Siyeon rubbed her eyes before staring at her wardrobe once again, trying to focus. Two outfits and something formal to eat in if they were to go out to dinner or something. It was a simple thing to do but jetlag complicated even the most menial tasks. Everything about the day seemed off, be it the position of the sun in the sky compared to the contrast of what time it should be, or the unsettling quiet of the normally noisy dorms, since a few of the girls had already left.

 

With her brain feeling like mush Siyeon removed a pair of pants from her wardrobe and began folding them.

 

“My mother would hit me if I wore pants with that many holes in them.” Jiu said.

 

Siyeon turned to smirk at Jiu who was watching her from her bottom bunk.

 

“I think my mother got tired of hitting me.” She said, putting the folded pants into her open suitcase. “Too much effort for too little result. Besides, now that she sees me so little she tries not to argue when I’m around.”

 

“I think I’ve noticed that too.” Jiu said, smiling and turning her attention back to her cell phone. “Mom avoids sensitive topics these days.”

 

“She just wants to enjoy the time she has with you now. It’s kind of nice.” Siyeon said.

 

“It’s nice being busy.” Jiu said, nodding slowly. “But all those conversations will come back when we go inactive again.”

 

“That’s not going to happen this time and you shouldn’t think about it.” Siyeon eyed Jiu before zipping up her suitcase.

 

“I know.” Jiu said with a small smile, leaning into Siyeon’s pillow while staring at her phone. “It’s impossible to not think about it though.”

 

“Yeah...” Siyeon said, knowing all too well that that thought was resting in the back of her mind at all times as well.

 

Jiu sighed after a while, setting her phone down and rolling onto her side to look at Siyeon.

 

“I’m really impressed with how well you handled Europe.”

 

“I didn’t really have a choice.” Siyeon chuckled without humor. She rolled her suitcase beside her bunk and got into bed beside Jiu. “I couldn’t exactly lock myself in my room and listen to sad music all day, though I wanted to.”

 

Jiu hooked her arm through Siyeon’s and put her head on the girls shoulder after she settled in under the covers.

 

“I know it’s only been a week but it seems like it’s been forever since we’ve slept together.” Jiu said.

 

“Aish.” Siyeon chuckled, “When you say it like that it sounds like it’s more than it is.”

 

“You know what I mean.” Jiu huffed.

 

Siyeon finished laughing and closed her eyes.

 

All jokes aside it was a huge relief to be in bed with Jiu again. Europe had been a lot more difficult than Siyeon made it seem. The only really good thing it provided was plenty of time to think about her situation since Handong didn’t really speak much outside of activities.

 

To her credit, Yoohyeon really went above and beyond in situations they had to spent time or be seen together, acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary and they were the best of friends. While this of course didn’t do anything to the effect of fixing Siyeon’s feelings, it gave a glimpse at the best case scenario to hope for moving forward with Yoohyeon.

 

While Siyeon was infinitely grateful for Yoohyeon’s kind heart, she felt so relieved that the company was giving them the weekend off to go home to their families.

 

Siyeon honestly couldn’t have planned it better herself. She needed more than anything just to get away from everyone for a while…

 

“It could have gone a lot worse.” Jiu said softly.

 

“It could have gone a lot better, too,” Siyeon said.

 

“Ah, you act like you’re never going to meet anyone and yet you’re a complete chick magnet.” Jiu murmured.

 

“Oh yeah, look at all the chicks I got.” Siyeon motioned towards the empty air around her..

 

Jiu lifted her head to look at Siyeon directly, “And what exactly am I? A stop sign?”

 

Siyeon waved a hand dismissively. “Come on, you don’t count.. You don’t like girls. You’re only here to comfort me.”

 

Jiu sat up, clearly provoked, “Really? You’re telling me that? As if you know what I like.”

 

“You’re saying I’m wrong?” Siyeon asked, wide eyed.

 

Jiu sighed and lay back down, staring up at her own bunk and considering her answer.

 

“It doesn’t really matter.” Jiu said.

 

Siyeon blinked at her vague response.“Well, even if it doesn’t matter, I’m still curious.”

 

“I have a lot of extra responsibility.. So it’s not like I can get distracted.” Jiu said, slowly. “Even if I wanted to… explore. I mean, I know I’m not… not completely like.. you. Maybe a little. Maybe it’s a proximity thing or maybe spending so much time with you made me realize...”

 

Siyeon hung on her every word in awe of it. Was she dreaming?

 

Jiu squeezed Siyeon’s shoulder as if trying to wake her up.

 

“Nothing can happen, as long as we’re here nothing can come of it. But… this is nice.” Jiu said, taking Siyeon’s arm and wrapping it around her shoulder. “This is enough. I’m not here to take pity on you. I think we’re comforting each other.”

 

“Yeah, this is nice…” Siyeon agreed, wondering what sharing a bed alone with Jiu might be like in an alternate universe.

 

“You’ll make a really good girlfriend.” Jiu said.

 

“Ha, yeah, maybe if I wasn’t the only-”

 

Siyeon’s phone buzzed, effectively cutting her off. She glanced at it before setting it aside.

 

“The only um.” Siyeon trailed off having lost her train of thought.

 

“The only lesbian in Korea?” Jiu guessed, laughing. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”

 

“I’m glad you think this is funny. No, I don’t think it's drama-”

 

Siyeon’s phone vibrated again drawing Jiu’s attention this time.

 

“Who’s texting you this late?” Jiu asked.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Siyeon said.

 

Jiu didn’t look satisfied with that answer.

 

“Where am I even supposed to find anyone?” Siyeon asked, if only to distract Jiu.

 

“I can help.” Jiu said, thoughtfully.

 

The phone went off again.

 

Jiu and Siyeon stared at one another. After a beat Jiu reached for the phone at the same time Siyeon tried to stop her.

 

It worked only for a moment until Jiu’s nails dug into the back of her hand.

 

Jiu victoriously took the phone and brought up the lockscreen. Her face turned to absolute glee when she saw who the texts were from.

 

“Oh no, I’ll never find a girlfriend.” Jiu said sarcastically turning the phone around so Siyeon could see it. “I’m the only lesbian in Korea!”

 

Siyeon tried to swipe the phone back but Jiu pulled it away just in time, laughing.

 

“Don’t read it.” Siyeon choked.

