“It’s like the makeup is melting off just as fast as I can put it on.”

Siyeon watched Yoohyeon laugh as her stylist began trying to fan her in between applying different types of makeup.

The tiny, cramped waiting room was especially sweltering today.

“You’re done.” Her own stylist said.

Siyeon rose and bent in closer to the mirror to take a look at her handiwork. The strain combined with the heat quickly became too much and she turned in a circle looking for any free place to go that might be a few degrees cooler. Staff and members alike were occupying all of the seating, pacing on the center path and working on vocal warm-ups while waiting for a free stylist to work on them.

The open door was the only refuge she could find and though it was sometimes considered rude to spill out into the hallway, Siyeon could see no other solution.

In just leaving the room, there was a drop in the temperature of several degrees. Siyeon exhaled slowly leaned against the door frame not wanting to stray too far away. She found a slow moving current of air to cool herself. Gahyeon was leaning against the opposite wall and came to stand beside her, fanning herself casually with a magazine.

“A lot of seniors walking around.” Gahyeon said. “I guess our room isn’t the only furnace in the building.”

Siyeon smiled because the youngest Gahyeon always kept her eyes peeled for seniors and had a hard time masking her excitement when the bigger stars would show themselves.

Glancing down the hallway, Siyeon saw that many other groups were finding solace in the hallway as well. MBC was obviously having problems with their air conditioning today.

“Are you making friends?” Siyeon asked.

“Yehana is a few rooms down.” Gahyeon said.

“No, no. You’re already friends with her.” Siyeon said. “You need to go meet other kids and make connections.”

Gahyeon’s chin jutted out arrogantly. “I don’t see you doing that.”

“I’m not the maknae.” Siyeon said, raising a finger.

Gahyeon rolled her eyes. “You say that about everything you tell me to do.”

Siyeon grinned. “But you never do what I tell you to do.”

“That’s not true.” Gahyeon said, getting louder. “Besides the only reason you want me to go meet other people is because your face is too scary to make friends on your own.”

Siyeon stared at Gahyeon, stunned. She drew herself to her fullest height but Gahyeon didn’t even blink.

“I’m not afraid of you.” The younger girl said.

“Maybe you should be, you little punk.” Siyeon said.

Gahyeon started laughing and Siyeon couldn’t help but smile. The youngest always seemed to have the sharpest tongue and she was as blunt as ever these days.

Siyeon thought it made for a cute dynamic between the two of them.

“At least I don’t freak out everytime a senior walks by.” Siyeon said.

“I do not.” Gahyeon said.

“Sure.” Siyeon muttered, letting her eyes wander back inside of the waiting room.

A few assistants were now helping Yoohyeon run the wire up the back of her costume and up to her ear.

Siyeon made a mental note to be more attentive and available to help her do the same thing tomorrow.

“Unnie, why don’t you make friends with them?” Gahyeon asked.

Siyeon only barely registered the question and continued staring at Yoohyeon.

Gahyeon snapped a finger in front of Siyeon’s eyes, causing the older girl to begrudgingly look at her.

She motioned further down the hall where there was now a slow procession of cameras backing down the hallway towards them.

Siyeon thought this either had to be the MCs making their way down the hall for an interview, or some kind of super senior. There were a lot of people on hand.

Her curiosity piqued when she noticed there were people further down the hall hanging their heads out to get a better look at the passers-by.

“I can’t tell who it is.” Gahyeon said, standing up on her tiptoes to try and see past the production crew.

Siyeon smirked at the futile attempt before pulling Gahyeon out of the hallway.

“Give them room.” She said.

“Psh, what about you?” Gahyeon asked.

Siyeon glanced down at herself comfortably against the door frame and shrugged “I’m completely out of the way?”

Gahyeon leaned up close to Siyeon so she’d get a better view of the procession. Siyeon couldn’t help watching the excitement in the girl’s face as they got closer.

It was almost as if everything was thrown into slow motion when the procession drew level with the girls’ room. Siyeon stared at the girl that was being filmed and it made little sense to her why her heart rate was suddenly skyrocketing. She immediately recognized the face even though she couldn’t put a name to it right away. It was a face she’d seen before hundreds of times, so why was every hair on her body standing on end now?

Beside Siyeon, Gahyeon gasped loudly.

The sound made the woman glance at the younger girl before her eyes flicked up to meet Siyeon’s.

The woman's lip curled into a smirk and the eye contact felt as though it lasted forever before she turned her attention back to the cameras and walked out of view.

