I let Sehun take me to work that morning. First, was because I didn’t want to let him down after he gave up the extra time of sleep he would have if he didn’t decide to catch me. Second, knowing him and his character, Sehun was never the type of person who would do things he didn’t want, that he thought was a bother to him or that he was forced to. He had his ways in doing and expressing the things he wanted to do without anyone forcing and pushing it to him.

I got home that day with Joonmyeon messaging me that he would be home in an hour or so. That gave me plenty of time to prepare dinner. I changed clothes with comfortable ones and tied my hair up in a bun as I stood before the pantry, wondering what dinner would be good to cook and consume.

In the end, I decided to prepare Chicken Curry for dinner. After I prepared the chicken, the vegetables and the other ingredients, I didn’t waste any time and began cooking straightaway. Joonmyeon might come earlier than he said and I wanted everything to be ready when he does.

Nearly finished with the dish, I heard my phone rang. I grabbed my phone on the counter table and answered it, putting it down again as I put it on loudspeaker.

My cousin called me and said that his friend was going to join us for dinner which I didn’t mind at all. It would be better than just the two of us, anyway. As I was finished with cooking, I began setting up the table and used the side dishes Auntie left that would go well with the curry.

Later, they arrived which kind of caught me in surprise. I thought his friend was a male but apparently, I was wrong. She's a female and it came to me that probably she wasn’t just my cousin’s friend. She's the girl he likes.

Joonmyeon never bring female friends over at his place— that’s just wasn’t his style. Yes, he would bring and invite his male friends over, at times they would be with their girlfriend and that would be the only exception. So when he brought this lady over for dinner, I knew my cousin looked at her beyond the stage of friendship.

“Friend, huh?” I asked once he came back from sending the beautiful lady off. My eyebrow at him was arched in teasing manner as there was a smirk in my face.

He didn’t say anything, instead, he grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at me. I scoffed. He knew I caught him and he wouldn’t be able to get away from it.

“We might have been apart since you got into college but I still know you. You’re still my twin brother, okay!” I stated and then tossed the pillow back at him as I asked, “You like her, don’t you?”

And that’s what we talked about from then on. We didn’t stop chatting even when he was washing the dishes (he volunteered doing so because he said I was the one who cooked anyway). We continued talking at the lounge, cozy at the sofas as we drank a can of beer. Having high tolerance with alcohol, it was nothing for me. Usually, I would have problems with hard liquor though.

It was around midnight when we decided to call it a night but before that, he asked me about my first day of work. I told him pretty much everything but the fact that my ex-boyfriend took me to work and that… I accepted his offer taking me to work every morning. I knew it was crazy, there was a part of me that wanted to say no too but it was just so, so hard to do that when it came to Sehun.

And for the rest of the week and the following, he did took me to work like he offered and promised. I appreciate everything he did but it never stopped me from wondering what were his intentions. There were thoughts that came to me, of course. But I didn’t want to rely on my assumptions. Because the last time I did, things didn’t go well and I was left hurt.

On the eighth day, Sehun called me and told me that he would be picking me up from work— which would be the second time. As the clock struck to the hour I was out, I picked up my bag and signed out together with my other workmates.

We walked out of the lobby, saying goodbye to each other as we went to our own ways. I spotted Sehun’s car almost immediately. As soon as I got in though, he smiled and his phone rang for a message. I remained quiet as he checked what it was, only to see the smile disappear from his face and turned to somewhat annoyance. He hissed as he chucked the phone into the compartment.

He didn’t even wait for me to ask as I was giving him a questioning look when he said, “Baekhyun and Jongin are bugging me.”

I tilted my head, “What about?”

“You.”

“Me?!” My were eyebrows furrowed in confusion, almost in disbelief as I totally did not expect that.

“Jongin told the boys about seeing you last time.”

“And?” I was still comprehending this.

“Guess, it’s not only me who missed you…” He dragged and the next two words came to a whisper, “...a lot.”

“Seriously?” I asked again, now bordering to obvious disbelief. I couldn’t believe Sehun’s friends would remember or miss me to the extent they were actually eager to see me.

He bobbed his brows as his silent answer, almost had a frustrated and jealous (if I saw right) look in his eyes.

