Jongdae spent the whole morning in the forest, practicing new spells that he had found the previous night in one of the many books he had taken from the forbidden section in the library. After hours, he was on his way back to the castle, the book he was using safely tugged and hidden at the bottom of his bag. As he was passing the lower plain, just outside of the Forbidden forest, he heard loud noises of frustrations. Upon hiding behind the closest tree, he leaned out slightly to check who it was. And it turned out to be the last person he would have ever expected to see in that place.

Right between stone stairs leading up to the school and a massive rock stood Minseok, kicking everything that happened to be in his way. He had his wand in one hand and around him, both on the ground and stone walls, were dark circles.

Jongdae observed the Gryffindor for a while, the way he seemed to be collecting himself, took a deep breath in, raised his wand… and totally failed at whatever he was doing. The Ravenclaw rolled his eyes, shook his head, and left the shadows, going into the direction of the elder boy.

“What was that supposed to be?” he asked, and Minseok jumped at the unexpected voice.

“Jongdae?! What are you doing here?!” he squeaked, his voice jumping a few octaves higher.

“I guess I could ask the same?” the younger said, raising an eyebrow.

Minseok only turned around on his hill, throwing his wand to the ground, and groaning loudly, “I don’t even know! Ugh,” he huffed and fell to the ground.

Jongdae looked the boy, then at the wand in the grass, and finally to the sky. “This is the reason I don’t believe in you,” he mumbled, “an almighty and loving God cannot be such a ,” he rolled his eyes, referring to the situation in which he found himself. Looking at the elder, Jongdae couldn’t shake the overwhelming feelings off of his chest. There was a whole lot of negative emotions between them, and the air was already thick from them, but the worst of it all was that guilt eating Jongdae from inside out as he was looking at the Gryffindor.

His fingers wrapped around his wand and wrinkled his nose.

“You’re never gonna get this spell right like this,” he mumbled, and Minseok raised an eyebrow.

“Wow, thank you, Sherlock, that’s a ing revelation!” the elder yelled in frustration.

“I mean,” Jongdae started slowly and calmly, “your technique is all wrong.” He said, taking a step closer, “you’re too tense, and you should try keeping your writ facing inwards instead of upwards. Like this,” he explained and raising his wand higher, to let Minseok see, he casted the same spell the elder was practicing.

With one swift movement he turned a piece of rock into a lizard.

“You make it look so easy. you,” Minseok groaned, rolling his eyes, “don’t need you to be showing off. Everyone knows you’re the freaking god of magic, ,” he spat, quickly grabbing his bag that was on the ground.

“No, wait –” Jongdae grabbed Minseok’s elbow, turning the other to face him, “I… I didn’t mean to…”

The Ravenclaw took a deep breath in letting the other go.

“I just wanted to… help, okay?”

“Help?” Minseok asked after a few moments of silence. “You wanted to help me?”

They were just looking at each other for a few moments, only exchanging glances.

“Why?”

“I like to think there’s more to me than just being an ,” Jongdae joked lightly, but he knew very well it was not true. He was doing it because he felt guilty.

Minseok frowned, but then looked down at his wand.

“Do you think… do you think you could show me that once again?” he asked unsurely.

Jongdae nodded and they spent the next few hours practicing spells.

 ººº

“Wow,” Minseok breathed out at the end, “this isn’t all too bad.”

“You have enough knowledge about the spells, you were just never taught the proper technique.”

“Hah, maybe after all I’m not that big of a wizarding failure as everyone thinks,” Minseok joked, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

“One, no one thinks that. Two, you’re not a bad wizard, Minseok. You just need to improve upon a few details.”

“Clearly, Kim, you’ve never met my family,” the elder laughed, climbing up the stairs, “oh, I’m starving! Let’s go, Jongdae!”

The younger tilted his head, watching the Gryffindor running up the stairs. There was something about his words that didn’t sit right with Jongdae. But who was he to pry upon them?

 ººº

The next day, before lunch, Minseok stood in front of the entrance to the Great Hall, waiting for Jongdae. When he spotted the younger’s posture in the sea of people, a massive smile appeared on his face.

“Jongdae!” he yelled out when the Ravenclaw neared him.

The said boy only raised an eyebrow, confused.

“Hello, Minseok?”

“Thank you so much!” he exclaimed, “for the first time in forever I wasn’t the laugh of the calss in transfiguration. I owe it to you.”

“Oh,” Jongdae smiled lightly, “you’re welcome. I’m glad I could help.”

Minseok took a deep breath in, which confused Jongdae even more.

“Do you think… do you think there are any chances you could help me with this… more?”

Jongdae instantly went pale. “Mo—more?”

“Like… more often?” Minseok asked, not so confident any more, biting on his lip. “I am only minutes away from failing this class. I hate myself for even asking you this, believe me, but… but I really need you help, Jongdae. I beg you…” he whispered, looking around to make sure no one was listening to them.

Jongdae stood there, looking at the elder, at the most famous Gryffindor at school, who suddenly seemed so small under the weight of embarrassment and lack of confidence.

Could he help me? There was no denying that he had the means and knowledge to help the boy out. But that would mean spending so much more time with the Gryffindor. So much more temptation… so much more room for mistakes and regrets.

Jongdae wasn’t a bad person. Deep inside he really wasn’t. At least he wanted to believe that. Part of him really wanted to help Minseok. After all, the seeker wasn’t half as bad as the rumors painted him to be, and how he presented himself to everyone. He wasn’t a douchebag, he wasn’t arrogant… sometimes. He was a loyal friend who was ready to make amends with Jongdae just to make his best friend happy. And Jongdae took advantage of it. Mistake or not, he did the worst thing possible, and he did it twice. He stripped Minseok from his most valued possession, he stole from him something that the other cannot even seek out…

Jongdae knew that his act wasn’t just a betrayal against Minseok. He betrayed Chanyeol. His one and only true friend.

