The ride back from the beach is full of tension. Jongin and his roommates don't know about what happened in detail, but the fact that the group is as far dispersed as it is seems to key them in.

Kibum is sitting beside Jonghyun towards the end of the bus, because he's sure that with the right amount of pressure, Kibum can get Jonghyun to at least talk to him.

Taemin is in the midst of Jongin and his roommates, because there's no real point to having Jongin or the others really worry about whatever is going on in their situation. Plus, they just made themselves official. They should spend more time in that new relationship glow.

Meanwhile, Jinki is sitting all the way up front with Minho beside him. He'd tried to sit alone, but Minho was the most stubborn out of their friend group for a reason. When it was clear the tall boy wouldn't back down, Jinki's shoulders deflated and he's made just enough space so that they could sit together.

Kibum makes eye contact with Minho, who seems to be just as lost in all of this as Kibum feels. They have no idea what prompted the two best friends to break into a fist fight in the middle of nowhere, but it can't have been something small. Jinki has too much patience to let small things affect him like that.

And as Minho turns away to try and talk to the elder once more, Kibum feels himself smiling. Minho's probably the best person to deal with the eldest, seeing how much like a dependable brother Minho tended to act like. It likely wouldn't take long for Minho to get something from him.

On the other hand ...

Jonghyun looks desolate. He's staring at the back of Jinki's head, and there's something akin to horror on his expression that had been there since they had originally broken up the fight. His face is swollen and one of his eyes is starting to turn black, but he seems to be more affected by the way Jinki won't even turn his head in their direction.

"He told me he loves me," Jonghyun tells him, unprompted,

"He said he's loved me since the day we met."

Which is truly a surprise for Kibum. Jinki, the oblivious type, was already aware of his feelings for Jonghyun? Then why hadn't he acted on them in the years that they had been friends? Jinki, the fearless leader of their little group, what was he so afraid of?

"And what did you tell him?" Kibum returns to him, because it couldn't have been good if it ended in the way that it did.

Jonghyun answers in silence. It speaks in volumes, even for Kibum. Of course he hadn't managed to say something. The usually charming Jonghyun must have been completely caught off guard if he had nothing to say in the face of Jinki's honest feelings.

"You two are such idiots." Kibum breathes out, and Jonghyun just hums his agreement. There's still the big possibility that Jonghyun doesn't even realize what he feels for the elder, on top of it all.

"Your songwriting notebook" Kibum mentions, and he's glancing at the backpack on Jonghyun's back.

Jonghyun's eyebrow raises as he moves to take the notebook out of his bag, though he makes no move to open it or to give it to Kibum.

"I know I shouldn't have, but I looked through it once," Kibum begins, and Jonghyun takes in a sharp breath to berate him about going through someone else's things, but Kibum silences him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Have you never noticed, Jonghyun? This book is something so sacred to you that you won't let anyone look at it, but Jinki is all over its pages."

Taken aback, Jonghyun lets his fingers flip through the pages, like he's never been aware of that fact before Kibum had brought it up. Knowing him, that's completely likely.

"His words, his name, doodles of him on nearly every page," Kibum continues, and he might be ranting a little, even as he works to keep his tone quiet enough that they're not overheard.

Slowly, Jonghyun closes his notebook and leans back in his seat, his eyes closing as he thinks through it all. Now that he's been brought, or forced, into paying attention to it, he'll spend a good while recounting their entire friendship until it clicks into place. Kibum is sure of that.

"Don't you think it would be too late now?" Jonghyun asks him, his tone unsteady, unsure. It's not what he's used to hearing from the charming elder.

"He says -" and he's swallowing thickly, blinking repeatedly to force his tears to quell,

"he says, that he wants to walk away from me, that I keep choosing other people over him."

Which, Kibum can see Jinki's side to that, if it's indeed true that Jinki knew all along of his feelings for Jonghyun. Why he's never said anything, or if he's ever said anything is between the two of them, but it could be heartbreaking to see the person he loves with someone else.

"If it were too late, I don't think you would have actually gotten into a fistfight." Kibum tells him, because that's the honest truth.

To outsiders, it may look like two friends who are at the end of their friendship; but to Kibum, it looked more like the two of them were so desperate for a way to be heard by each other that they fell back to primal instincts of punching their feelings out.

They need therapy, sure, but part of Kibum thinks that they might have needed that little brawl just to get to the next step of whatever their relationship is meant to become. It's been so long since they've been able to see eye to eye that only something dramatic could get them to look past their own insecurities.

