“I heard you were in America for the past half a year.”

I nod, “I was.”

I had agreed to meet LE at a café in her neighbourhood, seeing that she was sincere about wanting to talk to me.

“I’m not the type of person to meddle in other people’s matters, you know,” LE says after a brief silence, “but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to ignore the problem between you and Taekwoon oppa. Maybe I’m overthinking, but I thought I was the indirect cause…”

I look at my cup of coffee on the table, watching the steam swirl into various patterns. I feel her eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. But what is there to say?

“I think you should know, ssaem, that I have a boyfriend of 3 years.”

My eyes meet hers. Okay, this is indeed new information.

“And I haven’t done anything unfaithful to him,” she continues, still maintaining eye contact, “Taekwoon oppa and I became friends through my boyfriend, in fact.”

I break the eye contact, my gaze once again fixed on the swirling steam. Is she telling me that I’d misunderstood Taekwoon big time?

“That night – the one you heard us talking about – I had invited a few friends over for a gathering, my boyfriend included. Taekwoon oppa didn’t look very good, and he kept drinking can after can. I think he wiped out more than half of the alcohol that night. He was already drunk when he kinda forced us all into an arm wrestling match with him. I was no match for him, obviously, and I sort of had a slight sprain to my wrist after that. Taekwoon oppa found out and he was quite guilty about it. That was what he was apologizing for.”

I digest LE’s words slowly, almost wanting to laugh at myself for being such a joke.

“I know Taekwoon oppa had a girlfriend – he spoke of her a lot – but I didn’t know it was you. You really mean the world to him, ssaem. I’m not trying to be a busybody but…I hope that you both can work things out.”

----

“Byul-ah, are you okay?” Jaejoong oppa asks, “you look terribly tired.”

I haven’t been sleeping well because of that recurring dream. I always wake up in the dead of the night to a tear-streaked face and then lay awake until sunrise. LE’s words contributed to the lack of sleep, too.

“I guess I don’t look like crap yet since no one else noticed except you,” I try to take his attention off me.

He narrows his eyes, expecting me to break, but I don’t give in like I usually would.

Jaejoong oppa sighs, “what happened to you, Han Byul?”

“What?”

“Did something happen while you were in the States? You’re a changed person ever since you came back. Other people may not be able to tell, but I can, Byul-ah. I know I can’t force anything out of you, but you know I’m always here if you need someone to talk to.”

So oppa doesn’t know what happened…? It isn’t America that changed me, oppa, it was me who changed me. I shake my head to chase my thoughts out of my head.

“Don’t worry, I’m alright.”

Oppa stares at me for a little longer before he sighs again and nods.

“If you say so.”

----

Jaejoong oppa has officially resumed his activities in Japan after many years, and for that he has decided to use local styling teams and makeup artists for all his Japanese activities and promotions. He says he doesn’t want to tire me out from all the constant travelling he would have to do, and he also doesn’t want to block me from all the other job opportunities I may receive, so he made that decision.

“I’m sorry, Byul-ah. I should have discussed it with you…”

The information gives me mixed feelings, of course, having been working alongside Jaejoong oppa for the past 5 years and travelling the world thanks to him. But I understand his decision.

“At least you’re not firing me totally,” I joke.

“I would be a fool to fire someone who just came back from upgrading her skills in America!”

“Why do I feel like I’m sending you off to the military again?”

He laughs, “I want to bring you along, really. But I’ll be travelling as often as once every 2 weeks; I don’t think you’ll like that. I’m used to all the frequent flying, but I know you’re not.”

“Okay, thanks for not insisting I have to follow, oppa. And you’re heavily insured, right?”

“Yah!” Jaejoong oppa flings an edamame bean at me.

My phone