“What is that—punch?” Sehun pointed to a glass of what looked to be Sprite with a food coloring. He looked around at the Kim’s packed living room. “Your friends have really . . . outdone themselves.”

“You are such a snob,” I said. “Sorry if this doesn’t live up to the standards of your beloved pizza parlor.” I circled the room, happily and quite dizzy. I don’t mean because I was drunk. I mean because for the first time ever, I didn’t have to worry about making awkward conversation with people I didn’t really know. I didn’t have to stress about not being the most popular girl there, or if I looked cool enough to have been invited in the first place. That was the beauty of it. Nobody could see me. Nobody could hear me. As far as they were concerned, I was long gone.

The funny thing about high school parties is that nobody’s ever having as much fun as they want you to think they are. At this party, I was having way more fun than everyone.

I looked around to see if Minhyun, Hyunjin, and Shiah had shown up, but I didn’t see them.

Probably still in mourning. Unlike SOME people.

A good number of Jongin’s friends were there, plus a bunch of people I didn’t know, who must’ve been invited by Jiho, her sister. I saw his two best friends, Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who Shiah always called The Dumb and Dumber. They were dressed as matching zombies—which seemed fitting, given their personalities. Jongin’s whole house was covered from top to bottom with variety of decorations with different themes.

I can’t lie, there were definitely a few moments where the emotion of it all would creep up on me; where I’d suddenly get sad thinking about all the times I’d snuggled with him on his couch, or gone swimming with his family in the backyard, or snuck up to his bedroom while his parents thought we were “doing our homework”. But I did my best not to dwell on the sad stuff. That wasn’t the point. Tonight was all about fun. It was about seeing Jongin and giving him a taste of his own medicine.

I pointed to a pile of plastic vampire fangs that had been put out as party favors. “Fun!” I tried picking them up, but my hand passed right through the table. I cast a teasing glance at Sehun. “You’d better be glad I can’t put those in.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d bite you, that’s why.”

“Angel, please.” He tilted his head back so his neck was exposed. “Don’t let me stop you.”

I came closer. “I’ll do it.”

“You should.”

Our eyes met, and for a split second neither of us looked away. I reached for his neck, but stopped myself.

What am I doing?

He noticed my hesitation. “Not thirsty after all? Guess I’ll just have to find some other vampire to offer myself up to.” He did a quick scan of the room. “Ooh. Like maybe her, for example.”

I turned around and I couldn’t believe the girl he’d pointed out. “Jung Soojung? What is it that every guy on the planet liking her? She’s not even cute!”

“Whoa there.” Sehun held up his hands. “Calm down, dude. It was just an observation. Don’t go all psycho on me or anything.”

Right then, I heard a crashing sound from another room.

“Yikes. That can’t be good.”

“Thank god,” he said. “Maybe this part is finally about to get interesting after all.”

We followed the commotion through the hallway into the kitchen, where a few people were trying to break open a Storm Trooper piñata. I saw Jiho rush over with a pissed-off expression on her face, but oddly, her brother was still nowhere to be found. For a split second, I considered running upstairs to check his bedroom, but then I realized it’d be way better to catch him in a group. Where I could embarrass him publicly.

Much, MUCH better.

“So, do we need to go over the rules one more time?” asked Sehun. “You remember what I taught you? It’s all about intention. It won’t work unless you’re completely focused.”

“Can we go over the focus part again?” I said sarcastically.

He crossed his arms. “Clearly, my help is no longer appreciated.” He turned to leave the kitchen.

“No, stop, don’t go!” I called to him. “You’re so sensitive. I was just kidding.”

Sehun turned back to face me, smiling. The sight of him caught me a little off guard. The way his shirt clung to him. The way his dark hair complimented his deep-set eyes. The way his jeans fit just right. . . He looked kind of, um, hot. You know for a dead kid.

Why, thank you, his voice echoed through my mind. Not so bad yourself.

I froze, completely mortified he’d heard that. I still wasn’t used to sharing my head with somebody else. Especially when that somebody else happed to be a kinda attractive guy—

“Kinda?”

“Hey!” I snapped. “Seriously, get out of there!”

Sehun just laughed.

But suddenly I noticed the front door open behind him. Saw a familiar body step into the room. A face I knew so, so well. I felt myself tense up. It took everything I had to stay strong. It took more than everything not to run straight into his arms.

There he was. The actual, literal boy of my dreams.
That is, until the dream became a nightmare. Right now, I need to focus on the nightmare.

So this is the guy, huh? Sehun gazed toward the front door.
I was frozen in place. This is him.