“I’m happy to see them.” I broke. “I know Jongin still holds me for the promise I made last time.”

He looked at me carefully, “Are you sure?”

“Of course.” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just don’t want you to do things you don’t want. The boys can wait.”

“They’ve been lovely when we were together, Se.” I told him. “There’s no reason for me not to see them.” I smiled reassuringly. “Plus, I’m excited to see them too.”

He breathed out, but nothing out of frustration, it was more of relief. Then, his eyes were back at me when he finally said, “Okay.”

We arrived home, it was the same time Joonmyeon drove into the parking. I felt myself froze upon seeing the car park and even more when I saw that he definitely saw us. I was apprehensive at what his reaction was going to be.

As I wasn’t moving in my spot, Sehun didn’t move either. I knew he was testing the mood and situation as well. My cousin got off the car with his gaze pinned at me darkly. He locked his car while approaching our direction.

I held in my breath as he was finally close to us. He gave both of us a look before saying steely, greeting the male next to me. “Sehun, isn’t it?”

He nodded and cleared his throat noticing the tension in my cousin’s gaze. He shifted his focus to me. “I think I would need to go ahead.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Joonmyeon bobbed his head, surprisingly polite.

“No worries.” Sehun answered in the same manner, leaving me with a soft and reassuring smile before he walked off.

When he’s far enough, I saw Joonmyeon giving me a reproaching look that caused me to bite my bottom lip. I hung my head low.

“You’ve been seeing him?” He questioned. “Again?”

I shook my head. Sehun and I were together but not in the way he was thinking. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what?”

“We’re just good friends…” I said but it sounded more of an excuse to him.

“Exes can’t be good friends. You know that.”

And I indeed did. I knew that. I had a two boyfriends before Sehun came into my life. My first was a quick, puppy love. I was sixteen then and although we were in good terms, I wouldn’t categorise us as good friends. My second was pretty serious though it only lasted for a year and two months. We’ve seen each other again, it was nice but if I had a choice, I would not rather see him again. We both have moved on but we were as good as mere acquaintances.

But Sehun was a whole different story— as obvious as it may seem. He was always a different story. And yes, I would admit, there was a little a part of me wishing and thinking of the what if Sehun and I were still together? What if he never left me and gave up on us? What if I didn’t get hurt? There was a part of me wishing that everything now would remain the way it was then. But I knew well that things happened for a reason. I just didn’t know for what purpose this whole thing Sehun and I meeting again was for.

Letting Sehun do everything he did, letting him into my life again, I was aware of the risk I was putting my heart in. Because even if there was a part of me wishing and thinking of all my dreamy what ifs, there was also a greater part of me that was scared and anxious. I had no idea what Sehun’s intentions were because what if, after all of this, I would just get hurt again, perhaps even greater than the last time. There was an option to ask, I knew that. But I was too scared to do so, too scared and rather unwilling to let go of the little hope I had in my heart. That along with all Sehun’s sweet and warming gestures meant that he still had feelings for me.

But… that was just impossible. I didn’t want to expect and self-inflict pain on my heart again as he was never the type to get back with his ex-girlfriends. Maybe, he was doing all of that because I was a little tad more special to him compared to his other exes. Truth to be told, for me, that was more believable than Oh Sehun still having feelings for me. I realised that by the end of this or at least as far as we would get, I knew I would get hurt at some time. But at that moment, I just wanted to enjoy the new moments Sehun and I were having.

“I was searching for a perfect timing to talk to you about this.” Joonmyeon said, breaking me off with my thoughts. What did he want to talk about?

With that, I immediately looked up and met his gaze. “What do you mean?”

“I saw you and Sehun, one morning. You, getting into his car.”

I gulped.

“He’s been taking you to work every morning, hasn’t he?”

I nodded.

His hands were on his hips. He his lips and asked me, “Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?”

“I do.” My heart was tied. Tightly. I felt tears on my waterline and I swallowed that back.

He took a deep sigh and clenched his eyes before opening it again to tell me. “I just don’t want to see you crying again.” His gaze at me softened, different from what he was wearing earlier. “Now, that I am here to protect you, you’re not going to cry and be as devastated like that again.”

