“He’s going into shock! Doc, I need Carbonplatin-taxol stat! He’s dying!” They were piled around him, trying their best to bring him back to the living. Swinging between life and death. It only took a moment to feel the anxiety the doctors had, the urgency to keep a bright man like him alive for just one more minute. I wondered if they wondered...why is it always the good ones that go?

Jinyoung sat in a dim-lit room studying medical books for his upcoming exam, it was three days before the end of the spring semester. This was the last hurdle he had to jump through before he could be admitted into a training program for becoming a pediatrician. Summer was right around the corner, with the blossoming flowers of new beginnings this was suppose to be Jinyoung’s start. His awakening to proving that he was able to beat the odds and obtain his dream, though in his heart he felt like the exact opposite was happening. 

—————————————

For over five hours, Jinyoung sat in a lecture hall with 121 other students for this final. A grueling final that would determine whether you worth becoming a doctor or not. Though, for Jinyoung this was a breeze, in half of the time he was done and out the door before you could notice. That summed up his reputation at the University, a handsome man with good academic standing and nice taste in clothing. 

On his walk to his favorite on-campus coffee shop, he got hi’s and hello’s from everyone he passed by, including professors. Though, he rarely reciprocated the words. After making it to the small café, set with wooden tables, rustic walls, and handsome cashiers. To Jinyoung, he was a proud openly gay man, he didn’t particularly care what others thought of him or his orientation, but he wasn’t running around telling the whole world who he’d date. Which is why, occasionally, girls would ask to be his girlfriend. 

He met his friend, Yuygeom working the cashier. They both gave each other a welcoming smile. 

“What can I get you?”

“The regular, extra whip cream, hold off on the marshmallows.” His friend smile knowing that this was his hyungs favorite drink. “Coming right up.” Jinyoung was a hot chocolate type of guy, coffee was too bitter, and sweet teas were a little too sweet, but hot chocolate was a beautiful mixture of the two, and he had no problems letting the world know that this was his crack to get through school. 

“Here you go, one white not chocolate with extra whip cream and no marshmallows, enjoy your day!” Jinyoung paid and left. The morning chatters of college students broke the crisp air of spring, the blazing sun was making its way towards the heaven as the dawn turned to day. 

The medical grad-student found himself sitting next to the same oak tree he’s been sitting by for the past six years, the same branches drooped over the bench Jinyoung sat at every morning between 10 and noon, luckily today was his last day of class. The took his book about dragons and medieval creatures to quench his interest. He’s been dying to read that book since he got into college. It felt good to have some piece and quiet. 

Though not for long, Jackson his best friend and roommate, came wobbling down with his study buddy, BamBam, different years though. Under the shaded tree the three men sat staring at each other. Apparently, Jackson got wind of some news he was too late to the party with. 

“What Jackson?”

“Don’t what me! When did it happen?! Why didn’t you tell me!?”

“When did what happen, I have no idea what you’re talking about?” Jinyoung continued reading. Jackson snatched the book from his hands, “How could you and JB just break it off!? And not even tell me!? That’s ed up.”

“Last time I heard my relationship with JB was mine, therefore why should I tell you anything, and we broke up a year ago Jackson...let it go. Can I get my book back please?” He stretched out his arm to Jackson, the glare in his eye was intimidating, so he gave up the book. “Still...what did he do? Cheated on you, was a girl, another guy? Oh, maybe his first love.” BamBam could tell that Jinyoung was getting annoyed, he wasn’t known for being scary or cold-hearted for nothing. He got up from the table. 

“Wait! Jinyoung, I came to tell you something!” He waved his hand as he walked from the table, still drinking the savory hot chocolate. School was over for him, and all he wanted to do was take a long nap, and wait for the results of who gets into the training program. And the last person he wanted to see on his way home was his ex, Jaebum. 

Yet, this is the hurdle that was placed in front of him, and there was nothing he could do. He tried to walk past without getting wailed up in anger, but JB noticed him from a distance, he could hear the pounding of his shoes hit the concrete. 