 

“Is this a nightly thing?” Jiu asked.

 

“Pretty much.” Siyeon sighed.

 

“Why don’t you want to read it?” Jiu asked.

 

“If I read it, she’ll know I’m still awake…” Siyeon said.

 

“She sent a picture.” Jiu said. “Let’s just read it and tell her you’re going to sleep, I’m curious.”

 

Siyeon groaned.

 

“Come on. I’ll protect you.” Jiu said, unlocking the phone.

 

Siyeon sighed and watched Jiu’s face closely as she read.

 

“Mmm.. Oh. Her ride’s going to leave before you wake up. She wants you to see you tonight.” Jiu said, softly. A few taps later, she turned the phone around to show Siyeon the picture.

 

Sua looked cozy laying in bed, beautiful as ever without a spec of makeup on. Her covers were half removed and her bare, toned stomach was partially shielded by the plushy family of elephants she had beside her. Without being graphic or tasteless at all, the picture was absurdly y.

 

Siyeon sighed and typed back a response.

 

Sorry, not tonight. Please travel safely. I’ll see you monday

 

Siyeon avoided Jiu’s gaze as she plugged her phone in to charge and settled back against her pillows.

 

“Wah, she really wants you.” Jiu spoke with awe.

 

Siyeon didn’t answer.

 

“Why don’t you reciprocate? It seems like you’re afraid of her.” Jiu said.

 

“...She’s older than me.” Siyeon said finally.

 

Jiu started laughing again. “So what? So am I!”

 

“Well she’s really aggressive. And.. You know I have no experience… It’s intimidating.” Siyeon said.

 

“Some people are into that.” Jiu mused.

 

“Well, not me. Not now. I’m not looking just to hop into bed with someone. I want a real relationship. I want dates and flowers and romance and.. Those things.” Siyeon said.

 

Jiu’s smile softened. “What did she say when you told her that?”

 

“Told her that? What, are you crazy?” Siyeon asked with wide eyes.

 

Jiu stared in disbelief at Siyeon for a long while. Siyeon’s eyes narrowed at the unspoken accusation.

 

“You fool…” Jiu whispered.

 

“She won’t want anything to do with me if I bring that up.” Siyeon said, shaking her head.

 

“But you don’t even know that.” Jiu said.

 

“She’s an experienced woman, she doesn’t want to waste time holding my hand through the basics.” Siyeon said.

 

“I don’t know if she’s that experienced.” Jiu said, “Rather, she’s just very confident.”

 

“Well, whatever.” Siyeon said.

 

Jiu patiently slid her arm down Siyeon’s wrist until they were holding hands.

 

“You need to tell her.” She said.

 

“I don’t want to.” Siyeon said. “It seems pretty obvious we’re after different things.”

 

“She might slow down.. You could have a nice relationship.” Jiu said. “You should definitely tell her.”

 

“It’s all so exhausting.” Siyeon said.

 

“You’re overthinking a lot of this…” Jiu said, pushing Siyeon’s hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to do it tonight. Just, go home and relax and think about it. I swear it’s not as serious as you’re making it out to be. Just come back and be that goofy happy kid I love. I miss her.”

 

Siyeon closed her arms tight around Jiu, pulling her into a crushing hug, forever grateful for their uncomplicated relationship.

 

Nobody truly understood her like Jiu did.

 

---

 

It was something in the atmosphere.

 

They say that you can never truly go home, but Siyeon didn’t believe in that adage. Everytime she got any time off and she got to come home, it felt like she loved it more. It was as if Daegu had its own scent that filled her up and made her forget all of her problems.

 

She leaned back in her chair, truly satisfied by food for the first time in months. She smiled at her empty plate knowing that her manager would be having a heart attack if she knew how much fattening food and alcohol she had just imbibed.

 

“Why do you look so smug?”

 

Siyeon grinned. “You have no idea how many rules I just broke.”

 

Siyeon's sister just rolled her eyes. “As if you're not going to eat properly when you go home. It was hard enough getting mom to let me take out out alone for even a couple hours, of course we were going to get a good meal.”

 

Siyeon smiled wider at the way her sister always talked down about her idol lifestyle. She was the only person who knew how to keep Siyeon grounded and she never hesitated to do it.

 

They rose together, the older sister settling the check out of pocket before they made their way to the subway station. The wind current coursing through the tunnels felt cool, but the buzz that Siyeon was riding was keeping her warm for now.

 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this happy to be home before.” Siyeon’s sister said.

 

“Guess I really needed a break this time.”

 

“Are they treating you right?” The eldest asked, her eyes narrowing. “I’ve seen documentaries before and those girls can be nasty sometimes.”

 

Siyeon grinned because this was a point of contention her sister always brought up.

 

“I told you, our group isn’t like that.” Siyeon said.

 

“You’d tell me though, right?” She asked, “Because you know I’d come up there and-”

 

Siyeon’s sister balled her fist up and brought it down into her own open palm, but exactly what she’d do got drowned out by the sound of the approaching train.

 

Siyeon gently took her sisters arm and led the way onto the train and into one of the emptiest cars.

 

As silence fell between them during the trip, Siyeon felt warm that someone would come to defend her anyway, and slight amusement at the thought of her sister trying to threaten anyone.

 

To be fair, Dreamcatcher really was the odd group out when it came to this. In that respect Siyeon had gotten immeasurably lucky that everyone genuinely liked each other.

 

At their first stop, Siyeon watched a very pretty woman find her seat just across from her. The woman’s shoes of all things caught Siyeon’s attention first. The were a deep crimson, maybe velvet? Ridiculous stiletto heels, taller than Siyeon had ever worn. Taller than she’d ever want to wear.

 

The whole look was incredibly over formal for the subway. Siyeon tried to imagine the lavish party the woman had just attended but hadn’t been to any herself to give her a proper idea.

 

The lights flickered and went out for a while as they went through a tunnel. When she could see again Siyeon found her eyes traveling up this woman’s long, glorious legs to her black dress. She bit her lip as her eyes traced the contours of the woman’s hips. The fabric looked very soft, and hugged all of her curves tightly. The dress was more expensive than anything Siyeon had owned and probably more expensive than any of the clothes she’d ever borrowed. It didn’t leave much to the imagination anyway, and Siyeon soon found herself captivated by the woman’s collar bones.