Siyeon, feeling dizzy, realized that she had forgotten to breathe. All she could do was hang her head out in the hallway and watch the girl walk away as a million different emotions flooded through her body, causing different parts of her body to ache while her stomach digested itself.

“What is it?” Someone called, clearly having heard Gahyeon’s outburst.

“Sunmi-sunbaenim!” Gahyeon shouted.

Siyeon felt all of the blood leave her face.

Of course, it was Sunmi, the face Siyeon had seen hundreds of times before, but never in person. She thought that TV hadn’t done her beauty any justice and found it hard to believe that it was possible that Sunmi had just smiled at her like that.

Siyeon had been too dazed to even properly bow or react in any way…

It was like a stampede, chairs being scraped against the linoleum floor, thundering footsteps, Siyeon looked back just in time to realize impending doom was upon her.

As six other girls all tried to look through the doorway at once, Siyeon cried out as her body was crushed. Dami, who had been the quickest to arrive, was shoved out into the hallway altogether.

“Sorry~” Came from directly in front of Siyeon.

She looked down to see Sua was being pushed up against her. She didn’t look sorry.

“There’s nothing I can do!” Sua said indignantly after seeing doubt on Siyeon’s face.

Yoohyeon pushed in further behind Sua only resulting in Siyeon being crushed even more.

Sua smiled up at Siyeon apologetically.

Siyeon gritted her teeth and resorted to staring down the hallway again, barely able to see Sunmi’s back still.

“She’s so pretty.” Siyeon heard echoed all around.

She narrowed her eyes and concentrated on why that statement bothered her. Perhaps it was because the other girls hadn’t yet seen her close up, but calling Sunmi simply pretty was an unjust understatement. Siyeon knew she was the odd one out though. While her bandmates were in the realm of words like ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ she was well beyond the perimeter of ‘y’ and ‘enticing.’

In Kwon’s voice started bellowing and the pressure on Siyeon’s body started to lessen as the others were called back in to finish getting ready.

Sua lingered.

Of course.

When it would have become too socially awkward to continue staring down the hall, Siyeon turned back to Sua, who was clearly waiting for her attention to return.

“Are you okay?” Sua asked.

“I’m fine.” Siyeon said with a half smile.

Methodically, Sua began fixing Siyeon’s top. Siyeon watched her awkwardly and was thankful when a manager called her away.

She’d done her best to try and avoid Sua’s advances lately but the smaller girl was so persistent. On many occasions, Sua would say that she always get what she wants. To Siyeon, the longer this went on the guiltier she felt, but she didn’t know how to stop it at this point.

Siyeon sighed heavily and fanned herself with her hand worrying about the whole thing. She couldn’t allow it to go on much longer, but the only alternative required her to acquire courage.

“She’s... so hot.”

Dami’s voice pulled Siyeon out of her mental hurricane.

She was surprised to find Dami still standing in the middle of the hallway. The way she’d spoken, it was almost as if she said it to herself and Siyeon had simply overheard.

She stared at Dami trying to figure out if she’d heard her correctly when she noticed something was off in her appearance.

A few moments later Dami turned and was surprised to find Siyeon looking at her.

“Excuse me.” She said as she made to walk by Siyeon.

“...You cut your hair?” Siyeon spat out at the last second.

Dami turned. “Oh, yeah I did.” She said, her hand automatically reaching for it.

“Wow, that’s so short.” Siyeon said, touching the other side of it. “It looks really good on you.”

Dami’s eyes disappeared in her smile. “Really? I wasn’t sure…”

“No, it’s totally you.” Siyeon said.

“Thank you..” Dami said, softly.

“Ten minutes.” In Kwon yelled. “Start warming up now.”

Dami returned to her stylist with a lingering smile. That was when Yoohyeon came up to Siyeon smiling to herself, a piece of tape hanging off of her finger as she eyed herself in the mirror.

“Dami’s hair is cute today, right?” Yoohyeon asked.

“Yeah.” Siyeon said.

Yoohyeon carefully taped the mic into place against her face before smirking.

“She was worried it was too short.” Yoohyeon said.

“She’s crazy.” Siyeon said.

Yoohyeon looked a little too happy as she began her vocal warm ups. She cupped Siyeon’s face and began pinching her cheeks in rhythm with the sounds she was making.

Siyeon felt dizzy again.

“Time to get moving.” A manager said.

Yoohyeon the spot and followed him down the hall. Siyeon watched her for a moment until Jiu came up to her, hooking an arm around her shoulder to pull her along. As they matched strides, Jiu retrieved her arm and slipped her hand into Siyeon’s.

