“This fa-clumsy girl bumped into me and it hurts here…” The girl pointed to her right shoulder and complained to Chunji.

“And I totally remember knocking into her other shoulder.” I thought to myself and rolled my eyes.

“Just let it go. I doubt she did it on purpose.” Chunji said and flashed his signature smile.

She seemed dazzled and lost in her own little world by then. Seizing the opportunity, Chunji grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the scene. Standing behind the wall, Myung Soo merely stared as Chunji left holding my wrist. I followed him for quite some distance before taking my hand back from his grip. I looked down and thanked him for his help.

“Thank you but actually you didn’t have to.” I said, looking down at the floor.

I was not trying to be ungrateful but it was just that if he helped me for the first or second time, each time when I run into similar situations, I would be expecting his appearance again. I knew clearly he wouldn’t be there for me all the time. At the end of the day, I would still have to face everything alone like before and I would just feel the unnecessary disappointment by then.

Park Soo Hee has always been fighting alone and it will stay that way, forever.

With that, I walked away with my head hanging low. Chunji stood there, looking at my solemn back view fading down the streets.

“Why is she always so… unhappy? Could it be that she dislikes me?” he thought as he scratched his head, confused.

I walked to my bed and lie down on it, facing the ceiling. I bought something from the bookshop earlier. They were glow-in-the-dark stars. The first thing I did when I came home was putting them up. I removed the tape, sticking it to the back of the stars and stuck them onto my ceiling. It was still early and my ceiling was filled with small star-shaped plastic stars. I was waiting for the darkness to creep in while lying in my bed. Soon, it was night time.

The stars on my ceiling lit up my room with a glowing light. Each of them was shining to their fullest and it seemed as if it was the real night sky. It was beautiful and for the first time, I felt peaceful inside. I was enjoying the scene when someone barged into my room. I sat up and saw my drunken father struggling to stand straight with the help of my door knob. He looked up and spotted the ‘stars’ I pasted.

“What the f-?! You think you are still a kid?! Who said you could waste all those money on such useless things? Do you know how hard it is to earn money these days? I have to pay for your god damn school fees and feed you who eat like a pig! Instead of understanding me and helping to earn money, there you are wasting my money on such rubbish?!” My father shouted and pointed to the ceiling with his shaky index.

Without myself knowing, tears were already flowing down my face. Anger was boiling within me when I heard his harsh words.

“How expensive can this be?! You are just unhappy and want to vent your anger on me, right?! You have never seen me as your daughter but just a heavy burden! You drink all the day and just insult me as you want! Do you know how depressed I am feeling now? All you care about is your bloody money! If umma was still around, she wouldn’t have let you say such things to her only daughter!” I retorted as more hot tears flowed.

He walked over and smacked my head roughly with his hand. Rolling his eyes, he spun around and left the room unstably. I was left there sitting on my bed with even more tears escaping my eyes. He had never cared about me. He was not like this before. Appa used to be a caring, nice and gentle father but everything changed after the death of my mother. After my mother’s death, he started to drink a lot and treated me harshly.

I really hate my father, my life and myself…

The next day at school…

With swollen eyes, I went to school. It was break time so I made my way to the cafeteria alone and settled at a corner seat. After some time, a couple walked over and occupied the seat before mine. I looked up and saw Joo Woo with another queenka of the school. I felt my heart ached as I saw him run his fingers along her jaw line, bringing her pretty face closer to his and kissing her deeply. I held back those tears forming in my eyes and looked away instantly.

Holding on tightly to my wallet, I stood up and headed to the counter. I forced myself not to look in their direction and pretended that I had not seen anything. It was because of that that I didn’t notice the sliding chair that was kicked in my direction. Obviously, it was intentional and targeted at me. I was knocked by it hardly, causing me to fall on the floor with a loud impact. Everyone started making their way to the loud commotion I made.

I was sitting on the floor, clutching my leg which hurt. The floor was slippery as it was just mopped and I was having much difficulty getting up. With the pain from my legs and , I tried to get up but to no avail. Then, someone stopped before me and hovered above me. I looked up and spotted Joo Woo who had one of his arms around the queenka’s slim waist. He was laughing with his face close to me.

“Hahaha~ you still have not changed indeed. You are still such a disgrace.” He said in my face before bursting into laughter.

My face stiffened as I fought back my tears with all my might. The people crowding around me were busy laughing and commenting. None of them offered to help me up. Then, a hand was offered to me. I looked up with teary eyes and saw Chunji who flashed me a reassuring smile. Hesitantly, I took his hand. He flexed his muscles and attempted to pull me up. However, he failed as I was too heavy.

I fell back to the ground with a loud thud. The students erupted into a second round of laughter. I felt utterly embarrassed. At that instant, I hoped that I would just vanish into thin air and save myself from all the embarrassment. I grabbed onto the chair by the side and pulled myself up with all my might. With that, I stood up and limped my way out of the crowd. Chunji was running after me and calling out to me.

Unknown to me, Myung Soo confronted Joo Woo after I left.

“Why did you do that?” Myung Soo stared at Joo Woo and asked.

“For fun?” He answered with a senseless smirk.

“Listen. She is already badly hurt by us. Don’t hurt her anymore.” Myung Soo warned as he grabbed Joo Woo by his uniform collar. Releasing him, he walked away angrily.

I was attempting to run but my leg was kind of painful so all I could manage was a quick walk. People walking past me were shooting glances and commenting on my pathetic look. Those tears that I held back started flowing down on their own accord. I was brushing away those tears forcefully but they were soon replaced by new tears. I was reminded of my disgraceful self and I felt disgusted by myself. Then, I felt someone grab me, causing me to spin around.

“You alright?” Chunji asked as he looked down at me with concerned eyes.

My tear-stained face answered his question. He stood there, not knowing what to do.

“Let go of me.” I demanded as I bit my lips down hard.

“You can talk to me.” He continued, tightening his grip.

“Why are you even helping me?! I don’t even know you! What do you want from me? I am just a useless, pathetic, fat, stupid, ugly being who is deemed as a disgrace by the person I thought liked me. Even my father hates me, what else can I ask for? Do you know… how much I hate school, hate life and hate everything about myself? Why?! Why must I be the lousy Park Soo Hee?!” I exploded with more tears running down my chubby cheeks.

After hearing my words, he loosened his grip. I swung his hand away, turned around and left. He was probably standing there, looking at me leave. It was the first time I said so much to him and it left him speechless. All he could manage was staying in his position. I continued limping, letting those stupid tears run down my cheeks. The scene where everyone laughed at me kept replaying in my mind. The coffee mess, the lift scene and the fall from before came rushing back to me.

Narrator’s POV

At that moment, Chunji wanted so much to give Soo Hee a warm hug and tell her everything would be fine. She was so depressed that it pained him although he didn’t know her well. He felt like her whole world was deprived of colours as if it was only left with black and white. She was taking it too harshly on herself and closing herself up in the fence of wall she built around her. However, as much as he wanted, all he could do was see the poor girl leave and fight everything, alone.

“If only I could help her…” Chunji thought to himself and sighed.

The next day at school…

“Class. There is something I need to inform you. Your classmate, Park Soo Hee had dropped out of school due to personal reasons. She had called in and informed the school yesterday night. That’s all from me. Go get ready for lessons now.” The homeroom teacher said to the class. The class remained silent after the teacher left.

“Is it because of the incident yesterday?! Damn. What should I do?” Myung Soo thought.

“Crap. Why did she quit school?! Is there really no other way to help her?” Chunji thought.

Author's Note:
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BYE<3 ~