 

Having built up to this moment, Siyeon finally looked properly at the woman’s face as was surprised to find her staring back at her.

 

Siyeon’s inebriated brain was screaming at her to look away but she couldn’t. The woman was smiling at her warmly in an inviting way.

 

Her own mouth curled into a smile in response. It was so unlike her to respond in such a way but she was certain the alcohol was providing her with the courage she usually lacked.

 

Siyeon felt her face flush. This woman was absolutely gorgeous and for some reason seemed just as taken with her.

 

When it all became too much and it felt as though her chest was about to burst out of her chest, Siyeon pretended to be interested in something out the window.

 

Siyeon tried hard to figure out why this was happening to her so often lately when she wondered with much doubt if her own loose gaze had started this.

 

Could a look alone really have that much of an effect on a stranger? Siyeon doubted it.. She felt that this woman was way out of her league, especially in a casual outfit, out of makeup and a bit drunk.

 

The woman began gathering her clutch and getting to her feet as the conductor announced that they were approaching the next stop. Siyeon forced herself to meet the woman’s eyes one more time as she stood by the door waiting for it to open, this time searching for answers.

 

All doubt flew out of the window when the woman smirked at her meaningfully before turning and exiting the tube. Siyeon couldn’t tell if she’d imagined the lip bite or not.

 

She exhaled slowly, mildly relieved that this was over but more excited than anything else. She wondered if could people read minds or was Siyeon just that obvious.

 

Had she been alone on this train, would she have spoken to the women? The idea alone was exhilarating.

 

The answer was yes.

 

Probably, yes. Maybe after a few more drinks...

 

Siyeon sighed again and smiled, feeling proud of herself.

 

She looked toward her sister, having forgotten she was there, and was alarmed to find her glaring.

 

“... What?” She asked.

 

Her sister narrowed her eyes and looked away, shaking her head.

 

Siyeon’s blood ran cold. Her sister didn’t speak for the remainder of their trek home even though Siyeon could tell something was on her mind. Siyeon tried, in her head, to prepare herself for any conversation that might arise but it did little to bring her any ease.

 

She knew her sister to be a very blunt woman.

 

She could say anything and Siyeon would end up a deer in headlights, but it never came.

 

Upon entering the family home, Siyeon was summoned to spend time with her mother in front of the TV, and Siyeon’s sister disappeared into her own room.

 

It didn’t take Siyeon long to forget about it as she sobered up.

 

As she relaxed in her mother's arms, She forgot about many things. Work, girls, and all of her troubles seemed so trivial. Somehow, despite how hard she works the majority of the year this place of comfort still exists just as it had before she went into training.

 

She was so thankful for it.

 

Siyeon’s mother stayed up extra late since it was her last night home. The gesture was so unlike her and left Siyeon with a lump in as she climbed the stairs to her room at the end of the night.

 

When she opened the door to her bedroom and found her sister sitting on her bed waiting for her, the sense of security evaporated.

 

“Oh.” Siyeon expelled, slightly alarmed.

 

As Siyeon’s sister met her gaze, she could feel the accusations…

 

Siyeon pulled the door shut behind herself quickly but her sister didn’t say anything…

 

As casually as she dared, Siyeon crossed the room and opened her closet.

 

“So.. what’s up?” She asked.

 

Nothing. It was almost as if her sister wasn’t even breathing.

 

Siyeon sat beside her.

 

“What is it?”

 

Siyeon’s sister took a slow, steady bring in before putting her face in her hands.

 

After some time passed, Siyeon opened to speak again when she was interrupted.

 

“You can never tell them.” Siyeon’s sister said.

 

Siyeon felt as though ice cold water was running down her spine. It muted her.

 

Silence..

 

Siyeon finally cleared .

 

“Tell who… what?” She asked.

 

“Mom and Dad.” Siyeon’s sister raised her head. “You have to take it to the grave.”

 

“Take what to the grave?” Siyeon asked.

 

Siyeon’s sister looked angry for the first time and shook her head. “Going to make me say it, are you?”

 

“But I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She lied in a small voice.

 

“I watched you grow up, you know. To be honest, I was relieved when you weren’t boy crazy. My little sister grew up very pretty… It could have been a problem. When you became a women I found it a little odd that I’d never even heard you speak about any guys… but you were very career oriented. I let that be the excuse…” Siyeon’s sister trailed off.

 

Siyeon stared at her knees knowing what was coming, knowing there was nothing she could do to prevent it at this point.

 

She couldn’t bring herself to look at her sister’s face.

 

“But.. heart eyes for the girl on the subway? Kissing other women on television?”

 

“Whoa when did I-” Siyeon interjected, but then she remembered. “Oh. Hey, that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t do that. Sua-”

 

“Well you didn’t pull away either.” Her sister said.

 

“It’s.. I don’t know. It’s an idol thing.” Siyeon muttered. “I had to play along.”

 

“That girl on the subway would have jumped you if I wasn’t there.”

 

“And?” Siyeon’s asked, quickly.

 

“And you would have let her!” Siyeon’s sister all but yelled.

 

The both paused to listen beyond the room, hoping that nobody had heard the outburst.

 

Siyeon’s mouth hung open, more mystified than upset that her sister had hit the nail on the head.

 

Was it really that obvious?

 

“Just tell me the truth.” Siyeon’s sister said. “Look at me and tell me the truth.”

 

With a million different excuses running through Siyeon’s head, the most important question broke away to the forefront.

 

“Do you hate me?” She asked.

 

“Ugh.” Siyeon’s sister sighed, rolling her eyes. “Of course I don’t hate you. I just thought you trusted me.”

 

“Well, to be fair this is a little bit bigger than..” Siyeon paused, realizing she was out of oxygen.

 

When had her vision gone cloudy?

 

Dropping all pretense, Siyeon’s sister threw her arms around the younger girl, pulling her close. They sat there like that for a long while without words, the lump in Siyeon’s throat big enough to seize all of her muscles at once. She sat rigid, unsure of what was to come next but surprised by this sign of affection.

 

This was going better than she had imagined it in the past.

 

“You’re a lesbian?”

 

Siyeon managed to choke out a sound of affirmation.

 

The silence stretched on as Siyeon rocked gently in her sisters arms.

 

“You have to be more careful. And you can’t tell them. It’ll break their hearts.” Siyeon’s sister finally said.