These days it felt so natural.

Ever since Siyeon had come out to Jiu, Jiu had taken the role of big sister very seriously and seemed to spend a lot of extra time hovering over Siyeon.

Siyeon didn’t mind it at all, actually enjoying the attention immensely. As they walked through the studio, Siyeon held her head high around all the rookies they passed, bowing politely but watching their reactions carefully as they passed them by.

As promotions went on, there was a subtle shift in Dreamcatcher’s popularity and a lot of it was falling on the leader, with little notice taken by her. Jiu was smiley as ever, bowing towards everyone who even faced their general direction. What she didn’t seem to realize was that she was drawing every eye, and it had nothing to do with her shockingly red hair. She was just that beautiful, or so Siyeon thought.

Jiu was obviously the standout of their group and Siyeon felt incredibly smug to be the one on her arm, even if there was no deeper meaning.

Jiu nudged Siyeon’s shoulder as they came to a stop and motioned towards Yoohyeon’s backside in front of them.

She gave a nod of approval and grinned, quirking her eyebrow.

Siyeon held her breath and prayed that Jiu had more sense than to say anything out loud.

“Ah… will you go your whole life without saying anything?” Jiu asked.

Yoohyeon turned when she said that but didn’t seem interested enough to interject, she looked blankly over their heads instead.

Siyeon turned red and kept her eyes on the floor until Jiu hugged her.

“You’re pathetic.” Jiu murmured into Siyeon’s neck.

“I know.” Siyeon said.

“Do it soon.” Jiu said, pulling back.

Siyeon gave a noncommittal grunt.

“If you don’t, I’ll do it for you.”

Siyeon gaped at Jiu, horror struck.

“Alright, get up there.” Management said.

Before Siyeon could even articulate a response they were herded onto the stage one at a time.

She glanced imploringly at Jiu after they’d lined up on the stage and even in front of all of the fans and other members alike, Jiu’s cheeky smile did nothing to reassure her.

There were few places in the world where Siyeon felt less comfortable than the airport. Her eyes remained unfocused on a spot on the ground while she listened to the cameras rattle all around her, grateful that she remembered to bring her facemask.

Waiting to board the plane was always the worst most awkward part of the process. Siyeon mused that some of the girls handled it better than others as Jiu was taking part in cordial conversation with one of her fansite masters.

Siyeon simply couldn’t find that much enthusiasm this early in the morning… with this little makeup on. Airports just had way too many people to be leary of, it was impossible to know everyone’s true intentions there. Siyeon chest always felt tight in these situations.

Thankfully it wasn’t much longer until the boarding process began. Siyeon waved politely to a few of the fans she recognized before following Jiu down the long jetway towards the plane thinking only of the long nap she was about to take.

It would probably take 11 hours to make it to London and Siyeon intended on sleeping the majority of the time.

Jiu led the way down the aisle slowly looking for their allotted rows. Jiu stopped and turned when they reached their seats, peering over Siyeons head for a moment.

After a moment she shove Siyeon to the other side of the aisle.

Affronted, Siyeon sputtered incoherently.

“Sit over there.” Jiu said.

“... Why!?” Siyeon yelled.

Jiu pulled Gahyeon into her side of the aisle and gave Siyeon a meaningful look without answering.

Annoyed Siyeon sat down, claiming the window seat as her own. The more she thought about Jiu’s behavior the more upset she became. It wasn’t until Yoohyeon drew level with her row that she realized what Jiu was trying to do.

Jiu’s side was now full since she pulled Sua to sit there as well.

Yoohyeon noticed Siyeon in the row before turning to Dami.

“You should take the middle seat.” Yoohyeon said.

Siyeon felt her face fall as Dami started taking her seat, but two steps in Dami froze when she locked eyes with Siyeon. After hesitating for a moment, she began blinking rapidly and turned back to Yoohyeon, wide eyed.

“...Uhm, actually Unnie, I'll take the aisle. I don't want to make you get up and down.” Dami muttered.

Siyeon kept her gaze fixed forward as the smile grew on her face while Yoohyeon took her seat beside her.

Dami must have figured it out on her own. It was the only explanation, really.

She knew that Siyeon was crushing on Yoohyeon. She knew, and now she was proving to be the best wing-woman ever.

Siyeon leaned forward to try and catch Dami’s eye but she wasn’t looking her way. Instead, she found Jiu’s satisfied smirk on the other side of the aisle.

“I want to watch a movie.” Yoohyeon said.