"How am I even supposed to talk to him when he won't even look at me?" Is Jonghyun's next question, and it's followed by a hiccup that's loud enough that Kibum knows Jinki can hear it.

There's really no other excuse for the slightest quirk or the elder's head, like he's fighting the urge to look back after all.

They truly are idiots, Kibum thinks.

When he looks back at Jonghyun, noting the way he's trembling in his seat, his heart breaks for the elder.

"You know, I really loved you." Kibum tells him, though he's really just thinking aloud.

Jonghyun breathes a chuckle through his nose, but he's quiet for a little while.

"I really did love you, too." Jonghyun admits.

They had broken up before they could say it in person. At some point, Kibum wasn't even sure Jonghyun felt anything for him. But that wasn't the case. Jonghyun did love him. It's just that his love for Jinki outweighed everyone else.

And maybe for his pride, that hurts Kibum. But he gets it. Because when he looks at Minho, with his arm wrapped around Jinki's shoulder and his cheek resting against the top of the elder's head, he thinks there's someone he can come to love just as much as Jonghyun loves Jinki.

"What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of the word 'love'?" Kibum asks, now. It's just a test and he knows it.

Jonghyun knows it, too, judging by the outstretched silence between them. But then he tilts his own head, laying it on Kibum's shoulder as a mix of laughter and sobs slip past his lips.

"I think you chose the wrong career field, Bummie." Jonghyun mutters as he reaches out and clasps their hands together. It's not romantic in the slightest, just a friend looking for comfort from another,

"You should be a psychiatrist."

Kibum rolls his eyes, using his free hand to poke at the center of Jonghyun's forehead none too gently, "I'd go crazy if I had to deal with melodramatic idiots like you and hyung all the time."

They lapse into a comfortable silence, a little exhausted by the day of fun and tension. Kibum breathes out a sigh as his own eyes fall shut. They're still quite a distance from cam-

"I think about the smile that makes me feel like I'm basking in the sunlight," Jonghyun tells him all of a sudden, like the poet he is.

And really, Kibum thinks, the two idiots are so perfect for one another that he wonders how it had been possible for him to have missed their obvious feelings for so long. If he'd known about how gone they were for one another earlier, he'd have meddled a lot sooner if only to see that fond little smile on Jonghyun's face.

But, he thinks, some lessons have to be learned the hard way. If they hadn't split the way that they did, would Kibum have even realized that Minho was more to him than the annoying suitemate he'd once expected the tall boy to be?

Now, however, when he opens his eyes and sees that Minho had turned his head just enough that they could make eye contact from the distance, he realizes he wouldn't change his life even if he had the chance to.

Minho's not having the easiest time getting Jinki to open up. He'd already expected it when Kibum had told him to go off to comfort the elder, because he was used to how moody and difficult Jonghyun could he, opposed to Jinki who was so good at burying and bottling his own emotions.

Surprisingly, though, Jinki had taken his hand and squeezed it, asking for a few minutes just to be held while he gets his mind cleared up. His bloody and bruised face was so defeated that Minho had relented and spent a good portion of the bus ride merely being Jinki's teddy bear.

And then he shifts, sitting upright and letting Minho's arm that had previously wound around him fall to the seat between them. He glances out of the corner of his eye at the reflection of the other seats in the bus, where they can both clearly see Jonghyun and Kibum cuddling up in the back. While the same sight would have burned him with jealousy just a little while ago, he's not worried anymore.

He's not worried, because Kibum had been with him all throughout their beach dinner, had held his hand under the table even while they bickered pointlessly about garlic of all things.

He's not worried, because every time their gazes cross paths, there's the smallest dusting of red on the slighter's cheeks that tell Minho that Kibum is starting to want him.

"How long have you loved Kibum?" Jinki asks, his tone sounding nasally. It could be from the tears, or because of the fact that there's still a little blood trickling down from it. Minho cringes, but doesn't say anything about it.

"Since I met him." Minho answers honestly, and his shoulders shrug ever so slightly.

Jinki doesn't even seem surprised by his answer, just tilts his head forward to watch as he fidgets with his own fingers.

"How do you do it?" Jinki asks him, and he leans in the other direction so his head is resting against the glass window,

"I can't imagine it was easy for you to watch Kibum with someone else."

"It wasn't." Minho answers honestly, and he shrugs again. Jinki is typically the one with patience out of their entire group, Minho's just gotten a lot better at hiding his feelings than he should be.

"Let me ask you something, hyung." Minho says after a beat, and Jinki remains silent to give him the chance to continue on,

"What do you love about him?"

