Honestly, I had no words. I didn’t know what to feel after my ears heard his words. As much as part of my heart still wanted Sehun, even if one of the reason it’s beating for is for him, I knew I wasn’t ready for another shot of being with him. I couldn’t put my heart in a deeper risk of breaking again. It wasn’t ready just yet. I wanted Sehun but I knew that wanting him and actually being ready were two different things and I just knew that I wasn’t ready. It didn’t feel right.

So, instead, knowing how my silence tormented him, I clarified what he misunderstood, “Taesung isn’t someone who likes me or neither he’s someone I like. We are just really good friends and I just feel comfortable and happy with him around.” I followed, “Guessing you can say our personalities matched perfectly.”

“So…?” So, he overreacted for no reason? Yes, he did.

“Good friends.” I repeated. “Just like how you and I are.”

Sehun pressed his lips together and kept his dark gaze as he looked away. His breathed out heavily. What I said must’ve displeased him but it was the truth.

The thought just came up to me though. If Sehun regretted leaving me, if he still loves me, then why didn’t he come back? Why did we— he had to suffer for almost two years? It made me wonder, if I didn’t happen to move in the place in front of his, if we didn’t happen to become neighbours, would all of this have happened?

I had too many questions in my head, and though, Sehun still had my heart or perhaps, a part of it, I knew I needed time.

Sehun didn’t say anything after that. Instead, he looked through the mirrors again, shifting the transmission gear as he put the handbrake down before driving off again.

As he parked to his designated bay at the underground parking, he looked at me as he turned the ignition of his car off. “Good friends?” He asked. I didn’t know what to make out of the tone he used.

I hummed. My eyes met his, albeit soft. “We are.” I confirmed. “You don’t like that?” I asked.

“I do.” He answered. He was solemn and earnest when he said, “I was serious about what I said earlier.”

I knew that.

“And even if I have to start from the very beginning, like how we first met, like how I first approached you and made that move, then I will. I will do that.”

Just when I thought he was finished, he continued, “I’m willing to wait. Whenever you’re ready. I will show you that I will not give up this time. I can’t. I can’t give you up again. I’m just asking for a second chance and this time, it will be different and I will not make the same mistake twice.”

For a good few seconds, I my dry lips as I pressed them together in a semi-hard line. I nodded my head, uttering the word “Okay.”

At this point, the only thing I could trust was his words and myself. Unless, he does something against his words after this, I chose to trust him. No, I was not giving in, just yet. But I liked to take the chance and since I let already let him in since we met in front of the doors of our places, going a step further was not going to make a lot of difference. As a matter of fact, this was just Sehun being clear with his intentions. And for now, I was satisfied with that.

“Okay as in…?”

I chuckled with a reassuring smile, “Okay as in okay. We won’t start from the very beginning— from being strangers to friends and soon to lovers. That won’t quite work for us.” I told him honestly. “Instead, we’ll start from here. From we are right now, as good friends.”

For the first time that night, I saw Sehun smile. I might’ve seen a glimpse of hope in him.

“That was pleasant speech, Mr. Didn’t know you were a talker.” I remarked and his smile turned into a smirk, making a half snort and half of something else.

“I had to. Can’t let you slip away again.”

I arched an eyebrow, poking the inside of my cheek with my tongue. “Really now, huh?”

“Yeah. Really now.”

The next morning, things started lighter for me. Maybe because of the fact that Sehun’s intentions were as good as clear to me. And strangely, when I was supposed to feel awkward or type on any such burden, it wasn’t anything like that at all. I just felt lighter and better… I guess. I felt more free, I felt I could be more me, without being anxious and cautious of everything. Knowing things better allowed me to act accordingly and I liked it.

I walked to the fridge before heading out to get my strawberry yogurt, only to be surprised to hear a door opening and see Joonmyeon just coming out of his bedroom. Looking at the hour, he should’ve left by now since he had always left an hour before me.

My eyebrows were furrowed together as I gave him a questioning look. “You’re late…”

“No.” He responded. “But I’ll just make it on time.”

“Ah…” I nodded and looked back inside the fridge and finally got my small cup of yogurt.