“Jinyoung, I—can we talk?”

“I’m sorry, I have...class to get to.

“Jinyoung I know your schedule, can you not act like we didn’t date for a whole four years before you know...that happened.” Jinyoung wasn’t one to be petty, he wasn’t one to get overly angry, or curse people out. When someone did something wrong, or even if he made someone else mad, he’d completely shut down. It was a protective mechanism he learned since he was young, so rather hearing Jaebum try to apologize, he walked past him, this broken-heart of his is going to take more than an apology to fix. 

He finally made it home. An apartment that housed three people. Jinyoung, Jackson, and Youngjae, they split rent equally and take turns paying the bills, but everyone was responsible for buying their own groceries. It’ll be hours before anyone gets home since Youngjae works at a bar after class and Jackson had work-study. Other than the friends he sees daily like Yuygeom, Jackson, BamBam, and Youngjae there is no one else he talks too. Jaebum is no longer a person he cares for, not after what he did. And that was something he didn’t want to tell anyone about. 

He threw his coffee cup away in the trash, dropping his satchel on the floor next to the couch and entered his neatly tied up room. He fell onto the soft covers of his bed, staring blankly at the mirror facing back at him. A reflection he didn’t want to face, the pathetic side of himself. He turned way, finding a comfortable position to sleep, and just like that his eyes succumbed to the enchantments of long-awaited rest. 

——————————————

He always fell into the same dream when he slept, the vivid scenery of a white room with medical supplies all broken and bent in the cabinets. Broken glass surrounding the bed and a door that seemed so far away, it was practically nonexistent. It was just him, him and a person who resembled an angel, he was so light that it was hard to tell his face. But he’d always crease his cheek with his thumb. It felt peaceful in this state, him and the man in his dream. There was no form of speaking, just silence. Though, just as the dream came it would fade into a nightmare. Blood splattered all over his hands, needles and medication spewing from his lips. The same person he was with was murdered by him. 

He shot up with sweat running down his temples. Jinyoung was wheezing, he shifted towards his nightstand to grab a bottle of pills. He’s been having the same dream since high school, his parents didn’t understand the severity of his nightmares until their one and only son almost died from one, it’s apart of a past he doesn’t want to relive. 

The front door opened with a loud array of people talking. A mixture of females and males. Some familiar, some not. He definitely heard both Jackson and Youngjae. He started to wonder how long he’s been asleep. 

“I can’t believe how old we’re getting! Just yesterday, it felt like we were freshmen starting college, not knowing what the hell we were doing.” 

“Don’t get me started on these professor’s though...” Yuygeom laughed at the comment as he the tv to watch the football game. The once spacious area became settled with beer cans, pizza boxes, chips and salsa, pickles, candy and soda bottles. 

All Jinyoung could hear is loud laughter and the TV blaring, making their conversation drown out. He slid down the door, pulling his knees close to his chest. He envied his friends, who could talk on hours end with people and genuinely have a great time. He could barely keep up with one, he found people to be so taxing and sometimes unnecessary, but other times he would crave the excitement of going on an adventure with people who care about you. He knew he was being a little selfish with his reasoning, he has great friends, but the void in his heart was looking for something real, tangible, and beautiful both in heart and soul. 

It wasn’t until one where he heard the door let out a lot of young and drunk college kids.  Jinyoung opened his door. Youngjae was completely wasted with drool leaking from his mouth and Jackson was cleaning up. Without a thought, he helped Jackson. “I thought you died in your room, if you were awake you should’ve came out.” Jinyoung picked up the plastic beer cans throwing them into the trash bag, “You know I don’t do well in crowds.” His friend chuckled, “Are you ever going to tell me why? Being high school buddies and all, you don’t really talk about yourself.” Jinyoung smirked, “Nah...I think it’s too late to play that card. What did you have to tell me?” Jackson was confused for a moment then his eyes beamed up, “Summer vacation! There’s this thing I want to do, and you know we never had a summer trip together, so we should totally do it!” Jackson was jumping up like a puppy, and a Jinyoung had a terribly bad feeling about his taste in vacations. “I have my training program during the summer Jackson.” 

