Sunday, April 24th, 2022

A few days later…

Tried to make cinnamon buns for you from scratch today. Failed miserably and burnt it. Here’s the recipe I tried love. Perhaps you’ll have better luck for you were always the better baker between us two. I look forward to when you will make me these one day.

Love you.

~ Stephan.

This one came with a hand-copied recipe for cinnamon rolls, the paper smudged with stains of brown sugar and smelling of burnt cinnamon spice.

A curious dark fuchsia colored flower with wide-edged notched petals accompanied this one, its colouration so dark it was almost a deep royal purple, black even in some places.  And the fragrance wafting off it was vaguely similar to cinnamon.

Taeyeon had come in the next day with a successful batch of cinnamon rolls for the nurses that cared for her husband.

He was right, she had always been better at baking than he was.

“Baby I tried your recipe…wake up and try what I made? I’ll bake it for you everyday if you like it…”

Hollow.

Hollow words.

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And the notes kept coming. The mementos, and the incredible amount of time, effort, and steadfast hope her husband had poured in to ensure she knew someone remembered her, despite her remembering no one. Even as he went about caring for her and her…no their unborn child, he had taken every care to plan these ahead and his dedication was…insurmountable.

We went grocery shopping today and you made a face when I picked up a stalk of celery. I think you remembered that you didn’t particularly like that green vegetable you used to liken to an ‘atrocious abomination’. You spoke up quietly and asked for some peach ginger tea you saw on the shelf. You love peach. I think you are coming back to me…

I love you Taeyeon, my dear wife.

~Stephan

We saw a puppy while walking out in the nearby park and you played with him a little. The little girl who it belonged to was wearing a pretty polka dot dress that reminded me a little of the dress you wore on our first date.

I love you Taeyeon.

~Stephan

Jessica came over today for dinner to see how you were doing. She said she thought you looked better and more alert. I agree with her.

I think…I think perhaps…you might remember this silly man who loves you soon?

I love you baby.

~Stephan

I went to the gym today and benched for the first time in a month. I used to think I was strong and capable, but I am only starting to realize that you are stronger than I will ever be Taeyeon.

You are so amazing to have made it this far. I know you are lost somewhere inside yourself, but I also know you will someday come back to me. You are braver and stronger than you will ever know and ever give yourself credit for.

I love you.

~Stephan

White peonies with this one; innocent and delicate in appearance yet strong and hardy in growth.

Words after words after words…swimming into her mind in snippets and distracted pieces.

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But even then…there were days when her catatonic state had gotten to him and the notes that followed those days were so much more heart wrenching for Taeyeon to read.

Taeyeon…why don’t you remember me…I tried so hard today to make you happy. But you got scared and hit me as I bathed you when you suddenly remembered something from that night. I wish you could just open your eyes and see me…really see me.

It’s me Taeyeon…

I love you…can’t you see?

~Stephan

This one came with lilies.

Baby it hurts…the fear you see in your eyes when you see me…it hurts… I am not him…I didn’t hurt you. I am your husband. The man who loves you. Please…remember me.

I love you.

This one was unsigned, like he couldn’t even bring himself to write more.

It came with blue forget-me-nots.

Taeyeon had kissed his dry cracked lips.

“I’m sorry baby… I’ll never forget you again… That’s the worst thing I’ve done in my life…give me another chance love…please…”

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And sometimes he still managed to surprise her with how much hope he still held after bouts of having nothing from her.

Taeyeon, something amazing happened today! You looked me in the eyes and I saw something flicker, like you recognized me or at least were trying to. You asked me to cut the crust of your sandwich which I did so. Don’t forget to eat on time love.

I love you forever. I love you for always.

~Stephan

It came with irises and a sandwich from the local deli with the crust cut off.

Taeyeon had eaten it, her tears soaking into the bread and making it salty.

She vaguely remembered tha