I'm awake far before the alarm goes off for morning practice- 3:30 AM. I move around in my bed and try to get comfortable, but the restless feeling in my stomach won't go away. Frustrated, I stand up and grab my cell phone from under my bed, change my clothes into sweats and a hoodie, and exit our apartment.

You shouldn't try to call me, I remember telling my family before I left. I'll be really busy, but I'll definitely try to call you when I have time.

It's been almost a month since I've been a trainee and I haven't contacted them at all. I check my phone for the time in America- 6: 35 PM- then dial my home phone number.

My heart's beating rapidly in my chest as I pace up and down in front of the door to my apartment. The phone rings on the other end a couple of times, then I hear the line being picked up.

"Hello?" I hear my mother's expectant voice come over and into my ear. I relish that sound and want to hear it again. "Hello?" She says again. I feel my eyes stinging with tears as I realize how homesick I am.

"Hi Mom," I say finally, my voice weak.

"Olyvia! Olyvia?" My mom exclaims excitedly, "How are you? You're okay, right?"

I let out a weak laugh and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm doing great, Mom," I say. "I really miss you guys."

"We miss you too, Olyvia. Here, I'm going to put you on speaker phone so all of us can talk to you." There's some rustling on the other end and then I can hear all the sounds going on in my house. There's my little brothers and sister chattering excitedly and I hear them say my name a few times. I can hear my dad shush them gently and my mother saying something about the dinner burning.

Dinner. That's right. It's dinner time back home- I wonder what they're having? From the sizzling in the background it sounds like stirfry. I feel the gnawing pain in my stomach grow sharper. I slump with my back against the wall of the hallway right next to the door of the dorm and listen for one of them to say something to me.

"So," That was my Dad. "Are you having fun?"

"Of course, Dad," I say with a small laugh. "I'm doing what I love for almost 6 hours a day. Oh! Guess what?" I say excitedly, wanting to gush to them about everything that had happened in the past few weeks. "I got put in the second most advanced singing group a week or so ago, and I made a friend... Oh! And you'll never believe it! I met a famous idol already!"

I talk to my family for at least an hour, and each member tells me about how they're doing. My little brothers- twins- tell me about how our cats are doing, and my sister reminds me to work hard. My mom then asks me for the address to my dorm so she can send me something.
"A little gift because you've been working so hard."

"Well," I lie, because I can sense my siblings getting restless after being on the phone for so long, "I really got to go. I'll try to call you again soon!"

"Please do, Olyvia. We all love you!"

Then they hang up and I can instantly feel the distance from here back to America. I keep my cellphone glued up to my ear and close my eyes, as if I'm back home again and not here, in Korea, sitting down in the middle of a hallway in an apartment building.

You're alone again, Olyvia. Alone.

And it's because I'm alone I allow the tears to roll down my cheeks.

~

I use the extra hour that I'm awake to catch up on homework. When everyone else wakes up, I grab my school uniform, my backpack and everything else I need for the day, making sure not to forget my running shoes. I do my usual routine when I get to the SM building during the school week- Dance, take a break for water, and dance some more.
Then I meet up with Dongmin in front of his practice room and go to the cafeteria for breakfast.

"Sleep well?" Dongmin asks me, pointing to my eyes.

I laugh weakly, "Not really," I say. "The lack of sleep lately has been making me want to not sleep at all."

"What a weirdo," Dongmin says with a laugh. He hands me a breakfast tray and we stand in line to get our food.

I laugh too. But it's not a real laugh- I'm too anxious. Why hadn't they started talking yet?

I curiously look behind me. Sure enough there they are- the gaggle of girls that make it a habit to talk behind my back. They aren't paying much attention to me at the moment, they're all huddled over someone's cellphone.

I turn my head back around and try to clear my head of thoughts about them- they're irrelevant. What they said about me wasn't that bad, just slightly demeaning. I could ignore it.

Me and Dongmin grab our food- me with my extra bowl of rice- and sit down at a completely empty table like we usually do.

"So what's on your schedule for today?" I ask him, picking up my chopsticks and digging in to my rice immediately.

