a butchery and restaurant, and often send little bundles of expensive cuts of meat for the little group to enjoy.

"Yes." Come all four boys' responses, because who would say no to the offer for free barbecue meat? Especially when it's Jinki who's asking?

"Can I invite my roommates?" Jongin's hesitant voice asks, and Kibum nearly melts at his question. He's always known how well Jongin balanced Taemin out, but moments like these are firm reminders of it.

Jinki doesn't even answer, just puts a hand in Jongin's hair and ruffles it on his way to his room. It's an approval of the request, one that didn't even need to be made.

Jonghyun is silent even as Jongin and Taemin and even Minho start discussing the little details; and Kibum isn't even surprised when Jonghyun stands up and trails off in the direction of Jinki's bedroom. He doesn't go in, just stands out there with a hand held up like he wants to knock.

Kibum doesn't know what's going on between the elder pair, but it sure seems like something did change between them.

The following morning, their little group and Jongin's larger group take the bus and travel out an hour to a beach, where Jinki's actual parents are waiting for them. They don't stay, just politely wish them a good time and leave them with a substantial amount of meat and seafood for grilling.

Not even an hour later, most of the boys are already frolicking in the water, including a half Jonghyun and Minho. Taemin and Jongin are off collecting seashells, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are building a sandcastle of all things, Joonmyeon's hanging back at the grill with a diligently working Jinki, and both Jongdae and Kyungsoo are cringing on their own towels beside Kibum. It's likely they're also feeling the effects of the sunbeams on their bare skin.

Minho is truly in his element. He loves all things that have to do with athleticism, and isn't afraid to show his body to anyone. The water makes his skin glisten, and the sunlight that bounces off him hits Kibum right in the eye. He's seen Minho shirtless before. He's even seen the boy swim before. But this -- there's really no way to describe how this makes him feel, aside from how dry his throat feels all of a sudden.

Belatedly, he realizes Jonghyun's there. Jonghyun's also half and he's also glistening under the sunlight, but Kibum's eyes never stray from Minho too long.

And when it gets closer to dinner, the boys in the water are hungry enough to take a break for the food that Jinki's prepared with Joonmyeon's help, and Minho walks directly towards him without breaking eye contact, Kibum wonders to himself if it's possible to go crazy from the surge of -- of oh god, is that desire?

Sure, he's not blind to how he's growing dependent on his roommate. He knows he feels differently about Minho than he previously had, but isn't it too early to be feeling like this about anyone? Especially with his ex being right there?

Minho's saying something, but Kibum misses the sounds coming from his lips as he stares at them, wondering how hot they would feel against his skin.

And then he catches himself, because it's one thing to feel a crush for his roommate and feeling desire for him is something else entirely. 
 

Minho is just a little concerned. For Kibum's sanity, or whatever is left of it. He'd been staring in their direction all morning and afternoon, ignoring the fact that he hadn't put sunscreen on. It's something Kibum would have never forgotten if he hadn't been distracted.

And Minho wishes so hard that Kibum was staring at him. He doesn't feel self conscious about it at all, because he's always been proud of his capability to maintain his physical appearance. But he's also aware that Jonghyun's been in the water with him all afternoon; and why would Kibum be looking at him with all of that intensity when Jonghyun is there?

"Any longer without the sunscreen and you're going to bake. Literally." Minho tells him, hoping that he's able to bite back the frustration that's building in his chest.

Every time he thinks they're getting a little closer, he feels like he's still eons away from having Kibum's attention all to himself.

Kibum, who had seemed a little lost in thought as he approached earlier, snaps back to his senses, leaning his head back like he's been completely caught off guard.

"What?" Kibum asks him, blinking those eyes like it's supposed to clear whatever thoughts he's been thinking away.

Minho finds that he's a little curious about what he's thinking, but knows that Kibum isn't the type to respond well to prying.

