He doesn't hear about it directly from her. Rather, Seungwan is the one who tells him, that Joohyun is engaged. It hits Jaebum like a truck, a silent storm running wild underneath his skin while he tries to muster the best smile he can in front of Joohyun's friend. From Seungwan's apologetic nod, Jaebum senses that she can tell that his strained tight-lipped smile is not genuine. "I'm happy for her," he chokes out, his mouth suddenly dry. 

Seungwan purses her lips, fishing an envelope out of her purse. "Here is the invitation to the wedding," she whispers, as if not wanting to destroy him further. But it does. Jaebum feels like shrapnel has ripped through his heart. 

Jaebum dismisses her with a curt nod, a knot forming in his throat. He doesn't even look at the envelope. Joohyun & Seunghoon, it reads in embossed silver lettering in the front, and he doesn't have the energy to read further. The envelope itself is red. Joohyun has always liked the color red. 

He's drinking with Jinyoung now, who just tries to make sure that Jaebum doesn't get himself too wasted. Unfortunately, that is exactly what Jaebum wants to do. 

"You know," Jinyoung says, sadly. "Time heals everything eventually." 

Jaebum clenches his fist. "Time," he mutters underneath his breath. "I hate it. I hate time. I hate how I had so much of it and couldn't do anything - I hate that time is running out - I hate that time stops when I'm with her yet everything passes so quickly, and yet when I'm not with her, it feels like an eternity." He's just ranting now, the alcohol throbbing through his veins. "I hate everything." 

For once, Jinyoung has no words. They just sit there in silence, clinking their beer bottles together once in a while, drowning in their sorrows. Jinyoung's wearing a red shirt today. Obviously inadvertently, but now all Jaebum can see is the red-pink dyed tips of her hair, the glistening in her eyes, and how he could listen to her laugh forever. 

Forever, if only he had that. 

He has no place in her life anymore. You are my best friend - the bestest friend in the whole world, she would always say to him, sticking her nose in his face too close for comfort - she always wears some kind of lip gloss or lipstick, and he finds it distracting. It distracts him from the fact that he should not, contrary to the fluttering in his stomach, kiss her. 

He debates skipping out on the wedding altogether, manufacture some excuse about a business trip or something. But on the day of wedding, he finds himself gingerly putting on his suit and driving to the venue. Each stoplight is like hell. It's the internal struggle of just screw everything, make a U-turn and go home and Joohyun really wants me to be there, her best friend. 

He doesn't know when the title of best friend became so tiring. Maybe when it started almost physically paining him to see her cry over the boys who broke her heart, maybe when he slept over at her apartment for a week while his bathroom was being fixed and from that point on he could never shake off the idea of living with her for the rest of his life - just making dinner together, fighting over who does the dishes, and sharing the same tube of toothpaste. It just makes it even more painful when he knows that this is indeed the life she will be leading from now on, except with Jaebum out of the picture. Her toothbrush would probably be red, he thinks.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Jinyoung would ask him, but then Jaebum just points out that Jinyoung never had the guts to say anything to Suzy either, his own first love. This is also one of the reasons he hates time. How it stops for no one, how the timing is never right for Joohyun and Jaebum. By the time he has mustered enough courage to say something, she has found another guy to run to. By the time she has finally overcome another break-up, Jaebum finds it enough to buy her groceries when she's moping around at home and massage her when there's knots in her shoulders. It was enough, then. Not now, not now when it's too late. Not now, when he had all of high school and college to say something and yet he was stupid enough to just contain the fire within his heart for fear that it would burn everything down. 

Not now, as he's standing outside the double doors leading into the wedding sanctuary, cheerful chatter emanating from inside, flowers decorating the halls. 

"Want to come inside? It's going to start soon," an usher gestures toward the door, but Jaebum just shakes his head. He shoves his hands in his pockets as the doors close and the ceremony begins. It suddenly feels very, very cold. 

And so he waits, not daring to step inside. He knows it is over when everyone claps loudly, cheering on the new bride and groom. His heart drops to his stomach. 

The doors swing open as people stream out into the reception room where the cake and food are, and he catches a glimpse inside, at her. 

Wow. 

He swallows. He can't help but keep staring, as if he wants to drive the knife deeper into the wound. She's beautiful, as expected, an elegant white dress complemented by her flowy veil, a red and pink flower tucked in her hair. Jaebum nearly forgets how to breathe. 

From where he's standing, he can see that Joohyun is all smiles today, but her eyes are scanning the chairs as if looking for someone. At that moment, her searching gaze locks with his, and he doesn't know what she sees - whether she sees happiness in his eyes, or uncertainty, or hidden pain, or everything in between. Jaebum is scared. He is scared of what she will see if he stays any longer, so all he does is smile that same tight-lipped smile he does when he's holding back tears, a torrent of emotion threatening to spill over. 

Before she can do anything else, he regretfully turns around, away from Joohyun, away from the red, red, redness of the flower bouquets, away from the red clouding his vision, metaphorical blood dripping from where his heart has cracked in two. 

Jaebum gets into his car and leaves the parking lot far sooner than anyone else. He does not have the heart to take part in the festivities. He wishes her happiness, he really does. It's just that he wishes he could've been the one who had given that to her instead. 

(He loves her. And even with what he had just witnessed with his own two eyes, he doesn't think he will ever stop. Ten years and counting, and he has never stopped. An eternity. 

That is the thing about love. It always waits, it doesn't know when to let go, it is giving and giving and giving even when you don't receive anything back. 

And yet, with Joohyun, with the scraps and pieces he has held onto, glass shards of a broken picture pressing into his skin - red, he thinks that he has received the whole world.)