“Do you want a lift to work?” He asked. “Or is Sehun guy taking you?”

I didn’t need to answer to that because he was smart enough to know what it was.

“Okay.” He then said.

I grinned. “You’re now okay with it?”

He bobbed his shoulders. “We’ll have to see.”

“And do you always have to add guy after Sehun’s name?” I asked and he just bobbed his shoulders again. “Seriously Joonmyeon, I know we’re as good as twins even though you’re few years older than me but aren’t you being too… overprotective?” Fun fact, we shared the same birthday, just different years.

He chuckled but it was almost humourless. “Overprotective would be me guarding you 24/7 whenever you’re with him. I wouldn’t even let him take you to work and or you simply going out with him. And I don’t think you want that.”

I hummed. “No.”

“Thought so.” He said. “I trust you know what you’re doing and if ever you need someone to knock your senses out, I’m here.”

“Why are you so hostile to him?” I asked, just out of curiosity.

“Because he hurt someone who he isn’t supposed to. Especially, someone who is my sister if she wasn’t my cousin.” He answered. And I was just so glad that even though we haven’t been together so much since he went to University, he was still the same. If not, just more, really. “Sehun might have his reason, but until I come to know what that is and I actually understand or I have forgotten you being hurt, you can’t pick me for being like this to him.”

With that said, I couldn’t help but confirm to myself in a mutter. “Yeah, you are overprotective.” That time, I just wished it wouldn’t be more though.

He gave me an exasperated look and I laughed at that. Having everything I needed with me, I gestured out and told him, “Come on, let’s go. At this rate, you’ll be late.”

While we headed out the apartment the same time, we parted ways when we reached the ground floor as he needed to go down the basement parking for his car.

Sehun’s car was parked and he was inside waiting. I opened the door and hopped in. He was on his phone while I placed my bag slightly out of the way so I could eat my strawberry yogurt properly.

I opened the lid of the cup with keen eyes and scraped down the yogurt left on it. I didn’t know Sehun was finished with his phone and that he was watching me until I heard him chuckle that I turned to him.

Being baffled with that, I asked cluelessly, “What?”

He moved his head side to side, but the amused and fond smile on his face did not fade. “Just… you and your strawberry addiction.”

I quirked my eyebrow at him, shifting my body so I could face him properly, “And you find that amusing because…?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I just do.” Then he gave me this gaze like he was telling me something more and I had to squint my eyes to study and figure it out. And when he felt like I could just read through him, he countered, “Anything you’d do would still be amusing and adorable to me as ever.”

I frowned at him, with my lips puckered and pouting, trying to hide the heat I felt into my system that would soon reflect on the colour of my cheeks. Then, I sunk myself into the seat as I leaned back to face ahead. At least he could only see a part of my face and not have my blush to his words be so apparent.

We were halfway through when Sehun asked me upon realising something as we stopped by the traffic light, “Ah!” He scratched the back of his neck, “There’s a soccer game coming and the boys were asking if you would be there?”

I tilted my head, looking at him. I put the empty cup away. “Soccer game?” I repeated quietly. I wondered why they would want me to be there when clearly I wasn’t interested in soccer, or sports in general. Universe knows how much I loathed sports. And then it came to my mind, “Ah, do they really want to see me that badly?”

“It’s a good excuse and opportunity for them.”

I laughed, “Okay, I’ll come.”

The more I looked at Sehun’s countenance, the more I noticed how it looked brighter and felt lighter. As though he wasn’t keeping anything and I liked that. This was the Sehun I was friends with. This was the Sehun I fell in love with. Except, he just looked so, so much more handsome.

With light hearts, I got off Sehun’s car.

By the time I arrived by my desk, I saw Taesung come out of the office pantry with a cup of coffee in his hand. The moment our eyes met though, it sparked up and that was enough to tell me what happened last night.

When he reached his desk, he looked at me with a bright smile plastered on his face. “Thank you.”

I tilted my head at him, clearly delighted. “You’re welcome.” I looked around and noticed she was not around. That urged me to ask, “Where is she?”

“Oh, she's meeting the editor-in-chief. She’ll be back soon.” He explained.