Instead, he bends down to the bag that had been sitting right beside Kibum and holds up the bottle of sunscreen that was laying right at the top of it. He wonders if Jonghyun is just so distracting of a sight that Kibum would leave something like this behind when his skincare usually meant so much to him.

Kibum watches him in silence, swallowing thickly like he's in fear of something. Minho thinks back to when he'd yelled at Kibum and called him pathetic, and he fights back a sad smile as he crouches down to be at eye level with the slighter boy.

"Why don't you let me put some sunscreen on your back?" He asks, his voice ever so gentle as he shakes the little bottle of cream in the air between them.

Kibum swallows again, his eyes darting from Minho to the sunscreen. His fear is -- is it increasing? Is it because it's Minho and not Jonghyun who is offering? Jonghyun's already  laid a little towel near where the tide comes in so he can work on some songwriting. He wouldn't be any good company for Kibum.

And, thinks Minho, he doesn't want Jonghyun to accompany Kibum. He wants that to be his role. Has wanted that for so long that he's not sure he'll be able to step back again for anyone else.

"Bummie?" He asks, because Kibum is acting all sorts of odd, and that's just not like Kibum.

The slighter clears his throat, shifting forward in his seat and giving Minho enough space behind him on his beach towel.

"You're not planning to tickle me, right?" Kibum asks, his tone sarcastic and biting; but if he's trying to pick a fight, he's not doing a good enough job at riling Minho up.

Minho has to hold his breath as he gets down onto the beach towel, close enough to see the dents and blemishes on the expanse of Kibum's back. He's not muscular, not like Minho and Jonghyun, anyway; but Kibum's years of dancing has left him with a toned abdomen and legs regardless.

This close, Minho can smell the expensive shampoo Kibum's used the night before. He can smell the slighter's cologne, feel the tickle of his hair in his nose when he gets closer than he has to in order to lather his back in the sunscreen.

And, he realizes, that even without meaning to, he's managing to tickle Kibum. His fingertips are dancing along Kibum's skin, and Kibum is nearly squirming from the pressure of it.

Minho clears his throat, trying to distract his thoughts, "You didn't want to go in the water? We rarely get to come out here."

Kibum turns his head to catch his gaze, a spark of questioning in his eyes. He's not much of a beach goer, which he thought was clear when he'd scrunched his face and threw his shades on. It didn't stop Minho from attempting to have him join them in the water, though.

"I think you and Jonghyun are having enough fun in there for the rest of us." Kibum answers, and he's even rolling his eyes. It's either in amusement or exasperation, but his lips are pressed into a firm line that doesn't help Minho decipher the tone.

"Do you..." Minho starts off, and he's clearing his throat as he tries to figure out the best way to word this without spooking Kibum into thinking Minho's trying to be cruel again,

"Do you feel anything when you see him?"

Kibum hums as he turns his head back around. Minho feels the weight of the loss, wanting nothing more than the opportunity to see Kibum's face and judge his expressions for himself.

"He's handsome, but..." Kibum trails off, and he doesn't look like he wants to complete the thought.

Which is hard for him, Minho thinks, because Kibum's lack of a filter makes it nearly impossible for him to hold things back.

"But?" Minho asks, and he's nearly done with the sunscreen. He's about to lose his reasoning to be close to Kibum, and they've only barely been able to spend time together during this trip.

Kibum rolls his head back, and now his head is tilted back enough that he's looking up at Minho again. His eyes are piercing through him, and Minho suddenly feels like the air had been sapped out of his lungs. It's only Kibum with this kind of control over his body. And he's never even seemed to realize it.

"He's handsome, but so are you." Kibum answers with a little shrug. Which both answers his question but doesn't answer his question.

Its a little vague, too, which drives Minho crazy. He knows he should feel relieved, especially in knowing that Jonghyun isn't on a completely different level than he is anymore; and yet, Minho can't help but wonder just how it is that he can lessen the elder's influence on Kibum's life.