I mean seriously, what’s the big deal? What’s with all the girls on the planet liking him? He’s not even that cute.

I hate you.

You love me.

YOU love you.

Fair enough. So what are you waiting for?

I took a few steps forward. Stopped. There were people swarming all around him. Don’t lose focus.
I pushed through the crowd, unseen, unheard. Jongin. My Jongin. His eyes were tired. Sad. And even though he was surrounded on all sides by people who knew him—by people who cared and who understood bits and pieces about what had happened to him recently—he looked lonely. Lost.
I felt my anger beginning to slip away.

He misses me.

Yewon, don’t do that.

But what if he does?

What would it change?

Maybe he’s sorry.

He SHOULD be sorry.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I could smell his cologne. Just the slightest hint.

God that smells good.

I wanted him to hold on me. To tell me everything would be okay. That this was all a bad dream and we could be together again. Maybe even forever.

You’re not focusing.

I can’t do this.

He doesn’t love you.

Shut up, Sehun.

I reached out, the tips of my fingers just inches from Jongin’s jacket, baby bolts of lightning running across them. The hair on my arms and on the back of my neck stood up, charged with electricity.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun reached him before I could.

“Hey  man,” said Chanyeol. “What’s up? We’ve been waiting for over an hour.”

“I texted you a bunch,” said Baekhyun. “You okay? You don’t look good.”

Jongin shook his head. “I—I needed space. Wasn’t in the mood for a party. I didn’t want Jiho to have this thing. I told her to cancel it.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol exchanged concerned glances. “It’s cool, it’s cool,” said Baekhyun. “Everyone’s having a good time.”

Jongin nodded, his eyes still locked on the floor.

Poor Jongin. He’s all alone. Nobody understands what he’s going through. Nobody but me.

“You were with her tonight, huh?” said Chanyeol.

I froze at the word.

Her?

I spun to face Sehun, in case I hadn’t actually heard Chanyeol right. “What’s he talking about?”
Sehun just shook his head and backed away. “Don’t ask me.”

I turned back to the three boys.

“She still pretty upset?” Baekhyun said, his voice low.

“Yeah.” Jongin nodded. “She won’t stop crying.”

I felt as if a lethal dose of poison had been injected into my bloodstream and was slowly starting to work its way into my chest cavity.

“She? Who is she?” I glared at Jongin. “Who the hell are you talking about?” If my eyes could have vaporized someone where they stood, he would’ve been a pile of ashes on the floor. I still didn’t understand why he’d bro0ken up with me out of nowhere. Could there have been someone else all along? Another girl? A girl he’d chosen over me?

Suddenly, a blinding wall of flame and smoke and molten hot lava shot up from the living room floor, forcing me backward.

Yewon! Be careful!

I have to know. I have to know who she is.

You need to focus.

No. Do NOT even speak to me. I need to hear him. I need to hear him say it.

“Really , man,” said Chanyeol, shaking his head. “But I guess it’s good you guys can, you know, be there for each other.”

Each other?!

Here I’d been practically ready to forgive him. Ready to do whatever it took to come crawling back through time and space and a whole other realm of existence so we could be together again. But this? This was too much. A scorching ache began to bubble back up inside of me, pain searing through my chest.

Sehun was in my head: Focus it. Use it.

Screw you.

Good. Yes. Channel!

“Yeah,” Jongin said, running his hands through his hair. “She’s okay. This whole thing’s been pretty hard for her.”

How DARE you. Hard for HER? Aren’t you forgetting someone?

My fist were  clenched. Smoke was radiating off my skin. I was on fire.

Do it. Do it right now.

I pushed through Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

“Whoa,” said Baekhyun, stumbling back. “Dude, did you feel that?”

“, that was weird,” said Chanyeol. His face went pale.

I was three inches from Jongin’s face. His eyes were confused. He was looking right through me, but there was something there. Some hint, no matter how small, of recognition. That was all I needed.

You’ve got him.

“Yewon?” whispered Jongin, just loud enough for me to hear him. I could feel the uneasy rhythm of his heatbeat. Panicked. Pulsing. Alive.

Must be nice.

I leaned even closer, closing the gap between us. Orange and blue flames flickered across my skin. His eyes widened. Then, as light as feather, I brushed my lips against his cheek. Just barely.

“Yes, it’s me,” I whispered.

Focus. Sehun was still with me. I could feel his eyes burning into me.

“Jongin, dude, seriously—are you okay?” Chanyeol was a bit shaken. The rest of the party had caught on the some weird stuff was going down. Someone turned the music off.

