Perfect skin.

Big eyes.

Curly hair.

Smirky smile.

Cho Kyuhyun from Super Junior is smirking. At me.

"What was that?" He asks. Or at least, I assume he asks. I can't understand him perfectly.

"Umm," I say, my cheeks turning red. "What?" My eyes grow wider as he starts laughing at me. "What?" I ask in Korean frantically. Had I done something wrong?

"You're funny," He finally chokes out in broken English. I stand there awkwardly until he calms down. "You..." He points at me. "Did a front flip. Right?"

I nod slowly. I had done a front flip. Right over him to prevent crashing.

He laughs at me again then turns around the corner and dissappears.

What. Was. That? I crouch down and hit myself on the head. What had I just done? Flipped over Kyuhyun from Super Junior? My sunbae? And I hadn't even addressed him properly! What if he complained to Lee Sooman and I was kicked out of the academy?
Stupid, stupid, stupid! You can't ever do something like that again, Olyvia, I scold myself.

Then I stand up and walk back to the studio.

I open the door to find everyone inside standing around just like when I had left. I get a lot of weird stares as I enter the room, but I figure my face is so red from the last incident, it doesn't matter what I do now since it can't get much redder.
I find a corner of the room where there's nobody around and practice the set we just learned by myself until the choreographer yells something at us. We all turn to face him and begin learning the next segment of the dance.

We dance for at least another 3 hours, working on the choreography from the beginning to the end, very slow. Then another break is called. I step outside and take a long drink from a nearby water fountain, and I'm about to wipe my face with my shirt when I see how soaked with sweat it is. I throw up internally but don't let any emotion show on my face.

Mental note: bring extra shirt, a towel, and a bottle of water next time.

I go back into the room and see a small cart of boxed lunches have arrived. I'm starving, seeing as I've skipped breakfast entirely, so I grab a lunch and water bottle from the cart and sit down to eat. Alone, of course.

Using this time alone, I think. I think about the dance we're learning, and replay it slow motion in my mind until I have it visualized one hundred percent. Then I think about how yummy the food I'm eating is, and why none of us ate breakfast. I remember Haerin saying something about it on the walk over here... Like how on Sunday's everyone skipps breakfast, to lose an extra 500 calories or so.

I slurp up the last of the noodles in my cardboard container, glug down the last water in my bottle, and throw them away.

Then I practice the set some more.

Still completely alone.

~

After we finish lunch, we dance for a really long time. I don't even bother looking at the clock- I focus all my energy into staying standing and moving my arms and legs. And they really don't feel like moving at all- they're so stiff and sore from using them all day.

"Ok, everyone," The choreographer says in mock English, as most Koreans do so they sound cool, "Good Job!" Then he switches to korean and makes my life difficult again. I notice that everyone else bows, so I do too. Then everyone else leaves the room. I follow them, and find that they've dispersed into smaller groups again. I look around to see if I can find Haerin, so I can ask her what we're doing right now.

I do find her in a small group of girls walking towards where I had my incident with Kyuhyun earlier. Thinking about that makes my heart bound in my temples and the blood rush to my face.

I run and catch up to Haerin.

"Hey," I say, tapping her on the shoulder, "Sorry, but, umm, what exactly are we doing right now?" I give a sheepish smile, which she returns.

"We're taking another break, then heading to the singing room. It's down this flight of stairs. Room 110. You can join us if you want..." She gestures to the her group. I'm thinking of taking the offer, then quickly decline when I see the glares on the other girls faces.

I shake my head and politely smile. "No, thanks. I just wanted to make sure I knew where we're going." I divert my eyes to the ground and walk back towards the studio.

What was I supposed to do now? I had a few minutes to kill and I was hungry and thirsty. I find the water fountain from before and take a long drink. Then I decide to explore some more without doing crazy jumps and flips. I laugh softly to myself, earning a few weird stares from other trainees loitering in the hallways, but keep wandering around until I'm somewhere completely different.

Then I find my way back to the studio and head down to room 110.

~

When I get there, I find that it's a large room with huge windows the allow any spectators to look inside freely. I open the glass door that leads inside and step in unnoticed.

As soon as I enter, everyone moves as far away from me as possible. I don't really care. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. The sooner the better, in my mind. This way I'll get used to it faster and it won't bug me as much in the long run.

The only thing that really bugs me is Haerin moved away from me too. I guess I can't trust her as much as I initially thought.

A few more people come in, then the older lady standing at the front of the room calls our attention and hands out sheets of music. I notice the whole song has english lyrics.

Then I look at the title.

"While my Guitar Gently Weeps- The Beatles" is printed boldly across the top of the sheet music. I feel a smile creep across my face. This had to be one of my favorite songs ever, and I knew it by heart. I could play it on the guitar, piano, and sing every note. I look down the page at the notes and notice that this was a different version than the one I know- maybe it's been remixed?

I hear the song start playing and the whole room goes quiet. They lyrics start, and I notice it has been remixed. I don't really mind much though, I know the song by heart and it always will be my favorite.