And Jinki doesn't even need a second to think about it.

"What isn't there to love?" Jinki counters, and there's a dreamy little smile that tugs at the corners of his lips,

"When he finishes writing a song and his entire body lights up with pride. When he hits a high note that he thinks is too high and then gets all bashful about it. When he gets angry and his filter shuts off and he thinks he's intimidating but he just looks like an angry little puppy..."

And he looks like he can go on for ages. He might even continue right then and there, but Minho stops listening as he lists his own reasoning for falling in love with Kibum.

How he treats everyone equally, regardless of class or education or age. How he can be effortlessly funny. How he seemingly knows every dance from a female idol group's repertoire. How he acts so tough and uncaring but will spend hours fretting over something small.

When Minho returns to himself, Jinki's fallen silent. He's fallen asleep, actually. Or maybe he's got a concussion. Minho jostles him a liftle, then surprisingly manages to dodge the hand Jinki's waving in the air to get him to stop.

He takes the chance to glance back in the direction of Kibum and Jonghyun and notes fondly that the pair of them have fallen asleep in their seats as well. Taemin and Jongin are still joking around with Jongin's roommates, but a quick glance in their direction alerts Minho to the dropping of Taemin's eyes as well.

It may have been Jinki and Jonghyun who were fighting, but they were all equally exhausted in the aftermath.

He quickly sets a timer on his phone, then allows his own eyes to shut, letting the vibrations of the bus be his lullaby all the way back to their college campus. They can figure out how to move past this once they get home.

Minho's not too worried about the elder pair. Jinki's a lot like Minho in that neither of them can sit back and let it go when the people they love are hurting because of them. Jinki's not going to let go of Jonghyun without a fight.

Hopefully, their next fight can happen behind closed doors, and this time without bloody noses.

He cringes at the thought of it, then dozes off.

When he awakens, they're at campus and the bus is rolling to a stop right in front of their dorm building. Minho shakes Jinki roughly, refusing to relent even when Jinki groans and tries to shove him off.

"We're home." Minho tells the elder, and then he's up and out of his seat. He makes quick work of nudging Taemin and Jongin up, then crosses to the back of the bus where Jonghyun and Kibum are still peacefully asleep.

He's not too gentle with Jonghyun, using his foot to nudge at Jonghyun's until the movement startles the elder awake. Using his disorientation as a distraction, Minho turns, crouches, and pulls Kibum onto his back. It's going to be an awkward piggy back, but he can't stand the thought of waking Kibum up when he's been so busy and stressed out about his schoolwork recently.

They're all silent as they clamber off the bus, and then as the group parts ways, Taemin's soft voice speaks out with,

"I'm going to spend the night at Jongin's. They already said it's okay with them."

And in all honesty, who can blame him for wanting a little distance between himself and the elder pair that can't even seem to look each other in the eye. Minho is slightly regretful that he doesn't have a backup place to take Kibum to so that the elders would be forced to talk things out without anyone between them.

And with the three of them walking back into their suite in utter silence, Minho just feels wrong. They've been best friends for too long for them to be acting like scared children around each other.

Minho himself is utterly silent as Jonghyun unlocks the front door of their suite, and he doesn't bother wishing them a good night as he steps in the direction of his shared room with Kibum. He has to make it quick, because Kibum is starting to slide down his back and he's not entirely sure he'll make it all the way to their room without dropping him. He's not heavy, the closeness just makes Minho's muscles feel weaker.

And then he sighs in relief when Kibum is safely placed in bed, and he slides the slighter's sneakers and socks off. The boy has a whole nighttime routine, but one night without it won't do anything to his perfect, blemish-free skin. Even if it does, Kibum will always be the most beautiful person in the world to him.

As he straightens up to take himself to bed, however, Kibum's hand shoots out, and even in the darkness of the night, Minho feels like he's drowning in the pools of brown that are Kibum's eyes.

"I know this is an awkward request and you can say no if you want," Kibum starts off, and his tongue darts out to moisten his lower lip. Minho is drawn to that movement like a moth to a flame,

"but do you -- want to maybe cuddle with me for a little bit? I didn't realize how anxious their fighting made me."

And indeed, his hand is trembling from where it's holding onto Minho. Even without it, Minho would be powerless in the face of Kibum's vulnerability. He crawls into bed, toeing his shoes and socks off and allowing Kibum to pull the blankets up and over them. It's almost too hot underneath the sheets, but they fit together so perfectly well that Minho can't even begin to mind it.