"Meh," He says, watching me eat, "Same as usual." I stop eating when I realize he isn't even bothering to pick at his food today.

"What's wrong?" I ask, pointing with my chopsticks at his food. "You really should eat."

"I'm not hungry," He says.

I sigh and shake my head. I was used to him picking at his food and not eating much- he always claims it's because he's been here so long that his stomach shrank.

"Eat anyways," I say rather angrily. "I'm not going to allow you to get sick from lack of sleep and not eating."

Dongmin looks at me then sighs, picking up his own chopsticks and puts a few bites of rice in his mouth.

We sit in silence, me eating and him barely eating. That's when the talking starts.

"Look at her." That was one of Dongmin's fangirls. I could recognize her by her voice now. "She's eating like a pig."

"She's already fat enough," Another girl chimes in. I didn't recognize her voice- was she new?

"Oh- my- god," the first one says again, "And look who she's sitting with."

"How can he even talk to her? Such an ugly foreigner." This was the first girl again, spitting out the word foreigner like it had a dirty taste.

They're talking about you, Olyvia. You're the ugly foreigner.

I clench my chopsticks tightly and focus on my food and not what they're saying.

"I'm sorry," Dongmin whispers. I look up from my food and at his face. He looks really upset.

"Don't worry about it," I say with a grin. "They're just insecure, so they're trying to make themselves feel better." Dongmin stares at me for a few seconds then smiles weakly back.

I shove the last mouthful of food in my mouth and stand up, still grinning at him. Then I pick up my tray and head over to the pile across the cafeteria. I let the smile stay on my face because I know it makes Dongmin's fans mad. I'm almost to the pile of dirty trays when I feel my foot catch on something and my stomach drops as I realize I'm falling.

A loud crash echoes through my ears and I brace myself for the fall, putting my hands out to try and catch myself.

Everything from then on is sort of muddled. There's pain everywhere, especially on my hands. I try to look at them but they're bloody and covered in shards of glass. My nose hurts from hitting the ground. There's also noise. Lots and lots of noise. I try to look around and sort out the sources of the different sounds- there's laughter coming somewhere to my right.

The only sound I actually care about is a voice: "Olyvia, Olyvia, are you okay?" I look at the source. Dongmin's worried face come into view right in front of me and I can feel his arms at my sides, helping me to stand.
"Are you okay, Olyvia?" He asks again. I stare at his face, focusing on it and trying to make the tears welling up in my eyes go away.

I feel him pulling my arm over his shoulder and supporting most of my body weight so I can stand. I do, all the while looking at the ground, trying to make myself oblivious to the background noise.

"She deserved it."

"Look at her face! Someone take pictures..."

"Why is she crying? This is nothing."

"Too bad Dongmin's helping her, he'll get his hands dirty." At this last comment I can feel all my efforts to not cry go to waste.

I 'm being a burden.

I try to yank my arm away from Dongmin's grasp, but I feel too weak. "Let me go," I choke out through tears, "Let me go, you'll get dirty..." I try to yank my hand away again but it doesn't work.

"Stay still, will you?" He says angrily, pulling me out of the cafeteria and down the hall into an empty studio. Here he slumps me down against a wall and crouches in front of me.

"You're not getting me dirty," He says seriously. "Don't you listen to anything they say," He continues, "I want you to be my friend because I like you. Okay?"

I nod weakly, allowing a sob to escape my lips. "But they hate me," I say weakly, "They want me dead. Someone wants me dead..." My voice trails off as the last 5 minutes' events replay in my head.

One of Dongmin's fans had stuck her leg out in front of me. I tripped, dropping the tray I was carrying. The glass shattered and when my hands met the floor to absorb the impact, they were cut badly. My face also hit the ground, just not as hard as the rest of my body. All the other trainees in the room had either started laughing or just stood by as I tried to sit myself up.

"They may want you dead," Dongmin says, wiping my face with his sleeve. "But they're just jealous. Try to be strong, okay?" I take a few deep breaths and nod.

No more crying, Olyvia, I tell myself, It won't get any worse than this.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Dongmin says, standing up and patting my head. "I'm going to get some paper towels from the bathroom."