“Ah…” I nodded and we sat on our seats, leaning back. We faced each other. We were both excited just about at everything. But— oh, okay, it was me who who was more of excited and probably, he just felt euphoric. Anyway, I was keen so I prompted the story-telling. “What happened?”

Taesung filled me up with details until we were told off by our supervisor. If we were in another situation, we would be sorry but at the moment, we were both in too much of a good mood to even be sorry. So, when she walked off, Taesung and I just turned our chairs towards our desk to show that we were about to work. (Really though, we’re not. We were going to work. Just not had our full attention with it until we were both over of the events last night.)

By from his story, I knew last night was so lovely, sweet and romantic. I wish I could’ve been there to witness the scene but then, I knew too well that they needed that time alone. The only thing I regretted would probably not setting up a camera so I could watch it the next day. Dang it! But at least, things turned great for Taesung!

Around lunch time, Taesung’s girlfriend approached me and invited me to join them for lunch.

I quirked an eyebrow at both of them playfully. They were wearing happy grins at me when I said, “And have me as the third wheel?”

“Whoops.” She said quietly turning to her boyfriend but pouted when she looked back at me. “But come on, we’ll treat you. As my little thanks for helping him and helping us to be together.”

“Uh, literally, I just did the set up.” I gestured to Taesung. “It was all because of his initiative. And you have no idea how happy I was when he finally said that he was going to confess. Watching him looking at you and being all concerned at things that regard you, was the most annoying and torturing thing ever.”

She giggled and Taesung scowled at me, though I could see he was slightly embarrassed. But, I was not sorry at all. Nope, nope.

“You’ll come, right?” The girlfriend asked again. When I didn’t answer straight away, being slightly hesitant, she pushed, pouting, “Please?”

It was then when Taesung decided to join in. “Come on, I don’t want my girlfriend sad on our first official day together.”

“Ew, disgusting.” I muttered playfully. “Okay fine.” I gave in and said jokingly, “I want to eat something expensive.”

“Okay, call!” She cheered.

We were all about to leave together when my phone rang and I saw Chae, my University buddy, calling.

“Guys, I’ll follow.” I told them. “I just need to take this call.”

They both nodded and headed out, the same time, I answered the call.

“Chae!” I called. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? Really? That’s it? What’s up? After you moved away? What’s up?!”

I laughed. Geez. “Yes, what’s up?”

“Did you forget?” She questioned. “This is total betrayal.” She whined.

I frowned slightly. “Forgot what?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” She exclaimed. “I told you not to forget.” I was so confused until she finally made me remember, “Speed dating event. This Sunday night. 8PM.”

“Oh!” But the crease on my glabella didn’t leave, “But I never agreed coming.”

“Sure, you did!” She countered. “Besides, you weren’t firm on not coming, anyway.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Please? It’ll be quick, anyway.”

“Can’t anyone else come with you instead?”

I heard her hum, “Nope.”

I grumbled. “I’ll see. I’ll message you tomorrow.”

“Come on, there shouldn’t be any problem, anyway.” She assumed. “Besides, we’re both still single, so—”

“And that makes you think I’m ready?”

“Well, meeting new people is a new start.” She reasoned. “Come on, please. Just accompany your friend. Please?”

“Hm, I don’t know.”

“Please?” She continued to beg.

I groaned and rolled my eyes before half-heartedly giving in. “Fine. Fine.”

“I knew it!” She cheered in delight which tugged a smirk on my lips. “You’re the best babe ever!”

I hummed. “I know. But this is the first and last, you hear me?”

“Sure!” She complied.

“Okay, I’ve got to go now. Heading for lunch. See you.” I bade.

“See you then!”

And with that, the call ended.

“You’re going somewhere?” Joonmyeon asked, before drinking a glass of water. He was behind the kitchen counter.

It was Saturday, around five in the afternoon. I was dressed in my comfortable but presentable casual outfit, about to go over to Chanyeol’s place as the venue for everyone to watch the soccer match together.

I hummed, fixing my jacket on me. I opened to say something when I saw that he was dressed up too. My eyebrows knitted at the sight, “You’re going somewhere too?”