He falls asleep that night with his nose pressed to the nape of Kibum's neck and his arm draped securely over the slighter's waist. Kibum doesn't fight it. Doesn't even attempt to fight it, just curls closer so that his back is pressed into Minho's chest and they almost feel like one person rather than two.

He's already lost count of how many times he's sighed since witnessing two of his most favorite people in the entire world fighting. It's distressing enough that he had asked Jongin if he could possibly spend the night in their dorm room on the floor, just so he can have some time to clear his head and try to figure out a way to help the pair.

Jongin is sitting on his bed, watching Taemin as he sits on the floor in a sleeping bag, fiddling almost absentmindedly with the tips of his fingers. Taemin hadn't told him about what was going on, but Jongin can make a good enough guess based on the elder pair and how disheveled they'd both looked as the entire friend group had seemingly disappeared for a good while.

Sehun's not in the room with them. He and Jongin had merely shared a look, and then he'd grabbed his things and moved to sleep in Joonmyeon's room. He'd offered his bed to Taemin, too, but Taemin hadn't even really been paying attention to his words.

All of a sudden, there are hands covering Taemin's; and when he forces himself to look back up out of guilt that he'd made Jongin worry, his boyfriend is looking back at him with his expression full of nothing but concern.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" Jongin asks, and he's reaching out to use his thumb to brush at Taemin's cheek.

Taemin is just a little surprised, because he hadn't even realized he was crying until Jongin brought attention to it.

He stares at his boyfriend for a long moment, unsure if it's okay or not for him to disclose what happened between his friend group; but ultimately, he decides he trusts Jongin enough to tell him. After all, it's his boyfriend, and maybe Jongin can help him wrap his head around the whole damn thing.

"They were fighting?" Jongin asks him, the bewilderment in his tone strong.

Belatedly, Taemin realizes that he'd also felt bewildered when he'd seen it. He'd never even seen Jinki lose even the slightest bit of his patience over Jonghyun before. What could have happened in that short period of time where Jonghyun had dragged the elder of their friend group away?

"I have no idea how to help them get through this." Taemin admits to his partner. Unlike either Minho or Kibum, Taemin's not too good at handling anyone's emotions. He could only stare from the distance as he watched both Jinki and Jonghyun cry into their respective seatmate's shoulders.

Jongin is quiet for a beat, then reaches for Taemin and tugs him by the arms so that they get off of the floor and back onto his bed. It's more comfortable anyway, and it looks like the kind of night where Taemin can really use the extra comfort.

"Maybe this is just something they need to figure out for themselves, Taem." Jongin reassures him, and they're cuddled up in his bed that smells so much like him that it makes Taemin smile to himself. There's a television in the room that's playing a movie in the background, but their shared voices are loud enough to drown it out almost entirely.

"I just don't want them thinking I don't care about them." Taemin admits with a sigh, and his head is resting in the crook of Jongin's neck.

Jongin turns his head just slightly, pressing a kiss to the center of Taemin's forehead. His entire chest rumbles with vibrations whenever he speaks, Taemin notes.

"I don't think you have to worry about that, Taem." Jongin mutters against his forehead, and his hand is dragging up and down Taemin's arm in an attempt to calm him.

It works wonders.

"You think so?" Taemin asks, and he feels his eyes starting to shut again. The little nap he'd taken on the bus with everyone else suddenly feels too short.

Here, feeling so safe in Jongin's arms, hearing the sound of his heartbeats, Taemin thinks he'll be able to sleep soundly for the first time in a long time.

"All of them hate worrying you, Taem." Jongin points out, and he gives off a small, dry chuckle. It's the truth and Taemin knows it, but it's still something he doesn't always think about.

He'd hit the jackpot when he first started classes and run into the elder pair. Back then, he'd wondered if they were dating, had eyed them with increasing interest because he'd seen them together at any time of day and had come to expect to see them together.

But then Jonghyun had started going out with that seedy Changsun guy and Jinki was acting like nothing was out of the ordinary, and had introduced the youngest to Minho and Kibum, and they along with Jonghyun had easily adopted him into their little friend group. While kids his own age shunned him and picked on him, the elder friend group never seemed to have enough of his attention.

He got vocal lessons from Jinki, and then from Jonghyun because they had closer musical interests. Minho was fun because he got so competitive over the smallest things and they were the closest in age so Taemin naturally thougut of him as another older brother. Kibum was a strong dancer even though he wanted nothing to do with performance art, and they'd spent countless hours working on their dances whenever Taemin was feeling restless or uninspired.

