'Hey,' Nicole says with a smile to me, patting the space on the couch next to her. 'Sit down with me.'

I take the seat and she smiles.

'What's up?' I ask.

'I wanted to talk to you,' She says. 'I'm having inspiration issues.'

'Okay,' I say with a grin, 'Shoot.'

'I've got this huge block right now. I'm to a certain point but I just can't seem to push past it.... It's like a mental wall that's preventing me from doing anything physical.'

'I think... I think you need to let go. You can't care so much about what's going to happen to you in the future if you can't push past the wall. You have to keep trying of course, but you need to relax,' I say.

Nicole grins at me and gives me a hug. 'Thanks, 'Lyv! You're the best.'

My vision gets black around the edges and I realize it's a dream. But it's a dream I want to hold on to so badly. I miss Nicole. We were best friends right before I left for Korea, and even though she told me my dream was basically hopeless, we had a connection. A connection I miss so badly here.

A strong burning pain shoots up my arms and hands as the last of my dream fades away. All the memories of yesterday flood back to me. Tripping and cutting myself up, Dongmin leaving to go get paper towels.... And then those people coming and telling me I wasn't supposed to be in the dance studio.

Who were those people? I wonder. A flash of the room comes back to me- The cloud backdrop! Of course. The cloud backdrop was only used in training rooms for idols that already debuted! So those people must've already debuted? Then who were they...?

I rerun the whole scene through my head again, paying careful attention to their faces. It's hard to remember their features since they were already mostly covered and my brain is still foggy with sleep. I replay the scene through my head again and once the group comes into view, I try to freeze that image in my mind...

The first person that had spoken to me had dark hair, dark eyes, a square jaw and full lips. The person behind him was tall and thin- sharp lips turned downward in a frown and big eyes.

Exo? E.X.O. - K. I say the name over and over and over again, disbelieving, but it makes sense. There were enough people there to fit the band, and all of them were rather tall. Their faces also looked familiar.

So I had a bad encounter with EXO? It was definitely Kai that spoke to me first. The one that told me I wasn't supposed to be in there was probably... Chanyeol? Or Sehun? They're both tall enough...

And that was just yesterday, too. Or was it yesterday? I can't remember. I open my eyes finally, to find myself back in the dorm. I find myself wondering why I'm here and not at the SM building still. I then realize I out after the incident with EXO.

Suddenly, I feel my face get hot. Why had I been so rude? They were my sunbaes, and famous sunbaes at that. My pulse is pounding in my head and it gets louder and loude the more I think about it. They probably thought so badly about me! But why do you care what they think about you? You should only care about yourself right now. Nobody else matters, I tell mysefl, but I still feel so stupid for being ignorant like that.

Sighing I swing my legs out of bed. How long had I been out? I glance at the clock across the room which reads 11:45. From the light streaming in from the open windows, I guess it's daytime.

Maybe I haven't been out for more than a day, I realize. I can still make it to school for the last half of the day.

I stand up slowly and hobble over to the bathroom, where I lean on the sink for support. Everything is turning on it's side and I struggle to stay balanced. My breathing is coming in ragged breaths and I don't feel as if I'm getting enough oxygen to my brain.

Water, I think, Water. I fumble with the faucet but somehow manage to turn the water on and splash my face. I lean heavily on the side of the sink and look up at my reflection.

Knotted dull blonde hair, dead looking hazel eyes, pale skin with a small splotch of acne hidden by my bangs, a frail looking body...

You look awful, I think, staring down my reflection over and over again. You really are an ugly foreigner.

I stand there for a long time, scrutinizing every pore on my face and every hair on my head until I realize the faucet is still. I turn it off and grab my hairbrush.

You look awful, I repeat again. So you have to try and look better.

That's what this whole industry is about. Looking pretty. I drag the hairbrush down through my hair until it goes through without catching. Then I wash my face and put lotion on.

Looking pretty. What else can I do to look pretty?