But there's the slightest dusting of red on Kibum's cheek that has Minho's attention narrowing. He said it casually, like Minho and Jonghyun are equal. Which may just mean that part of Kibum's starting to think about Minho, not about Jonghyun. Which is both a relief and utterly terrifying at the same time. He has the utmost confidence in himself as a person and a partner, but he's also aware of the big shoes he'd have to compete in. Even if Kibum is actually starting to move on, and even if it's Minho he's wanting to move on with, it's not a pace that Minho can set for them. For Kibum, whose heart was still healing, he needed to learn for himself when he'd be ready to try again.

"You think I'm handsome, huh?" Minho counters, just a little teasing because he knows it riles Kibum up.

Kibum rolls his eyes and shoves at him to put some distance between them, grabbing his discarded tee shirt as he gets himself back up to his feet.

"Everyone thinks you're handsome." Kibum retorts with another roll of his eyes.

But Minho won't let him leave it there. Can't let him leave it there. His hand shoots out just before Kibum is out of reach, and his fingers curl around the slighter's palm.

"I'm not asking everyone, Bummie." Minho murmurs, and the sound of the waves gently crashing into the shore beside them is all that's heard beside his voice,

"I'm asking you."

Because he's only ever wanted to look handsome to Kibum. He's only ever wanted to matter to Kibum. Everyone else could just fade away.

Kibum glances down at their hands, and Minho's chest seizes a little. There's a crippling sense of rejection. All Kibum really has to do to break his heart right now is pull his hand away.

But he doesn't. He stares in silence for a good moment. It feels like it stretches on forever. And then he drags his eyes back up to Minho's, and there's this small flicker of confusion, maybe adoration.

Kibum sighs, then, and he fidgets within Minho's grasp until his fingers are intertwined with Minho's and they're holding hands.

And Minho's heart is threatening to jump out of its rib cage, because. Kibum follows that surprise with this next one.

"I think you're the most handsome man in the entire world."

Which, uttered by anyone would be an ego boost and warm his heart; but is only made extremely special because it's Kibum, who ducks his head as the faint dusting on his cheeks explode until his face is entirely red. 
 

"Here's a cute one." Taemin offers, crouching to pick up another little shell for Jongin's growing collection. It's a collection that they've only just started on their trip; but Jongin's a sentimental person and Taemin really likes that about him.

Okay. No. Taemin more than likes that about him. But the word that comes after like is a little difficult for him to utter. Mostly because of all the implications that come with it.

If things don't work out now, while they're still in that grey area of between friends and lovers, things will be awkward but he's sure they can figure out their friendship again enough to at least be civil. He doesn't really need more than that, either.

But, on the other hand, if things happen not to work out between them once they make it official, he'd be crushed. He'd be crushed, and Jongin would be crushed, and he didn't even want to imagine his childhood friend crying because of him.

"What do you think of this one?" Jongin calls out as he jogs over, and there's a little blue seashell in his hands. He always holds them like they're going to shatter and disappear, his fingers ever so gentle as he flips them over and over in his grasp.

"It's beautiful, Jongin." Taemin reassured him with a soft little grin, but he's only barely glanced at the shell. He can't even begin to pull his eyes away from Jongin, with the sun and waves as his backdrop.

"I found another one for you!" Chimes another voice, and both Jongin and Taemin look over to see Sehun padding over to them.

Sehun is actually Jongin's roommate, and at one point Taemin had thought that they would date. Tall, goofy, sarcastic Sehun was nearly inseparable from Jongin, and they were known as a fierce dancing duo in their department.

He can't help the little spark of jealousy that sets a fire ablaze in his stomach. He shouldn't be worried. Jongin's never flirted with Sehun and Sehun's never flirted with Jongin - but he can't help if. Not with how well he thinks the two would go together.

"Oh that is beautiful. Thanks, Sehunnie." Jongin says with that tiny little smile that's usually reserved for Taemin. It nearly makes his skin crawl.

