We get back to the dorm at around 8:30 at night. We already ate dinner, and it was just as small or smaller than our lunch and consisted of a fresh salad with a little bit of chicken on it and a small individually wrapped square of dark chocolate. I drank another few waterbottles before we left the SM building to try and cover the nawing in my stomach.

"I'm going to take a shower first," Hana says as soon as we come into our dorm. Everyone else nods and calls dibs on their turn in the bathroom.

"I'll take a shower last," I volunteer. "I'm going to go for a run right now." Everyone stops what they're doing and stares at me.

"A run?" Jiyun asks as if she misheard me.

"Yeah," I say. "A run." I bow my head respectfully as I exit the room and change into my running clothes. Then I grab my iPod and head out the door.

It has never felt so good to run before.

Although I'm sore and tired from dancing for so long today and I'm hungry from not eating and my throat hurts from so much singing, I forget all about those things as soon as I hit my cruising pace. My legs are moving fast and my breathing is elevated, but I don't care. My head is full of music and happiness.

I'm actually an SM trainee. I'm living my dream.

Smiling widely, I break out into a full sprint, not caring how tired I'll be afterwards. It feels good and I'm happy. Isn't that enough?

~

I get back to the dorm just past 9:00. Everyone else is out of the bathroom, so I grab my pajamas and hop into the shower. Even though it's not even 10 o'clock yet, I'm exhausted, so I don't stay in long.

I get dressed and head into our bedroom, expecting everyone to be laughing and having a good time. That's how I pictured it when I thought about sharing a dorm with other girls- all of us crowded around a laptop watching dramas together, or telling jokes or asking for advice.

Instead, complete silence is hanging over the room. Everyone's laying in their own bed doing their own thing. Haerin and Hana are reading and Jiyun is on her laptop.

"Ex-excuse me," I say softly as I enter the room, bowing my head slightly. Everyone looks at me.

"Th-thank you for taking care of me today." Jiyun and Hana nod in recognition, which I figure is a start- at least they're acknowledging me.

Haerin smiles at me. "No problem," She says. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask me."

"Thank you," I say, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. "Umm," I continue, "We all are going to the same school, right?"

"Yeah."

"What time do we wake up tommorow?"

"5:45."

"Oh," I say. That's really early. "Do we go train before school, too?"

"Yeah. Until 7:30, then we go to school. School ends around 3, and we head over to the SM buliding at 5 and train till 9," Haerin explains patiently. I resist the urge to think about how nice she's being. We're all fighting eachother to debut- there's no time for making friends.

"Do we get lots of homework?" I ask uncertainly. I knew that I wasn't going to be getting much sleep, but if we got back at the dorm at 9 and I still had homework it would be past midnight before I got to bed.

"Not too bad," Hana breaks in, putting down her book. It's the first time she's talked to me without glaring. "Maybe 3 hours a night tops."

"Oh," I say nervously.

"Don't worry about it too much," Hana continues. "You'll get used to it."

"Okay," I say. Then I crawl into my bed and try to fall asleep.

Except I can't, because the lights are still on. And the bed is different from my bed at home. And I'm lonely and sad and I miss my family.

All of a sudden, a wave of emotions crash over me and I doubt my ability to do everything.

I feel so ugly and un talented and out of place here. Instead of crying, I bury my head under the unfamiliar blanket and count backwards from 100 until I fall asleep.

An alarm clock goes off and as soon as I open my eyes, the soreness in my limbs hits me, and I feel the hunger in my stomach which is even worse than last night. I feel like I'm about to puke, but there isn't anything left in my stomach to throw up.

The alarm stops, and I look over to see Hana and Jiyun and Haerin are already up and in the closet, grabbing clothes. I sit up slowly, forgetting that I'm on the bottom bunk and wack my head against the edge of the bed.

"Ow," I wince, ducking under the board this time and standing up carefully. As soon as I do, I feel a dull bruising pain in the back of my legs.

