First Half of 2017

The hardest part in dating secretly had got to be the fact that he couldn’t ward off her fanboys. In the span of a year, she had transformed to a ier, more attractive and prettier Joy Red Velvet. Sungjae made sure he was in very good terms with Red Velvet’s managers, stylists, assistants and members. Through them, he got reports of which members of which boyband tried to talk to Joy when they crossed ways on music shows dressing rooms hallways, who asked for her number, and who got the most courage, trying to make the staff yielded and arranged a dinner with Joy.

The names circulating as her fanboys were getting more and more star-studded by the day. Sungjae thought if the names were leaked to the medias, Joy would make headlines as one of the most popular idols other idols wanted to date, and the numbers of her haters would also jump significantly, since all the names he heard had screaming, possessive fangirls, who would definitely claw Joy’s face once they knew their beloved Oppadeul were insistent in trying to ask her out.

Joy knew all of this, but she never took it seriously.

“Everyone in the group has her own fanboys. It doesn’t mean we respond to them. It’s just the interest for a group which is now on the rise. They’re not serious, I’m sure.”

“You won’t give them hope, right?” he had asked one night, during one of their precious one night dates, trying to sound nonchalant.

“When do I have time to give hope to random guys? I’m too busy.”

Sungjae had pretended he was satisfied with her answer, but he actually didn’t. He wished he could be with her 24/7, drive her around and wait for her schedules to finish, to ward off the attention of unwanted guys. But alas, he too, had his own work and schedules to think about.

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Despite Joy’s preventive caution of giving Sungjae the script of The Liar and His Lover for him to completely evaluate and be ready before she started filming, he still got a severe attack of jealousy once the drama started airing.

Whatever he said, he still monitored the drama religiously, watching every scene, no matter how much it hurt him to see her looking so unbearably cute and pretty, on screen with another guy.

When his brothers from BTOB reported that they watched the drama diligently as a support for their sister in-law, he responded coolly, like it never affected him. Joy reported how the boys messaged her with positive messages, saying they enjoyed her drama and her acting was good.

It was an effort for him though, to not launch into a full possessive boyfriend in a tirade the next time they met. He wanted to shout at her for acting so well and so sweetly, as if she was enjoying being close to that Lee Hyun Woo, but he held it in. How could he drag her to a shouting match, when he knew how busy she was, filming and promoting with Red Velvet at the same time?

The next time they had one of those precious coincidental day off, and Joy sat down to eat Sungjae’s mom’s homemade meal (stocked up in his fridge for the next two weeks, thanks to his mom’s latest visit to his apartment), she squealed happily, “Ah, your mum is such a great cook! I love her!”

“Jinjja? I thought you only love kissing in phone booths and bicycles lately” the comment was out before he had time to filter or stop it, the result of weeks trying to be patient.

Joy choked on her jjigae, and he only watched in cruel satisfaction.

For the first time in forever, he only sat and watched as she struggled.

Joy struggled to breathe on her own. A full minute of agony was experienced, with her coughing and struggling to inhale some air, before she finally calmed down and could down a glass of water.

“Yah.....Oppa, how long have you wanted to say that to me, aigoo.....” she said, patting her own chest to breathe easier.

“Aniya, I’m not saying anything at all.”

“Yook Sungjae-ssi. You really are the cruellest man on earth.”

He shrugged, “It’s hard to be a good guy when your woman goes around kissing men on bicycles.”

“It’s only for work!!! You’ve kissed me a lot more than him!!!”

Sungjae hated how he instantly blushed at that.

“Why are you blushing? Yah, don’t act innocent!”

“It’s not that much” he denied, clearing his throat.

“It’s not that much??? When I have to wear concealer all over my neck and cleavage everytime I come home from this place? And don’t make me start about how much my coordi has to put concealer on my thighs too everytime I have to wear anything short for the stage! That’s what happen when I tell you to not leave any marks and you only do it more! If everytime you kiss me got recorded and spread, people might think I’m an actress in a movie!!!” she was yelling by that time, and he had the audacity to blush harder.

She was close to throwing him her chopsticks.

“It’s so hard for me to act normal whenever my cordi unnie has to put on my makeup stage and put on three layers of concealer all over me, and you, Yook Sungjae-ssi, you dare to find troubles with me because an actor kissed me a little on screen? Come here and fight me! I’m going to strangle you to death!!!”

“Aniya. I’m wrong, let’s eat dinner” he tried, pouring her a fresh glass of water.

Joy gulped the water in one go and bang it on the table, making Sungjae jumped.

He gave up the wish to fight, because she was right, he gave her more troubles from all the hickeys he gave her, compared to how he felt with seeing her looking lovey-dovey on screen with another guy.

He apologized that night with putting on her night skincare routine on her.

She forgave easily, and he ended up giving her more hickeys on various places for her to cover the next day.

Joy never thought that dating someone meant using so much concealer.

I should endorse these things, she thought. I’m such a loyal customer.

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He felt he got tricked, again, when Red Flavor came out. She had sworn it was a cute concept, but how come she still looked y during the promotion? And with that, he heard the reports from Red Velvet’s staff—sent to him daily via texts—that there were more and more boyband members and young actors who begged for her number. The invitations for dinners and parties escalated too, with names of chaebols starting to enter the list.

“When will you stop gathering fanboys, Sooyoung-ah?” he asked one night, a month after their fight about The Liar and His Lover.

