*

“Son?”

Changmin glances at his mother, who sips her morning coffee. It’s the time of their breakfast but surprisingly he doesn’t have any appetite. Meal-time is supposed to be his favorite time. He sighs. He glances down his plate. Food is untouched. Suddenly, he feels his mother’s warm and comforting hand on his face. He looks at her.

“Please son, think about it again.”

Changmin has always been the one who believes that in each problem, there’s always a possible solution. He believes that planning things out carefully will lead him to success. However, at this point in time, his brain seems to stop functioning. He cannot think straight. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot find any possible solution for his dilemma.

He doesn’t know that he’s already trembling. He doesn’t know that he’s already sobbing like a lost child. He feels his mother embraces him and he clutches on to her for life. He clutches on to her like how he did when he was still a child. When he was young, his mother had always been the one teaching him, helping him. Maybe, this time, he really is lost. Changmin is torn in between of both he doesn’t know worth sacrificing. He doesn’t want to regret.

Changmin thinks of his mother, of his late father, of his sister. Noona. Changmin thinks of his best friend. Jaejoong. Jaejoong. Jaejoong. He cries harder.

“Help me, Mama. I don’t know what to do.”

Jaejoong tosses and turns on his bed. It’s still early in the morning and he wants to sleep more. However, the weird sensation that he’s feeling is bothering him. He lies on his back and gently places a hand on his chest, feeling his heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

It’s as if his heart is beaten into pieces, and there’s only one conceivable answer that he can come up with. Changmin. He instantly grabs his mobile phone and dials his best friend. He thinks that it’s funny how his best friend’s number ends up at number one in his speed dial list. After a ring or two, Changmin answers his call.

“Don’t cry, Min. You know it pains me.”

“…Jae.”

You don’t have to hide anything from me.

I’m your best friend.

I hope you know you can always lean on me.

You’re not alone.

*

“I would like you to know, Mrs. Shim that your son is more than compatible for your daughter.”

Mrs. Shim sighs. Every time she remembers those words, she can’t do anything but to feel sorry. How could such thing happen to her family—her loving family? She loves her daughter so much. She loves her son just as much. She cannot bear the thought of losing one of them. Remotely, she looks at her daughter, who is sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed. She is still so young. She still got a world to see. Couldn’t it anymore, she tear he eyes away which instantly land to sight of her son, who’s occupying himself with his phone. Mrs. Shim sighs.

“You’ve been sighing a lot, Mama.”

She looks back at her son and notices that Changmin awfully looking a lot like his father day by day. For the first time in her life, after the death of her husband, she never felt like dying like how she does now.

So is he…

…so is he

-I think I’ll be stuck with my sister for a while. Forgive me? Luv ya <3-

Jaejoong giggles at the message he received from his friend, but he frowns after realizing Changmin sister, Eun Jin. He should visit her sometimes. She has been a sister to him, and it’s such a pity to know that she’s suffering from a disease. She used to be so sporty; now, she’s just lying on the bed.

“Good morning, class.”

Suddenly, Jaejoong remembers that he still have a lesson. So, he hurriedly replies to his best friend before the old professor could catch him.

-No worries. I’ll come by after class. Take care, Minnie. Chu~-

Changmin softly laughs at his friend’s antics. Such a kid. He places his phone back to his packet a settles himself on a chair beside his sister’s bed. His mother had already left an hour ago and his sister woke up just a few minutes after his mother left.

“Jaejoong?”

“Yeah. He’s stopping by to see you.”

“Great! I miss that whiny kid.”

Changmin concludes that Jaejoong is an angel because he makes everyone laugh at times of pains even when he’s not around.

*

Changmin and Jaejoong have been sitting on a park bench for an hour already. They had already any random games they could think of and said stuffs they already knew. Now, they just (im)patiently waiting for someone who should have arrived half an hour ago.

“Min~ maybe he’s not coming. Who’s he anyway~? Let’s go some—“

“There he is!”

Jaejoong’s eyes follow Changmin’s finger to where he’s pointing at. There he sees a tall man coming closer to them. When the man reaches them, Jaejoong finds him attractive. He studies the man a little more and swears he had seen him once or twice; he just cannot think where and when. Jaejoong then notices the man is smiling at him. He blushes and looks away to focus his eyes on Changmin. My best friend is more handsome.

“Jaejoongie, meet Jung Yunho. He’s one of Eun Jin-noona’s nurses. Yunho-hyung, this is Kim Jaejoong, my best, bestest friend.”

If Changmin is only a lot shorter, Jaejoong swears he could be the cutest boy in the world. He’s suddenly pulled back from his reverie when he sees Yunho extend his hand for a handshake which he complies. He blushes again when Yunho smiles.

“Nice to meet you, Jaejoong-ssi.”

“So, I’ll be taking my leave now. You two have fun. Yunho-hyung, please take good care of Jaejoongie or I’ll kill you.”

Yunho laughs awkwardly, promising that Jaejoong’s life costs more than his while Jaejoong just questioningly stares at Changmin’s retreating figure. Wait. Did Minnie just set me up on a date? Right. Changmin just set him up for a date. Jaejoong’s phone vibrates and he shakes his head after reading the message, finally understanding Changmin’s purpose.

-Jaejoong, love him as much as you love me; better yet, even more-

His best friend just entrusted him to someone else. Changmin trusts Yunho. Changmin wants him to be with Yunho, and he trusts Changmin but somehow, Jaejoong feels hurt.

When he is sure that he’s out of sight from the two, Changmin lets go of his mask and breaks down. It hurts him so much to push his best friend away to someone else. Yet, it’s only way he could ever think of. After all, he only wants Jaejoong’s happiness even if it causes him so much, so much pain, even if it’s suffocating him.

He doesn’t care how people look at him oddly as they pass by. He is just glad how the sky seems to understand his feelings and cries along with him. Somewhere in his aching heart, he wishes Jaejoong is safe and warm even if in the arms of another man.

How is it possible to lose something that you don’t know?

How to search for it and put back together?

God, I love him so much.

*