Mark curled up in his bed, his eyes sinking into his skin. His heart was beating rapidly, a high fever raising, a lump pushing against his lungs, his tongue grasping for some form of moisture, lips chapped from the lack of saliva that reached his lips. 

His condition was worsening, the intense pain that he couldn’t control. He couldn’t help but scream, tears dripping down his pale cheeks. Mark was quite different from normal patients, even the one’s with terminal illnesses, he had a rare form of cancer, something that the doctors couldn’t give a name too. As if cells, no as if his own neurons were attacking him, the sensations of pain would hit a level of extreme that no human could survive, but Mark desperately wanted to live, he wanted to live a regular life, just once. He wanted to feel someone else’s skin, someone else’s conversation about things other than his illness. He was tired in confining in his nurses, he was tired of his parents being disappointed that he was born sick. He hated everything...he hated himself most of all for being made this way. Why was he suffering? 

“I don’t like him suffering, stop the chemo, it’s too much for his body to handle.” 

“His parents prescribed this dosage, I can’t just stop in the middle...” The man slammed his hands on the table. 

“He isn’t a ing test subject! Stop the therapy!” His assistant nodded. Turning off the machines. He rushed inside as he saw Mark heave deeply, it was a grueling process he was going through. Every single day, he had to feel his neurons pop out of his body like someone was electrifying every piece of him. His fingertips, his toes, his eyes, even his hair felt inflamed. Mark looked towards Nurse Kyung, he started laughing, even though his face was full of tears. “How was that...” Mark asked as he unstrapped him from the hospital bed. “Do you feel any better?” Mark just grinned sadly. “Why would I feel any better? It doesn’t matter what we do, I’m still dying...” He looked out his window. “What do you think...” The nurse sighed as he sat on the grand piano seat next to his bed, “About what?” Mark blinked as he rested his chin on his palm, “The outside world, what do you think it’s like? The shops, the people, all the adventure...I envy everyone who isn’t cramped in a room 24/7, with only a limited time to escape into the comfort of  the outside.” It hurt him. In this world where everyone takes for granted the simple practice of walking outside, Mark could only crave from a distance. “I hope you start playing the piano again...you always seemed to smile the most when you were surrounding by music, I can still remember vividly when you started learning. 

Mark chuckled as he looked away from the window and towards his nurse. “You mean when I was five...it was the same year my parents found out I had this condition. I was already a disgrace by refusing to learn business, maybe me dying is actually a good thing.”

“Why do you always have to talk like that Mark, if you stay strong...”

“Yeah, yeah, if I stay strong and keep fighting, Min you know as well as I do...there’s only so much I can handle alone...” He let out a deep sigh as he slid down his bed, the aching pain returning. “Sometimes I wonder if this is just one big curse, like the gods have something against me...I hate it Min, I hate trying to live, yet I’m nothing more than a lab rat on his last whiskers...” 

———————————————————

Jinyoung sat in the cafeteria eating his lunch, it’s been about a week since he started working as a full-fledge nurse, one step above Jackson for the summer. His friend sat down in front of him with a tray full of vegetables, different from his that only contained meat. “Jackson, there’s something called meat.” He jammed his fork between the well-cooked beef, tender and juicy, while Jackson pouted. “I’m on a diet friend, leave me to cry.” They chuckled. “You liking the job?” Jinyoung almost choked on his own food, “Like is quite a big word right there.” Jackson sighed. “The patients like you, especially the kids.” Jinyoung smiled softly, “That still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to work through my break, at a hospital nonetheless, and on top of that have to be an ER nurse...there’s no end to the death we’ll see.” Jackson stopped eating, “Speaking of deaths, how about you and Jaebum’s relationship? Have you two talked since then?” Jinyoung leaned back, pushing his hands into his pants pockets. “Why do you have to bring him up...” Jackson folded his arms, “Because you’re not cold hearted Jinyoung, I’ve seen your caring side, I’ve seen the real you, and you should definitely show it, but if Jaebum did something to ice your heart, then talking about it might...” Jinyoung stood up as he picked up his tray. “See you on the night shift Jackson.” His friend sighed as he left. 

Jinyoung knew, he knew about the side Jackson was talking about. He himself has long forgotten that side of himself, sometimes he wondered if being in love was worth it. “We weren’t mean’t to be, right Jaebum?” He could remember the night as if it was yesterday, the night he utterly crushed his hopes of love. Why should he suffer such a heartbreak, and in the worst way possible when it was a friend, he felt so betrayed. 

He found himself back at the stairwell that lead him to the roof on his first day here. The faint sound of a piano playing filled his ears. He was attracted to the sound, those keys that drowned his mind in sweet melodies that pushed back all of the thoughts that were crippling his sanity. He heard talking, the closer he made it to the door. Jinyoung wasn’t an ease dropper, but he was addicted to the sound. 

“Why?” 

“Hm...why what?”

“Why do you think you were born with such a condition Mark?”

“Hm...I thought you said last night to not think about such things?”

“It’s maddening! Frustrating, I practically raised you and to see you die...jesus, how am I suppose to live with that? I can’t even give you what you want!”

Mark stopped playing his piano. “Min...death, I’m not afraid of death, we’re all going to die one day, I just wished I could have down more before I close my eyes. Just lived and experienced things differently.” Mark smiled sadly. Jinyoung stared from the glass window that took half of the door’s surface. The red head from last week, “Mark...Tuan.” It seemed sudden, but it was as if Mark heard his voice, and Jinyoung heard his heart. His nurse looked at Mark, seeing as he stared at the door anxiously. “I think we should go in.” 

Jinyoung looked away. “What was that all about?” He walked back down stairs, his hand covered his chest. ‘My heart...’ Jackson rushed by Jinyoung who seemed dazed. It seemed things we’re going to get more intense from here on out, the patients, the relationships, and maybe Jinyoung’s heart. 

Though, another patient was nearing their end, but maybe he was choosing to let his life go than to live for another day. Some can say, it’s just as hard to stay alive, just as it is to die. No decision is an easy one. Jinyoung began to learn that clearly the more he spent time in this hospital called Paradise.