Makeup.

No, no makeup. Makeup will get in the way of running and dancing. Too active for makeup. I stare at my reflection in the mirror again and try to find something that could fix everything wrong with my appearance-

Dull hair- new shampoo.

Dead looking eyes- more sleep? I scratch that off my mental list. Eye creams.

Acne- skin creams.

Frail looking body- frail and weak could turn into thin and healthy with new clothes.

Well, I think, turning away from the mirror and walking slowly back to our bedroom, That's all well and good. But I don't have time for shopping...

I stop mid stride when a bad thought crosses my mind. I did have time for shopping today. And considering my parents sent me money a few weeks ago I did have the money. Everyone thinks I'm here, sick or passed out or whatever. They won't know if I leave for an hour or so... I could be at the SM building for practice at 5 and start fresh all over again.

This'll be a one time thing, I decide. Just because I had a hard day. I'll start school and everything fresh tommorow.

So I change into some old clothes and grab my bag for training later today.

~

I shut the door to my dorm and lock it. Then I walk down the hall, my heart pounding giddily. Shopping was always exciting for me, I loved trying on new clothes and buying stuff. I felt even more excited today because I was doing something forbidden- skipping class and not telling anyone.

"Yah, Olyvia!" My heart skips a beat. Was I caught already?

I turn around slowly.

"Where are you going?" I see Dongmin's surprised face come into view as he rounds the corner behind me.

"Out," I say simply. "Are you okay?" I ask, looking him up and down. His face looks slightly pale and his eyes are big.

"I should be asking you the same question!" He asks, coming closer to me. He looks me up and down then shakes his head. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I say with a grin, patting him on the shoulder. "I'm not going back to school today though. I was just going to go into town for a few hours then head over to the SM building and train extra. You know, to make up for what I missed this morning."

"Sheesh," Dongmin says. "You're too agressive about this stuff. I don't want you to collapse again. Take it easy."

"Yeah, yeah," I say with a smirk. "I will, if you promise me you'll eat some more."

"Okay," Dongmin says. "We already missed lunch though."

"I have money," I say. "Come to town with me and it's my treat."

He hesitates, but after some convincing he gives in.

"So what exactly happened?" I ask. "After I passed out, you know." We exit the dorm building and head down the sidewalk towards the shopping and restaraunt side of Seoul. It would be a half hour walk or so until we got to actually eat.

"Well... I guess I chose the wrong training room," Dongmin says slowly. "It wasn't mine or yours... It was already rented out for an idol group."

"Right," I say. "It was EXO K that came in."

"Yeah. Well... I had gone to get the paper towels and when I came back I was totally shocked. It seemed like everything bad that could've possibly happened did happen."

"What'd you see when you came in?" I ask curiously.

Dongmin's face twists up a little bit, but he starts talking in a very detailed way as if to let me know every event that happened. "Well there was this huge group of people crouched in a circle... I freaked out at first because I didn't see you anywhere. Then I realized these people were huddled in a circle around you. They hadn't heard me come in and they were all talking amongst themselves... I ran over and pushed my way through the circle. Then I saw you on the ground- well, I guess you weren't really on the ground, there were two guys that were bending over you and they looked really worried..."

"Who were they?" I ask before I can stop myself. These famous people who I had already annoyed had actually tried to help me?

Dongmin thinks for a few seconds. "I couldn't really tell... I'm not a big fan of EXO, you know... Umm, they were both tall... About up to here." He holds his hand at just above his head which is just my height.

"So like, 180 cm?" I ask. He nods.

"One had black hair and one had light brown hair."

"Hmm...." I say and try to do a mental calculation of who that could be. My brain is too foggy still to actually figure out who they were. "Whatever. Probably won't see them again."

"Yeah. But to continue.... You were on the ground, and I pushed my way through the crowd. They all looked sort of guilty, like they'd done something wrong, you know... And when I asked them what happened they wouldn't tell me..." Dongmin looks at me, his eyes still worried. "Finally they told me that they had maybe pushed you around too much then you fainted... I couldn't restrain myself-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I eye him carefully.

