Jeonghan was in pain.

Jeonghan was tired.

Jeonghan was absolutely irritated. 

Sleeping outside wasn't exactly ideal but considering his situation, it was a must for him. It was cold and it was unbearable, Jeonghan wasn't sure how he was even surviving out here. He ached, his body was sore and it was terrible. Above all, he was absolutely filthy. Muck clung onto his clothing and his hair that was previously silky smooth was dry and coarse, complimentary to Jax's spit. He was stuck with a horse that wasn't fond of him, but the feeling was mutual. At this point, there wasn't much Jeonghan could do. He was lost and the idea of that scared him entirely. What if they never made it home? He was probably exaggerating, home was nearby but Jeonghan had no idea where they were and it was pitch black, he couldn't see. The only thing that could guide him back home was currently wounded and didn't like him at all. But it was still mutual. Back at Seoul, I wouldn't have been stuck in a situation like this. 

He would fall in and out of sleep at timely intervals but would quickly be awaken by something that resided within the forest. Everytime he woke up, he'd venture off a little farther, despite not being able to see. Jeonghan only hoped he'd see a faint light that pinpointed where home was, but that was only wishful thinking. Before he could venture farther, he'd hear another sound that would invoke fear in him and rush back to Jax, who laid there, asleep. He envied that about the horse. He was able to sleep in this forest without any fear or wake up in general. Perhaps it was because Jeonghan was beginning to grow paranoid as he sat there idly, wideawake, but also dead tired. His head throbbed, pulsing against his skull like thump, thump, thump. His eyes felt dry, heavy even but not caving into the sleep he craved. That's what was killing him the most; his body wanted to sleep but he couldn't. He had to lay there, leaning against Jax as he slowly grew delirious. He was shaking; being cold and tired wasn't an ideal situation either. But he had to it up.

Jeonghan felt frustrated. He could feel his eyes well up with tears and he wasn't sure why, and that's what made it worse. Why am I crying? he repeated like a mantra, in hopes that he could the tears back in and forget his vulnerability. His slender fingers pulled his hair tie out of his hair, letting it snap back into his wrist. Letting his fingers run through the coarse strands, he attempted to smooth it out, detangle his long hair as much as possible. He could sense the tears that swelled up in his eyes, matter of fact, he's been on the brink of tears for the past few hours. He wouldn't be caught in this situation if he was back in Seoul, in his fancy bed, making plans he probably wouldn't go to and sleep his Summer away while his parents were gone for who knows how long. He wouldn't be crying without a reason like he was now, no, he'd be crying about being alone. This time, as the tears cascaded down his cheeks and stained them instantly, he wasn't sure why he was crying. Confusion? Hurt? Someone? It was possible it was all three as his body convulsed, lurching forward as he curled into himself, sobs remaining muted. Jeonghan wanted to feel hurt. He wanted to know what was making him cry too. But it was like his mind didn't want him to find out, so it wouldn't hurt him. Pain was the only thing keeping Jeonghan up right now and if he was going to feel it, then he craved for it to show he was alive. He existed. But did he really? He wanted his chest to feel heavy, his heart to drop with the amount of ache he suppressed over the time here, and feel the sadness drift through his veins and tingle at his fingertips. He wanted it all, even as he caved in and hugged his body to himself until he became something small, insignificant, something to step on and trample until there was nothing left. 

But he couldn't help but hate himself for those thoughts. The thoughs that craved and lusted for Seoul, for his previous life that he hates. Ever since he got here, Jeonghan has been proud of himself. He was able to do things by himself, without them being pried away from him, and a quick scolding about how he shouldn't damage his pretty fingers, pretty face, and slim physique. Even though though he was fond of it, it also made him frustrated. He wanted to do something that showed the world, Yes, I'm Yoon Jeonghan! He could admit that he started loving himself here. Even if it was for a sliver of a moment, Yoon Jeonghan loved himself. Would he have felt this way back at Seoul? Possibly, but it wouldn't have radiated so vibrantly like it did here. He had love and a warm home, compared to the one back in Seoul. He was surrounded by people he actually liked, and he was uncovering mysteries of his life that was locked away and hidden from him for years. He wanted to recall; he wanted to know about his grandparents, Hansol, Jihoon, and especially Jisoo. Jeonghan felt like an absolute outsider here, but he wasn't going to let it bring him down, he doesn't have the luxury to spend his Summer wallowing in self pity in a place that's beautiful and has the opportunity to change him entirely. 

His fingers dug into his hair, piercing his scalp as he tried to let the pain take over his tears, anything to stop him from crying over nothing. He felt a snout brush past him, body heat covering his shivering and cold body. He turned his head, sniffling, feeling Jax's tongue press against his cheek, wiping away the salty tears. Jeonghan sobbed louder, even though he wasn't sure why or if it was possible as his