He just bobbed his eyebrows and that, itself, was enough for me to conclude that, “Oh my gosh! You’re going on a date?! With her?”

“Make your voice louder so the entire country can hear you.” He chastised.

But I ignored that and persisted, “So, are you?”

“Yes, I am.” He muttered.

I squealed, just too happy for my cousin. Finally!

“And you, where are you going?” He returned the question to me, which ultimately made me stop squealing.

I froze. I cleared my throat before I answered nervously, “To meet Sehun’s friends.”

He arched an eyebrow, “Party?”

“No.” I smiled sheepishly. “Just to watch a soccer match.”

“So you’re sleeping over?”

“Probably?”

He placed the glass down the sink and walked around. His gaze was intense at me and I felt like being a little sister, a young teenager, under the hands of an overprotective older brother. “Where’s he? I’d like to see him.”

I whined, calling him but seeing how adamant he was, I gave in. “He’s out. Waiting.”

“Come on, let’s go.” He said, his head tilting, point out to the door.

I pouted as he went ahead, following behind. And there Sehun was. He stood up, ready to greet me when he saw Joonmyeon.

I stood next to my cousin as I shrugged my shoulders when I met Sehun’s eyes. His gaze shifted back to the male next to me.

They stared at each other, one assessing the other, the latter waiting for the other to say something. After what seemed like a long silence, Joonmyeon finally spoke up, “Just bring her back safe. And sound. And in one piece.”

Sehun pressed his lips together in a soft line before nodding his head, understanding my cousin’s words.

“Okay.” Joonmyeon then said and looked at me, before walking out.

I flustered. What? That’s it? I thought this was going to be long and super embarrassing. Did I miss something? I turned to Sehun and he didn’t seem so baffled and surprised like I thought he’d be. I felt like I really missed something.

“Ready?” Sehun asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah.”

The trip to Chanyeol’s place wasn’t that far actually and by the looks of the cars parked nearby, I knew the other boys were already inside.

I felt nervous and… nervous. It’s been long since I’ve last seen them and I was afraid things would be kind of awkward but then, it felt more like reuniting with my old close friends. Okay… that maybe the understatement for the year. It actually felt like reuniting with family. A happy and fun family.

Sehun’s friends had always been nice to me. They’ve always treated me like a younger sister which is nice as I really didn’t have an older brother, being the eldest. I guess, it’s safe to say that we always had a good relationship and whatever happened between Sehun and I didn’t seem to taint whatever relationship I had with them.

Pizza, Chicken, Chips, can of beers, and soft drinks were laid out on the floor of the entertainment area. We were all sitting on the floor with square pillows around and by the look of things, we were really going to have a sleepover here.

Apart from the boys, Minseok’s and Chanyeol’s girlfriend were also around. The latter's partner was rather a quiet and shy girl while the other was more outgoing.

“There’s a few variety of pudding in the fridge. Do you want some?” Sehun asked upon sitting down the floor, bringing back along another two large packet of chips.

I hummed, pressing my lips together. “What flavours are there?”

“Butterscotch, Caramel, Chocolate, Mango, Vanilla—”

“There’s some strawberry milk in there too, if you want some.” Chanyeol chirped, opening a can of Cola for his girl.

I turned to Sehun.

He smiled sheepishly, “And… that, too.”

I smirked playfully and uttered. “I’m feeling the Vanilla pudding.”

“Okay, I’ll go get a cup.” He said, about to get up when I stopped him.

He just got back and sat down. “Stay here. I’ll get it myself.” I told him and stood up straight away, not giving him any chance to object.

I walked towards Chanyeol’s spacious kitchen and didn’t notice that his girlfriend, Jieun, was following behind until I stopped at the fridge and noticed her walking towards the same direction.

I smiled at her before I laid my eyes back at the group of puddings inside the cool fridge. I spotted the strawberry milk too but I decided to save it for later or perhaps, for tomorrow.

I grabbed a cup of my preferred flavour pudding for the night and walked towards the drawer of utensils to get a spoon.

I glanced at Jieun, and saw her boiling up some water on the electric kettle, I supposed she was making herself a mug of chocolate drink. I smiled at her and decided to talk to her for a bit, not wanting her to feel I wasn’t fond of her.