The song finishes, and the lady at the front of the room starts explaining something. I understand enough of what she's saying to get the jist- we will have a test to see how good we are at singing this song. We will then be placed in groups based on our ability. I feel bad about the fact that I've known this song for years, and everyone else doesn't have the same advantage as me, but the feeling passes when I remember their comments.

They're competing with me. I'm competing with them. It's a game two can play.

The lady says something and everyone moves to the back of the room. I follow. She then calls someone's name. They go up to the front of the room and the music starts playing. The person sings, and then about a minute into the song the music stops. The lady calls another name. Another person goes to the front of the room and sings.

This happens over and over again, and I can assume it's going to take a long time- when I realize something.

These kids are all under maybe 18 years old. They probably don't know much English at all. They've only heard the song once, and they have to sing it in front of everyone?

I look down at my feet nervously. I had an enourmous advantage over everyone for this song, but I probably wouldn't for the rest of the songs I'd have to sing. These trainees are so talented, and I barely got in.

The person singing finishes and the lady calls out another persons name. Nobody comes up. She calls the name again.

"Ohlibia? Ohlibia?" I think for a second then realize she's trying to pronounce my name- Olyvia. I stumble forward and bow my head.

"Mianhamnida," I say apologetically, trying to act as sorry as possible. The lady looks very mad and I can hear whispers from the other trainees. My face gets hot and I try to calm down the knot in my stomach and the tightness in my throat.

The lady hands me some headphones, which I put on, bowing my head again. I adjust the padded cups on my ears, then stand ready for the music to start.

It does, finally, and I take a deep breath to relax myself. I hold up the sheet music in front of me so it looks like I don't have the whole song memorized, and start singing with the voice of the Beatles in the background.

My voice trembles a little at first, mostly from nerves, but when I forget all about my surroundings and the other trainees and trying to get placed in a good group, I relax.

I focus my eyes intently on the white of the paper I'm holding in front of me and pretend I'm back home, in my room, with my guitar, singing this song and focusing only on the music.

"Still my guitar gently weeps...." I sing the very last note to the song and unfocus my eyes from the score. Then I pull my headphones off and hand them to the lady. She makes some marks on the paper she's holding- probably notes about my singing ability- then nods and lets me go back to my spot at the back of the room. I make sure that I don't make eye contact with any of the other trainees as I stand there, listening to others sing. I know that would mean I want their approval, which I don't. It would also, no doubt, set off another string of hateful comments.

I look at my feet. You need new shoes, too, Olyvia. These'll get old fast with how much your dancing, and you can't dance in your running shoes.

My running shoes. Those were for running only.

I love running.

I miss running. I haven't ran since I've gotten here, I realize. I probably won't have much time for it with my new schedule.

But you better keep with it, otherwise it'll get harder and harder to run the longer you're here. You can run tonight, anyways. You won't have school.

I snap out of my thought process as I hear the lady say something. She says it in Korean, then for my benefit, in English. "Group 1."

Then she lists a bunch of names. Mine isn't there.

"Group 2," She says. My stomach is tying itself in knots as I listen for my name.

I hear Haerin's name called.

I hear Hana's name called.

I hear... Ohlibia's name called? I grin widely at her mispronunciation and at the fact I had just made it into group 2. Group 2! I was in the second best group out of, five or six groups? Not bad. 

Not bad at all, in fact, I think, ignoring the obvious death glares in my direction. Not bad at all...

~

After the rest of our names are read off the list, we migrate over to our groups. I find Haerin and Hana standing with a few more girls. All of them except Haerin throw me dirty looks. I grin at them brightly.

"Annaeyonghasaeyo," I say, bowing to them. Then I turn to Haerin. "You did well today. You have a very nice voice," I lie in English. I didn't even hear her sing, but I figure I better make nice with her because she was nice to me. "You too, Hana." I smile sweetly at the two of them and then follow our group as we move to another room. There, I see we have a new vocals coach. He can speak English fluently, and leads us through some scales, and then we practice the Beatles song about 10 times.

Then he lets us go and I follow Haerin and Hana and the other girls into the SM building cafeteria, where we eat lunch. Actually, it's more of they eat lunch and I eat lunch. At seperate tables.

I pick at my food. It's a small serving of rice with fried veggies and a tiny bowl of fruit that just fits into the palm of my hand. I eat it slowly, trying to savor every bite, but still feel unsatisfied afterwards. Hoping that maybe water will fill me up the rest of the way, I glug down a whole water bottle and grab another one for my upcoming vocal training session.

I meander slowly through the SM hallways on the way from the cafeteria to the training rooms thinking how unreal this feels. How is it possible for so many talented people to be gathered in one building? And how did I have the privelege to be here with them? They're all so amazing.

And I'm so normal.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror. Tall. Lanky. Blonde. No curves what so ever.

I think back to the other girl trainees. They had perfect skin, perfect bodies, amazing talent.

What was I compared to them?

Nothing, really. I stop walking and feel disgusted with myself.

All this means, Olyvia, is you'll have to work twice as hard as they do.

Even if they have everything, I'm determined.

WHooo!! Another chapter!? :D

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