"I mean.... They got me angry and... And it was hard not to do anything...."

"Hey!" I exlaim loudly, stopping in my tracks and glaring at him. "You did something stupid? We could both get kicked out if you-"

"They deserved it!" Dongmin retorts loudly. "Besides, I only roughed them up a bit, I didn't fight them or anything."

"Shoot," I say, running my hand through my hair. "Be careful. I wasn't that hurt, and if you got hurt too then where would we be?" I hold up my wrist and look at it. It's been carefully wrapped up in a white bandage from my palm to my elbow.

"Did you do this?" I ask carefully.

"Of course," Dongmin says. "We'd get in huge trouble with the higher ups in the company if they knew you got hurt like this."

We resume walking in silence until we get into town. There aren't many young people in the crowds today, probably because it's a school day. Just lots of old people carrying shopping bags full of kimchi ingredients.

"You're going shopping, aren't you?" Dongmin says casually with a grin, breaking the silence between us. I look up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yup," I say. "The company won't notice me if I look like this all the time."

Dongmin looks me up and down. "I don't see what's wrong with you," He says. "I think girls who dress in skirts to dance in look stupid. Sweats are better."

I laugh and shake my head. "I'm here for one reason, and one only. I'm going to debut. You are too. We both need to do whatever it takes to make that happen."

Without letting Dongmin reply, I pull him into a department store.

~

"Should I get these or these?" I ask, holding up two pairs of shorts.

Dongmin shakes his head at me, obviously bored. "This is so stupid," He says. As if to prove his point, he leans on a rack of clothes and sighs.

"I can't decide!" I shove the shorts closer to his face. "Now which ones do you like better?"

"Yah, yah!" Dongmin exclaims, "The blue ones, get the blue ones!"

I laugh and put the non blue ones back on the clothing rack. "We're done with clothes for now," I say. "Next is hair and skin products."

I pay for the huge pile of clothes I'd collected, then drag Dongmin up to the next level of the store.

We're immediately greeted by a very pretty lady with her hair curled in whisps around her face and painted red lips. "Welcome," She says very politely with a bow. "What may I do for you?"

I glance confusedly at Dongmin. He knows far more Korean than I do, afterall, but he's busy staring in awe at the lady. His cheeks are slightly pink.

"Umm," I say, elbowing Dongmin in the ribs, "Could you please... For my skin... And hair... Ummm..." I can feel myself blushing too, but I don't think it's for the same reason as Dongmin.

The lady laughs politely and bows again. Then she turns around and leads us into a corner of the huge room, filled with tubes and glass bottles full of ointments and medicines.

She picks a few out for me, which I later realize is because she wanted to save me the trouble of trying to read the tiny Korean letters, and says, "Here. The best ones."

I bow politely and thank her. Then she leaves and I'm left with pricey bottles of skin and hair treatments and a lovestruck Dongmin.

"Yah, Dongmin!" I say, elbowing him. "What's your problem?" I glance over and see that his eyes have followed the lady all the way back to her position at the front of the store.

"She's- She's so... pretty," He says as if savoring the word on his toungue. "So, so, pretty."

I sigh and shake my head, an amused grin spreading across my face. Who would've thought Dongmin liked older women? "Noona nomu yeppo..." I sing mockingly to the tune of SHINee's Replay.

Dongmin's still lost in thought after I pay at the casheir and even after we've exited the store.

The only thing he manages to say to me after that is, "I may have to stop by that store with you again. You know. Maybe I need some hair products too."

After our shopping escapade, I have time to drop off my new stuff at the dorm before practice tonight. While I'm there, I decide to change the tshirt I'm wearing into a thin long sleeved shirt, just so I can hide the bandange on my arms more readily.

I don't want anybody to notice.