 

“What about yours?” Siyeon asked.

 

“I mean.” Siyeon’s sister let go of her in order to sit up straight, “I don’t understand it but I’m not so old fashioned that’s it’s going to make me stop loving you.”

 

Dizzy with relief, Siyeon did her best to wipe the moisture away from her eyes.

 

“I just.. Don’t understand why you’d choose such a difficult path for yourself.” Siyeon’s sister said.

 

Siyeon looked at her for the first time and didn’t find any accusation. This wasn’t a hateful comment at all, it simple ignorance. It would be taught away in time but the fact that Siyeon’s sister was trying to even put effort into learning meant the world to Siyeon.

 

“I didn’t make a choice, Unnie.” Siyeon said. “I don’t think anyone would choose this for themselves.”

 

Siyeon’s sister nodded her head slowly, staring into Siyeon’s red, swollen eyes.

 

---

 

Carrying a large backpack and pulling her suitcase behind her, Siyeon slid the front door of the dorm open unsure of who was even home yet. She almost ran into Gahyeon in the entry hall as she was coming out of her room.

 

“Ah, you returned.” She said, making way for Siyeon and all her baggage.

 

“Did you even leave?.” Siyeon said, grinning as she stepped out of her shoes and into her slippers.

 

“I got back a few hours ago.” Gahyeon said.

 

Siyeon patted Gahyeon on the head, taking extra care to mess up her hair as she passed. “I missed you.”

 

“Seriously!?” Gahyeon's affronted voice echoed through the hallway.

 

Siyeon chuckled to herself as she pushed her own door open, her eyes immediately flying to Jiu's bunk but finding it empty.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Oh, hey.” Siyeon said, smiling at Dami.

 

“You just got back?” Dami asked.

 

“Yep.” Siyeon said. She walked up to her closet and dropped her bags in front of it. After opening it and seeing how messy it was, she decided she would unpack later.

 

“Did you have a nice vacation?” She asked, turning back to Dami.

 

Dami smiled. “Yeah, it was nice. Short, but nice.”

 

“Seems like it’s never long enough anymore these days.” Siyeon said, her eyes falling to a container in Dami’s lap as she drifted off.

 

Curiously, she went to sit beside her. “What do you have there?”

 

“My mother says I’ve been losing too much weight. She sent me with some food.” Dami said.

 

Siyeon watched as Dami popped the top on the container. Her eyes grew three sizes when she saw it was full to the brim of delicious looking chicken.

 

Dami grinned watching Siyeon’s hungry expression.

 

“Dami looks very pretty today.” Siyeon said, smirking.

 

“Right.” Dami said, her voice strained with sarcasm..

 

Siyeon reigned in her expression and grew very serious.

 

“You’re lucky that Jiu isn’t here.” Siyeon said.

 

“Eh, chances are it’s just going to be taken away when Minari finds it anyway.” Dami said, watching Siyeon with a soft smile because her eyes hadn’t left her food through this entire exchange. “Are you hungry?”

 

“I could eat.. I mean, if you don't mind.” Siyeon said.

 

Dami held out the container for Siyeon who took a leg without hesitation.

 

“Wow..” Siyeon said with a mouth full of chicken. “Your mother made this?!”

 

Dami nodded, smiling warmly.

 

“God, what a great cook.” Siyeon said, swallowing.

 

Siyeon happily began her fingers clean one by one after cleaning the bone completely of every scrap of meat. When she looked up she noticed Dami staring at her, mouth hanging open with a very vacant expression on her face. Her eyes seemed focused on Siyeon’s mouth.

 

“Sorry. Am I gross?” Siyeon said, sheepishly before wiping one last time with the back of her hand.

 

“No.” Dami said, looking away. A small smile played at the corner of . “You eat like a wolf cub.”

 

Siyeon smirked before apologizing again. “Sorry.

 

“I can make this for you sometime.” Dami said.

 

“You can cook this well?” Siyeon asked.

 

“I can try..” Dami said, thoughtfully. “I know how, I’ve just never done it alone before.”

 

“Wow.” Siyeon looked impressed. “That sounds great, but what’s the catch?”

 

“Catch?” Dami asked.

 

“Yeah. What do I have to do in return?” Siyeon asked.

 

“Oh..” Dami breathed. She obviously didn't have any stipulations prepared. “Um… how about you get dinner next time?”

 

“Ah, I’m not a very good cook.”

 

Siyeon smiled but froze when Dami reached her hand out. Using her thumb, very gently, she wiped the last little spot of sauce from the corner of Siyeon’s mouth.

 

In the split second that their eyes met after that, Siyeon felt something akin to an electric shock. She had to fight back the urge to gasp.

 

“That’s okay. If you don’t want to cook, maybe we can go out to eat.” Dami said.

 

Siyeon stared at her as she returned to her senses, wondering if she’d felt the same thing.

 

“...Yeah. That sounds fair. If you cook for me, I’ll take you out to eat.” She said.

 

“Deal.” Dami said, the broad smile on her face maybe one of the most genuine ones Siyeon had ever seen her wear.

 

Siyeon held her pinky aloft to seal the deal and returned the smile as Dami linked her own. She thought to herself that aside from the cheesy flattery she had used to try and score free food earlier, that Dami really did look beautiful and it wasn’t just today either.

 

Dami was growing into a very beautiful woman indeed, even though, much like Yoohyeon, it was still hard to see her as an adult.

 

She’d only been 16 when they first met.

 

God, the time flies.

 

Hearing wheels on the marble floor outside their door, Siyeon wasn’t surprised when Jiu opened the door and watched her struggle to pull her overly large suitcase through the door behind her.

 

Siyeon stood up to help her but Jiu left it behind to hug her instead.

 

“Wow, it was only a couple days. You missed us this much?” Siyeon chuckled.

 

“Of course I did, my children.” Jiu said, moving to sit beside Dami and hugging next. “How was your vacation?” Jiu asked Dami.

 

“As I was telling Siyeon, it was great but it was too short.”

 

“Yeah but if it would have been any longer I would have missed you too much.” Jiu said, an arm around the blonde’s neck.

 

Siyeon watched the exchange, smiling at Jiu’s contagious warmth.

 

Jiu looked up at Siyeon with a soft smile. “And how was your vacation?”