Taemin's not usually the jealous type. In fact, he typically hates the jealous type of people. But right this moment, he realizes how much he can relate with them. Maybe, until Jongin, he didn't have a reason to be jealous.

"I'll go look down there." Sehun says as he points further along the beach, and he's gone without another word.

"Taem look at-" Jongin cuts himself off, his hand held up midair and frozen with the little shell that's held in it. His eyebrows furrow, his smile fading from his face.

Taemin hadn't even realized he was making a face, or that any tension had been on it at all. He tries to wipe his face clean, at least so that he doesn't worry Jongin, but it proves to be no use.

"What's going on?" Jongin asks as he steps closer, placing his free hand on the crook of Taemin's elbow in an effort to ground him.

It works. It always works. Jongin always grounds him, makes him feel like he won't just slip away into his own head.

"Nothing. It's stupid." Taemin grits out, the words feeling so painful just to force out of his own throat.

He tries to turn, to go to where Jinki's got food ready so that he can take a little break from the scorching heat of the sun, but Jongin's still holding onto him and yanks him back.

"Don't do that, Taem." Jongin chides him, his voice just a little stern as he looks Taemin in the eye,

"You know we don't hide things. Not when we were friends, not now."

And he looks so serious, maybe even a little hurt. It's the truth, after all. Taemin has never hidden things from Jongin, and Jongin was the same way. The only thing that they had hidden were feelings, and on Taemin's part, that was only because he had just started understanding them for himself.

Taemin glances over Jongin's shoulder to where Sehun is picking up another shell so diligently. He hates this budding insecure feeling in his stomach.

"There's..." he tries fo muster the courage to ask the question, feeling so unsure of himself all of a sudden,

"There's nothing between you and Sehun, right?"

Jongin is silent as he takes in the question. He seems to be even baffled like that was the furthest thing from his mind. His mouth opens for some sort of comeback, but then shuts and his head shakes like he's just got to think about the answer a little more.

And then he moves. The shell in his hand drops because he's not paying attention to it anymore, his hand brought to the back of Taemin's head in order to pull him closer. Their heads collide gently, and Taemin's eyes flutter at their proximity. Like this, with their foreheads pressed together, his senses are almost completely overwhelmed by Jongin.

"Taem. You don't need to feel insecure." Jongin whispers into the fragile air between them,

"I want you. I've only ever wanted you."

And insecurity is a funny thing, isn't it? Because he knows Jongin means it and knows that he feels the same way, but he still can't help the way he starts to gnaw at his lower lip in hesitation.

"But what if-"

What if we don't work out?

The question hangs in the air for another second, and Jongin breathes out a sigh of what may be resignation as he tilts his head and presses the slowest and gentlest of kisses to Taemin's lips.

"That wont happen, Taem." Jongin says, his voice ever so gentle as it fans across Taemin's face,

"I love you. Only. You."

And Taemin's heart stutters. It stutters, skips a beat, flutters, lurches into his throat. While Taemin's been juggling how to even think about love, Jongin had said it so easily.

Except, maybe it's not as easy as it looks. There's a little flicker of vulnerability in Jongin's expression, and he's starting to pull his hand away. Taemin's silence is only giving him doubts.

And Taemin can't have that. He can be as insecure as the world wants him to be, but he'll never let anyone or anything cause him to make Jongin insecure

He clutches onto the hands that Jongin is trying to take back, pulling them back together and kissing Jongin with an intensity he didn't even realize he had within him.

Taemin's not the overly emotional type. Unlike most of his roommates, it takes a lot for Taemin to actually shed a tear or even get anywhere close to it.

But Jongin, when he looks at Taemin with those soft eyes full of understanding when their kiss ends, nearly takes him there.

"I love you so much." Taemin breathes out, even though he can tell from Jongin's expression that the boy knows even without being told.

And Jongin breaks into a grin. It's so wide that it nearly splits his face in half. Taemin can't help but follow the urge to kiss him again. Once, twice, many times more. As many times as Jongin will allow, anyway.