Already in her pyjamas and climbing the bed, Joy answered, “When you also stop gathering fangirls.”

“Please. My fangirls and your fanboys are like 1:10”

“Are you sure? Or do you think I don’t know how many girlgroup members and pretty noona actresses out there try to invite you to VIP dinners?”

He was speechless.

“How do you know that?”

“Do you think you’re the only one who knows how to get close to staffs? I’ll have you know, your manager, assistant and cordi unnie all root for me, and give me daily reports of who’s chasing you the hardest at the moment.”

“.......oh.”

“That’s it? You’re just going to say “oh”?”

“I’ll ignore them as long as you ignore your fanboys.”

Joy snorted, “I told you, I have no time to play around with guys. You’re already too much to handle.”

As she lied down and sighed in contentment and closed her eyes, Sungjae backhugged her and began kissing her neck.

She whined, “Jebal, I’m tiredddddd......”

He didn’t stop though, and she gave up fighting him.

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No matter how much he loved her, it was hard to really know her in entirety.

The more famous Red Velvet got, the more Sungjae sensed that there was something that made her sad. It’s never obvious, but sometimes she spaced out with a sad look on her face.

Whenever he asked her what was troubling her, she would always brush it off as nothing.

It was the King of Masked Singer that revealed it.

She was secretly hiding the fear of never being taken seriously as an artist, as a singer and as a human being. She said in the show, she used to feel confident of her ability to sing, but she grew to lose her confidence in her singing ability since they debuted, even to the point that she had to hide in the bathroom to sing.

It was probably God’s wish that he was free the day she recorded King of Masked Singer. It was her coordi who sent him the video of her confession on stage, dissolving in tears, making him able to know everything before it aired.

The second Joy entered her company’s van after the show, she found him sitting inside waiting for her.

They shared one look and she began crying again.

Her manager was the one who drove the van, and her cordi climbed the front seat to give them privacy.

He pulled her in his arms when the car door was closed.

“So this is what’s making you sad, all along?”

She nodded, unable to even speak, her tears flowing freely.

“You’re a talented person, Sooyoung-ah” he exclaimed gently.

She began shaking her head, sobbing hard by then.

“You are. Don’t let others make you believe that you aren’t.”

“I’m just—someone with—a y body and—pretty face—for a lot of—people. They say I use my looks to be here. And I’m—I hear it so—often—I start—to believe—they’re right.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a great singer. You work really, really hard. And you are really, really kind, Sooyoungie.”

“I’m not” she sobbed, facepalming and shaking, “I’m nothing.”

“Oh, Love” Sungjae sighed, his arms pulling and holding her tight. He wished he could kill all those people who hurt her. Since he couldn’t, he resolved to hugging her tight, and tighter.

She had haters. It’s a fact that would always be true. And they were mostly women. Women knew how to hurt other women the most. They attacked her sense of self. There were many things that could hurt a woman, but one that hurt the most was to be denied the fact that a woman had skills, abilities and potential.

To be denied the fact that she could sing, that she loved her work, that she gave her all to her work, and to be told that she was nothing but a body and a face, hurt Joy the most. And the cut ran deep, deeper than Sungjae ever thought of.

“You’re an amazing woman, and I love you. You need to stop listening to heartless people that only want to bring you down, do you hear me? Why do you break down over the words of people who don’t really know you? Just ignore them and believe in yourself. If you can’t trust yourself, trust me, and the people who love you. We love Park Sooyoung, not only Joy Red Velvet. You’re a talented woman, Sooyoungie. Don’t let them win. If you believe them, they win. You have talents. If you don’t, S.M. would never bet their money and debuted you as Red Velvet, trusting you to be one of the members. If you have no talent, personality and a good character, you would never have your loyal fans, who cry when you cry, and smile when you smile. We believe you, so you must believe in yourself as well. Ahrasseo?”

She nodded, face buried in his chest, her hands gripping him tight.

“I love you” he breathed, caressing her back in soothing motions.

“I love you too” she replied, muffled by his hoodie.

They held on to each other like that until they arrived at Red Velvet’s dorm building.

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After much consideration, Joy admitted that it was normal for Sungjae to be jealous all the time, since they were secretly dating, and all those boys out there didn’t know she was taken.

She also really felt liberated after confessing what had been bothering her deep down all along. And it was his encouragement that made her thought more positively about herself. He had been her rock, and she was grateful to be able to say that he was hers.

That was why she made a serious effort to appear in Oppa Thinking show, although only in a video message. She had to officially notify her company for that. After seriously promising that she wouldn’t say that they were dating, she had the permission. Still, the video came out as they were still really close and had a good relationship, of what, it was a bit hard to pinpoint, but at least, definitely, as friends.

He looked really happy on screen, though. Flustered, flattered and giddy, even. So Joy thought it was worth it. Since everyone who knew her were aware that she rarely showed that much attention to any guys—she was never joking when she said she’s too busy to even take a deep breath sometimes—it was warning enough to the world that she was after all, taken.

The next time they met again, Sungjae smothered her with kisses and breathless “I love you, I love you, I love you!!!”, showering her with roses, new jewels and dresses.

So she concluded that it was a mission well done.

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Author’s Note:

Helloooo!

I’m taking the week off, and just returned from Jakarta to vote for the presidential election. I’m so happy that our current president won again. He’s really the best president Indonesia ever had.

I’ll be off to Bali next.

I hope you’re also having a great week!

Remember to comment if you like this chapter!