“Joonmyeon…”

He gave me a reassuring smile. Indeed, he was still my ever protective cousin but he wasn’t mad. And thank God, he wasn’t.

“He’ll get it from me if he’ll hurt you again. Now that I know where he lives.”

I began to relax and smiled before I hugged him.

“You know how to protect and shield yourself, right?”

I bobbed my head.

“If it gets too hard, you know you can always tell me.”

“I know.” I finally said. “Thank you, Joonmyeon.”

The next morning felt great because everything was already transparent between my cousin and I. He knew that Sehun takes me to work and at times, he would even fetch me. But he was always consistent in reminding me to be careful, which I totally understood because I knew how much he cared for me.

I met Sehun in the same usual place he would always be waiting for me every working day. I smiled at him but he was wearing a rather wary expression. I thought it must’ve been what happened last night and my hunch was right when he first greeted me with a question of, “Everything’s okay?”

“Yeah.” I assured. “Let’s go?”

Looking at him, it felt like he wanted to say more but stopped himself as he nodded his head once, opening the door for me. I said a soft thanks, hopping in.

Approaching the street of my workplace, I saw my workmate standing, leaning against the steel railing with his hands on his pockets like he was waiting for someone and I just knew who it was— ninety nine percent sure.

Sehun must’ve seen the expression in my face when he asked, “Do you know him?”

I hummed, nodding. My curiosity and excitement was taking over me so I didn’t look at him when I said distractedly, “He’s Taesung, my workmate.” I wondered if the person I was thinking he’s waiting for was right.

Ever since I started working at P.Y. Publishing, he was one of the first workmates I’ve gotten close to. We hang out a lot during work hours, considering our desks were just right next to each other’s. We go out during breaks too, together with a few others.

“You seem close to him.” He assumed in mutter.

There was no hesitation in me when I confirmed, “Yeah. He was one of the people who was already working there that warmly welcomed me.”

When Sehun finally pulled over, I quickly opened the door and slid out. I heard him say that he would be picking me up later in the day. I turned my head and smiled at him appreciatively, though my eyes were still at Taesung. Thus, I didn’t see the expression he was wearing on his face.

I shut the door and called my work buddy. I beamed and hurriedly walked towards him.

Taesung bobbed his head towards the direction where Sehun’s car was when he said, “He took you to work again?”

“Yeah.” I said, shifting my gaze to the vehicle that sped down the road. I looked at him again when I asked, “Who are you waiting for?”

With that, the male couldn’t hide the nervous smile that curved his lips as he looked down. And I just knew what that meant!

“Oh my gosh, you’re finally confessing?!” I exclaimed maybe a little too loudly that he threatened to cover my mouth as he scowled at me. I didn’t stop as I asked again, “So, are you?”

“I was actually waiting for you.”

My eyebrows furrowed, “Me?!”

“I need your help.” Taesung confessed. “I’m going to tell my feelings for her to night and…”

I chuckled, “Of course, I’d help you!”

Taesung sighed in relief and I giggled. This lover boy was just too cute.

We entered the building as I listened to what his plan was, which I objected to some because I wanted it to be better for him.

The day went on like usual except, Taesung and I have been exchanging thoughts, engaging into more conversation than the usual. We were talking mostly about the confession taking place later after work which was going to take place at the rooftop garden of the building. We spent our entire lunch time setting the place up. As the day just went on, it just got me more and more excited as I pictured how the entire night for the couple was going to look like.

And just before our hour out ticked, I approached the girl of his interest, whom have been close to me too, and wished her a good night. I just came from the rooftop and made sure everything was ready for them.

As I was just about to timeout, Taesung walked me out to relieve his nerves. It was just so amusing for me to see that and I didn’t worry one bit because I was positive everything would turn out right. I felt it. The lady has interest in him too.

“You’ll be fine!” I assured my friend as we walked out the lobby. I gave him a tight hug, transferring all my positive energy to him. He hugged me back just as tight and I giggled, patting him. “I need updates tomorrow though.”

He managed to chuckle as he pulled back, “Okay, I’ll give you that. Thanks a lot.”

I hummed and playfully pinched his nose, “Loosen up, Taesung. I swear.”

And he tried.