Which may just be millions of times, judging by the way he laughs at each kiss, but doesn't make the effort to stop Taemin from kissing him some more. He reciprocates each one of them, his hands dropping so that they can curl around Taemin's hands instead.

"Oh, so we're just making out in public now?" Sehun calls out, and the pair jumps apart to see him staring at them with obvious mischief on his face. He's even wiggling his eyebrows at them and making kissy faces to go along with it.

"Step aside, Jongin. It's my turn now." He says in a joking manner, and he steps back as a flustered Jongin steps closer.

 "You stay away from my boyfriend, Sehun!" Jongin hollers across the space between them, and his words seem to be enough for everyone in their friend groups to snap their heads in his direction.

Taemin wants to hide away from all of the attention they're receiving.

"Finally." Calls Kibum in bemusement, from over by the table where he and Minho are helping Jinki set up. Joonmyeon's trailed over to where Jonghyun's sitting to try and convince him to put his notebook down for a while so they can eat. The others are slowly trickling in from their various little spots along the beach, too.

The sound of their chuckles fill Taemin's ears, making him feel just a little warmer than he already had.

Boyfriend, huh? He could get used to that.

Jonghyun had long realized just how much of Jinki he's taken advantage of over the years of their friendship. It's only solidified as he's sat at their table and Jinki's rolling a lettuce wrap for him. He can do it himself like everyone else, but he's fixated on Jinki's slightly stubby fingers and how they fumble with the hot pieces of pork belly.

There are no complaints about this role from Jinki himself. He loves things like this, doing small things that are him feel of use to others around him. It's the same reason he spent the entire day preparing and cooking their dinner rather than enjoy the beach like everyone else.

Jonghyun himself had sat on a beach towel with his little notebook, the water lapping at his toes whenever it hit the shoreline. It was a beautiful day, and Jonghyun was suddenly so full of inspiration that when his fingers started writing along the page he was unable to stop himself.

But now, as he watches Jinki wrap up his lettuce wrap with a piece of roasted garlic and rice just the way he likes it, with just a small dip of sesame oil to pull it together, his heart flutters. It flutters, when Jinki brings the wrap to his mouth with a gentle 'ah' and he has one hand under Jonghyun's mouth in case any of it misses his mouth.

It flutters when he, without breaking eye contact, opens his mouth and allows Jinki to put the wrap in his mouth. And although him eating this is probably not the attractive sight he thinks it could be, Jinki's find little smile never wavers. Neither do his eyes.

And then he eyes Jinki's own plate, his lips curving downwards as he notes how the elder's plate itself is so empty. He's not sure if Jinki had just forgotten to take care of his own hunger or if he's still punishing and pushing his body unfairly; but this can't do. It won't do, and Jonghyun won't let it.

Just as Jinki starts to pull his hand back, Jonghyun reaches up and wraps his fingers around his wrist. His forefingers press against Jinki's pulse point, and Jonghyun can feel the quickness of the elder's heartbeat. Why the elder's heartbeat is quickening is beyond him, but the slight widening of his eyes catches Jonghyun's attention.

"Let me feed you, too." He murmurs, and Jinki's eyes flicker down to his lips and back up to meet his gaze. His eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, like he's confused as to why Jonghyun's even brought it up.

"I'm okay, Jonghyun-ah." Jinki answers, like he has much of a choice. He makes to pull his hand away, but Jonghyun is just a little more firm as he holds him in place.

"Just a little bit." Jonghyun tries, now, his tone soft and nearly pleading,

"For me. Please?"

And that seems to do the trick. Jinki's shoulders deflate, the elder relenting to Jonghyun's request. He has a lot of pride, and Jonghyun knows it's not easy for him to accept it when someone else wants to take care of him.

But for Jonghyun's sake, Jinki almost always puts his pride down. So, as Jonghyun finds the fattest piece of pork belly on his plate and wraps it up nicely, Jinki doesn't complain. He sits there, mouth open and waiting, even though there's the tint of embarrassment on his cheeks.