And there was no magic in the world, neither in the school books nor in the forbidden ones, that could change it.

So standing there, looking at Minseok, he really wanted to say “yes.”

“I’m sorry, I cannot,” he mumbled, and quickly passed the elder, disappearing in the crowd of people.

 ººº

Jongdae stood in front of the mirror in a bathroom, looking at his reflection, waiting for answers. Answers that never came, because he never asked any questions. He was just standing there, battling with his thoughts, roaming around in his head in chaos. He had so many questions, but asking any of them, be it out loud or even daring to formulate them in his head, seemed too scary.

Because once you say something out loud it becomes truth.

So he only stood there, looking at the ghost in front of him, wondering whether he even recognized himself anymore.

His eyes lowered and rested on the reflection of a blue pendant that was hanging on his neck.

He swallowed loudly, tilting his head back, not being able to stand the look of it. Such a small thing, the blue pendant, but was carrying such a heavy weight to it. All of Jongdae’s mistakes, regrets and sins were hidden there.

And amongst the sea of his own monsters hid Minseok’s memories.

 ººº

“Chanyeol… Chanyeol, wake up!”

Chanyeol murmured something and turned to the other side, covering his head with a blanket.

“Chanyeol!”

The boy frowned, waking up slowly, as something was tagging at his arm, “wake the up!”

“What the ---” Chanyeol started, but then squeaked and fell down from his bed, as upon opening his eyes he saw Jongdae hoovering above him. “Jongdae!” he whisper-yelled, quickly collecting himself, “what are you doing here?! You cannot be here?!”

“If you didn’t want me here, why would have given me your password, huh?” the elder sassed him, straightening his back.

“It’s 3am! What the do you want?”

Jongdae’s face changed, and Chanyeol swallowed loudly as his friend suddenly looked like a kicked puppy. “What happened, Jongdae?”

The Ravenclaw only nodded towards the door, signalizing that they should step outside.

Upon locking the door to a study room in the Slytherin chamber, Chanyeol yawned and turned to his friend.

“So, what is so urgent that you had to break into our common room and wake me up at the time that even Devil himself doesn’t recognize?”

“Chanyeol,” Jongdae started, disregarding all of his friend’s compaints, “am I am bad person?”

“Huh?” the younger raised an eyebrow, sitting in front of the other boy.

“Be honest with me. One hundred percent. Do you think I am a bad person?”

“Of course not! Why would you think that?”

“You cannot be saying that only because we’re friends, okay. I need you to be honest. Am I a bad person?”

“Jongdae, you are not a bad person. What happened? Why are you being weird?”

“Where do you draw a line between someone who is good and someone who is bad?”

“Wha… you… Jongdae, you are creeping me out, what the hell happened?”

“I’ve done something really really really bad, Chanyeol,” he whispered, curling into a ball.

“What did you do?”

“I cannot tell you… I really cannot… You’d hate me for this.”

“You know, Jongdae, that you’ve been coming to me with this exact same question from the moment we became friends? Regardless of what is going on, I just always happen to find you asking me whether you are a bad person.”

“Am I?”

“You are not a bad person, Jongdae. You’re a person that experienced a lot of bad. But that doesn’t make you bad.”

“But what if—”

“No ifs. You are my friend, Jongdae, there is nothing you could do that would make me hate you.”

Jondgae opened and closed his mouth a few times, before he decided not to speak.

“I don’t know another person who would put aside their own issues just to make their friend happy by making amends with one of the people they hate most. And you’re doing that, Jongdae, by trying to work around Minseok’s and yours differences for Baekhyun and I. And I cannot thank you enough for that!”

Jongdae’s lips trembled when he said that.

“So no, Jongdae, I don’t think you are a bad person. No one thinks that,” Chanyeol smiled at his friend widely, and Jongdae felt sick.

“I… there’s someone who… does it really mean so much to you and Bakehyun that Minseok and I get along?” he finally asked.

“It means everything to us, you know. Last year was just terrible, having had to balance between the two of you. Having you two in the same room was never an option, but so was excluding either of you from our lives. Because as much as I love to have you to myself whenever I need it and share certain parts of my life with you, as it has always been, having you as part of Baekhyun and I’s lives… that means just as much to me. And when you and Minseok cannot even look at each other… that created a lot of problems. I’ve never told you, but Baekhyun and I almost broke out over the summer.”

“What? Because of me?!”

“Because of the situation… how would you feel if I was disregarding your relationship, because I couldn’t stand your boyfriend’s best friend?”

“I was never… I never wanted you to feel like I was disregarding it, Chanyeol… I just… you always wanted me everywhere and I … I just felt really out of place… I love spending time with you, but three is a crowd Chanyeol, and you know it…”

“I am just really glad that you guys are trying for us,” Chanyeol smiled, taking Jongdae’s hand in his own.

Jongdae signed heavily. There goes the conversation.

“I… I will let you go back to sleep, Yeol,” he said, standing up.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” the taller raised an eyebrow.

“N—yeah, yeah, it was. I’ll see you in the morning,” Jongdae mumbled and quickly left the room.

Running out of the Slytherins’ chamber, Jongdae stopped only when he was three floors up and out of breath. As he looked around, he realized that he was standing in front of the Gryffindor’s common room. He ran a hand through his hair and sat on the cold floor.

“What the hell do I do…” he asked himself, looking at the stone floor.

I know, it's been forever... all I can say is I'm sorry.