I liked her, in fact. I had a good impression of her and to me, first impressions matter. Her features were very soft and angelic, but at the same time, there was this beautiful glow in her. She wasn’t shy in a rude kind. She’s very polite, just very closed off. I briefly wondered how Chanyeol managed to break off her walls.

“Not much of a drinker?” I asked, leaning back against the counter, opening my cup of pudding.

She smiled, flushed. Her cheeks turned red as she shook her head. “I… can’t.” She answered so softly. Gosh, her voice was angelic too. Cautious, she asked, “Are you?”

“I manage but not with hard liquor.” I answered. “But they don’t even let me with cans of beer, only sometimes. Protective lads.” I rolled my eyes playfully and she giggled. “I might drink later.”

“So… you’re Sehun’s ex-girlfriend.” She said and looked at me with her gentle gaze.

“Yeah…” I drawled. She must be finding our situation strange so I couldn’t help but question, “Weird, isn’t it?”

Panic became apparent in her eyes as she quickly waved her hand, denying it. “No, no.” She said. “It’s not that. It’s just that… You’re really pretty and I’ve always wondered who you are because they talk a lot about you.”

I was about thank her but then hearing the following sentence made me froze and halted my hold of the spoon. I looked at her and surprise must’ve been apparent in my eyes. Me? What? I found myself in the pool of bewilderment.

Jieun’s eyes widened as if she realised that she shouldn’t have said that. Her hot water finished boiling and poured her cup before leaving with her head down.

I questioned myself. I felt like I didn’t know anything— absolutely, nothing.

“You okay?”

A voice asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. It was Jongin. I wasn’t sure for how long I dazed out but his eyes looked concerned. I had questions. I didn’t know how to put them in words though.

Like, how? How would I ask him about them talking a lot about me without sounding presumptuous? I didn’t want to risk revealing that I heard it from Jieun, without making her feel bad or having anyone put any sort of blame on her. Because by the look she wore earlier, I felt like she wasn’t supposed to say what she said.

My eyes pinned on Jongin as he gave me an intrigued look. His eyebrow raised as he stood before the fridge, drinking a glass of iced water. I built up all my courage and just blurted out my question before I overthinking would come to and hit me. “Jongin, how was Sehun? How was he?”

The male studied my expression, trying to get something out of it but I held it, forcing him to answer my question without getting anything. Then he bit his lips reluctantly together, placing the cup down the counter. He had his hands on his lips, turning towards the entertainment area, probably looking at Sehun was doing.

I followed that gaze of direction, and saw him still in the place where he was when I left, with a pillow over his stomach, eyes on TV as he drank his can of beer. Jongin and I glanced back at each other and wore his ever mysterious gaze.

“So…?”

Wordlessly, he leaned on the counter across my direction and our heads were slightly tilted, facing each other in a diagonal line.

“If you’re asking how Sehun was when he left you, well—” He stopped. His arms were crossed over his chest and his tongue poked the inside of his cheek as his pinned gaze at me unwavered. “He missed you. Constantly.”

Silence. My eyes widened in shock as I fell in deeper bewilderment.

Sehun? Missed… me? I just wondered, what is… what is going on?

Jongin let out a frustrated sigh. “Sehun’s a stupid guy.” He uttered. “I bet if you didn’t happen to live across his place, he would’ve taken a longer time to get back to you.”

“What?” The quietness and clearness of my voice matched his and as we both stayed in the stillness of the moment, I felt my heart racing in a crazy rapid speed.

After what seemed so long, he finally spoke, only to be cut off. “He didn't stop—”

“What’s going on here?” Sehun asked and there was scepticism in his eyes.

Jongin moved his head side to side and stood on his feet, his hip leaving the edge of the counter. He shrugged his shoulders apologetically and gave his shoulder a few pat.

Then when his eyes turned to me, they turned to concern. I gave him a reassuring smile, a gesture of letting him that nothing was really going on. I waved my spoon and my cup of pudding in front of him, telling him that I got my dessert.

“Why are you here?” I asked him as he pulled me closer.