The next second, we both jumped, feeling both of our hearts drop, startled at the car horn we heard. We both looked towards the direction and I saw that Sehun’s car has already arrived.

I turned to Taesung and wished him a final good luck. I walked and hopped inside the car, only to be welcomed with Sehun’s dark expression. My eyebrows knitted at the sight but I decided not to ask him about it because I assumed he was just having a bad day.

But as the ride went on, the tension became heavier and his mood soon ruined mine as well. And when we came to a stop, stuck in the middle of the traffic, he finally snapped, “Are you and that guy that close?”

I frowned at him, “Who? Taesung?” I asked but the same time, I knew he wasn’t referring to any other guy but him. Because there couldn’t be any other guy.

Sehun didn’t give me an answer and just continued to pin his intensified gaze at me.

“Well, yes!” I answered, harsh with my tone. “What’s wrong?”

“Does he like you? Do you like him?”

I was starting to get angry and feel ridiculed by his attitude so I snapped back with another question, “If I do? What’s it to you?”

He scoffed.

The traffic moved and none of us said anything after that. Until a few minutes later, he finally spotted a side road we could pullover. He turned to me and I dared to look back.

“You don’t really know, do you?” He asked, his voice sounded so pained, anguish and somewhat frustrated.

“Do I know what?” I asked. “Sehun, you can’t keep doing this to me.” I told him, trying my best to sound calmer with my tone. “I need you to tell me things because this is what ended us before. You’re so fond of keeping things to yourself, and you just explode like a bomb. And guess who received the fire of it the most,” The last word barely wanted to slip out my mouth. “Me.”

“It’s not just you.” He then mutters. “It’s not just you who suffered big time after I did what I did.”

I was in my utmost confusion because there was just no way. “What are you trying to say?”

He took a deep breath before darting his eyes on me, focused and unwavering. “I want you back. I…” He paused yet sounded so desperate, “...need you back.” He looked down, looking so pained in full remorse. From then on, my supposed anger and frustration subsided as I listened to him continue, “It’s stupid, I know. Because it was me who left you. But, I know I want you.” He confessed, “I still love you so much.”

I couldn’t find the words to speak. What was I supposed to say?

“And seeing you, imagining you with someone else, happy, I can’t.” He said with so much anguish. “As selfish as it sounds, it kills me.”

I stopped breathing. You know the feeling of someone gripping your hand so tight and hard that you could barely breathe, that’s was what I was feeling at that very moment.

While we were in a long silence, Joonmyeon’s words crawled back into my head. I wouldn’t say I was oblivious to the possibility of all this happening but being at that moment, at that very moment was just simply disorienting. There was a hope from me of Sehun feeling this way, but at the same time, I honestly wasn’t so sure if I was ready for another heartbreak waiting on the way.

After a while, I finally spoke, breaking the silence between us. I could feel how anxious and apprehensive Sehun was and it was only right for me to put an end to it.

“Probably Se,” I started slowly, “breaking up with me was the best thing you have ever done.”

Saying this broke my heart again, the nth time over the past months since my realisation but it was the truth.

When I saw the confusion in his eyes, I continued, “When you broke up with me, it brought us to good places.” I stated. “You found a job and lived a better life. Me, I graduated and finished my master’s degree. I have found a good job, too.” I looked at his eyes and saw the affliction in it. “You have to admit that we were better when we were apart.”

“But, I was never happy.” He said straightaway, in a beat of a nanosecond.

“Well, you do look like that. Well and happy.” I reasoned.

“Appearances can be very deceptive.” He countered. “I may look like this but I’m very dead inside.”

“Don’t say that…” Were my eyes deceiving me or was it all I was seeing was just a facade Sehun had been wearing this entire time?

“It’s what I feel.” He repeated, “That’s what I feel.” He releases the air stuck up inside him when he called my name, in the tone of begging and desperation, “I’m asking for a second chance. Please give me that.”

Author's note:

Lol, i don't have any words. I just wish I could've done better though. I feel like there is something wrong but given how busy I am at the moment, I don't have time to change and edit things. My brain is just blank and meh. This is so disappointing for me. I feel like I'm letting you guys down. *sighs* I'll try my best in the future updates but for now, I don't advise you guys to keep your hopes and expectations up. Save yourself from future disappointment.