I nod and lean my head back against the wall, taking long shuddering breaths. That's right. It won't get any worse than this.

Plus. You have Dongmin now. You can take care of eachother.

I hold my hands up to my face so I can inspect them. Thankfully, there isn't any glass deeply imbedded them, although as my eyes trail up from my hands to my wrists, I can see my forearms are cut up too. I sigh and set them carefully in my lap and look around the room. It's different than the dance studio I used to practice. There's a blue cloud back-drop in the background and huge speakers in the front of the room.

Strange... I think. Where have I seen this room before...?

I close my eyes and try to remember. Cloud back drop... Good sound system... Why would there be a good sound system in this room only?

I try to remember but my mind is too foggy. So I sit there trying to remember but my mind starts wandering.

It's probably around 9 o'clock back home. My little brother's and sister are eating their late night snack and will go to bed in half an hour. My parents are cleaning up from dinner and listening to music in the kitchen. I'd be just finishing up my homework and about to get in bed...

I feel warm and tingly on the inside and I can feel myself smilng.

Then the cold reality hits me and I open my eyes.

I'm thousands and thousands of miles away from home. Even if they are doing these things I'm not there to witness them. You can still dream about it, though, Olyvia, a small voice at the back of my head says.

So I close my eyes again and think about how my parents are coming into my room to say good night, and how I'll wake up the next morning to a filling breakfast right before school...

~

I don't know how long I'm in that trance like state, but I hear voices that don't belong in my fantasies.

"Go- go away," I mutter incoherently. They don't go away so I force myself to pry open my eyelids and look at the people in front of me.

"D-Dongmin?" I ask, rubbing my eyes to try and get out the blurriness.
I open them again and try to focus on the people in front of me that most definitely are not Dongmin. There's 6 or 7 of them, all young and dressed in jackets and sweats. I can't see most of their faces clearly because they either have hoods pulled over their head or are wearing hats that shadow their face.

"And who are you?" One of them asks, taking a few steps closer to me.

"You're not supposed to be in here," Another says. The whole group steps up to stand next to the first one.

I can feel my face flush. "Sorry," I say in Korean, bowing my head. I use my legs to push myself against the wall up into a standing position then say again, "I'm sorry."

"If you're really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place," The first one says again.

"It won't happen again," I say, bowing again and looking at the floor. I stand there with my head dropped for a few seconds, then figuring it would be okay to leave now, I take a few steps forward.

"Where do you think you're going?" That's the first guy again- I can tell because his voice is so deep.

"I'm- I'm leaving," I say, chancing a glance up at the group in front of me. I let my eyes brush over all of them- the ones at the very front of the pack are giving me hostile looks. The rest of them look indifferent.

I bow again and say politely, "I'm leaving first." I walk as quickly as possible around their group and towards the door, trying to keep my head up and look confident. I try to not think about what they said and to focus on me.

Head up. Chin up.

Pick up your right foot. Put it down.

Pick up your left foot. Put it down.

I'm almost to the door when I feel a rough pressure put around my wrists and the pain on my arms grows from manageable to excrutiating. "Let go!" I yell loudly in English. The pressure doesn't go away. "I said let go!"

I yank my hand free from whoever was grasping it so tightly, but the searing pain in my hands and wrists is unbeareable. I gasp for breath as the burning sensation continues. I can see the floor moving closer to my face and the pain gets worse and worse.

As if in slow motion, I can feel my eyelids close heavily and my body relaxes instantly. The feeling of floating is overwhelmingly pleasant and I push all thought of pain out of my mind.

They're probably all in bed asleep right now, I think, picturing each one of my family members in bed with a smile on their face.

Lucky them.

 

 

End of that chapter. ^_^ I really want more comments and subscribers.... T_T Also- just an A/N- this is set sort of in the future by maybe a few years. Like it's not a futuristic type thing where we all have the iPad 9 or something but all the idols are a year or so older. :)

Hmm.... Writing in italics is fun! Does anybody else turn their head sideways when they read it? Or is that just me...?