He turns his head away to cover his mouth, but Jonghyun's fingers are tingling from where they just casually brushed Jinki's lips. They're as soft as they look -- no, they're actually softer than they look. Jonghyun can't help but wonder how they'd feel against his own.

He catches himself when someone across the table clears their throat. When he turns his head, his gaze catches Kibum's. He's been leaned up against Minho during the entire dinner. Everyone's basically been in their own little worlds, but Jonghyun hadn't noticed until that very moment that someone was even looking in their direction.

There's a little tilt to Kibum's head, and a knowing little smile on his face. There's no hurt there in his expression; so if he is still hurting from their breakup, he's hiding it well.

Kibum turns his head, suddenly, and then Jonghyun's left to watch as he talks to Minho. They're bickering about the amount of garlic they want in their wraps; but while they're usually bickering, they're almost making it look forced this time around.

"Should we do a little jam session while we're here?" Baekhyun asks, gesturing over to where Chanyeol had deposited his acoustic guitar.

Seeing as everyone but Jinki is an art student, it shouldn't be much of a surprise that they want to make music together; but Jonghyun's eyes are focused on Jinki. He tries hard to hide it, but the way his head ducks ever so slightly is indicative enough of how crushed he feels that he can't join.

While the rest are working themselves up with excitement, hurrying to finish their dinner so they can be part of the session, Jinki turns and focuses on clearing things away so that they have less to pack up once they're done.

When Jonghyun turns his head back to suggest something else, he matches gazes with Minho. Minho, who shakes his head because they all know Jinki wouldn't want to ruin the group's fun just because of what he can't do.

So, the majority of the group, with the exception of Jinki, head over to where an empty bonfire pit sits, taking up the two logs. Jongdae and Sehun have gathered some timber for it, and Joonmyeon pulls out a lighter. It's a nice, comfortable heat that welcomes and embraces them in the slightly chillier night air.

And they jam. It's more laughter than music between the group of them, but it's still fun. It's fun when their voices meld together, and even fun when Kibum's going off on a high note that he claims he can't actually hit and manages to blow everyone whose an actual vocal major out of their seats.

It's fun, Jonghyun thinks, except when he notices that Jinki hasn't left from their little grilling table while there's nothing else to clean up, he hates that they can't sing together.

Joonmyeon, ever so observant as he sits beside Jonghyun, nudges his elbow. When Jonghyun turns to look, Joonmyeon is frowning.

"Is he okay?" Joonmyeon asks, his gaze shooting back over in Jinki's direction.

Jonghyun wants to say yes, but he can't. He can't even say no. There's no way for him to know how Jinki feels, because Jinki won't tell him.

"I don't know." Jonghyun answers, his face set and his eyes hardening in frustration as he realizes, yet again, that there's just too much distance between he and Jinki.

The 'I'm going to find out' is left unsaid as he gets up, crosses back to where Jinki is, wraps a hand around his forearm and drags him away. There's a little bathroom building at the beach, and Jonghyun pulls a resisting Jinki all the way to it, gently pushing the elder up against the building when they're out of view.

"Talk to me, Jinki." He nearly pleads. And it's his second time of the day pleading to Jinki like this, begging to be let in the way he used to be without having to ask.

Jinki doesn't even fight him, surprisingly enough. He's given up, probably had already expected for Jonghyun to pry because he had the tendency to do that when it came to Jinki.

"Taemin gave me a business card for another surgeon that can give me a second opinion of my throat condition." Jinki explains, but his head is ducked enough that Jonghyun can't really tell what's on his face. It sounds like defeat in his tone, though.

"You should do it." Jonghyun says, and he's set on this even if Jinki isn't. For a chance to get his voice back, Jinki should take it.

Jinki looks at him, but it looks like he's looking through him. He sighs, and his hands come up to forcibly remove Jonghyun's from his arms.