Siyeon leaned back against her chair and smiled serenely.

“Wouldn’t you rather sleep?” She asked.

“There’s time for both.” Yoohyeon said.

“Ah yeah, I guess you’re right.” Siyeon said.

Yoohyeon began a low conversation with Dami then, and so, Siyeon leaned back against her seat and watched the plane fill and the takeoff procedures begin.

As they flew down the runway, Siyeon stared blankly out the window finding it hard to believe that her career now warranted trips to foreign lands. Pride swole in her chest as she tried to fathom the whole thing.

She’d been to Paris before, but this time it wasn’t just for little promotions but an entire tour of Europe.

Siyeon watched as Yoohyeon untangled her headphones and lamented at the fact that she could hardly keep her own eyes open. It somehow felt like wasted time to sleep but she knew that as long as Dami was awake it was pretty unlikely she’d get any quality time in with Yoohyeon.

As soon as the flight attendants came around with blankets, Siyeon was ready to drop out. The low hum of the engine provided the perfect white noise to embrace oblivion.

It was disorienting when she woke to find most of the plane in darkness apart from the screen in front of her. Siyeon rubbed at her eyes before noticing all of the shades drawn along the windows towards the front of the plane. To her side, Yoohyeon was staring unblinkingly at the screen, not taking showing she noticed that Siyeon woke up at all.

Siyeon leaned forward to look at Dami and was pleased to find her asleep.

“Do you need to get out?” Yoohyeon asked, pulling one earbud out.

“Oh, no. I was just stretching.” Siyeon said.

“Ah..” Yoohyeon said. She hesitated before offering up her earbud.

Siyeon took it and gladly used Yoohyeon’s shoulder as a pillow. She didn’t even glance twice at what was on the screen, not caring about what movie it was.

“You slept a long time.” Yoohyeon said.

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” Siyeon said, stifling another yawn. “Did Dami sleep at the same time as me?”

Yoohyeon looked at Dami before muttering. “No, she must have fallen asleep recently.”

Siyeon used the next bout of silence to slide her hand under Yoohyeon’s arm, until her hand found Yoohyeon’s. They entwined their fingers.

“This… is not a good movie.” Yoohyeon said with a chuckle.

“You should try and sleep.” Siyeon said, picking up her head and looking into Yoohyeon’s face.

“I’m too excited to sleep.” Yoohyeon smiled.

Siyeon stared at her greedily. Even though Yoohyeon looked tired she still attracted eyes like a magnet. Yoohyeon never could hide her excitement. Little lines would appear around her eyes when she was truly excited.

Siyeon was so distracted by those lines that she didn’t notice Yoohyeon had turned her attention towards her.

“I always catch you staring at me like that these days.” Yoohyeon said, smiling.

Siyeon jolted and came back to herself.

“Oh...”

Siyeon searched frantically for an excuse.

Yoohyeon blinked a few times before glancing back at the screen. “We could watch something else-”

“You just look really pretty.” Siyeon choked, finally. Her eyes went wide when she realized they’d started talking at the same time..

Siyeon’s inner dialogue began swearing.

Yoohyeon smirked and partially rolled her eyes as if she thought Siyeon was just trying to mess with her.

“Thank you, Unnie.” She turned her attention back to the movie and sighed.

It dawned on Siyeon then that she had absolutely no idea how to confess to someone beyond what she’d seen on dramas in the past. She found herself frozen with hanging open having no idea what to do.

“Are you okay?” Yoohyeon asked. She looked concerned now.

Siyeon’s eyes fell to the still sleeping Dami and she realized she probably wouldn’t have a better opportunity than this for a long time. She pulled Yoohyeons hand into her lap and began pinching the back of her hand gently while she tried to think.

“We should spend more time together.“ Siyeon said slowly. “When we get home, I mean. It's been a while.”

Yoohyeon nodded and was slow to react.

“Dinner?” She asked.

“Yeah. Anything, I guess. Maybe a movie.” Siyeon said.

Yoohyeon's eyes lit up then. “Yeah!”

Siyeon smiled.

“Maybe we can bring Dami, too.” Yoohyeon said.

Siyeon froze.

“The kid is actually really social when she gets out, it’s just a matter of getting her to put the books down.” Yoohyeon said, glancing towards Dami. “Introverted little thing. It would do her a lot of good to get out more.”

Siyeon frowned as she felt her opportunity slipping away from her.

“Y-yeah, that’d be fine. But we should go out alone sometime.” Siyeon muttered. “If you want.”