His friend face took a 180 turn, and Jinyoung felt a little twinge of guilt in his heart, but he had to focus on his dream. He knew the anger was coming when Jackson ed the bag into his hands, “You can finish cleaning by yourself.” Jinyoung gasped jokingly, “Seriously! It’s your mess! Jackson!” He heard his room door slam, he took a deep breath as he cleaned the place up. Including getting Youngjae to his room without puking the contents he ate out. 

——————————————

It was Friday, the end of the semester and Jinyoung was standing among the same 121 individuals that he took the test with. The professor was picking people for the training program best upon their grades, or at least that was what he thought. After thirty minutes at least 1o girls, and 1o boys were picked. He choose the last person, and to his surprise it wasn’t himself. 

“Alright, these are the individuals that will be apart of the training program for the summer. For the rest of you, it was a pleasure teaching you. You are dismissed.” Jinyoung couldn’t accept the fact that he was not apart of the program. He worked his off in every class, gave up a social life and his precious reading time just to focus on being the perfect candidate, so why in the hell was he not apart of the ing program. The chattering students, those excited and disappointed left the room. “Dr. Kim...” The barely over 40, looked at Jinyoung with a smile, as if he knew he would come ask him about the results. 

“I guess your disappointed with the results.” Jinyoung couldn’t contain his frown, it was hard for him to mask things that was gnawing at his mind, so he nodded. The professor took his seat. “Jinyoung, your a phenomenal student, your grades are high, you got a near perfect score on my exam, you’ve been working your off day and night, yet you didn’t get the final results you’ve been dying to see. I can understand your frustration.” Jinyoung was indeed irritated, if his own professor knew the proof of his worth, Why was he denied. “But, Jinyoung, doctors aren’t perfect. Their goal isn’t to be perfect. You’ve demonstrated that your capable, but you haven’t proved that your human, that you can accept the consequences of your actions and move forward. I need doctors with hearts, not just brains.” Jinyoung had no response, he had no real reason to complain about his professor’s words. He bowed respectfully, sighing as he left. “Jinyoung.” He stopped at the doorframe, “Take the summer to reflect, meet new people, open your heart up to someone. There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll find your spark.” Jinyoung left. What a way to end the spring semester. 

Jackson been begging for a get together and even though Jinyoung refused, he was forcefully dragged to a bar in the middle of the city. He was squeezed between sweaty bodies, unusual mixtures of perfume and cigarettes, and the stench of greasy foods to help down the alcohol. Jinyoung’s not a drinker, but with the unexpectedly bad day he’s been having, a scotch on the rocks didn’t sound so bad. 

“Cheers to us for another successful year of college!” The round table consisted of Yuygeom, BamBam, Youngjae, Jinyoung, and Jackson. Just like Jinyoung, Jackson was on a pre-med track to become a nurse. BamBam was on the fashion, and business marketing track with an obsession of the medical field, Yuygeom and Youngjae were on a music sand fine arts track. Each very different, but oddly the same. Everyone trying to put a name in the industry they wish to pursue, hoping they can get their start sooner than others. Jackson noticed Jinyoung spacing out, drinking scotch, which he never does, he’s a hard lemonade type of guy. The others talked about what they were planning to do for the summer while Jackson leaned in, “Something on your mind Jinyoung?” He spook the man out of his thoughts giving him chills, “Don’t do that!” He kicked Jackson’s ankle under the table. “Sorry, sorry. You just Look downer than you usually do.” Jinyoung was silent, he sighed as he finished his scotch in one gulp. “I’m going home.” Jackson sighed looking at his pals, “Well, the princess’s curfew has arrived, I’ll see you guys after the summer!” Everyone said their goodbyes as Jackson rushed to catch up with his best friend. 