Jongin was standing in the middle of the room like he’d seen a ghost. I don’t know about seen one, but he’d definitely heard one.

I watched his eyes dart back and forth across the room. His palms were sweating and I could tell he was spooked.

Big-time.

But I wasn’t done with him yet. I still had something I needed to get off my chest.

“It’s your fault,” I whispered into his ear, a touch louder this time.

In an instant, all the blood drained from his face. “Whoever’s doing this, it’s not funny!” he cried. The entire room went still. All eyes were on him.

“Chill, man, it’s cool,” said Baekhyun, trying to settle him down. He grabbed Jongin by the arm. “Come on, let’s get you some air.”

Do it. You’ve got him. Do it now.

I held my ground and leaned in even closer. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around his waist. Felt his entire body tense at my touch.

Then I whispered three perfect words right into his ear. Three words I’d locked away ever since that night.

“You killed me.”

He started screaming. 
And he didn’t stop until the entire party had cleared out.

~~~

Sehun and I walked slowly down the road, side by side in the moonlight, the air a mix of chilly ocean and eucalyptus forest. We didn’t have a destination in mind. All I knew was we were heading north, away from Jongin’s house, toward the city. We walked for a long while without speaking.

“That was impressive,” he said after a while, finally breaking the silence. “I wasn’t sure you had it in you.”

I forced a smile. “I was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.”

Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that things hadn’t turned out like they were supposed to. On one hand, I knew I should’ve felt really good about scaring the hell out of Jongin. And I know I should’ve felt some sense of relief, or finality. After all, I’d just made him look like a total freak in front of most of our juniors and a bunch of sister’s friends from university.

None of it had made difference. I was still stuck in this stupid place, and I still wasn’t any closer to getting home. I guess part of me had been hoping Jongin might have had a change of heart. Hoping that maybe he’d realized just how badly he’d messed up. How completely idiotic he had been to throw away someone as good as me.

But he hadn’t

Instead, all he had been thinking about was her. Another girl. Someone prettier, funnier, sillier, and who was I kidding, probably more -tastic than I’d ever be. Someone who “got him” in a way I never would. Someone who, I couldn’t help wishing, would break his heart just as much as he had broken mine.

“Love , huh?” said Sehun.

I nodded. “Yeah. It does.”

He put his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll go away. This feeling, I mean. You’ll forget all about him before you know it.”

I stopped walking. “What if I don’t want to forget?”

I sank down to my knees. I’d been so stupid to believe that he had loved me. I’d been so wrong to think that showing up at his sister’s party would change what had happened between us. That it would prove anything. There was nothing I could have done differently. Nothing I could change. The letters in my headstone were not temporary. They had been carved to last a lifetime. They had been carved to last forever.

KANG YEWON
FRIEND. DAUGHTER. ANGEL.
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS.
DECEMBER 22, 1999—DECEMBER 18, 2017

 

I felt it then. I knew it for real. I wasn’t coming back. I’d been living in a fantasy world full of promises that someday, somehow, I’d return to my old life. A life that would be waiting for me with open arms. Full of hope and laughter and love and second chances. But the truth had finally caught with me, just like Sehun said it would. And it wasn’t fair.

Sehun sat down next to me. I watched him reach into his faded jeans pocket and pull out the crumpled-up-napkin—the one from Slice—where he’d written down a list of words. He bit the cap off his pen and unfolded the napkin. Then, without meeting my eyes, he carefully crossed the first word off the list.  

Denial

I tried so hard to fight the tears, but they came anyway .

“Why me?” I screamed up to the sky. “WHY? What the hell did I do to deserve this? To deserve any of this?!” I collapsed against him, sobbing. Hot, angry tears pouring out of me and into the sandy, soggy ground.

“It’s okay,” said Sehun, his voice soft and serious. For once. “I’m right here.

He let me cry into his lap for I don’t know long, right below a giant tree. He my hair. Told me everything would be okay. The stars were all out, twinkling and shining, and the ground had grown damp beneath us. I felt him leaned back and slowly his jacket. He placed it over me, and I snuggled in even closer. I was so angry and upset I could hardly keep my eyes open, like a little kid after a temper tantrum.

“I bet,” I whispered, “once upon a time, you made someone really, really happy.”

If Sehun answered me, I didn’t hear him. I had already fallen into a dark, distant, story sleep.

So, here's an update after a long break(?) Sorry, if I promised I will update soon. But anyways, hoping that you like this chapter and don't forget to leave a comment, subscribe and maybe upvote! See you soon, and thank you very muchhhh!! <3