On the other hand, Jongin's friend group, which had started out with such a high number, lost quite a few. Some transferred out without saying anything. Some just moved on through graduation, even though they attempted to keep in touch at first. Jongin had cried over each and every one of them, and it had really been a reminder that Taemin needed that his dramatic but loving friend group were one of a kind.

"You always know what to say to help me feel better, Jongin." Taemin says into his chest, and he presses a small kiss to it, because Jongin has such a beautiful heart that he hopes he never hurts in any way.

Jongin chuckles in that fond, bashful way of his. He's thinking up something to say that'll distract Taemin and diminish the affect of his words. But Taemin's caught on this time.

He lifts his head just a little, making sure that they're able to look each other in the eye. The lights from the television are bouncing off of Jongin's pupils, and he looks so soft and cozy in that sweater he's wearing to bed. Taemin reaches up, cupping the side of his face and leaning in slowly enough that Jongin can move away if he really wants to.

He doesn't, though. So Taemin plants a soft, slow kiss to the center of Jongin's lips, and their lips move in time with one another's. He can get drunk from the feeling of being able to kiss Jongin alone, Taemin thinks.

When they pull back for air, with Jongin's fingers curled around the collar of his shirt like he's ready to pull Taemin back in just a moment, Taemin goes willingly. At this point, it'll take the end of the world to get Taemin to let them part.

But while his hormones are running rampant and his fingers itch with the curiosity to explore every plane and dent of Jongin's skin, his exhaustion from earlier wins out. He pulls away from their kiss to yawn, and the force of it is so strong that his entire body shivers and shakes.

And Jongin, who cares more for Taemin's wellbeing than his own growing , laughs. He laughs, and then he reaches for the remote and turns the television off, and he has an arm stretched out in beckoning to get Taemin back into his chest for the night.

He doesn't need much more convincing. Taemin easily curls up against his chest again, his yawn growing heavier and louder as he fights desperately to remain at least a little conscious.

"Jongin?" He asks. He knows Jongin's not asleep yet because he doesn't hear the boy's soft but persistent snoring yet.

"Why are you still awake, Taem?" Jongin asks in amusement, and his hand lifts so that he can card his fingers through Taemin's hair. It's an act he knows will soothe Taemin to sleep faster. It feels so unfair that Jongin even knows about it.

"I just wanted to thank you." Taemin murmurs sleepily.

The fingers pause from their ministrations, and he can already imagine the way Jongin's eyebrows must be furrowing in confusion.

"Thank me for what?" Jongin asks.

"For loving me so much." Taemin answers, which is something that makes him cringe in embarrassment. Really. Who thanks someone for loving them, anyway?

Jongin chuckles a little bit, ducking his head so that he can steal just one more kiss from Taemin's lips.

"it's not as hard as you seem to think it is, Taem," Jongin says to him, and that's the last thing he hears as he slips into his dream world for the night.

Jinki refuses to even look at him. They're still in the common area to their suite, and Minho and Kibum have been long gone into their shared room for the night. Minho's snores can already be heard.

There's so much to say and nothing to say all at once. He's not even sure how he can break the ice that seems to have formed all of a sudden between them.

Jinki had said some harsh truths that Jonghyun hadn't even thought about, and then his little heart-to-heart with Kibum had finally managed to help him open his eyes. Jonghyun may be oblivious to his own feelings, but once he begins to acknowledge them, there's no stopping his downward spiral.

But then, he also remembers what Jinki had said to him, with his eyes screaming in pain.

"I'm a coward because back when I told you I had feelings for you, you laughed in my face and then went out with my best friend the very next day!"

At the time it had been said, Jonghyun had no clue what the elder has even meant ​​​​​​ by it. But Kibum forcing him to open his eyes had brought the memory to the forefront of his mind almost like an assault.

It's the middle of their second year when Jonghyun joins Jinki and Changsun at a bar downtown. It's not his scene since he doesn't drink, and it's not Jinki's scene because he doesn't like people, but the two find themselves sitting at the bar counter with Changsun on the other side of Jonghyun anyway.

He had just called things off with a fling of his earlier that day. Well, that wouldn't be factually correct. He'd ended things because he caught the fling making out with a girl on campus. In public. At their school's cafeteria. Like he wasn't afraid of getting caught.

He wanted to forget the smug look in the bastard's face. When he's mentioned it to Jinki, Changsun had been there. There was a concerned look in Jinki's eye that Jonghyun had ignored, though; and the trio found themselves at a popular nightclub at the height of the evening.

"Let's get drunk tonight. My treat." Jonghyun offers, knowing that at least Changsun would be up for the chance to party.