 

Siyeon inhaled deeply and puffed her cheeks out in thought. At this point in their friendship she knew she was beyond the point of sugar coating things for Jiu.

 

“Well, it was wonderful until I came out to my sister on accident.” Siyeon said.

 

Jiu’s eyes grew wide but it was nothing compared to the transformation of Dami’s face into absolute shock.

 

“And Dami too, I guess.” Siyeon said with a chuckle.

 

“...Really?” Dami asked, thunderstruck.

 

“I mean, I kinda thought you already knew, didn’t you?” Siyeon said.

 

“I wondered..”

 

“Wait. How do you come out accidentally?” Jiu asked.

 

Siyeon shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I’m an idiot.”

 

“What have you done now?” Jiu asked.

 

Siyeon stared at her silently, knowing she was never going to hear the end of this.

 

Jiu took Siyeon’s hand and pulled her to sit between Dami and herself.

 

“Out with it.” She said.

 

“It’s a dumb story really…” Siyeon said. “There was just this really pretty girl on the train that I might have stared at too much..”

 

“And..?” Jiu prompted.

 

“And.. I guess my sister already suspected me-” Siyeon shrugged.

 

“You were just outwardly flirting with a stranger on the train in front of your sister?” Jiu asked, incredulous. “You must have been really obvious about it.”

 

“Ah, I didn’t even think about it.. Like I said, Idiot.” Siyeon pointed at herself.

 

“How did she take it?”

 

“Better than expected.” Siyeon said. “Actually, she took it really well. I’m.. kind of happy it happened.”

 

“Relieved?” Jiu asked, taking Siyeon’s hand.

 

“Yeah.” Siyeon nodded.

 

“Congratulations.” Dami said. “That’s a pretty big deal.”

 

“Yeah.” Siyeon smiled sideways at Dami.

 

Siyeon felt Jiu squeeze her hand hard enough to make her turn her head in inquiry. In the doorway, stood Yoohyeon.

 

An awkward pause ensued.

 

“I have news.” Yoohyeon said dramatically, staring down at her phone.

 

“Oh, what is it?” Jiu asked.

 

Siyeon let her eyes drop down to her lap. Perhaps in time, when her wounds heal, she’d be able to hold eye contact with Yoohyeon again.

 

She simply wasn’t at that point yet.

 

“Dong’s flight was delayed for weather. She won’t make it home until tomorrow night.” Yoohyeon said.

 

“Ah..” Jiu sighed. “I wonder what kind of weather China gets this time of year..?”

 

“Snow, apparently.” Yoohyeon said, sitting on Dami’s lap. “But do you know what that means? Free day tomorrow.”

 

“Confirmed?” Jiu perked up.

 

“Yeosu manager said so.” Yoohyeon said, her smile widening.

 

Jiu threw up a victory fist before high fiving Yoohyeon.

 

“So, we I was thinking we should go to the pc bang tomorrow” Yoohyeon said.

 

After a period of silence, Siyeon felt Jiu squeeze her hand again and she looked up at her before looking at Yoohyeon.

 

Yoohyeon looked like she was waiting for an answer.

 

“Oh.. Me?” Siyeon asked, stupidly.

 

Yoohyeon rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

 

“Um..” Siyeon stalled for time so she could think of an excuse. “I.. don’t know. I think sleep sounds pretty good. I could use a vacation after the one I just had.”

 

“Oh come on. We haven’t gone in a really long time.” Yoohyeon whined before pointing at Dami. “And we could bring her with us.”

 

Dami clearly wasn’t expecting this. She opened to speak but Yoohyeon spoke over her.

 

“And if you’re that tired you can just come and sleep in one of those comfy chairs.”

 

Siyeon grinned at her own genius before eyeing Dami. There was only one person in the world that would want to go less than she did.

 

“I’ll go if Dami goes.” Siyeon said.

 

Yoohyeon’s face fell. She looked down at Dami as if sizing her up.

 

“It would be a really good opportunity for us to bond.” She said, staring meaningfully at Dami.

 

When Dami didn't say anything, Yoohyeon's hands came up dangerously to grab her shoulders.

“Ahhh.” Dami exclaimed as she winced away from the assault.

 

“How often do we get a chance to play together these days…?” Yoohyeon lamented.

 

“...Fine.” Dami said after an exceptionally long sigh.

 

Siyeon’s jaw dropped at the same time Yoohyeon leapt out of Dami’s lap, clapping.

 

“Okay! Let’s try and get there early so we can eat breakfast and lunch. It’ll be fun, I swear.” Yoohyeon said, looking back at them over her shoulder as she left the room.

 

After a shocked silence, Siyeon met Dami’s ashamed eyes before the latter looked down.

 

“Sorry.” Dami whispered.

 

“Eh.. It’s not a big deal.” Siyeon said, nudging Dami. “Besides, it’ll be nice to have someone sane there for once.”

 

“You still can’t say no to her, huh?” Jiu asked, smiling.

 

“Shut up.” Siyeon grumbled.

 

“Come on, I’m starving.” Jiu said, rising and pulling Siyeon to her feet before letting go. “Something smells like chicken.”

 

Siyeon followed Jiu out but paused at the doorway before glancing back to notice the little bulge under the comfortable on the foot of Dami’s bed.

 

She smiled to herself, impressed that Dami had managed to hide it so quickly.

 

“I just wanted it to last a while.” Dami said, as if to deflect accusation.

 

“I won’t tell.” Siyeon smiled.

 

Dami smiled back and for the second time that day Siyeon felt that strange surge of electricity and twitched away from the sensation as she forced her eyes away.

 

She found her mind muddled as she followed Jiu into the kitchen, trying to pinpoint the exact trait of Dami’s that she found so charming.

 

“There’s never anything to eat!” Jiu all but screamed.

 

“I was just about to make myself something. What do you want?”

 

Siyeon froze in mid step upon hearing Sua’s voice, and she wasn’t exactly sure why. After composing herself she came around the corner. Sua was holding a knife aloft at her side.

 

To call it a threatening look would be an understatement.

 

Siyeon was surprised to find that she didn’t acknowledge her presence as she normally would aside from a cold glance that immediately made Siyeon feel guilty, even though she didn’t know what she did wrong.

 

“Spicy chicken?” Jiu asked.

 

“Alright. But I only have enough for us two.” Sua said, before shooting another cold glance at Siyeon.