“Where’s Jackson going for the summer?”

“Some hospital in the rural areas of Busan. You know for nurses and volunteers, perfect place to get the real look into the life of patients dying from terminal illnesses.” Youngjae spoke as he took a sip of his beer, “That seems disheartening, to spend your summer with dying patients I mean.”

“I guess it’s fair, as a doctor and a nurse, caring for people who have no hope of living is still apart of the job.”

“Jinyoung!” Jackson huffed as he catches up with his best friend. “What’s got you all bent?” He heaved a breath before speaking, “I didn’t get into the training program even though I’m over qualified for it.” Jackson walked with him, “I’m sorry dude, if I had known we would’ve went to an ice cream shop or something...” Jinyoung shook his head, “Don’t be sorry.” Jackson knew Jinyoung was raging inside, but there was much he could do.

“Did he tell you why?”

“He said I didn’t have enough heart, I mean doctors need to use their brains more than their hearts, your trying to save patients not recklessly kill them!” Jackson’s eyes lit up, he wrapped an arm around his friend shoulder, “How about that summer trip?” Jinyoung would, on normal circumstances, refuse, but he agreed to his friend’s suggestion. And instantly regretted it. 

——————————

Never in Jinyoung’s wildest dream would he expect a vacation to be at a ing hospital, in the middle of nowhere for a matter of fact. He was ten seconds from choking Jackson to death, and his friend knew that clearly. “Hey, don’t give me that stare, it’s beautiful scenery, nice and quiet place to relax, we get nice lodging, how bad could this be.” Jackson spoke a little too soon. The inside was like a madhouse. Kids running around crazy, babies crying, elderly men gambling and smoking. Teenagers fighting over the last cup of disgusting hospital yogurt. A zoo, full of terminally ill patients. A nurse ran to the front to greet them. 

“I am so sorry for the wait!”

“No problem, take your time, it seems you have your hands full.” Jackson smiled as the lady laughed. 

“Okay, which one of you is Jackson?” Jackson raised his hand. Jinyoung was still bewildered at the scene. He saw a kid flick his finger at him. He was seriously going to hate this place. He ignored all the chattering that Jackson was striking up with the nurse. For some reason this place seemed familiar to him as if he’s been here before. For five minutes Jackson called him, the sound of the kids drowning out his voice. “Jinyoung? Yo...Jinyoung!” He finally snapped out of it, “Yeah, what?” Jackson pointed to the stairs, “She’s taking us to our rooms, then we’ll have a full tour of the place, and then I have to start my shift.” Jinyoung nodded. 

The hospital was built more like a resort then anything else. There was a pool, full-sized gymnasium, a five-star restaurant styled cafeteria, suite like hospital rooms, and so much more to be explored. Even the rooms for the staffs seemed like something straight out of a Hollywood movie. Jinyoung and Jackson dropped their stuff into their room, taking a peek at the ocean view. “Look! This place isn’t all that bad!” Jinyoung still wasn’t feeling it and was even madder at the fact that Jackson lied, well not lied, but kept everything vague. 

They left on the tour, aside from everything he could get a glimpse of before, there was a garden and a whole separate building. He learned that everyone in the hospital wasn’t terminally ill, but everyone admitted had suffered a life-threatening experience, or a traumatic event. And terminal patients were including in the list. That was the building no body, but nurses could go to, which from the outside looked like a far better building then the one he and Jackson were in. The tour ended there, and Jackson was whisked to work, while Jinyoung had the freedom to probe around the area. He found a nice area in the garden to finish reading his book. He wasn’t exactly annoyed that patients were around him, but he wasn’t fond of the idea of getting bothered. Which happened twice already. 