"I can't, Jonghyun." Jinki insists, which isn't like him.

"Why are you being such a coward?" Jonghyun asks in frustration, though he makes it a point to keep his tone composed. The last thing he'd ever want is to make Jinki cry again.

And Jinki looks wounded, like he can't believe that Jonghyun of all people would call him a coward.

"A coward?" He asks, then, his voice cracking as he echoes Jonghyun's word.

"A coward." Jonghyun repeats, this time a little harsher.

A series of emotions flicker across the elder's expression.

"What do you have to lose, Jinki? The worst case scenario would be that you can't sing again." Jonghyun tries again, softer this time.

The softer approach might be just what Jonghyun needs to get through to him.

"That's the point!" Jinki exclaims, and he's not hiding behind a mask of nonchalance, this time. He's frustrated, scared, annoyed. At Jonghyun, or at himself, it's not clear.

"I don't want to build my hopes up and get them crushed, again." And there are tears spilling out of the corners of his eyes.

The two of them stand in silence, punctuated by the tears Jinki's spilling and the sobs that rack his chest. Guilty, Jonghyun can only stare as the tears sting at his own eyes.

There he goes again, making the person he cares about most in the world cry again.

Their little stand off, if you can call it that, comes to an end when the door to the bathroom is shut. It's all that Jinki needs to wipe his eyes dry and muster up a small, forced smile.

"I'll be okay, Jjong." He mutters, his tone a little raspy and his eyes burning against his will,

"I just need to..."

Get over it, he thinks. Whether or not he likes it, his fear is crippling for him. If there's so much uncertainty in his future when it comes to his voice, why not keep things the way they are? At some point, his broken heart will mend itself.

Right?

"Bull." Jonghyun says, venom dripping from his tone.

Jinki's eyes widen at it. Why is Jonghyun so concerned about this, anyway? They were never going to go down the same path, anyway. While Jonghyun was sure to become an actual idol, making history with his musical talents, Jinki was likely to slink away due to his own shyness and indecision.

"What?" Jinki asks, taken aback.

"You heard me, Jinki." Jonghyun says, and he might be giving himself whiplash by the way his tone continually shifts back and forth between frustration and gentle worry.

"What would this world be without your music in it?" Jonghyun asks, his hands coming up to cradle Jinki's face. The elder is frozen, even as Jonghyun's thumbs brush at the stray tears on his face.

"Why does this matter so much to you, Jonghyun?" Jinki can't help but ask, and his hands come up as well. It's to take the younger's hands off of his face, but they still when their fingers touch. This feels so intimate that Jinki just doesn't know how to react to it.

I'm not Kibum, he wants to add, you don't have to worry about me.

But he doesn't, because he doesn't think it needs to be said. Since when has Jonghyun been this concerned about him of all people?

"Why?" Jonghyun asks, and he scoffs in bitter amusement,

"Because you're my best friend, Jinki."

But that doesn't -- is that really it? Is Jonghyun really pushing Jinki so hard in the name of their friendship? Doesn't he know Jinki well enough to give him some space, if that's the case?

Jinki hangs his head, and their hands fall off of his face in synch. They're no longer touching at all, and Jinki takes a step to the side to increase the distance between them. Getting close to Jonghyun is terrifying, especially when he realizes that Jonghyun means it.

Jonghyun thinks of him as his best friend. He would be utterly betrayed to learn that Jinki's never been content at just being friends. Jonghyun would likely hate him, think that Jinki's just trying to take advantage of the many acts of kindness he's shown to the elder throughout their many years of knowing each other; and he's not sure if he can live with that  

"We should get back to the others." Jinki says, because he's done with this conversation and being so close without being able to be closer.

"Jinki!"

Jonghyun calls out, but it's too late, because Jinki's already walking away from him,

"We're not done talking about this, Jinki!"

And before he can even really register what's going on, Jonghyun's caught up to him and yanking him back by the arm. His grip is strong enough that it nearly dislodges the elder's arm from its socket.