“We can do that, too.” Yoohyeon nodded.

Siyeon closed her eyes and tried to sort through all the words that were trying to escape her at the same time.

Frustration and doubt were double-teaming her. She knew that confidence with girls was a skill that would surely take some time to hone, but it wasn’t like she’d get anywhere to truly practice first.

“You must miss me.” Yoohyeon smiled.

“I do.” Siyeon said.

Yoohyeon squeezed her hand gently and Siyeon felt her heart take off, beating at a record pace.

“Yoohyeon..” Siyeon started. was too dry, she barely made any sound at all.

“Just come get me one night.” Yoohyeon said. “Maybe not a practice night. I don’t want to be exhausted, you know? Any night off. Maybe we should ask for permission this time too..” Yoohyeon started laughing, “And we definitely shouldn’t drink.”

Siyeon cleared and closed her eyes.

“I like you.” She muttered.

“Mm?” Yoohyeon turned to her.

Siyeon was frozen again. It was as if she was given her very last chance. Pushing away doubt she repeated herself.

“I like you. A lot.”

Siyeon didn’t realize how loud the jet motor was until this moment. What was probably only seconds but felt like hours passed in silence and she was too afraid to open her eyes. She finally did so, taking a deep breath and turning her head to look at Yoohyeon.

Shock was an understatement.

Yoohyeon had been like a statue the entire time, waiting for Siyeon to look at her. She searched Siyeon’s face desperately for any sign of fallacy in Siyeon’s statement and her eyes grew significantly when she realized there was none.

Siyeon just desperately wanted her to say something, anything…

“... Oh, Siyeon…” Yoohyeon breathed.

Siyeon’s eyebrows knit together. Something in Yoohyeon’s tone was off, it sounded so apologetic. She felt constricting ever so slowly paired with the sensation of losing altitude very quickly.

She had no words and Yoohyeon was also struggling to put a sentence together.

“Wow..” Yoohyeon said.

Siyeon’s eyes fell to her own lap, panic setting in.

“I’ve never had this happen to me before…” Yoohyeon said, softly.

Horrific. How could this possibly get any worse? The glow of the screens throughout the cabin seemed to flicker and the engine grew louder.

“Siyeon, you know I love you, like a sister. You’re like a sister to me.” Yoohyeon said.

The sound of rattling plastic grew louder. Vaguely, Siyeon was aware of it. The overhead compartments? Turbulence? She felt Yoohyeon’s hand on her shoulder.

All Siyeon could do was think of a way to end this conversation. Forever.

“I’m really flattered…” Yoohyeon said, slowly. “I mean that. You’re really pretty, and sweet...”

Yoohyeon was carrying on but Siyeon wasn’t hearing it. Across the aisle she eyed the emergency exit door and thought darkly that that might be the best option.

“But.. I’m sorry, Siyeon. It’s just not who I am…” Yoohyeon stopped talking.

“Sorry.” Siyeon breathed.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Yoohyeon said.

They probably weren’t even halfway through their trip, and now the remaining several hours would be agonizing. Siyeon felt so stupid.

“I really am flattered.” Yoohyeon muttered.

Siyeon closed her eyes again, but this time to keep the tears from b over. She took a deep steadying breath before composing herself.

“It’s fine.” Siyeon nodded, even managing to produce a fake smile. “You don’t have to feel guilty. I’ll be okay. Let’s just get through this flight and never talk about this again.”

“.. But won’t it be weird?” Yoohyeon asked. “I don’t want it to be weird. I really care about you and if you’re hurt-”

“I’ll be fine. It won’t be weird. I just need a little time.” Siyeon said.

Siyeon wondered what her own expression must look like because Yoohyeon was staring at her so sadly.

“I’m going to try and get more sleep.” Siyeon said after a pause, pulling her blanket up to her neck and rolling over to face the window.

With her face hidden, Siyeon finally felt like she was able to exhale properly. She knew she couldn’t allow the entire torrent of emotions burst forth just yet because Yoohyeon was probably still watching her, waiting for any sign of distress.

Siyeon couldn’t pinpoint the exact source of the pain inside her chest but she was alarmed by how intensely it resonated through every muscle in her body.

She’d never felt anything like it before.

Was it… rejection? No, it was more than that. It was embarrassment. It was shame. It was regret.

Pain. Just unbelievable, disorienting pain. Siyeon thought someone should have warned her that this could have been an outcome. How and when does it stop? What could possibly alleviate this feeling right now? Forcing Gahyeon to trade seats with her so she could be with Jiu would cause too much of a scene.