 

“That’s fine, I already a-” Siyeon began, but trailed off when Sua turned her back on her.

 

Jiu looked at Siyeon with wide eyes and Siyeon just shrugged.

 

Feeling awkward and unwanted, Siyeon made her way into the living room and let herself fall onto the couch, not even bothering to turn on the television.

 

Glaring skyward, she wondered if women were really worth all the confusion and complications…

 

---

 

Punctuality and Kim Yoohyeon were often topics that didn’t come up in the same discussion, so Siyeon wasn’t surprised the next morning when, at the agreed upon time, Yoohyeon hadn’t emerged from her room yet.

 

Siyeon leaned against the wall patiently, having no desire to knock on Yoohyeon’s door after Sua’s treatment the day before.

 

She spent a while flipping through her phone mindlessly. After a while Dami came out to join her, closing the door silently while she pulled her backpack high onto her back. She wore a black and white flannel, ripped jeans and a baseball cap. Siyeon noticed that the hat made the top of her ears look really pointy.

 

Cute.

 

“She’s not ready?” Dami asked.

 

Siyeon shrugged.

 

When Dami knocked on the door, Siyeon stood straight in anticipation.

 

Yoohyeon opened the door with a bit of a tissue hanging out of her nostril.

 

“I’m sorry, I really don’t feel well today.” Yoohyeon said, thickly.

 

“You should have texted me.” Dami said.

 

“I was sleeping..” Yoohyeon said. “Sorry. But you guys are already dressed, you should just go without me.”

 

Siyeon’s eyes narrowed as she watched Dami’s short grimace. Dami didn’t really seem to be buying Yoohyeon’s excuse either.

 

“We’ll go another time.. I need to sleep this off before work tomorrow.” Yoohyeon said before closing the door abruptly.

 

Dami turned slowly on the spot, pulling the straps on her backpack to make her stand up straighter as she looked at Siyeon, a straight line. She looked pretty angry at Yoohyeon.

 

“So.. what are you going to do?” Dami asked.

 

Siyeon rubbed her eyes as she thought about it. Regardless of how awkward it would have been, Siyeon had warmed up to the idea of playing some League.

 

“I’m still gonna go. I want to play. But you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I can go alone.” Siyeon said.

 

“.. I’ll go.” Dami said.

 

Mildly surprised, Siyeon held a polite hand out to motion Dami ahead of herself before following her out of the front door.

 

“I wouldn’t have pinned you as much of a gamer.” Siyeon said, stepping down the stairs onto the sidewalk.

 

“Eh, I can play Maple. I brought a book, too. And my writing pad. I just thought it would be good to get out of the house, and it should be pretty quiet with all the kids in school.” Dami said.

 

“Maple? Oh, Maplestory?” Siyeon grinned.

 

Dami nodded.

 

Kind of a cute game for a girl that tried to avoid any cute situation thrown at her, Siyeon thought.

 

“You’ve clearly never seen me at a PC cafe before if you think it’s going to be quiet.” Siyeon said.

 

“Oh, are you going to be loud?” Dami asked.

 

“I’ll do my best to reign it in.” Siyeon promised, offering her pinky to seal the promise.

 

Instead of completely dropping her hand, Dami held onto her pinky as they went began crossing the street together.

 

The sun was finally out today in full force and it seemed to affect Siyeon’s mood. As they walked the few blocks it was to the PC cafe, she tried to absorb as much sunlight as possible.

 

She felt lighter than she had in awhile. It was more of a relief than she would ever admit that Yoohyeon wasn’t coming with them today.

 

They found the cafe mostly empty apart from a few older guys scattered about the place. It was easy to find two open computers tucked away in a corner together and Siyeon claimed them quickly as Dami perused the food options.

 

Dami returned as Siyeon was just settling down and logging in, setting down a cola and some assorted snacks. Siyeon felt suddenly awkward and watched her, wondering what she was going to do next.

 

Yoohyeon and herself were usually rather independent when they came to the PC bang, unless Yoohyeon was begging to play something with her.

 

Dami sat down and looked sideways at Siyeon staring at her.

 

“No, it’s fine. Go ahead. I can entertain myself.” Dami said, pulling a book out of her bag.

 

Siyeon nodded and queued up for a game, smiling to herself.

 

Not only was Dami a nerd, but she was completely unashamed about it as well.

 

Reading a book in a PC bang.. If the kids were out of school right now surely she’d draw some spectators.

 

Dami was just special like that…

 

What followed next was an absolute slaughter house with Siyeon barely able to make any decent plays and becoming visibly frustrated by the second game.

 

As her screen went to grayscale once more, she slumped back against her chair, swearing under her breath.

 

“Oh wow.” Dami murmured.

 

Siyeon was surprised to find Dami staring at her screen.

 

“That was brutal.” Dami said.

 

“... I’m usually good at this game.” Siyeon said.

 

“How does this game work?” Dami asked.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Like.. what’s the point?”

 

“Umm..” Siyeon paused, wondering if Dami wanted her to explain the whole entire game of League of Legends to her and not even knowing where to begin.

 

She glanced back to her computer and saw that she was able to respawn now.

 

She did so and began explaining what she was doing as she was doing it.

 

“So, there’s lanes that we have to defend or overtake. I’m on bottom.”

 

“Oh, are you always on bottom?” Dami asked.

 

Siyeon was now furiously pounding at the keyboard, having just narrowly escaped an attack from a hidden opponent.

 

“Sorry.” Siyeon said when she felt safe again. She turned to look at Dami. “What was that?”

 

Inexplicably, Dami’s cheeks were a bit pink. “I mean do you always play the same position?”

 

“No.” Siyeon said, turning her attention back to the screen. ”In pick-up games like this you just kinda… go wherever is open. When you play with friends you coordinate more.”

 

Dami nodded and remained quiet as Siyeon got into another fight with an opponent. Siyeon sighed as the opponent got away.

 

“So.. you just fight on this lane until time runs out?” Dami asked.

 

“It’s kinda different depending on the map, but the goal is to get past them and their towers, and then destroy their base.”

 

“Ah..” Dami breathed.

 

She watched as Siyeon finally got a kill, making a triumphant noise and following her minions to begin work on the tower.

 

Dami’s soft smile at the way Siyeon’s tongue was stuck between her teeth in concentration went unnoticed.