The first being a gangster grandpa. “Yo, kid.” Jinyoung looked up from his book. “What?” Jinyoung is not a rude person, but he uses his honorifics based on a person’s behavior, and this old man wasn’t exactly the best of characters. “If you ever need a knife, I got you.” Jinyoung just stared at him, he was pondering again whether this was a hospital, an insane asylum, or a prison. A nurse came rushing to pull the old man away. “I’m so sorry! Jisung! What have I told you about bothering others! You’re not in prison anymore!” Jinyoung assumed that maybe the patient was suffering from Alzheimer’s, but he didn’t care to think about it any further. Already annoyed from the first, Jinyoung tried to focus on reading, but a kid came his way. He can deal with children absurd and plain weird behaviors, but this kid was something else.

“Mister.” Jinyoung looked from his book, “What do you want kid?” The little boy smiled and pointed at the vending machine. “You want something from the vending machine? What do you want?” The boy thought for a minute, counting on his fingers, “I want...I want skittles....annnnd.....a chocolate bar.....and a some chips.” Note that this charming little guy was talking for thirty minutes. Jinyoung was already gone after he asked for the skittles. “And a butterfinger! That’s it mister!” The kid gasped, “The man disappeared! Is he under the rock. No? Did he dive into the pool? No? Where did he gooooo?” 

Jinyoung walked up some steps, he was going to the roof. This wasn’t only the tour, but Jinyoung has a knack for finding pleases he isn’t suppose to be at. “Finally...some peace and quiet.” He opened the door to a bright place. It seemed like a different world from the rest of the hospital. It’s weird that there was a piano sitting up on the roof, of a hospital, but seeing as the rest of this place wasn’t sane made sense. 

He laid down one of the benches, it was time for a nap, that’s what Jinyoung thought. 

——————————

He heard the door open, but he was finally getting some rest that he didn’t want to wake up. He slept and slept, and slept until he woke up, eyes glossy from sleep. Someone was next to him, he was looking down at something. Jinyoung was still a little groggy. 

“Hey you awake?” Jinyoung groaned as he positioned himself up straight. The light from the sun was blinding, “Yeah...” He rubbed his eyes clean, blinking. “Who are you?” 

The man held out his hand, it was small and fragile, the hospital gown was big enough to cover most of his hand making the tips the only thing exposed. Jinyoung was expecting a child to be sitting next to him, but it was a beautiful man with dark red hair. “The name’s Mark. Yours?” Jinyoung unconsciously took the man’s hand, “Jinyoung. My names Jinyoung.” The other nodded. He held up his book, “I’ve read this a thousand times, it’s my favorite book in the whole wide world.” He chuckled like a child, handing it back to Jinyoung. “You must be new. Are you a volunteer or nurse, or maybe a doctor?” Jinyoung laughed, “How about a friend of a nurse that ended up in here.” Mark giggled, “So, you didn’t sign up for the job?” Jinyoung shook his head, closing the book and setting it aside. “This place is strange, I can’t tell if it’s a hospital or a looney bin...everything seems so out of character.” Mark played with his fingers. “It might look like a looney bin, but it’s a hospital full of people who aren’t ready to die yet.” That resonated with Jinyoung, seeing as how he was talking to a patient, he didn’t realize how inconsiderate he was being. He was about to apologize, but the man stood up, holding his IV bag. “You know this place is off limits to non-staff personnel, you should probably leave.” Jinyoung got up, “I...um....” Mark chuckled, “Don’t think I’m offended by your words, each hospital is very different from the next.” He bowed, but seemed to be in quite a bit of pain. “I hope to see you again, Jinyoung” 

He left the area. He didn’t understand why his heart was beating so fast, could it be the smile. But, he wanted to speak with him again, he wondered what illness he had. Why was such a person like him inside a hospital like this? He hoped it wasn’t what he thinks it could be, but Jinyoung’s luck was never on his side. 

When he finally made it down to the main lobby, he was greeted with  a huge commotion. Mark was right, every hospital is different from the next, and surely this one was the strangest of them all. But who knew that Jinyoung would end up becoming a nurse along side his best friend, Jackson.