Jiu…

Come to think of it she probably wouldn’t get any time alone with Jiu for a long time since they weren’t rooming together.

She was on her own.

How naive and stupid could she have been…?

Yoohyeon’s words repeated in her head, never ending:

“I’ve never had this happen to me before.”

As if Siyeon’s feelings were such an oddity. She felt shame at being different for the first time since she began exploring her uality.

On a plane, thousands of feet in the air with several more hours of this remaining. How long would she be able to pretend to be asleep?

She hoped that Yoohyeon would just leave her alone…

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened…”

Siyeon felt mild relief but didn’t make any movements. In fact, in the last several hours, Siyeon hadn’t moved an inch. She didn’t manage to get any more sleep either.

When she felt movement beside her she decided to sit up on her own rather than have Yoohyeon get her attention. Silently, she fastened her seatbelt and lifted the window shade before folding her hands in her lap adamantly not looking to her right.

She peered out the window at what must have been London.

This was supposed to be such an exciting moment but Siyeon felt nothing positive as the tires touched down.

Siyeon sat like a statue staring at the back of the seat in front of her as Dami got up to get their luggage out of the overhead. She thought she could feel Yoohyeon’s eyes on her but she wasn’t ready to look yet.

The people in front of her were getting to their feet now and Siyeon knew she’d have to move soon. Her neck especially felt so stiff from lack of use, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to straighten out her legs when she stood up.

She glanced down in surprise when folded napkin was put onto her lap. Yoohyeon had just put it there.

Siyeon felt a hand squeeze her shoulder and met Yoohyeon’s gaze.

It was starting to get loud in the cabin now but Yoohyeon’s expression seemed to hold encouragement. Yoohyeon dropped her hand and got to her feet, taking her bag from Dami and joining the long queue that wasn’t even moving yet.

Siyeon turned her attention back to the napkin.

She unfolded it and saw that Yoohyeon had covered nearly the entire surface with her writing.

Sighing, Siyeon got to her feet, every muscle in her body protesting. Dami was waiting for her, holding her bag out, which she took without meeting her eyes and joined the queue in front of her.

As she made her way down the aisle slowly, she began to read:

My Siyeon Unnie,

Sometimes it’s easier to write out what you’re feeling, right? I had a lot of time to sit here and think about my feelings. I’m not very good with my words. I could have reacted better to your confession… I’m sorry about that.

You’ve always been my cool Unnie.. I’ve always looked up to you so much and after today I want you to know that I look up to you even more.

It was so brave what you did.

I want you to know I support you and I think it’s adorable that one day you’re going to have a beautiful girlfriend that’s in love with you, if you want one. Maybe one day sooner than you think! You’re funny and pretty and great to be around. You’re perfect girlfriend material so it’s only a matter of time!

I’m sorry I’m not the right match for you… but please don’t get discouraged and don’t you dare try to avoid me because I won’t let you. We’re going to be friends forever.

I’ll give you some time… but promise me things won’t change, okay? Okay!?!?!

I love you. I do.
Yoohyeon

Siyeon leaned against the wall of the jet bridge while she waited for everyone to gather up, rereading different parts of the note. felt so, so tight.

“Did you get to sleep at all?” Jiu asked.

Siyeon looked up into Jiu’s eyes and had no words. She handed the note off to Jiu and began to follow the others.

Walking through the airport didn’t frighten her this time. She barely noticed the time pass as she went to customs, then luggage, then the small smatter of fans that walked with them. She had no expression. No emotion. She simply existed. She just was.

Is this a broken heart? It made sense if it was. Siyeon felt devoid of all emotions as she climbed into the van.

Before she’d even secured herself into her seatbelt, there was a body clinging to her and she didn’t have to look to know it was Jiu.

Jiu’s hand slid the napkin into Siyeon’s pocket before she leaned her head on the younger girl’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Jiu whispered into her neck.

Siyeon shrugged.

Jiu hugged her tighter. Deep down Siyeon thought that despite everything, this did made things a little bit better.

“You’ll bounce back.” Jiu continued.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Siyeon asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jiu said, pushing Siyeon’s hair behind her ear. “I’m rooming with Sua.”

“Ah, right.” Siyeon said.

That would only complicate things right now.

“I’m so proud of you.” Jiu said, softly.

Siyeon frowned. These words being thrown around like “brave” and “proud” hardly seemed warranted, especially when she felt so pathetic.

There was no schedule for the day so most of the girls planned on sleeping to ease their jetlag when they reached the hotel.