"I'll drink you under the table, kid." Changsun says in that arrogant way of his, but Jonghyun thinks nothing of the tone.

Jinki, however, does. When Changsun turns away to talk to someone else, Jonghyun finds Jinki looking directly at him.

"Jonghyun-ah, I don't think this is a good idea while you're still hurting." And his tone is so soft, so worried, that it annoys Jonghyun to no end. Part of him even thinks Jinkinis making fun of him, because only he would get attached to a fling of all things. Jinki's never had this kind of issue with his flings.

To spite the elder, he drinks shot after shot until it feels like the entire world is spinning around him. Changsun is somewhere in the other end of the bar, flirting it up with some brawny man that looked like he'd at least be good in bed.

He's lost sight of Jinki, though. Which makes him feel uneasy, for whatever reason. Even despite how Jinki had been making fun of him earlier, Jonghyun couldn't feel at ease without Jinki right beside him.

"Jinki?" He calls into the crowd, pushing his way through the half bodies as he searches for the elder,

"Where are you Jinki?"

And then it feels like the angels are singing right into his head, because he spots the lonely Jinki waiting against the far wall. He looks entirely too anxious, Jonghyun thinks. It's not at all what someone should look like when they go to a club, anyway.

"There you are!" Jonghyun says, more like screams, as he lunges forward and wraps his arms around Jinki in order to pull him onto the dance floor.

"Jonghyunis this isn't a good idea!" Jinki pleas, though his voice is barely heard over the bass in the speakers around them.

And Jonghyun ignores his obvious disinterest. He dances around Jink, then pulls his reluctant arms until he's doing something that looks somewhat dance adjacent. At some point, Jinki even looks like he may be starting to avoid himself.

They dance together until the music turns sensual and people are starting to grind up on each other. That's the moment Jonghyun backs down, because why would Jinki want to do that with him when he barely wanted to do regular dancing with him?

Left without many other options, they get back to the bar, and Jonghyun finds himself looking down at the glass of rum he'd just ordered. It's his favorite drink to binge on until he forgets, anyway.

"Why do you think he cheated on me like that, hyung?" Jonghyun asks, and the turn of his mood was something he was trying so hard to avoid. No one likes to be around someone so obviously negative, after all.

"Because he wasn't the right person for you, Jonghyunie." Jinki says in that gentle tone of his, the one that nearly makes Jonghyun's heart flutter. He refuses to let it, though.

"The right person," Jonghyun scoffs as he downs the glass of rum he's holding, finally. He in a breath as it passes down his throat, enjoying the way the liquor coats his throat on the way down.

"Tell me, Jinki, who's the right person for me?" It's meant to be playful, but it's bitter in nature.

"Me." Jinki answers, but his eyes are focused on the glass of soju in his hand. He'd been nursing it for a while with seemingly no intent on finishing it.

And indeed, Jonghyun laughs. He laughs, because he should've expected that Jinki wouldn't take his heartbroken demeanor seriously. He already knows he's not the elder's type, so why would the boy even joke like that?

"That's a good one, hyung," he forces himself to say, even forces himself to laugh a little louder like it's genuinely funny. Moments later, Jinki's laughter is following after his.

A few minutes later, Jinki gets up and excuses himself to the bathroom quietly. He seems to be in a rush, which tells Jonghyun he's likely been holding his pee in for too long. His spot is quickly taken up by Changsun. Jonghyun hadn't even realized he was nearby the entire time he'd been sitting there.

"Wanna go out with me tomorrow?" The elder asks, and Jonghyun blinks in surprise. Since when had Changsun even been interested in him? And what happened to-

"No strings attached." Changsun says, cutting into his thoughts in a way that should have been a red flag back then, but a drunken Jonghyun had found endearing somehow.

"Sure." He says with a shrug of his shoulders. Rumors state that Changsun is fun in bed, so at least he would get some action even if nothing else was going his way.

"Back then," Jonghyun starts off, unclear as to whether or not Jinki would even want to hear him or his explanations,

"I thought -- I thought you were joking, because you were dating Sunyoung the week before and I thought you were just saying it to make me feel better."

Jinki, who had been staring directly at him when he started talking, looks wounded.

"Do I look like the type of person that would do that, Jjong?" His voice asks, quiet and threatening to break again.

"No." Jonghyun admits, and he lowers his head. Why did he think he could do this, anyway? This is more terrifying than performing in front of thousands of people.

"You've never been the type of person who would knock me down when I've already felt down." Jonghyun continues, and he dares to look up at Jinki again. The elder is frozen there like a statue, absorbing Jonghyun's words even if they beat him down.