“You took too long. I wondered if something was wrong.”

“Oh, no.” I grinned, hiding the confused thoughts I had of Sehun after everything I found out. “I just talked Jieun. She’s nice. And to Jongin as well. You know, catching up.”

He hummed. His hand was on my elbow, holding that as my hands were busy with my pudding. “Come, the game’s starting soon.”

“Okay.”

Not even a quarter through the game, I already found myself bored. I always wondered how people found soccer so interesting. Like… just how? I don’t understand. Everyone was immersed but Jieun and I. Heck even, Minseok’s girlfriend, Anni, was enjoying the game. No wonder they got together well.

Not long after I sat, I have finished the delicious pudding. I already opened a can of beer and drank while I immersed myself with pizza and chicken with few munch of chips in between.

I noticed Jieun is already feeling sleepy as Chanyeol had her cuddled inside his chest. I noted of how the male deeply cherished his girlfriend. It was so refreshing to see him like this. He had girlfriends before, I knew that but he didn’t care much as he did then like how he was now with Jieun. His actions spoke volume of how much this lady is different in his life.

“If you’re feeling sleepy, tell me.” Sehun said in his quiet voice as he leaned to my ear.

I moved my head side to side. “It’s been so long since I saw the boys. I’ll stay for as long as I can.” I pat his thigh. “You know I’m prone to pull an all nighter.”

He chuckled and pressed his nose on the back of my ear. “I know.”

“Uh, guys.” Baekhyun interrupted, making us look at him. “We’re watching a soccer game. Not filming some kind of movie.”

Sehun half-snorted and half of something else. He shook his head as I only laughed. Baekhyun was about to continue with his teasing when the male next to me grabbed a chip and threw it at him. Baekhyun faked a scoff and I saw Minseok and Jongdae laughing at us quietly. I didn’t see Jongin smirking.

“But anyway, if you can’t keep up, room’s right there. Let Sehun take you or sleep on him, whatever exes of your kind do.” He tipped his chin towards Chanyeol. “That giant won’t take his girl to bed until the match is over.”

“Yeah, same here.” Minseok said as his girlfriend was enjoying the game as much as the boys did.

“Where would you guys be sleeping?” I asked.

“Old times.” Jongin answered.

And I exactly knew what that meant. When Sehun and I were still dating and not exactly as boyfriend and girlfriend, we would crash over one of the boys place to simply hang out. At times, we were accommodated by their parents, at times they would be gone out on business or holiday trips. Then, we would hang out, play games, watch movies all night long and sleep over. We would all sleepover together at the lounge.

It continued on until Sehun and I were together as boyfriend and girlfriend, as in a serious relationship. I even remember how there were other girls that joined the boys, some of them lasted but most of them didn’t— about as short as two or maybe three months in the years we were together.

But it wasn’t only me who lasted for as long as years. Jongin was in a relationship too then. They were already together when Sehun and I were just at the stage of getting to know each other or as friends. Then they broke up around a year before we did.

Anyway, even then, when we were all together, instead of sleeping in the bedrooms, we would all sleep together. Well, not that a lot of sleeping was done for most of it, anyway. And if anything, it was the breaks during the academic year and the holidays we loved the most. Like how most youth do. Holidays meant freedom.

The memory left a happy note in my heart.

“Then I’m going to sleep here too.” I asserted. “For old times sake.”

Sehun called my name.

“Please?” I pleaded.

He looked at everyone, and they were already all glancing at each other and have already came up to a decision through their gazes. Minseok bobbed his head towards Sehun, leaving the decision to him.

I gave him my pleading eyes. I briefly wondered if this would still work for him even if we have broken up. And it did when he exhaled and gave me a helpless look, “How can I ever resist you?”

I beamed victoriously and cheered. My charms still worked to Sehun after all, after being separated for almost two years.

 

Sehun was dealing with his friends as I kept my gaze on him. I let him be busy as thoughts ran through my head.

Did Sehun ever stop loving me? If he didn’t and he constantly missed me, like Jongin said, why didn’t he come back to me? Why did he let us fall into so much misery? Why did he let me miss him so much? Why did he let me think he didn’t want me in his life anymore?