 

Siyeon looked sideways at her. “Do you wanna try?”

 

The second Siyeon took her eyes off of the screen, another opponent appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Within seconds her screen turned to grayscale again.

 

Siyeon swore louder than before as Dami chuckled.

 

“I don’t think so. It’s pretty funny watching you get frustrated though. I don’t think I’ve seen you swear this much before.”

 

Siyeon glared at her screen and watched as first one, and then two of her teammates quit the game. She had enough at that point and quit as well.

 

“Rage quit?” Dami asked, still smirking.

 

“I’m gonna eat something.” Siyeon stood up.

 

Dami pushed all of the snacks she’d purchased herself towards Siyeon.

 

“What are you gonna eat?” Siyeon asked.

 

“I’ve got sweet potatoes.” Dami said, motioning to her bag.

 

Siyeon sat back down and stared at all the food as Dami slid over the bottle of Coca Cola. It was all basically junk food, which Siyeon loved, but Siyeon happened to know that Dami had been on a very strict diet and she hadn’t eaten anything like this in a long time.

 

Had she gone out of her way to buy all this food for her?

 

“... Thank you.” Siyeon said, feeling warm inside.

 

“You’re welcome, Unnie.” Dami said, saving her spot in her book before replacing her book in her bag and taking out her own snack.

 

They ate together as they did best, sharing silence. Siyeon nibbled on the Kkokkal corn, thoughtfully watching Dami stare into space.

 

Siyeon had always thought of Dami as the quiet girl that probably intentionally allows herself to fade into the background.

 

Siyeon realized now that she was very wrong all along.

 

Dami was just a very careful person who chose her words very precisely. She didn’t speak much, no, but she listened to everything. Dami will gauge the mood of a room and move towards someone that needs support wordlessly and without looking for thanks. She’s quiet out of respect not disinterest or arrogance. She reaches out to everyone that needs her but never breaches her own shell to reach out to others for herself.

 

Her own thoughts and feelings and needs were always so mysterious. She never complained. She never objected to anyone’s requests.

 

She’s so cryptic.

 

Dami seemed more interesting these days and Siyeon couldn’t quite put her finger on why.

 

Dami’s eyes reflexibly shot up when the doors to the cafe opened. Siyeon followed suit to see a girl had arrived. Siyeon watched her for a moment. Though she held little to no interest and it wasn’t unheard of for women to go to the PC bang, it certainly wasn’t common.

 

The girl looked younger than Dami.

 

“Is she pretty?” Dami asked in an undertone.

 

Siyeon turned to find Dami watching her and laughed nervously. She felt herself turn pink.

 

“No no, I mean. She’s not really my type. She seems pretty young.”

 

Dami nodded, her completely blank expression contrasting against Siyeon’s slight embarrassment.

 

“You wouldn’t date someone younger?” She asked.

 

“I mean, I probably would. Maybe not that young.” Siyeon said.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Dami asked, scooting closer to Siyeon.

 

“Uh, yeah of course.” Siyeon said.

 

“You and Sua..” Dami started.

 

Siyeon’s eyes widened.

 

“Are you two an item?”

 

“Uhh.” Siyeon said before bursting into laughter.

 

Dami looked confused and slightly amused by the reaction.

 

“No, no.” Siyeon said, still laughing. “I mean.. It’s complicated.. Does it seem like we’re an item?“

 

“It seems like she might like you.” Dami said.

 

Siyeon sighed and looked at Dami, feeling as though her complexion now fading into a light purple.

 

“Is she your type?” Dami continued, adamantly keeping her face neutral.

 

“I don’t know.” Siyeon said. “I’m kind of hesitant about Sua.”

 

Dami didn’t look satisfied with this response, and while Siyeon was waiting for the inevitable follow-up, she wondered about Dami’s intentions with this line of questioning.

 

“But why?” Dami asked.

 

Siyeon set down her bag of crisps and took a long drink from her Coke as she sized up the sincerity Dami’s face.

 

There wasn’t any judgement there, just friendly curiosity. It was a feature that Dami always carried that made her infinitely easier to talk to than other people.

 

“To be honest, I think I screwed it up.” Siyeon said.

 

“How come?”

 

“When Sua started showing interest in me I really liked Yoohyeon.” Siyeon said.

 

Dami nodded.

 

“So it didn’t feel right to mess with her while I was pursuing someone else.. But then she got really aggressive and I think it put me off.” Siyeon said. “Now I think she’s mad at me. I don’t really know what to do about it. Why are you smiling?”

 

Dami smiled wider as she got called out and shook her head. “I just think it’s sweet. You weren’t even dating Yoohyeon..”

 

“It’s not sweet.” Siyeon said, laughing again. “Jiu calls me useless. I’m… yeah I really have like no experience when it comes to this so I am pretty useless.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” Dami said.

 

“Feels like there is. I’m a full grown adult and there are teenagers that know more about dating than me.”

 

Dami smiled again. “You aren’t the only one in the world with no experience. And I think it’s cute.”

 

Cute?

 

Siyeon is brought up short. Not knowing what to say she met Dami’s eyes and smiled. Dami looked away soon after and it was at that moment that Siyeon felt abrupt shock run through her body again.

 

She smiled to herself, giddy as she tried to analyze this feeling. Her chest was swelling.. Was it pride? For what, being called cute?

 

Siyeons cheeks were starting to actually hurt from the overflow of blood, but she couldn’t stop smiling. She was grateful that Dami was busy stowing her food back into her bag to take any notice of her odd behavior.

 

Siyeon watched Dami load up Maplestory and begin playing without another word. Siyeon wasn’t very familiar with the game but Dami seemed to know what she was doing even if her posture and position on the keyboard looked awkward.

 

Dami wasn’t a gamer, but she was trying.

 

Cute. Siyeon smiled again.

 

Dami looked at her. “Do you want to play with me?”

 

“I don’t know how.” Siyeon said.

 

“I’ll teach you.” Dami offered.

 

Siyeon glanced back at her own screen, still on the League dashboard. She noticed then that she was set to queue in the much more difficult ‘ranked’ setting which probably explained why she was getting destroyed earlier, but it didn’t matter anymore.

 

“Okay.” Siyeon said, closing the window. “Teach me.”

 

---

 

“That sounds good.”

 

Relief.