"Please just let it go." Jinki begs, feeling the last of his patience stretching thin as he yanks his arm back one more time.

Between the two of them, one always has to remain calm. That's usually Jinki's role. But even he has his limits.

"Or what?" Jonghyun asks, and he's pulling at Jinki again.

And then it happens. Jinki throws a fist as he's being turned around, tired of feeling like he's being backed into a corner and frustrated at his own inability to deal with his issues without dragging anyone else into them.

His fist is easily caught, since Jonghyun is admittedly the stronger of the two; but it doesn't stop Jinki from swinging wildly with his other fist. This one connects to Jonghyun's jaw.

Jonghyun, whose emotions typically rule his body's action, swings back. His fist connects Jinki's cheek, and pretty soon, they're rolling around in the sand as they wrestle with one another.

"Why can't you just stop pushing?" Jinki cries out, and he's straddling Jonghyun, pinning his hands to the sand like it'll stop him.

It doesnt, obviously. Jonghyun bucks his hips, and the momentum dislodges Jinki and gives him the opportunity to straddle the elder instead. They're both heaving out of anger; Jonghyun's jaw is already bruising and Jinki can feel the split in his lip aching.

"I just want you to let me in, Jinki." Jonghyun says, his chest still heaving even as he stops wrestling and slumps where he's sitting on Jinki's chest.

"Do you want to know why I'm such a goddamn coward, Jonghyun?" Jinki nearly spits, feeling the frustration that should be gone building again,

"I'm a coward because back when I told you I had feelings for you, you laughed in my face and then went out with my best friend the very next day!"

Jonghyun's eyes widen, and it's a comical sight what with the way his face is so swollen.

"What are you-"

But Jinki doesn't let him finish the thought.

"I'm a coward because I can't seem to get myself to walk away from you even though you've always chosen other people over me! I'm a coward because-"

And he feels the fight seep out of him,

"because I'm still as in love with you as I was the first day I met you, you . And I keep begging you to give me a little space so I can work things out but you just won't give!"

His rant ends when his voice cracks, and he throws his hands over his face. Losing his composure is humiliating in and of itself, but this wasn't how he wanted Jonghyun to ever find out about his damned feelings.

But he doesn't even get a chance for a rebuttal. All of a sudden, Minho's there and yanking Jonghyun off of him. He's not alone, either. Kibum and Taemin are with him; and the three of them look so concerned like they'd never expected either Jinki or Jonghyun to let their frustrations get the better of them in this way.

"What are you two doing?" Minho asks in the quiet of the night, his tone stern and worried all at once.

Jinki doesn't look at any of them as he climbs onto his feet, and his ankle feels like it's been twisted, but he ignores that as well. There are no words to excuse himself, or to explain his behavior to them and he knows it.

"You've been friends for three years. Are you really going to act like this?" Taemin adds to the scolding, which really seems to drive the point home for Jinki.

They're right, of course. They shouldn't let their frustrations be the reason their multi year friendship crumbles.

Jinki doesn't even spare another glance in Jonghyun's direction. He's said enough, and Jonghyun's stunned silence has been enough of an answer. He's probably disgusted by Jinki, by their fighting, by the feelings that had erupted into destruction and made way for despair.

"Jinki, wait." Jonghyun says, just as Jinki turns to walk away.

But Jinki is a coward, as we all know. Jinki hurries off, ignoring the call of his name and the feelings of regret and remorse building in his chest as he realizes that he's just ruined their friendship in a way that's unlikely to recover.

And more than that, he doesn't think he can ever forgive himself. For getting mad enough to fight Jonghyun. For punching that beautiful face.

For making him cry.

sorry that this chapter is a little shorter than most. I like where it ended and didn't want to add too much to it. it'll likely be a part 1/2 kind of chapter so the next one should resolve current tensions at least a little bit. depending on interest I might actually update sometime this weekend. let me know what you think! I'll see you soon. :-)