Jiu held Siyeon’s hand all the way up to her door and Siyeon felt immediately empty the moment she let go.

Upon entering the hotel room, Siyeon made a beeline for the shower even though she didn’t really need one.

Inside that enclosed space under a spout of scalding hot water, Siyeon allowed herself to cry for the first time. The act of finally being able to release so much emotion felt surprisingly good and Siyeon stayed in the shower for an entire hour just allowing the water to sear her body and wash the tears away as quickly as they formed.

She got out eventually to avoid drawing attention to herself, waiting extra long at the sink for her swollen eyes to reduce. She felt guilty for not even acknowledging Handong when they arrived. It was unavoidable of course, Siyeon would have exploded if she didn’t release herself somehow.

Siyeon went into the main room to change into her sleeping things and found Handong was already asleep in the bed they were to share. She sighed softly and turned out the remaining lights before climbing into the bed.

Feeling lonely as ever, Siyeon rolled onto her side and stared at the unconscious dark mass that was Handong. In the darkness, as slowly and carefully as she could she found Handong’s hand and entwined their fingers.

Siyeon recalled being woken up several times the next morning by Handong and ignoring it. They were to meet for breakfast and then hit the rec room at the hotel for a quick practice since the concert venue wouldn’t be available until later. Siyeon hardly had an appetite today anyway, and sitting around with everyone in broad daylight seemed like torture.

Long after Dong had gone, Siyeon dressed and intended to head directly to the rec room, avoiding any social encounters that weren’t absolutely mandatory.

What Siyeon saw as she entered the room made her spin on her heel and want to run in the other direction.

Sua was already there. It was too late though since she saw Siyeon enter and as a result Siyeon made an awkward, unbalanced pirouette.

Not making eye contact and feeling absolutely ridiculous, Siyeon crossed to the opposite wall that Sua was seated and stretching at to put her things down.

No words were exchanged for a while until Sua stood up.

“Can you help me?” Sua asked.

Alarm bells went off in Siyeon’s head.

“...Sure.” She said, wearily.

Sua walked up to the wall nearest herself and placed her palm upon it.

“Just push my knee up as far as you can.” Sua said.

Siyeon came to stand behind Sua and pause, seeing exactly where this was going.

Reluctantly, she palmed Sua’s knee and pulled it upwards, effectively bending Sua’s leg backwards all the way up to the middle of Sua’s back.

“That’s good. Hold it.” Sua said.

Sua rested her forehead against the wall and arched her back even further. All Siyeon could do was trace the impossible line of Sua’s figure with her eyes as she waited.

“Switch.” Sua said.

Siyeon repeated the process with the other leg, her eyes lingering on the way Sua’s shifted in the tight dance shorts.

“I don’t understand you.” Sua said, softly.

Confused, Siyeon looked around until she noticed that Sua was staring at her in the mirror.

IDIOT. Siyeon cursed herself for being thwarted by mirrors once again. When would she learn her damn lesson?

“What’s not to understand?” Siyeon asked.

Sua dropped her leg and turned around.

“I always catch you looking at me. You flirt with me, you kiss me back and then you never show up when I ask you to spend time alone with me.”

“Ah, it’s… it’s been a little bit complicated.” Siyeon muttered.

“I think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be.” Sua said, leaning back against the wall behind her.

“I'm just going through some things..” Siyeon said, putting out a hand against the wall besides Sua's head to keep herself from losing her balance.

Sua had been pulling Siyeon closer by her waist ever so slowly.

“Maybe I can help with those things.” Sua said.

Siyeon laughed nervously and shot her eyes to the ceiling in order to keep from being flayed alive by Sua's gaze.

“I don't think it's that easy.” Siyeon said.

“But we look so good together.” Sua crooned.

Still avoiding Sua's eyes, Siyeon looked towards the mirror at the way they looked together. In many ways, Sua was right, they did look good together. But something wasn't quite right.

Sua's expression was hungry and aggressive, glued to Siyeon's face. Siyeon felt so underqualified to be the subject of anyone's lust like this, especially Sua's.

“We'd have so much fun.” Sua said.

The double meaning wasn't lost on Siyeon this time. She watched as Sua reached her hands up to grip her face as if it was happening to someone else.

Her head turned, encouraged by Sua's touch, and her eyes closed as she felt Sua's lips come into contact with her own.

Powerless, Siyeon returned the kiss once again. Just as Sua said, she always returns her kisses. Here she was once again, clay easily moulded in Sua's golden hands.

It felt nice to be wanted, even if it was just for fun.

