gongchan/krystal | pencils | drabble | romance

It is always quiet. He notices the little things - how she spins her pencil around on her thumb whenever she's figuring out a calculus problem (I'll help you with that, he would say, taking a seat beside her - close, oh so close), how she's slightly obsessive about the way her pens and pencils must be organized in her pencil case (It should be in rainbow order, she would solemnly declare; he nods like he understands - he really doesn't), and how her jeans are a little too baggy on her (do you have any idea how hard it is to shop for pants? They are always either too long, too wide, or too tight, she would always complain; he wouldn't know a thing since shopping isn't exactly one of his favorite pastimes). 

He is only a side character. He doesn't think that she notices him; he's there (always, he now thinks in wonder - how is she not tired of me yet?), but he's not really anyone special. He knows because there had been another boy, someone much more charismatic, much more outgoing, and much more handsome (What are you thinking about, Soojung? - Oh, just, someone... her eyes were always so dreamy, the kind of eyes that he likes). But of course, being the selfish person he is (you're one of the nicest boys I know; I don't know what you're talking about, says she; no, she doesn't understand), he stays by her side, unwilling to let go. He carries her books, he eats lunch with her, he helps her with homework. He's like a parasite (for goodness' sake, Chansik, please just stop being so obvious for once.) 

The boy broke her heart. Chansik watches in that quiet way of his, silently rubbing her back and listening to her tearful words. (I should've known,she sobs. I should've warned you, he thinks to himself, full of regret.) Her tears are too much for him to bear. But they are silent tears, because Soojung is quiet and Soojung is sweet and she will never want to let the world know how much she hurts. He wants to tell her that it's okay to tell him, because he'll pray for her and love her and help her as much as he can. He decides not to, because Soojung is also independent and strong and resilient; she won't ever stand for any shows of pity.

There is no more other boy. She vows never to fall in love ever again. Love is overrated, her expression is one of hardened distaste. Really? Even all the time? he hesitantly asks. She looks at him, and nods. His heart splinters a little, just a bit (he carefully guards his heart now; he has seen the harm that love can do). 

He is not good at risk-taking. He has never been - he has never liked sports (we're just moving the ball around, what's the point of that? his 7-year-old self asked when his father took him out for a round of basketball), he always shies away from competition (why can't everyone just stop fighting? he muses to Soojung one day; she laughs, you're crazy - that'll never happen), and most of all, he never knows what to do with his burgeoning feelings for said girl (he has no one to talk to who can give him advice about it; maybe he should get friends for once - he puts that on his to-do list). Chansik likes knowledge - give him a textbook full of information, and he'll learn it in a week (what else is there to do, anyway?) - so when he searches for love advice (he cringes at the thought, love advice? Chansik? Those two things don't exactly go together. He is half-embarrassed) and comes out empty-handed, he sits down and does nothing. Nothing obvious, that is (at least he hopes so). He gives her cookies (I'm trying to learn how to cook, he flashes her a smile, hoping that he doesn't look too desperate. So uh, would you mind being my first victim? - Hah, I'm sure you're not that bad, Chansik, she shoves him on the shoulder. He rubs his shoulder - ouch). He types up detailed and organized notes for her whenever she's absent (Get well soon, would be the header on the top of the page. And then at the end, a little hand-written note: "Come quickly back to school! Your Channie is lonely without you!"  He puts a heart at the end, erases it, draws it again, erases it, redraws it, erases it - and leaves it). He even ventures to give her a Valentine's Day card (Hey, uh, Soojung? he scratches the back of his neck. Yeah? she looks up. Happy Valentine's Day. You're like the only friend that I have who's a girl sooo... he says almost sheepishly. She gives him a good-natured smile and a thank-you and even a nice hug - he marvels at the grace with which she does things; how is she so nice? - he is lucky, he knows).

It's not too bad. Just looking after her, being her friend. He wishes that there is some device that would allow him to peer into her mind (what are your thoughts, Soojung? What are you hiding? - she's an enigma that he is dying to solve). He wishes. He hopes. He never lets go. And it's actually not too bad - being in love. He promises that one day he'll have the guts to hold her hand. One day he'll talk with her not about hypothetical situations (what would you do if your best friend revealed that he likes you? - okay, that question is a little bit too close to the truth for comfort), but about reality - the truth (happy one-month anniversary, Soojung-ah. He would give her more pencils to add to her collection - turquoise, didn't you want turquoise? - and a giant bear hug, because Chansik likes hugs, especially after the one he got on Valentine's Day - oh, the memories; he holds onto them dearly). 

One day this will all happen. One day.

pic credit

a/n: this was originally for Meki, the captain of the Gongstal ship :)