“(Y/n), listen to me, please!” Kris had to hold himself back from breaking down the door completely in his desperate attempt to get you to understand. He realized he’d gone about explaining what he was in the wrong way, the wrong order, but you couldn’t just end it. Not like this.

When you refused to even acknowledge his attempts to talk to you, to get you to let him back in so he could explain all of this properly, he stop hitting his fists against the wooden barrier that kept the two of you apart.

Kris stood there, just staring at your door as if by some miracle it would swing open again on its own accord and you’d run into his arms, begging him not to go. But all that came to him were the soft efforts you took to hold back the tears.

You needed time. And as much as the wolf in his chest pawed and clawed at him to break down the door, he knew the best thing for him to do in the moment was to walk away. Maybe after a little while, with you left to figure things out on your own, you’d let him sit down and explain everything to you.

With one last look at your bedroom door, Kris turned and left your apartment.

Every fiber in every muscle of his inhuman being was screaming, fighting to turn back around to you. But Kris controlled himself, getting into his car that was parked out in the street. He had to keep going. He had to give you to time to process what he’d stupidly dumped on you.

Why didn’t he tell you everything before things went this far? Why didn’t he tell you that night under the stars? Or the morning you woke up in his bed at the farmhouse? Those times would have been better. He could have eased into it. Told you about his true nature before dropping the “mate” bomb. Made it seem more like a natural transition rather than an inevitability that he pulled you into.

Barely able to concentrate, Kris sped down the darkened road, needing to put as much distance between the two of you as possible to help quiet the urge to turn back. It didn’t die, but the farther he got, the more he was able to rationalize not pulling a U-turn. As he reached the back road that would lead him to the farmhouse where he could hole himself up for a few days, a sharp pain like a hundred needles stabbed at his heart.

With a yank of the wheel, Kris pulled off to the side of the road, shoving the gear shift in park with a whine from the engine. Clutching his chest, he bent over to try and breathe easier as the pain continued. He knew exactly what this was and it wasn’t good.

“No,” he huffed, the fingernails of his other hand digging into the leather of the passenger’s seat. “It’s not supposed to come on this fast.”

Was it because he was an alpha? Or was it because you so clearly told him that you never wanted to see him again, making the rejection even more apparent?

Seeing Chanyeol in a similar state last winter had scared the hell of Kris, even though he’d put on a good show. He’d tried to be a rock and a sense of encouragement for his brother who was so clearly not okay. It was a whole different story now that he was suddenly forced into that position now.

The physical pain a wolf’s body goes through when rejected by their mate was at an intensity that couldn’t be described with any known injury or torture device. White hot irons could come close, but Kris wouldn’t give those searing rods that much credit. It’s origin was deep within the wolf, coming from nowhere without any warning and no known cure except for the one person who caused it in the first place.

Tap, tap, tap.

Kris jumped at the sudden and unexpected intrusion. Jimmy was somehow waving at him on the other side of the window on the driver’s side, smiling with a little hint of worry in his eyes. How the hell-

Rolling down the window, Kris growled, “Jimmy, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I was on my way back from the races and saw you parked on the side of the road,” Jimmy explained with a lopsided smile. “You all right? It’s like one in morning.”

Kris grunted as he straightened up. “I’m fine. Just headed home.”

Jimmy rubbed a hand over his bald head. “You sure? Anything I can do?”

“I said I’m fine, Jimmy!” Regret hit Kris instantly when he saw how his friend flinched at the harsh reply. He ran a hand through his hair before dropping it down on the steering wheel. “Thanks, man, but really, I’ll be okay. I just need to get home and get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Jimmy tapped his fingers on the door before waving. “I’ll see you later. Don’t forget to call if you need anything.”

“Sure, man,” Kris nodded, pulling the gear shift into drive. “See you later.”

Careful not hit the person who was just trying to help, Kris sped down the road while going at least twenty over. The stabbing pain had subsided, but not Kris’ panic. If your rejection cause the chain reaction with his wolf to come on that fast, how much longer did he have?

Tears spilled over from one of his eyes. Kris quickly wiped it away while sniffing back more. How could he it up so royally in the span of less than a few hours? He had you and then he lost you faster than his best drag time. It was taking him back to losing Jiyoon. But there was no comparison. Jiyoon was gone from this earth and you were still here, visible and touchable, yet out of sight and out of reach of his fingers.

He’d give anything to rewind time and freeze it to that perfect moment.

You’d fallen asleep before him, wrapped up in the sheets and curled up in his arms right against his chest. Your breath tickled the skin over his collar bone, warm and soothing. Kris had caressed the bumps along your spine with his fingertips, memorizing every curve and beautifully perfect imperfection that made up who you were.