Siyeon told herself that in the hopes that she could make herself believe it.

Sua's hands were already leaving behind a tangled mess in Siyeon's hair when Siyeon remembered where they were and pulled away abruptly.

How long had it been? Sua was breathing rather deeply…

“What if I'm looking for more than fun?” Siyeon asked.

Sua's eyebrows raised, “More than fun..?”

Siyeon jolted at the sound of approaching footsteps, whipping around and pulling her elbow above her head as if she was stretching while walking towards the entrance.

Her face burned bright red and she tried to breathe deeply to make the flush disappear with little success.

The first person through the door was Yoohyeon, and Siyeon had to turn in a different direction now.

Nope. Absolutely not ready to talk to her yet.

Siyeon ended up in one of the rooms corners where she began using the walls to stretch similarly to how Sua was earlier.

Part of her was regretting the decision not to eat breakfast when he stomach began groaning in protest. It wasn't a huge deal, though. She'd gone much longer without eating before.

She didn't chance turning around again until it sounded like the room was full.

She looked around for Jiu and found her close to the mirror. Looking around to make sure no one else was near her, she began crossing the room towards her.

Dami stepped directly into her path.

“You weren't at breakfast.” Dami stated.

Siyeon smiled out of shear surprise and how deadly serious Dami’s expression was. “Ah, yeah. No I wasn't.”

Dami scanned her face with her massive eyes. “Did you eat?”

“No. It's fine, I'll have a big lunch.”

Dami looked irritated and dug her hands into her hoodie pockets, producing two pieces of toast wrapped in a napkin in one hand and a banana in the other.

“You have to eat breakfast. It's bad for you if you don't.” Dami said.

Siyeon was brought up short, merely blinking before taking the food.

“Thanks.” She said.

“Your hair is.. insane right now.” Dami said before reaching up to adjust it.

As Siyeon took a bite of toast, she looked into Dami’s face properly and thought it odd for the girl to be wearing makeup this early in the morning for just a simple practice. She took the time to appreciate how well being blonde suited her and how thoughtful she was being all the while Dami’s gaze remained above her own eyes.

Siyeon’s eyes flitted to over Dami’s shoulder just in time to catch Yoohyeon looking away.

Was she being watched? She directed her attention back to Dami quickly.

“So... do you normally hoard food from the buffet?” Siyeon asked with a smirk.

“No.” The corners of Dami’s mouth became little lines with even the smallest smile.

It was adorable.

“And you even thought to butter my toast?” Siyeon asked, taking another bite.

“Toast is pretty boring without butter.” Dami said. “I wasn’t going to let you starve.”

Siyeon felt warmth knowing that Dami had not only noticed that she wasn’t there earlier, but that she worried for her welfare. Siyeon shot a glance at Jiu and found her arms folded leaning against the mirror, her full attention undivided on Dami.

When Siyeon glanced back towards Yoohyeon she caught her watching again.

Anxiety flared and Siyeon frowned feeling as though there were some sort of spotlight on her.

“That’s better.” Dami said, letting her arms drop.

Siyeon reached up and cupped Dami’s cheek before properly pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you for taking care of me.” She said.

“Y-yeah of course.” Dami said, shuffling away after she was released.

Siyeon watched Dami walk away wondering if she’d even put blush on this morning.

Feeling generally unsettled, Siyeon looked back once more to Yoohyeon to find her back towards her. Gahyeon and Handong were talking animatedly in the corner. Jiu was eyeing her curiously.

Siyeon approached her.

“Hello handsome, are you feeling better?” Jiu asked.

“I was. It just feels like everyone’s looking at me today.” Siyeon said.

“You’re probably just imagining it.” Jiu said. “They’re probably just wondering why you weren’t at breakfast.”

“Maybe..” Siyeon’s eyes narrowed. She chanced a glance at the other side of the room and found Dami staring. The girl quickly averted her eyes.

“Alright, let’s get started.” Their manager called. “We’ll start with Fly high.”

Siyeon cast her doubts aside and pulled her sweatshirt over her head. If there was one good thing about dance practice it was the way that it occupied her entire brain. Several hours of thoughtlessness awaited her.

After pulling her hair up into a ponytail she got into position and prepared to shut off her mind. In the mirrors reflection, she watched first Jiu, then Dami, and then Sua sit down.

As they waited for the music to begin, Sua found Siyeon in the mirror.

Sua’s face went wicked playful. Her teeth bit down ferally on her lower lip. 

Siyeon took a deep breath and swallowed hard.