That's right. I basically raced myself to death yesterday, I think, recalling my epic midnight run. I walk slowly over to the closet wait for the other girls to get out before I grab my clothes- some sweats, a hoodie and a few t-shirts. I remember yesterday after a few hours of dancing, my only t-shirt was soaked through with sweat.

"Do I need a school uniform?" I ask uncertainly after I pull on my clothes.

"They'll give you one today," Haerin replies. "Along with your books and stuff."

"Oh," I say. Everyone's silent after that. We walk over to the SM building in the dark, and I'm shivering the whole time. Even though it was 'spring' here, the nights were cold and just a hoodie didn't seem to be enough warmth.

As soon as we get into the building, we head directly up to the dance room and begin with some slow warm up excersizes so we don't tear a muscle. I take off my hoodie, then we start the real dance training.

We practice the dance from yesterday without going over it slow. I have trouble at first, then once I remember the moves I do fine. We practice for about an hour then we eat breakfast, which I gobble down greedily. The gnawing in my stomach subsides slightly after I eat, but it doesn't do much. I drink another few watter bottles before we leave for school to try and make the hunger subside.

We head directly from the SM building over to the school. Haerin, Hana and Jiyun have already changed into their school uniforms, so we start walking right away.

I catch our reflection in a shops mirror.

There's Hana, who's gorgeous with her hair curled around her cheeks perfectly. Her legs are thin and long.

There's Haerin. She's tall and slender and has a perfect body which is hugely complimented by the uniform

There's Jiyun. She's like a miniature Haerin.

Then there's me. I look awkward in my sweats, and I'm at least 4 or 5 inches taller than all the rest of them. My hair is pulled lazily back into a ponytail and my shoulders are slightly hunched.

I automatically pull my shoulders back and try to look more confident. Then I continue walking with my chin up all the way to the school.

~
 

Haerin gives me directions to the registration office. I somehow find it, and when I come inside I'm greeted by a grumpy looking ahjumma sitting behind a desk on a stiff chair.

"Hi," I say with a small smile, trying to act humble and unassuming. That was usually the best way for me to approach strangers here, I've learned.

"Yes. What do you need?" The lady asks in English.

"It's my first day here," I say, "I was told to come and register here?" I hand the paperwork Lee Sooman gave me yesterday to her. She looks through them and then sticks them in a filing cabenet under her desk.

"I'm guessing you need your schedule. Wait one moment." The lady says, then types some stuff on the computer in front of her and clicks around. The printer on her desk starts up and she grabs the newly printed piece of paper from it's mouth. She hands this to me, which I take with a bow of my head. " I suppose you need a uniform, too," She says grumpily, standing up and heaving a big sigh as though it was the hardest job in the world.

"Yes, please," I say, bowing my head. The ajhumma goes into a room behind her desk and rummages around for a few minutes. Then she comes out holding some packages of clothing, which she lays on her desk. Then she goes back into the room and rummages around some more. She comes out again, this time with a stack of books and some notebooks and other school supplies.

"Here you go," She says, laying the books and bag on her desk as well. "You should change into these and head directly over to your classes."

"Thank you so much," I say, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I open the bag she gave me and hurriedly put my books inside, then grab the plastic bags with clothes in them and exit the room, bowing my head again.

I find a bathroom directly across the hall from the registration office. I head inside and lock myself in a stall, exhaling all the stale breath that I'd been holding in. I'm so nervous. So nervous. What if my new class doesn't like me? What if I'm bullied?

Naw, I think, forcing myself to be optimistic, the people in this school must be used to foreign students. I won't be bullied.

I rip the plastic around my uniform off and quickly change, dumping my sweaty dancing clothes inside my new backpack and hurriedly pull on my uniform. It's not as cute as I expected- the skirt comes down just above my knees and starts at my belly button, the blouse is stiff and a cream instead of white color, and the blazer is an ugly blue color. Th eonly good part are the socks- they actually come up to just below my knee and look good with my shoes.

I open the stall and sling my backpack over my shoulder, then hurry to my first class.

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