It was the most at peace Kris had ever been in his life. In those few minutes before he drifted off to sleep himself, he didn’t have to worry about any outside forces coming to take you away or any past threats coming back to haunt him. He didn’t even have to worry about whether you’d accept him or not. He’d just taken that as a given and therefore taken you being in his arms for granted. For once, he’d allowed himself to just… exist. What a short lived paradise that turned out to be.

Kris didn’t even bother to pull up near the garage when he arrived at the farmhouse, screeching to a halt right in front of the porch. Junmyeon could yell at him later. He was struggling not to collapse right then and there on the grass as he all but crawled out of the car.

Just need to get into the house, he bargained with himself, just get in the house and then you can let it swallow you.

Shuffling his feet and clutching his chest, he made it up the steps and through the door, letting it slam loudly behind him.

The pain had long subsided, but the phantom feeling lingered, leaving him in fear of it flaring up again. Kris tried to keep his face neutral in case he ran into any of the others. He’d almost made it until he reached the bottom of the stairs. Tao nearly bumped into him coming down.

“Ge-ge?” Tao bent at his waist to try and get a better look at Kris, who was twisting to try and avoid showing off his red eyes and aching expression. “What happened? Where have you been?”

“It’s nothing, Tao,” Kris growled, keeping his head down. There was no way to get up the stairs without shoving the younger wolf out of the way and Tao was too sensitive to not take it personally. “I just need to get some rest.”

Tao was not going to let it go. “You look bad, Kris. Is there-”

“Just drop it!” Kris snapped, nearly snarling at his poor brother that just wanted to help. “I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I’m just tired and need to be alone right now. I’ll explain later.”

He wasn’t sure if he’d actually be up for telling anyone the scene he’d just been forced to play out, but he knew he’d have to tell his pack eventually, in case- Not now. Not in this state.

To Kris’ relief, Tao nodded and stepped out the way, watching his alpha trip up the stairs with concerned eyes.

**

Your tears had dried out after only a few minutes. A headache was forming behind your eyes so, with wobbly legs, you pushed yourself up to your feet and opened your door. The apartment was empty, tauntingly so. You didn’t think Kris would trick you into thinking he’d left, but then again, you didn’t really know him, did you?

Shuffling over to your medicine cabinet in the kitchen, you pulled out the bottle of aspirin and popped two into your mouth, swallowing them dry.  

With the new bout of information you’d just received, you couldn’t be alone with your thoughts. You needed to talk to someone, but the first person that came to your mind was also the person you didn’t want to see right now. Or maybe ever again.

Kris was the entire reason your life had been up ended from the scenic path it’d been on. You were perfectly content before he’d shown up. You’d put the part of your life that had involved him behind you and were happy for the future that you’d been envisioning and planning on. Hell, maybe you and Huan could have even worked through and compromised on your issues if he’d never come along. That’s what normal relationships were about, weren’t they?

And yet, you never had that chance because something decided that you and Kris were a better match. And why? Because you were friends almost two decades ago? That wasn’t fair. Where was your freedom to choose who you belonged with?

An epiphany hit you as you were trying to work your way around your receding headache to make your thoughts line up coherently. There was one person in the world that you were sure knew exactly what you were going through. She’d practically said so herself.

Hesitantly, you made your way to the living room where you’d left your cell phone on the coffee table when Kris had shown up. Sitting down on the sofa, you stared at the phone, debating.

Minseok knew Kris, according to Ji Yeon. You’d even seen them in the same group that night Kris had found you on the boardwalk. Then Ji Yeon confirmed that they knew each other enough for Minseok to know that you were Kris’ engaged friend he’d talked about.

What if they didn’t just know each other? What if Minseok was like Kris? Ji Yeon talked about how she, too, was seeing someone before Minseok came into her life. What if it was because this… mate thing had happened to her too?

The memory of first meeting Ji Yeon played in your mind. She’d shown you pictures on her camera of a particularly friendly wolf, one that seemed too aware of the camera, too intelligent to be an ordinary animal. She’d practically panicked when you pointed out how the wolf seemed to be posing for her.

Unsure if you’d even be able to speak, you simply sent a text to Ji Yeon asking if she was free to come over. With how late it was in the night, you didn’t think you’d get an answer. If not, then you’d call her in the morning. After only a minute or so, however, you received a reply simply containing a yes and an additional question that inquired if you were okay. You answered with only your address and then you waited.

Ten minutes went by before the tell-tale knock came at your door. Sighing, you stood up and opened it up for Ji Yeon.