"I guess I'm as cowardly as I kept calling you to be, hyung." He admits with a soft, self-deprecating chuckle.

And he sees the way Jinki inhales. Even if they're not on amicable terms at the moment, Jinki hates it more than anything when Jonghyun puts himself down.

And then the elder deflates, and his gaze drops again. His shoulders are even trembling where he stands and says,

"I won't blame you if you don't want me around anymore. I can ask to transfer to Chan-"

"Who says I don't want you around anymore, Jinki?" Jonghyun asks, his voice stern.

Of course Jinki would lower his pride. Of course he wouldn't fight if Jonghyun didn't make it obvious that he wanted Jinki to fight for them. Of course Jinki would offer to leave so that Jonghyun would be comfortable.

Jinki deflates even further, if that's even possible. He's shrinking in on himself as if it'll keep Jonghyun from getting frustrated at him again. He's probably trying to avoid another fistfight from breaking out again, but Jonghyun doesn't think it's likely that they'd ever fight again like that.

Hell, he's not even mad that they fought the first time. He's, instead, relieved that Jinki was finally able to release his frustrations and let him in. If he'd known all it would take was a little pushing and a busted lip, Jonghyun would have pried a lot sooner and a lot more than he had.

"You said you love me. As much as you did when we first met," Jonghyun prompts, and the words feel so heavy on his tongue but it feels like his chest is getting lighter as he says it,

"Did you mean that?"

Jinki looks up at him through his eyelashes. He looks so small and afraid, but now that it's out in the open and he realizes that the time for hiding it is over, he answers with,

"I love you more and more with every passing day, Jonghyun."

And people always tell Jonghyun that he's the poet. He agrees that he is one, but Jinki is so good at being the unassuming type. He likes to blend in, not stick out, so he typically keeps his words to himself; even words like this, meant from the bottom of his heart.

Jonghyun stares at him for so long that he realizes he's stopped breathing. He takes in a sharp breath, watches as Jinki's face shows how he's debating on running or just standing his ground. It may be out in the open, but saying it out loud can only do so much if Jonghyun doesn't say something to reassure him before he breaks his own heart with assumptions.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything back at the beach." Jonghyun murmurs with a shake of his head, and he's taking slow, small steps to close the distance between them. Jinki wobbles unsurely like he's not sure if he should stay or run, but Jonghyun makes the decision for him when he reaches out and lets his hand hover over Jinki's. He decides to let Jinki take the final step, should he choose to accept him even after all this time.

"It was a bombshell." Jinki admits, likely to himself. His gaze falls down to Jonghyun's hand, and he's at war with himself. He's terrified that Jonghyun's doing all this just to reject him, and that's clear from the clear trepidation on his face.

"I had no idea how I even felt, if that makes you feel any better." Jonghyun says now, and he watches as the words sink into Jinki's mind. Right now, Jinki's expression is unguarded, honest and open.

"And... do you know, now?" Jinki asks, hesitant but curious. His hand finally reaches out to clasp around Jonghyun's, their fingers intertwining so easily despite the obvious size difference.

Jonghyun doesn't answer verbally. He uses their joined grasp to pull the elder closer to him, then leans up on his toes. Jinki sees him coming, has enough time to move out of the way if he changes his mind.

But he doesn't. He waits, and Jonghyun's left wondering if Jinki's heart is possibly beating as loud and as hard as his own is as he finally closes the distance between them and captures Jinki's lips with his own.

Is this what heaven feels like? Feeling weightless, like there are absolutely no concerns floating in and out of his mind? His senses are completely filled by Jonghyun.

Jonghyun, who is encompassed within his arms, one hand at the small of his back and the other curled into the hair at the nape of the slighter's neck. They're pulled flush together and kissing like they can't get close enough. His lip is aching from where it's still split and he can tell Jonghyun's jaw is sore from the little grunt that comes when he opens his mouth just a little too wide, but the obvious injuries don't stop either of them.

They don't stop Jonghyun from tilting his head ever so slightly to get a better angle. They don't stop Jinki from into his mouth. They don't stop the way Jonghyun takes his lower lip into his mouth and on it in a way that makes his knees feel so weak. They don't stop the way Jinki moans breathlessly, then pants info Jonghyun's open mouth.

But they do stop for air. Because they did just fight a little while ago and they both landed a few good hits to each other's rib cage. They might want to take their newfound feelings all the way to the end, but it'll just have to wait until they're both feeling well enough to take them there.