 

Siyeon removed the giant headphones and bowed through the glass to the sound engineer before taking her notes off the stand in front of her and heading out into the overly bright waiting room.

 

Backing track, done.

 

While yawning, she caught sight of the clock on the far wall.

 

4:45am.

 

Damn..

 

In the last 48 hours Siyeon had worked the majority of it with little naps here and there. These were the sacrifices you had to make when preparing for a domestic concert though, she knew that. She didn’t know how she was gonna manage to stay upright on stage however.

 

Eh.. It was a bridge she would cross when she got to it.

 

She found Jiu in the main hall. Bloodshot eyes struggling to stay open. Poor thing.

 

“You done?” Siyeon asked.

 

Jiu nodded. “You?”

 

“Yeah. Are they gonna let us go home soon?”

 

“I heard after the last subunit gets approved.” Jiu said.

 

Siyeon nodded, afraid that if she sat beside Jiu that she wouldn’t be able to get up again.

 

“Come on.” Jiu mustered the strength to stand and held a hand out for Siyeon. “Let’s watch.”

 

Siyeon slogged along behind Jiu as they carefully made their way down the stairs to the basement.

 

“Do you think if we make enough money next comeback they’ll get us an elevator?” Siyeon asked, smiling.

 

Jiu turned around to look at Siyeon. “I don’t think they’d get us an elevator if we made all the money in the world.”

 

Siyeon chuckled. “It’s a nice thought anyway.”

 

Jiu opened the door. Sua and Sua alone looked up at them.

 

“Did you guys finish?” Jiu asked.

 

“No, waiting on Dami to get back.” Sua said.

 

Her eyes flicked to Siyeon and she looked irritated before sitting on the couch.

 

Jiu looked back and forth between Sua and Siyeon several times before announcing loudly. “I forgot something upstairs.”

 

Siyeon felt true betrayal at this moment as Jiu exited the room leaving her alone with Sua.

 

She remained standing awkwardly as Sua looked anywhere but in her direction.

 

Owing to her fatigue, Siyeon decided to bite the bullet and st beside Sua to keep her legs from screaming.

 

Nobody spoke for a long while, and every second that passed Siyeon got more and more irritated.

 

“So, is this how it is now?” Siyeon asked.

 

Sua’s head turned in her peripheral vision.

 

“What gives you the right to be upset about it?” Sua asked, affronted.

 

Despite her fury, Sua looked more tired than Siyeon felt.

 

“That you went cold on me for no reason?”

 

“For no reason? You blew me off for months.” Sua said.

 

Siyeon sighed and let her head fall backwards against the couch.

 

“I don’t like being ignored.” Sua said.

 

As the silence stretched on, Siyeon felt a pit swelling in her stomach. Guilt forced her to look at Sua, who continued to glare back at her.

 

“You’re right.” Siyeon said. “I never thought about it from your perspective.”

 

Sua wasn’t expecting this response and her rebuttal ultimately died her her chest.

 

The flood gates were open now, and Siyeon just closed her eyes and let the words flow from her.

 

“I’ve never done this before. I’m kind of learning the ropes of developing a relationship and I didn’t know what to do when I got overwhelmed and a little scared.”

 

Sua looked at her in disbelief, seeming to search her face to try and find the joke.

 

“I.. didn’t mean to scare you.” Sua finally said, looking positively alarmed.

 

“I’m such an idiot” Siyeon said, shaking her head dismissively. “I got wrapped up in the attention because I never had it before. I should have just talked to you about it. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

 

“So, you’ve never had any kind of relationship?” Sua asked in disbelief.

 

“Never.” Siyeon said.

 

“Not even a boyfriend?”

 

Siyeon shook her head.

 

They stared at one another, the cogs in Sua’s brain turning before she dissolved into humorless laughter.

 

She covered her face in her hands.

 

“Oh my god.” Sua lamented. “And I was trying to get you in bed with me.”

 

“You didn't know.” Siyeon said. “It’s my fault. “I enjoyed it for the most part, I just wasn’t ready.. For that..”

 

Sua continued rubbing her face. Her words came out muffled. “I’m sorry.”

 

Siyeon patted Sua’s leg. “I’m sorry too.”

 

Sua sighed, swearing to herself and laughing hollowly at how ridiculous this situation was.

 

Siyeon surprisingly felt a little better.

 

“So what happens now?” Sua asked.

 

“Do you pretend like none of this ever happened and start over?” Siyeon asks. “If not… I’d be happy being friends again.”

 

Sua leaned forward, resting her head on her hands and gazing at Siyeon thoughtfully. She started to smile, but her attention was taken by the opening door.

 

Dami and a few managers came walking in, followed by Jiu.

 

Sua got up quickly when the managers asked her to.

 

Jiu took her spot on the couch.

 

As the dancers took their places, Jiu looked at Siyeon.

 

“How did it go?”

 

Siyeon nodded.

 

“You’ll tell me later?” Jiu asked.

 

“I’ll tell you later.”

 

Jiu took her place on Siyeon’s shoulder.

 

The only thing Siyeon could really think about at this point was sleep, but the music came on then and it was way louder than it needed to be.

 

Taemin’s “Move”

 

Siyeons first thought was that Dami and Sua’s vocals sounded amazing on this track. Especially Dami’s were very impressive considering the company rarely allowed her to sing.

 

As the beat dropped, vocals became an afterthought.

 

Sua’s hips were doing that thing that Sua’s hips did so well. Siyeon forced herself not to stare, since they were facing in her direction.

 

Sua’s eyes were locked upon her as she mouthed along to the words.

 

This performance would probably make fans cry, Siyeon thought.

 

When the eye contact became too much, Siyeon looked to Dami for relief but was surprised to find her staring into her soul as well.

 

Dami, adorned with a hat and a facemask, was keeping up with Sua’s sensual dance just fine. As a matter of fact, she held her own. She was getting better.

 

Only at certain angles could Siyeon see her intense, large but tired eyes trying to penetrate her skull.

 

Siyeon felt that giddy feeling swell inside herself again.

 

And then it hit her. This is was Jiu meant when she tried to describe a handsome woman.

 

Siyeon inhaled deeply and found that mouth was dry from being hung open. She closed it and let her eyes fall to her own lap, knowing that nowhere was safe to look now.

 

Feeling eyes upon her she looked sideways.

 

Jiu was smirking.