“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked as she removed her shoes and stifled a yawn. You must have woken her up, but she came anyway.  For that, you were thankful.

You stood there and watched her with an empty feeling inside, mulling over where to start. Your exhausted brain decided to just go the blunt route. “Did you know about Kris?”

Ji Yeon froze in her half-bent position, giving you the exact answer you were expecting. Straightening up, she frowned at you. “What do you mean?”

“Is Minseok like Kris?” you countered instead.

There was a mild standoff as neither of you spoke, staring at each other. But you weren’t going to let it go or back track. Not this time.

“He finally told you,” Ji Yeon stated with a whisper. There was no question in her voice. The two of you knew exactly what the underlining subject was and there was no need to beat around the bush now.

You swallowed thickly. “You knew the whole time, didn’t you? What Kris was?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’ve always known what Kris is. What all of them are. But it wasn’t my place to say anything.”

“I thought you were my friend!” you snapped. Apparently, your tear ducts had refilled as new pools of water were filling your bottom lids once again as your fists curled by your side, your fingernails digging into your skin. “Shouldn’t I have a right to know why I’m suddenly not in love with my fiance anymore?”

“I couldn’t tell you!” Ji Yeon shouted back. “I’m not allowed to! Only the wolf can tell his mate! That’s how it is!” Stepping up to you, she took hold of your shoulders, looking you in the eye. “Listen, (y/n). I understand what you are going through. Nearly two years ago, I was you. It’s confusing, at first. You’ll be angry for a little bit, but eventually you’ll understand why he chose to do things the way he did. They have to keep their secret and there’s no easy way to bring that subject up. The mate bond isn’t exactly something the average human goes through.”

You sniffed, hating how right she sounded. “But he still should have told me before sleeping with me.”

Ji Yeon flinched back, letting you go. “Okay. That I can’t help but agree with. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of things going in that order before.” Her eyes searched around the apartment. “Where is Kris? Did he leave to give you some space?”

Chewing on your bottom lip, you scratched at your scalp. “No…. I kind of threw him out.”

“W-what?” Ji Yeon’s mouth dropped in horror. “(y/n), what exactly did you say to him?”

Now you felt a little ashamed at what you had done in anger. You stared down at the floor. “After he told me about being… mates and how that was the reason Huan and I broke up, I told him I didn’t want to ever see him again.”

Ji Yeon practically pounced on you, squeezing your upper arms painfully. “Please, tell me you didn’t actually do that!”

“I was angry!” you yelled. “I wasn’t given a choice in my own life! What else was I supposed to do?”

“You don’t get it, (y/n),” she groaned. “If a wolf is rejected by their mate, they die!”

No.

As angry as you were, as hurt as you were and as much as you didn’t want to see Kris, you didn’t want to live in a world where he didn’t exist.

Your knees buckled under you and Ji Yeon wasn’t strong enough to keep you upright, sending you both to the hardwood floor.

Now you were really crying. To the point where breathing was nearly impossible. This was all too much. Too much to soak in, too much responsibility for you to handle.

“That’s not fair,” you croaked out as Ji Yeon rubbed your back. “I don’t get a choice at all? Why do I have to be forced to be with someone? Why do I have to be the reason they live or die? Who decided that was the right thing to do?”

“(Y/n), look at me,” Ji Yeon urged. Wiping away the tears so your vision was no longer blurry, you obeyed. A small, crooked smile was her lips. How could she be so calm right now? “All the mate bond does is bring you to the person that you would be the happiest with, the person who will protect you and love you like no one else. That’s all. Besides, do you really think that you couldn’t be happy with Kris?”

“That’s not the point,” you whimpered. “The point is that I should have the option to choose Kris. But I didn’t get that.” You sniffed, fearing the answer of your next question. “Is he already dead, then?”

Ji Yeon shook her head. “No. It doesn’t happen that fast. He has time. You have time to change your mind.”

“I feel backed into a corner,” you whispered. “I don’t know what to do. I’m still so angry. I still don’t want to see him. I don’t want that life.”

“I’ll stay with you tonight,” Ji Yeon volunteered. “I don’t think you should be alone right now. If you have anymore questions, I’ll answer them for you.”

You nodded, grateful that she offered before you had a chance to ask. But that would have to wait until morning. Right now, you just wanted to go back to sleep and shut your mind off. You couldn’t make a rational decision right now. You were too exhausted and confused. Your heart was being torn in two. You hated Kris - you hated the lies and the way you felt manipulated - but you also loved him. You just weren’t sure how real that love was.