And when their lips are parted, Jinki's eyes flutter open and he watches as Jonghyun does the same. He's filled with guilt, at causing so much physical and emotional pain to someone who only wanted to help him. He's sure that it's the same for Jonghyun.

Jonghyun, who lifts his hand and presses his thumb against Jinki's lower lip. The elder winces, because he hadn't realized how raw it was while they were locking lips.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have pried." Jonghyun says with the gentleness that Jinki doesn't feel like he deserves right in that moment.

"I shouldn't have punched you, either." Jinki answers with the same softness, and he reaches out to cradle Jonghyun's face with his hands,

"I'm sorry, Jonghyunie."

Jonghyun merely smiles, turning his head to press a gentle little kiss to Jinki's palm,

"It's nothing a little couple's therapy won't help us fix, right?"

And Jinki knows he's serious. Jonghyun's always been serious about mental health; and even if he weren't, they had been through a lot especially as of late that they could use some help in processing.

"Right." Jinki agrees, but as he begins to withdraw from their embrace, because he should at least find them ice packs so the swelling of their faces can at least go down, Jonghyun tugs him back by the hand.

"Can I be selfish right now?" Jonghyun asks, and he looks a little nervous as he looks up at at Jinki.

"Jonghyun, you are the least selfish person that I know." Jinki answers with all the seriousness he can muster,

"What is it?"

And Jonghyun's face turns even more red. Jinki didn't think it could be possible, what with all the bruising on it.

"Can I hear you say it just once?" Jonghyun asks, his gaze wavering despite his hardest attempts to stay composed.

And even without him elaborating what he wants Jinkinto say, the elder just knows.

"I love you, Jonghyun." Jinki utters to the slighter, and he feels like the whole situation is surreal.

He's sure, that any moment now, his alarm is going to wake him up and all of the day's events, both good and bad, will have been a weirdly vivid dream.

Jonghyun's eyes soften. Much like he can see through Jinki's head and just hear what it is that the elder is feeling in that moment.

He cups Jinki's face once again and pulls him back in for another kiss. This one is brief, because neither of them want to deal with how sore they'll feel it they attempted to do more.

This kiss is a lot more brief in comparison to the previous one, but it still manages to knock all of the air out of Jinki's lungs.

"I love you too, Jinki." Jonghyun mutters as they begin to part. He means it, Jinki knows.

Jinki knows he means it because Jonghyun isn't the type to say it otherwise.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to figure it out." Jonghyun continues, and Jinki just hates how he can already feel himself tearing up again.

"I'm sure we could've brawled on the courtyard grass a couple of times before you figured it out on your own." Jinki offers as a weak, comedic attempt to distract himself. He's already aware that someone has to knock it into his brain, because Jonghyun would've chosen to remain oblivious over risking their friendship, just like Jinki.

Jonghyun attempts to roll his eyes, but one of them is literally black from one of Jinki's punches, and the attempt leaves him wincing. Jinki winces along with him, then gently pushes Jonghyun in the direction of the bathroom.

"Why don't you go shower first?" Jinki suggests, and he gestures to the kitchen with a jerk of his head,

"I'll get an ice pack and we can just cuddle while our faces freeze until we go to sleep?"

Jonghyun barks out a laugh, a little too loud in their quiet suite. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to wake Minho or Kibum up. Satisfied, Jinki turns back in the direction of the kitchen to do what he'd offered and possibly a little more by brewing them each a hot mug of hot chocolate.

Just before he can step away, however, Jonghyun, always the tactile one in a relationship, reaches out one more time and tugs him back in for one more kiss.

"A few hours ago you didn't even know you felt anything for me and now you just can't stop kissing me." Jinki says, and he tries to keep his face and tone blank, unimpressed.

"Yeah. The way your face keeps blushing tells me you don't particularly mind, though," Jonghyun answers, just a little cheeky, as he slips into the bathroom so he can wash up quickly enough to give Jinki the chance to do the same before they can cuddle for the night.

And, Jinki realizes, that for the first night since he first learned about his throat condition, his heart feels so much lighter.

hi friends. double update kind of weekend, as I hinted earlier. I couldn't leave it there. I mean I could have. but even I wanted to know what would happen next. there were a lot of innuendos in this chapter, too. I don't want to write unless enough of my audience is comfortable with reading it. so, if you're okay with giving me that kind of feedback, let me know if you're comfortable with reading and I'll write accordingly. I think im doing a good enough job without it but they are college kids and I remember my years of college so avoiding the might be a challenge. lmao. anyway. thanks for joining me on this double update weekend. I'll see you next weekend! :-)